cozzie

Hey all,

I'm not sure whether I have a problem or not. I'm 21 and I drink wine every night while cooking dinner and then with dinner, and then sometimes after dinner... it's not unusual for me to have a bottle a night on my own. But mostly it's 2-3 glasses. I like the feeling I get when I'm all warm and fuzzy and it feels safe and secluded, after a few drinks.

I feel like I'm drinking to escape, but I'm UTTERLY confused because I'm happy with life. I love my fiance, I love our home, our dog, everything. I'm happy! Why am I feeling like I need to drink?

Am I simply being decadent? Because it's 'classy' and I can? Or is there something deeper?

I'm a psychology student and I can usually get in my own head and analyse things pretty well... I'm aware of the text book definitions etc but this is just NOT making sense! Why drink to escape if I'm happy? Am I sabotaging my happiness? Feeling I'm not worthy of it? That's the closest thing I can think of.

I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a problem and I don't know why. Any opinions?

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

This site is full of information and support...
I suggest you read a bit and make yourself at home.

It's great to see a new member looking for answers at such a young age...Congratulations!

Have you ever seen rhis?

http://alcoholism.about.com/od/problem/a/blquiz1.htm

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

I'm glad you're questioning your behaviour. Is it possible that you aren't quite as happy as you think? I used alcohol to mask my emotions, many of us do. It's likely, that if you're drinking to feel safe and secluded, you are trying to escape something. I'm not saying you're an alcoholic, that would up to you to decide.

Try to go for a month without drinking at all and see what happens. I think then, you would find your answer.

cozzie

I went a week without drinking last week and found it really difficult. Not the not being 'fuzzy' feeling, but having it in my hand... it's odd.

Friday and Saturday nights were the hardest.

I don't see how I couldn't be happy, though. I LOVE my fiance dearly, he's the best a woman could ever hope for. Showers me with diamonds, we own our own home with no mortgage, we get everything we want, and we're connected on such a deep spiritual level.

I think it might be because I want a baby so bad... I feel like I'm not going to begin my life until I'm a mother. We have agreed to start trying about a year from now (wedding is in Feb 07), how do I manage before then if this is the problem?

Maybe I'm just getting as much as I can now because I won't drink while pregnant?

I'm so confused. Thanks so much for your help guys. You have no idea how much it means to me to have supportive people when putting myself out there like this!

leviathon

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ase-94064.html

This link provides a lot of info, plus links to more info.

Only you can decide.

However, as I was once told, if you don't have a problem, then why are you asking if you do? If a house in your neighbourhood is on fire and you are not a pyromaniac, you don't go to the police and ask if you did it, do you?

Levi

Grasshopper

Hi and welcome Cozzie,
I am alcoholic.I thought that i,I drank because the sun was shinning,
I drank because the sun did not shine.
I drank because,i was happy,
I drank because i was sad,
I drank because,there was a wedding,
I drank because there was a funeral.
...Telling myself i will stop,after im married,or just before something important happens in my life.All of which was not true,
It was the lies that i was telling myself,when i was in denil.
Truth is for me,
I drank because -----im alcoholic.
You asked why drink to escape if im happy?Thats the insanity of it all.
For me i found solutions in AA recovery program.
I orginally came to AA with the hopes of changing another.It was the exposer to programs,that i finally took the focus of the others,now,looking for the similarities,no longer hanging onto the differences,that i realised that yes im alcoholic myself.And this truth set me free,to start learning a new way to live,
Thanks for letting me share,my ES*Hope with you.
God Bless

BSPGirl

Well if ya think you got a problem, you usually got a problem...

Cathy31

hi there from southern hemisphere too!

best bet : go without alcohol for 30 days if you handle ok, you are probably not an alcoholic...if you can't do (for whatever reason your brain comes up with! lol! ) then you are probably an alcoholic.

No shame in that, and it sounds like you caught it early...you can wait for it to progress, or get into action - recovery is a wonderful journey and you don't HAVE to wait til you hit rock bottom.

There's a stunning lady here called Lee from Oz too, I'm sure she'll be along too!

Glad to have you here!

Cathy31
x

earlybird

I think you may have answered your own questions. You posted that you like the feeling it gives. A red flag to me, was when you stated that it makes you feel "safe' and "secluded". You may want to ask yourself why "secluded" is a positive feeling for you. I secluded when I drank and it almost did me in. Literally. You went on to say how you want a baby very badly. That may be uncovering some yerning or resentful feelings and you are masking them with the wine to get that safe and secluded feeling. Takes your mind off of all you DONT have. And I would have to agree with the other posts on here. I truely believe that if you find yourself wondering if you have a problem, you probably do 9 times out of 10. Normal drinkers dont ever wonder if they have a problem, because it ISNT a problem. It just never occurs to them because it doesnt have to. Do you know what I mean? If you truely do have a wonderful relationship with your husband and a grand life, then why do you feel you need to drink? Why not nitch this problem now before it destroys your grand life? Is wine really that important to you?

c'est la vie

Hi Cozzie,
I'm a mother of 3 kids who on the surface appears to have a great life. I stay at home and we have had lovely homes and cars. I also was married at 21 and was desperate to start a family. The thing is, I also drank a lot socially (sort of similar to you I guess) and didn't think it was a problem. Then when life started getting completely stressful with all three kids I really started leaning on the alcohol to "relax" after a crazy baby filled day. Now my kids are 9,10, and 12 and I was drunk almost every day of last year trying to deal (or hide from) the stress.

My very strong suggestion is that you get your life, your emotions, your maturatiy, your expectations from marriage, and your drinking habits in check before you even think of having a baby. It's an amazing amount of stress and you should be prepared for it rather than desiring the lovey, cozy coo of a newborn. If you have an alcohol problem it will only get worse.

Please keep posting or reading or talking to a therapist or someone who can help you before you start planning a family.

Rusty Zipper

cozzie, welcome to Sr... i have a question for you also? if you are happy, have everything in your life, the diamonds, the hubby, the car, the house, the dog'y and ya want a baby ta-boot......... look at all of this in print... its all outward .... take a look at the inward... i couldnt with drink in hand... you mentioned the feelings of escapeism[another ism}.. my question, how can one take a clear look at the inward with a buzz on.... cant.......... so cozzie, why are you driking???..... cozzie, roam around here, and you will see pretty much all the same thing..... drink, drug, to mask the taking a look at ones-self........ ohoh, there's a little word also called Denial......... cozzie, i was in it for 48 years.... you are young, you have a shot at a long wonderfull future.... if you get your baby, it would be nice to bring her or he up with a Mature , sane,wise women as a mother. not a alcoholic........... cozzie, good wishes to you, and tol, pattee

Smyle

Hey cozzie... I read your post and I felt like I was reading my own journal 10 years earlier..
I was in that boat once. It is all coming together just like it should be....stabilty all around you yet nothing feels stable.

I too found solace in a couple different types off bottles. I cannot tell you the answers because as you may read I am still searching for them.

I was also convinced It would all change after I was a Mom...and it did change I was then an addict that now had 2 kids.
My addiction had been priority for sooo long that even after my first child I just picked up where I left off.
I was a functioning addict ...Why change??? No one seemed to notice, except me.
I am finally embracing recovery (my youngest just turned 4) Fast forward 10 years.
I had to hit absolute bottom..almost lost everything....I mean EVERYTHING !!!
I had a career ~~I can no longer work in that field
I had NO mortgage ...NO bills ~~ I am now in debt had to sell our dream home and take out a small mortgage for lots of lawyer fees and to refinance our life after using alot of money to use.
My husband (THE SAINT) left me for obvious reasons.... I went into the hospital to get help, shortly after we were married...we reconciled Thankfully and he has been a tremendous support.. Though I have relapsed he gets it..he helps me through it.
I was very close to losing my life after overdosing....luckily my husband happened to be home or i would have died in front of my kids.
As I write this i am crying because I NEVER thought it would EVER happen to me. Yet always knew it would.
Here I sit just trying to keep it together another day. Staying clean another day is now my priority.
Yup I told myself lots of things for many years.. I am happy...I have control....I am gonna be okay, truth.... I knew my problems, I knew the depth I just never knew the consequences. Still don't...One thing I do know now...I am powerless over my addiction and my life has become unmanageable.. I am an addict and I really want my power back.
Glad you posted and hope that you can get the answers you need.
you are in my prayers.
Peace and Love
~Beezy

Steve58

Hi Cozzie,

Welcome to SR, you have already gotten lots of good advise. The best I can offer is to be very aware that this is a progressive disease. It will sneak up on you, you will find over time it takes more & more, it may take a few years, or 20 or more. But, ask anyone here, it WILL most likely progress on you. As I think someone else said, the fact that you came looking for this site should be a big red flag for you, you already suspect in the back of your mind that there may be something bad going on with the stuff.

Stay with us, and post often, we're all here to help each other. I know my SR "family" has done me a world of good.

Steve

janeeyre

Hi Cozzie,

Your first post sounds so much like me! Loving that "fuzzy, cozy" feeling, the "classy" aspect of a nice glass of wine while cooking (a rich red looks so lovely in a nice glass, doesn't it?)....When I was drinking the most, life looked perfect on the outside--actually, it even felt "mostly perfect" on the inside, too. But as Steve said, it will sneak up on you. One day you're just having a little wine while you cook dinner, then suddenly you're sitting there some morning trying to remember what happened last night!

That's what really woke me up--my first blackout. One morning my husband mentioned something about a detailed conversation we'd had the previous night, and I had NO IDEA what he was talking about. He produced a notepad on which I'd jotted ideas during the conversation--sure enough, it was my handwriting. But it was absolutely meaningless to me. I'd been drinking increasing amounts of wine over the months (more than an entire bottle that particular night) and this is what finally happened. I can't tell you how frightening it is to have NO recall, no matter what you do to try and remember. Maybe you already know the "marvelous" feeling of a hangover. Ugh. That's something I NEVER want to experience again as long as I live!

Anyway, why don't you try laying off the wine for a month and see what happens? Substitute a nice cup of tea or cocoa instead, just to have something in hand. (Isn't winter coming on where you are? Perfect hot cocoa weather) And please stick around here and read around the boards as much as you can. You just might see yourself in some of the other posts. For me, SR was an absolute godsend. I hate to think where I'd be if I'd kept up drinking the way I was. The people here have been the greatest help to me.

Somebody here (Carol?) suggested the book, "Under the Influence" and I second that! I'd also recommend a memoir by Caroline Knapp called "Drinking--A Love Story." That book was a real page-turner, and it changed my life--I could see my own way of thinking in the author's story, though that wasn't what I was looking for. (I'd read another good book of hers on a different subject and searched out more of her work.)

Please stick around and let us know how you get along!

Take care,
Jane

cozzie

Wow. Your stories moved me, and terrified me. I acknowledge how easy it must be to slip, and it scares me. I'm going to go one month without alcohol and see what happens.

I hope this is only a small problem that I can nip in the bud before it has a chance to flower into something petrifying.

I can't thank you enough for your support. I believe life talks to you in a whisper first, then a shout, then a pebble thrown at you, then a rock, then a brick, then a brick wall, and then the whole wall comes crashing down on you. I hope this is my whisper, and I intend to listen to it before I need a brick to the head to get my attention!

earlybird

Good for you!!.....But try not to think of it as one month. Go at it one day at a time,....its much easier and alot less overwelming. Good luck!!!! God Bless!!

2dayzmuse

Wonderful insight! Good for you! If you indeed have a problem, nip it in the bud now. You will save yourself much misery in the future. Best wishes...

ASH

HI Cozzie, Welcome, quitting for 30 days is a great choice!!! You will be able to make a clear choice after that.
When I was a bit younger I too thought my drinking was "classy",
but
unfortunatly I blew through that phase fairly quickly.
All the best to you and keep posting to let us know how your doing

cozzie

Thanks darls!

Justme57

Hey Cozzie , fellow Melbournian here How you doing?

You know, i drank for 37 years, and it was when I got to where you are, ie found it difficult to stop, that I should have !

If you are finding it difficult to stop, that is a bit of a red flag. IMO , and because Alcoholism is progressive, and it WILL get worse, why not stop now? Give it a try, dont let it go on for as long as I did, you have a lot to lose.

Welcome to SR, I look forward to getting to know you
HUGX
lee