Good Intentions...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2
Good Intentions...
I made it 5 days without drinking. Today, I blew it.
A friend had a college graduation party that I couldn't skip without being downright rude. 5 minutes in the door, someone handed me a drink.
You know how you react if someone just tosses a ball or something at you - you instinctively catch it without even thinking about it. That was basically my response. And of course one is never enough.
How do you ever get to the point where you can interact in social situations where there is alcohol, and not have to have a drink????
A friend had a college graduation party that I couldn't skip without being downright rude. 5 minutes in the door, someone handed me a drink.
You know how you react if someone just tosses a ball or something at you - you instinctively catch it without even thinking about it. That was basically my response. And of course one is never enough.
How do you ever get to the point where you can interact in social situations where there is alcohol, and not have to have a drink????
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Well, for me, I avoided those kind of situations for a long time. I didn't care at all about someone thinking that I was rude. The thing is it's hard to get and stay sober and I knew what I needed to do. It was quite a long time before I was comfortable in social situations. You need to put your recovery before everything.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
It all depends on if you're committed to not drinking or not. Wondering if you made your good intentions known to others, or have kept this to yourself. If you don't want to drink and still choose to be around using friends, if you do not make them aware of your intentions the POWER of this temptation will likely be too much to resist, especially now as you're so new to this. You know what they say about good intentions...paving the road....sometimes our good intentions are the excuse we use to allow ourselves to be in situations that are sure to sabotage our best intended efforts. It's a cruel head game we play with ourselves. Beware.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Somwhere over the rainbow
Posts: 1,175
I just simply say, no thanks, I'll just have a coke. Pretty simple really. It is actually kind of fun sometimes, b/c they get sillier and sillier and you get to tell them all the stories the next day.
In the short term, I did, however, stay away from anyone that was drinking. On the other hand, I never drank in public... only at home alone when no one would know... oohhhh big secret, turns out everyone knew anyway b/c I had this bad habit of deciding I wanted to talk all of a suddent!
Levi
In the short term, I did, however, stay away from anyone that was drinking. On the other hand, I never drank in public... only at home alone when no one would know... oohhhh big secret, turns out everyone knew anyway b/c I had this bad habit of deciding I wanted to talk all of a suddent!
Levi
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
LOL @ Levi You sound so much like me! I thought it was a secret too, but then I phoned the world, once I got drunk LOL
Surfacing, i too stayed away from situations where booze was involved , especially when i was newly sober. You say it would have been rude, but what is your sobriety worth to you ? It is my most precious asset, and I protect it at all cost, because without it I have nothing.
Like Levi says, just say no , I will have a coke , or gont put yourself in those situations.
Anyway , back to day 1 , and a lesson learned. Just dont drink today, and get to a meeting
HUGX
Lee
Surfacing, i too stayed away from situations where booze was involved , especially when i was newly sober. You say it would have been rude, but what is your sobriety worth to you ? It is my most precious asset, and I protect it at all cost, because without it I have nothing.
Like Levi says, just say no , I will have a coke , or gont put yourself in those situations.
Anyway , back to day 1 , and a lesson learned. Just dont drink today, and get to a meeting
HUGX
Lee
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2
Lesson learned = I don't have the willpower that I thought I did.
I don't think it means that I want to live sober any less. I'm finding myself bewildered by my own actions. My heart goes one direction, My mind another, and my body might as well be on another planet.
I've got myself tied up in knots inside trying to get through another day without going completely crazy.
In an extreme sense I can relate to a chapter of one of Robert Fulghum's books that refers to the part of our minds that we keep secret:
"We refer to ourselves in first person singular - "I" - but inside, it's more like first person plural. Most of the time my life seems like a ventriloquist act. A ceaseless dialogue between Me and my dummy. Oddly enough, the dummy is smarter than I am.
It seems as if my dummy and I have lots of company. There's quite a crowd in here with us. A child and its parents. A wise old person. A mechanic, demons, a fool, a scientist, comedian, musician, dancer, athlete, magician, professor, a police officer, and multitudes more. The population of a small town inhabits the landscape of these disunited states of myself. And the town meeting is always in session. I can fully relate to the occasional stories in the tabloids about multiple personalities. This is not new to me. In the best sense of the word, I run an asylum - a safe refuge - in my mind. And it's not a problem. As long as I keep the shades drawn and the doors closed, and don't let anybody loose, all is well. As long as I'm firmly in charge of my secret life, the world sees me as sane and functional. Am I? Sometimes I can't tell."
No, I'm not MPD. But it describes what goes on in my mind quite well.
I don't think it means that I want to live sober any less. I'm finding myself bewildered by my own actions. My heart goes one direction, My mind another, and my body might as well be on another planet.
I've got myself tied up in knots inside trying to get through another day without going completely crazy.
In an extreme sense I can relate to a chapter of one of Robert Fulghum's books that refers to the part of our minds that we keep secret:
"We refer to ourselves in first person singular - "I" - but inside, it's more like first person plural. Most of the time my life seems like a ventriloquist act. A ceaseless dialogue between Me and my dummy. Oddly enough, the dummy is smarter than I am.
It seems as if my dummy and I have lots of company. There's quite a crowd in here with us. A child and its parents. A wise old person. A mechanic, demons, a fool, a scientist, comedian, musician, dancer, athlete, magician, professor, a police officer, and multitudes more. The population of a small town inhabits the landscape of these disunited states of myself. And the town meeting is always in session. I can fully relate to the occasional stories in the tabloids about multiple personalities. This is not new to me. In the best sense of the word, I run an asylum - a safe refuge - in my mind. And it's not a problem. As long as I keep the shades drawn and the doors closed, and don't let anybody loose, all is well. As long as I'm firmly in charge of my secret life, the world sees me as sane and functional. Am I? Sometimes I can't tell."
No, I'm not MPD. But it describes what goes on in my mind quite well.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
Yep, the party inside. It's the one we know best, we're comfortable there, in the isolated confines of our own mind. It's what keeps us stuck in active addiction. That notion of dis-integration: Between self and others, between self and the outside world, and most disconcerting, between multiple sides within our own self, is a terrible consequence of addiction.
Not until we start letting others, outside perspective in, can anything begin to change. You can choose to remain protected and hiding at your own party of progressive insanity (realize however that this perceived safety is a cruel illusion that will eventually be destroyed), OR, you can open yourself to consider the alternatives of facing life on it's own REAL terms and become an integrated, healthy, whole and sane being.
I'm wrestling with this very same thing myself, Surfacing. Keep reaching for the surface, come up for air, look around outside. It's easier to breathe when not immersed inside your own head.
Not until we start letting others, outside perspective in, can anything begin to change. You can choose to remain protected and hiding at your own party of progressive insanity (realize however that this perceived safety is a cruel illusion that will eventually be destroyed), OR, you can open yourself to consider the alternatives of facing life on it's own REAL terms and become an integrated, healthy, whole and sane being.
I'm wrestling with this very same thing myself, Surfacing. Keep reaching for the surface, come up for air, look around outside. It's easier to breathe when not immersed inside your own head.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 307
Yeah, in AA we describe this as the "committee". It is always in session. Always some kind of debate or fight going on. Mine works overtime usually. I often need to check with others to make sure that decisions the committee makes are on target.
You sound just like me.
I too had to stay away from the drinking scene. I find that I can now be in places where people are drinking as long as I am not there just to watch them drink.
Hang in there and give it another try. You are doing better than you think.
Jup
You sound just like me.
I too had to stay away from the drinking scene. I find that I can now be in places where people are drinking as long as I am not there just to watch them drink.
Hang in there and give it another try. You are doing better than you think.
Jup
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by Surfacing
How do you ever get to the point where you can interact in social situations where there is alcohol, and not have to have a drink????
For me its easy...................Now.....
Why would you think that only 5 days in,...you should be at a boozing function?? What would be so "downright rude" if you didnt show up? What do you care most about? Your very life,......or someone, maybe, thinking you're rude??? And if this person who would think you were 'downright rude' was indeed your friend,...then why wouldnt tell them your intent to quit drinking and that you feel that attending their function would be dangerous to your early sobriety? Could it be that you really wanted to drink and you not 'wanting to be downright rude' was actually just an excuse,...a justification to drink?
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