Trouble handling emotions
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 54
Trouble handling emotions
I'm close to 90 days in recovery after doing 7 months last year, and I'm having a lot of trouble handling my emotions. My marriage is falling apart and it's causing me a lot of stress. I'm finding that anger and sadness are at times overwhelming.
I know that in part this is because I no longer have my medication to fall back on, alcohol. For all the bad things it did, it was always 100% reliable for deadening my emotions to the point where I didn't have to deal with them.
I'm going to AA also, a meeting a day, sometimes two, and working with a sponsor. I'd appreciate any tips for dealing with the emotional rollercoaster I'm riding. Thanks.
I know that in part this is because I no longer have my medication to fall back on, alcohol. For all the bad things it did, it was always 100% reliable for deadening my emotions to the point where I didn't have to deal with them.
I'm going to AA also, a meeting a day, sometimes two, and working with a sponsor. I'd appreciate any tips for dealing with the emotional rollercoaster I'm riding. Thanks.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Hi Mark,
I think what you're going through is typical and unfortunately, you just have to weather it. I drank for 3 yrs, but hadn't dealt with emotions at any time in my life. As a child I was taught that it was wrong to feel happy, sad, whatever. When I stopped drinking I had to figure out how to deal with what I was feeling, and even to figure out exactly what I was feeling. It just takes some time and patience. I don't have any tips to offer and a marriage that is falling apart is going to be a huge stress. Just hang in there and keep doing what you're doing.
I think what you're going through is typical and unfortunately, you just have to weather it. I drank for 3 yrs, but hadn't dealt with emotions at any time in my life. As a child I was taught that it was wrong to feel happy, sad, whatever. When I stopped drinking I had to figure out how to deal with what I was feeling, and even to figure out exactly what I was feeling. It just takes some time and patience. I don't have any tips to offer and a marriage that is falling apart is going to be a huge stress. Just hang in there and keep doing what you're doing.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
I echo Anna, Mark. The emotional rollar coaster is a natural and normal part of recovery. The emotions wake up after being numbed for so long.
However, talking about it in meetings, with recovering friends and your sponsor will help. Sticking close to your faith and trust in your HP will help. Writing about it and doing step work will help. In other words, grab on to those tools of AA and hang on.
Is counceling an option? Outside help is also normal and necessary in many cases, including mine.
However, talking about it in meetings, with recovering friends and your sponsor will help. Sticking close to your faith and trust in your HP will help. Writing about it and doing step work will help. In other words, grab on to those tools of AA and hang on.
Is counceling an option? Outside help is also normal and necessary in many cases, including mine.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Portland, Oregon
Posts: 29
Hi Mark,
Here's what happened to me. Right after I quit drinking, my emotions ran amuck. But what I noticed was that for every "crisis," the urge to drink would sneak in. Most of the time I wouldn't act on it, but every once in a while, the compulsion was just too strong.
I spent three years like that. The first year was the worst. I was attending meetings just like you. But constantly in emotional turmoil, feeling like I was on the verge of drinking.
I left AA and the constant struggle actually subsided. I think it was because I wasn't dwelling on my problem with alcohol every day.
I did continue to drink, however. But I really slowed down.
Even so, I noticed that every little problem I had was made larger because on top of the problem was the temptation to drink to make it go away.
What finally stopped my emotional roller coaster was...
making the decision to NEVER drink again and never change my mind.
I made an irreversible decision to stop completely, and FOREVER.
It sounds simple, but it was a very hard move to make. Once you make it, it is final.
The benefit of this for me was that I no longer blew my problems out of proportion to the point where I "had" to drink. Problems stayed relatively small and solvable. The simple act of completely removing alcohol from the equation was very powerful for me and my well-being. I automatically developed better coping skills.
I now embrace my wide range of emotions as being a blessing of this wonderful human life. I can grieve for my losses, and really feel deep sadness. I can feel great joy. My love for my family and my wife has blossomed. And none of it is colored with dark thoughts of using.
--Scott
Here's what happened to me. Right after I quit drinking, my emotions ran amuck. But what I noticed was that for every "crisis," the urge to drink would sneak in. Most of the time I wouldn't act on it, but every once in a while, the compulsion was just too strong.
I spent three years like that. The first year was the worst. I was attending meetings just like you. But constantly in emotional turmoil, feeling like I was on the verge of drinking.
I left AA and the constant struggle actually subsided. I think it was because I wasn't dwelling on my problem with alcohol every day.
I did continue to drink, however. But I really slowed down.
Even so, I noticed that every little problem I had was made larger because on top of the problem was the temptation to drink to make it go away.
What finally stopped my emotional roller coaster was...
making the decision to NEVER drink again and never change my mind.
I made an irreversible decision to stop completely, and FOREVER.
It sounds simple, but it was a very hard move to make. Once you make it, it is final.
The benefit of this for me was that I no longer blew my problems out of proportion to the point where I "had" to drink. Problems stayed relatively small and solvable. The simple act of completely removing alcohol from the equation was very powerful for me and my well-being. I automatically developed better coping skills.
I now embrace my wide range of emotions as being a blessing of this wonderful human life. I can grieve for my losses, and really feel deep sadness. I can feel great joy. My love for my family and my wife has blossomed. And none of it is colored with dark thoughts of using.
--Scott
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Shelby, Mt
Posts: 5
Part of my daily struggle is learning how to know what I am truly feeling emotionally; I beleive when you are taught from a very young age, it's not ok to feel or express your emotions you learn very quickly how to stuff everything down. I've had numerous medical problems, mostly stomach and migranes most of my adult life. The biggest release and help I've found is through a very good friend of mine, he takes the time to talk me through what is really going on, it's amazing sometimes what I find out about myself. I think finding a good confidant or even using this site to 1st figure out what emotion you are really feeling and why. Just knowing is most of the battle. Once you learn to reconize the emotions you are dealing with you can learn how to cope and things don't seem so bad. The other part of the whole thing is learning what it feels like to be truly happy and letting the emotion over take you, when is the last time you had a laugh that came all the way from your toes? Remember you have to be able to feel the pain.... than and only than you can feel the joy!! Sailgirl
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi Mark 
Yep I can so relate. I too , used booze to deaden any emotion I ever felt, and i was soooo fearful, so, like you when i got sober, I did not even know WHAT I was feeling. My Sponser had me identify the particular emotion, write it down, and then feel it. it felt very strange at first, but I soon came to realise that " normal" people felt these emotions every day, and it was OK to feel whatever they wre.
Like the others have said, sharing at meetings, and with other alkie friends, step work with your Sponsor, and phone calls, all help.
just remember, this too shall pass, LOL
HUGX
Lee
Yep I can so relate. I too , used booze to deaden any emotion I ever felt, and i was soooo fearful, so, like you when i got sober, I did not even know WHAT I was feeling. My Sponser had me identify the particular emotion, write it down, and then feel it. it felt very strange at first, but I soon came to realise that " normal" people felt these emotions every day, and it was OK to feel whatever they wre.
Like the others have said, sharing at meetings, and with other alkie friends, step work with your Sponsor, and phone calls, all help.
just remember, this too shall pass, LOL
HUGX
Lee
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
I had to learn to feel again. The emotional roller coaster was very difficult at times, but with help from other people like me, I got past it. It gets better in time. Draw strength from others and move forward.
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