StormyBlue...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7
StormyBlue...
I'm sorry that I can't introduce myself thoroughly here, but for several years I was a high profile writer on a popular site. I would honestly get slammed with not only emails from a great many people who would want to help...but also lose quite a bit of respect from several others if they found out this particular situation I've put myself in. I'm really not trying to make myself look like some kind of great writer up there, it's simply the truth.
That being said, I'll try and explain myself and why I'm here as best I can. I have two young children still living at home, one in school, the other will start school this September. I've been an alcoholic for almost a year now, I don't drink during the day, only in the evening and at night when my husband is home. I guess what bothers me the most is that I was a Bartender for a very long time, and never in all those years did I have an alcohol problem...I barely drank at all.
I must apologize now, I'll have to continue this later. I'm losing my concentration right now, which happens a little too often. Although I will say, that my original reason for coming to this board was with the hope of finding someone who has been in my situation...and kicked this awful habit.
That being said, I'll try and explain myself and why I'm here as best I can. I have two young children still living at home, one in school, the other will start school this September. I've been an alcoholic for almost a year now, I don't drink during the day, only in the evening and at night when my husband is home. I guess what bothers me the most is that I was a Bartender for a very long time, and never in all those years did I have an alcohol problem...I barely drank at all.
I must apologize now, I'll have to continue this later. I'm losing my concentration right now, which happens a little too often. Although I will say, that my original reason for coming to this board was with the hope of finding someone who has been in my situation...and kicked this awful habit.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Welcome Stormy and I'm glad you found us. You'll get lots of support and encouragement here.
I became an alcoholic in my mid-forties and was astounded that I could have lived so many years without being bothered at all by alcohol and then, so quickly, be overtaken by the disease. Looking back, I see addictive behaviour in my life, but I didn't know what it was at the time.
Take small steps and don't drink today. Try to not be overwhelmed with thinking about 'forever'. And, try to not worry about others are thinking about what you are doing. Stopping drinking is really hard, but you can do this!
I became an alcoholic in my mid-forties and was astounded that I could have lived so many years without being bothered at all by alcohol and then, so quickly, be overtaken by the disease. Looking back, I see addictive behaviour in my life, but I didn't know what it was at the time.
Take small steps and don't drink today. Try to not be overwhelmed with thinking about 'forever'. And, try to not worry about others are thinking about what you are doing. Stopping drinking is really hard, but you can do this!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by StormyBlue
I'm sorry that I can't introduce myself thoroughly here, but for several years I was a high profile writer on a popular site. I would honestly get slammed with not only emails from a great many people who would want to help...but also lose quite a bit of respect from several others if they found out this particular situation I've put myself in. I'm really not trying to make myself look like some kind of great writer up there, it's simply the truth.
That being said, I'll try and explain myself and why I'm here as best I can. I have two young children still living at home, one in school, the other will start school this September. I've been an alcoholic for almost a year now, I don't drink during the day, only in the evening and at night when my husband is home. I guess what bothers me the most is that I was a Bartender for a very long time, and never in all those years did I have an alcohol problem...I barely drank at all.
I must apologize now, I'll have to continue this later. I'm losing my concentration right now, which happens a little too often. Although I will say, that my original reason for coming to this board was with the hope of finding someone who has been in my situation...and kicked this awful habit.
That being said, I'll try and explain myself and why I'm here as best I can. I have two young children still living at home, one in school, the other will start school this September. I've been an alcoholic for almost a year now, I don't drink during the day, only in the evening and at night when my husband is home. I guess what bothers me the most is that I was a Bartender for a very long time, and never in all those years did I have an alcohol problem...I barely drank at all.
I must apologize now, I'll have to continue this later. I'm losing my concentration right now, which happens a little too often. Although I will say, that my original reason for coming to this board was with the hope of finding someone who has been in my situation...and kicked this awful habit.
I've never had an addiction problem with anything actually. I did do cocaine in my early years as a Bartender, but found out right away that I was one of those rare people who just didn't get addicted to it. The pusher was my bar manager at that time, he was selling it to customers and giving it to his Bartenders. I first found out I wasn't addicted to it when I had a few days off in a row...I never thought about it or craved it. Then, when the owner caught him after about a year and he was fired, I never went looking for it again. Although I did need to help some friends through their problems with it.
Anyway, as I've said in another post here...a few years ago I had brain surgery and lived through an aneurysm. Thankfully, the only thing it left me with was a controllable seizure disorder. An epilepsy which my doctor told me could last six months, two years, or even the rest of my life. I've been seeing a very kind and considerate neurologist since then, and when I realized that I had this problem I went straight to him and told him everything. He knew I wasn't ready to stop when I saw him, and although he wanted me to, he adjusted my Petite Mal seizure medication knowing that alcohol enhances it's effects. Unfortunately, less than a month ago when I really was ready to get this stupid monkey off my back...I had a Grand Mal seizure that I couldn't control which landed me in the emergency room early one morning, complete with an ambulance ride to boot...$$$! What neither of us knew, was that alcohol diminishes the effects of Grand Mal seizure medication...I needed more than I was taking, which he promptly fixed.
Hospital De Tox? Yes, that's certainly what I need. Something that would help me tremendously. I knew it when I described my "Aura", which is the feeling you get just before a seizure, to my neurologist. He knew right away I was describing the Aura of an alcohol withrawal seizure. I also know that if I can get away from the fear of a seizure, I really can stop this mess I've gotten myself into. What started as self medication, which I had no idea that's what I was doing, has turned me into a full blown alcoholic.
My concentration is going again so I'll have to come back with more later. Just please, to anyone who's taking the time to read this...don't reply yet. I'd rather get it all out first, and I may have found an answer, maybe even found something that could help someone else here...
To realize freedom, the mind has to look at life, which is a vast movement without the bondage of time, for freedom lies beyond consciousness. Watch, but don't stop and interpret, "I am free" - then you're living in a memory of something that has gone. To understand and live now, everything of yesterday must die.
Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee
Still learning; ever grateful
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 842
Hey Stormy. I'd wait for the rest of your story, but I'm a writer myself and have to get a project out the door! You are speaking about a lot of us - not just yourself. No one sees it coming - alcoholism/addiction. You are not alone in this and there are MANY who have been in your shoes. I see you live in Va. - so do I. I went to a detox place in Virginia that I highly recommend. You can PM me if you'd like and I can share the information. If you're having alcohol seizures on top of your other medical condition, you are smart to seek help w/ recovery. If you've only had a problem drinking for a year, you are WELL AHEAD of a lot of us here! I will tell you that being sober leads to a beautiful, productive and happy life. It's the best decision you'll ever make. Again, PM me if you'd like. Good luck and keep posting. We're here to help!
-DG
-DG
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by StormyBlue
I thank you both for your replies, it was very kind of you. Now I'll try to add to this and see how far I can get this time, there really is much more to it.
I've never had an addiction problem with anything actually. I did do cocaine in my early years as a Bartender, but found out right away that I was one of those rare people who just didn't get addicted to it. The pusher was my bar manager at that time, he was selling it to customers and giving it to his Bartenders. I first found out I wasn't addicted to it when I had a few days off in a row...I never thought about it or craved it. Then, when the owner caught him after about a year and he was fired, I never went looking for it again. Although I did need to help some friends through their problems with it.
Anyway, as I've said in another post here...a few years ago I had brain surgery and lived through an aneurysm. Thankfully, the only thing it left me with was a controllable seizure disorder. An epilepsy which my doctor told me could last six months, two years, or even the rest of my life. I've been seeing a very kind and considerate neurologist since then, and when I realized that I had this problem I went straight to him and told him everything. He knew I wasn't ready to stop when I saw him, and although he wanted me to, he adjusted my Petite Mal seizure medication knowing that alcohol enhances it's effects. Unfortunately, less than a month ago when I really was ready to get this stupid monkey off my back...I had a Grand Mal seizure that I couldn't control which landed me in the emergency room early one morning, complete with an ambulance ride to boot...$$$! What neither of us knew, was that alcohol diminishes the effects of Grand Mal seizure medication...I needed more than I was taking, which he promptly fixed.
Hospital De Tox? Yes, that's certainly what I need. Something that would help me tremendously. I knew it when I described my "Aura", which is the feeling you get just before a seizure, to my neurologist. He knew right away I was describing the Aura of an alcohol withrawal seizure. I also know that if I can get away from the fear of a seizure, I really can stop this mess I've gotten myself into. What started as self medication, which I had no idea that's what I was doing, has turned me into a full blown alcoholic.
My concentration is going again so I'll have to come back with more later. Just please, to anyone who's taking the time to read this...don't reply yet. I'd rather get it all out first, and I may have found an answer, maybe even found something that could help someone else here...
I've never had an addiction problem with anything actually. I did do cocaine in my early years as a Bartender, but found out right away that I was one of those rare people who just didn't get addicted to it. The pusher was my bar manager at that time, he was selling it to customers and giving it to his Bartenders. I first found out I wasn't addicted to it when I had a few days off in a row...I never thought about it or craved it. Then, when the owner caught him after about a year and he was fired, I never went looking for it again. Although I did need to help some friends through their problems with it.
Anyway, as I've said in another post here...a few years ago I had brain surgery and lived through an aneurysm. Thankfully, the only thing it left me with was a controllable seizure disorder. An epilepsy which my doctor told me could last six months, two years, or even the rest of my life. I've been seeing a very kind and considerate neurologist since then, and when I realized that I had this problem I went straight to him and told him everything. He knew I wasn't ready to stop when I saw him, and although he wanted me to, he adjusted my Petite Mal seizure medication knowing that alcohol enhances it's effects. Unfortunately, less than a month ago when I really was ready to get this stupid monkey off my back...I had a Grand Mal seizure that I couldn't control which landed me in the emergency room early one morning, complete with an ambulance ride to boot...$$$! What neither of us knew, was that alcohol diminishes the effects of Grand Mal seizure medication...I needed more than I was taking, which he promptly fixed.
Hospital De Tox? Yes, that's certainly what I need. Something that would help me tremendously. I knew it when I described my "Aura", which is the feeling you get just before a seizure, to my neurologist. He knew right away I was describing the Aura of an alcohol withrawal seizure. I also know that if I can get away from the fear of a seizure, I really can stop this mess I've gotten myself into. What started as self medication, which I had no idea that's what I was doing, has turned me into a full blown alcoholic.
My concentration is going again so I'll have to come back with more later. Just please, to anyone who's taking the time to read this...don't reply yet. I'd rather get it all out first, and I may have found an answer, maybe even found something that could help someone else here...
I have a few reasons why I really can't go to De Tox for a stay right now, not excuses either but real reasons. Obviously, I can't work right now. But fortunately, my husband has been able to work six to seven days a week and make enough money to take care of the bills. About four months ago, I had finally gotten our finances in good enough shape after paying off previous medical bills and gotten through things our older children had put us through, I was trying for De Tox. Our only real problem then, was that we needed someone here to take care of our two little ones while I did this. My husband had sold all of his vacation back to the company to help get our bills straight, and of course hiring a stranger was not only an impossibility...we wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway.
Family; I called every member of our family who I thought would be physically able to help, and every single one of them either couldn't or wouldn't...oh yes, dysfunctional to say the least!
Friends; Nope, don't have any. First of all, a Bartender rarely makes real friends and second...when we decided to move out here to the country, we picked a very small town full of mostly older people, who judge you before they get to know you. I'm sorry I can't be more descriptive than that, but I'd written about this subject on the site I was describing in the beginning of this post.
Finally, right now the money is also a main issue. As I said earlier, we're just barely able to take care of things and now, the bills from my recent seizure have started coming in...whew...payment arrangements will be a difficult thing to make for sure. Also, in the state of Virginia...you can't legally drive until six months after your last seizure. That means that even if I'm able to, I can't get a job until at least mid September.
I still think I've found a way to beat this thing though, I'll do my best to finish this tomorrow morning...
Awareness is without choice, without demand, without anxiety; in that state of mind, there is perception. Perception alone will resolve all your problems
Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and welcome!
Your story sounds very familiar to me.
Whatever you decide to do just know your not alone. I don't try to persuade people in any one direction in seeking help as I think that's something we need to decide for ourselves. But I will suggest AA as I think you can find a great deal of help and support there. It's free to.
In the meantime you will get a great deal of support from this lot.
Your story sounds very familiar to me.
Whatever you decide to do just know your not alone. I don't try to persuade people in any one direction in seeking help as I think that's something we need to decide for ourselves. But I will suggest AA as I think you can find a great deal of help and support there. It's free to.
In the meantime you will get a great deal of support from this lot.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7
Originally Posted by StormyBlue
Thank you DG, and with your post I feel the need to really concentrate and add a piece which I wish I could have ended this with earlier...
I have a few reasons why I really can't go to De Tox for a stay right now, not excuses either but real reasons. Obviously, I can't work right now. But fortunately, my husband has been able to work six to seven days a week and make enough money to take care of the bills. About four months ago, I had finally gotten our finances in good enough shape after paying off previous medical bills and gotten through things our older children had put us through, I was trying for De Tox. Our only real problem then, was that we needed someone here to take care of our two little ones while I did this. My husband had sold all of his vacation back to the company to help get our bills straight, and of course hiring a stranger was not only an impossibility...we wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway.
Family; I called every member of our family who I thought would be physically able to help, and every single one of them either couldn't or wouldn't...oh yes, dysfunctional to say the least!
Friends; Nope, don't have any. First of all, a Bartender rarely makes real friends and second...when we decided to move out here to the country, we picked a very small town full of mostly older people, who judge you before they get to know you. I'm sorry I can't be more descriptive than that, but I'd written about this subject on the site I was describing in the beginning of this post.
Finally, right now the money is also a main issue. As I said earlier, we're just barely able to take care of things and now, the bills from my recent seizure have started coming in...whew...payment arrangements will be a difficult thing to make for sure. Also, in the state of Virginia...you can't legally drive until six months after your last seizure. That means that even if I'm able to, I can't get a job until at least mid September.
I still think I've found a way to beat this thing though, I'll do my best to finish this tomorrow morning...
I have a few reasons why I really can't go to De Tox for a stay right now, not excuses either but real reasons. Obviously, I can't work right now. But fortunately, my husband has been able to work six to seven days a week and make enough money to take care of the bills. About four months ago, I had finally gotten our finances in good enough shape after paying off previous medical bills and gotten through things our older children had put us through, I was trying for De Tox. Our only real problem then, was that we needed someone here to take care of our two little ones while I did this. My husband had sold all of his vacation back to the company to help get our bills straight, and of course hiring a stranger was not only an impossibility...we wouldn't have been able to afford it anyway.
Family; I called every member of our family who I thought would be physically able to help, and every single one of them either couldn't or wouldn't...oh yes, dysfunctional to say the least!
Friends; Nope, don't have any. First of all, a Bartender rarely makes real friends and second...when we decided to move out here to the country, we picked a very small town full of mostly older people, who judge you before they get to know you. I'm sorry I can't be more descriptive than that, but I'd written about this subject on the site I was describing in the beginning of this post.
Finally, right now the money is also a main issue. As I said earlier, we're just barely able to take care of things and now, the bills from my recent seizure have started coming in...whew...payment arrangements will be a difficult thing to make for sure. Also, in the state of Virginia...you can't legally drive until six months after your last seizure. That means that even if I'm able to, I can't get a job until at least mid September.
I still think I've found a way to beat this thing though, I'll do my best to finish this tomorrow morning...
As for AA, my main problem with that is the fact that I can't legally drive until, as I said...mid September, and that's only if I can avoid another seizure. My husband works long hours, and I couldn't even make it to one meeting let alone go to regular meetings. However, I had received a message from my doctor a couple of days ago, telling me that he needed to make sure...but he may have an answer to my particular problem. I've just spent some time with him on the phone this morning, and after he consulted some other doctors about his solution...he and I are pretty confidant that this will really work for me.
His prescription; treat the alcohol as if it were a serious prescription medication, one that you have to gently ease off of to avoid any adverse effects. Right now, I drink approximately eight to ten shots of whisky a night (a lot I know, but unfortunately I've built up quite a high tolerance). For the first week, stick with eight shots a night. The second week, cut it down to seven shots a night...keep cutting out a shot every week until I'm down to two a night. Leave it like that for two weeks, then cut it to one and again...leave it there for at least another two weeks before I stop completely. This will ease my body off of the alcohol without fear of withdrawal seizures.
How brilliant is this? I stick with eight shots tonight, but as far as I'm concerned my week started this past Monday. If anyone is interested, I'll let you all know my progress every week. And I dearly hope that this method may help someone else here as well, although I do know that my situation is different than most people here. I drink mainly to avoid the seizures...I do enjoy the buzz, but I really won't miss it.
It is indeed difficult to see the situation simply - our minds are very complex - and it's easy to teach one to be skillfull, but it is difficult to teach him his own attitude.
Set patterns, incapable of adaptability, of pliability, only offer a better cage. Truth is outside of all patterns.
Bruce Lee
Set patterns, incapable of adaptability, of pliability, only offer a better cage. Truth is outside of all patterns.
Bruce Lee
Still learning; ever grateful
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: VA
Posts: 842
Well, good! Where there's a will, there's a way! Yes, please post each week and tell us how you're doing and I'm glad we could help!! I'm sure I can speak for everyone and say that it helps US, as recovering alkies ourselves, to help others.
Good luck and keep the faith! (BTW, you can always call AA and they'll come get you and drop you back off, then you won't have to worry about driving....just a thought..)
Good luck and keep the faith! (BTW, you can always call AA and they'll come get you and drop you back off, then you won't have to worry about driving....just a thought..)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 491
Tapering can work. I wish you all the best and welcome to SR! My husband has an addiction to pain meds but SR has helped me to better help him so you have found a good place here. Keep coming back and sharing your progress!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 7
REZ and DG, Thanks for the replies. I really didn't want to post again here until I could give you some information on how I'm doing with my doctors very good advice, which I'm very happy with and have every intention of following, (sigh) but It seems that I must.
The ride isn't really the most important reason I can't attend AA meetings right now, it's my young ones. My husband works very long hours to pay our bills, mainly because I can't work right now. At present, I have no one to care for my little ones, and no money to pay for any type of care either. As I've said, I really do want to follow my doctors advice and I truly believe that with my situation...I can do it. The fear of the withdrawal seizures is honestly the reason I continue drinking like I do, to me, this looks like the perfect solution for my particular situation.
However, if I find that I can't stick to his prescription up there and still continue to drink...which I really believe is unlikely...I most surely WILL find a way to get to AA meetings, or at the very least get day time professional help as soon as my youngest starts school in September (smile)!!
Again, I can't thank all of you enough for your help and support. Just having a place to post all of this, and receive great feedback, has already done me a ton of good.
The ride isn't really the most important reason I can't attend AA meetings right now, it's my young ones. My husband works very long hours to pay our bills, mainly because I can't work right now. At present, I have no one to care for my little ones, and no money to pay for any type of care either. As I've said, I really do want to follow my doctors advice and I truly believe that with my situation...I can do it. The fear of the withdrawal seizures is honestly the reason I continue drinking like I do, to me, this looks like the perfect solution for my particular situation.
However, if I find that I can't stick to his prescription up there and still continue to drink...which I really believe is unlikely...I most surely WILL find a way to get to AA meetings, or at the very least get day time professional help as soon as my youngest starts school in September (smile)!!
Again, I can't thank all of you enough for your help and support. Just having a place to post all of this, and receive great feedback, has already done me a ton of good.
Having totality means being capable of following "what is", because "what is" is constantly moving and constantly changing. If one is anchored to a particular view, one will not be able to follow the swift movement of "what is."
Bruce Lee
Bruce Lee
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,793
Hi Stormy, Welcome to SR 
Glad you found us. It took me a while to realise that my sobriety came first and then a while longer to realise it came FIRST and then a little longer to put that into action.
Kevin
Glad you found us. It took me a while to realise that my sobriety came first and then a while longer to realise it came FIRST and then a little longer to put that into action.Kevin
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