NewYorkGirl

Wow-what a great welcome...everyone is so great to share their insight with me and I really appreciate the encouragement to go to an AA meeting. And it feels great just hearing that exhaustion, even after a deep and solid sleep (like I never had when I was drinking), is common. I think you're right about exhaustion stemming from an overworked liver. I was out tonight with friends...we went to 2 little lounges in the village, and I happily drank sparkling water. It's such a great feeling to be able to really socialize...not get drunk. I realize that my friends don't drink nearly as much as I thought they did - it was me who drank so much. Yikes! I think I really "drove that bus" for all of my friends. It's fascinating to be the only sober person at a table and observe how alcohol effects everyone... Now, my goal this weekend is to find out where the meetings are.

c'est la vie

I'm glad you found this site. It's full of some really great people who really are a great cheering squad. I hope you find a meeting and the courage to attend. I attended some meetings in Paris and thought it would be really inimidating, but everyone was really accepting and kind. If you feel left out, then find a new meeting or come here and someone will give you some advice.

Sugasnaps

Yeah being tired is part of it all. I am like that as well some days DG.

I make sure to take vitamins every morning and that has seemed to help with things like that esp with the B vitamins!

Suga

jmhs002

Welcome! Hope you stick around.
JMHS

NewYorkGirl

It's my first full month of sobriety...I quit Mar 29 and it's been a very positive experience to decide to quit drinking and then tell everyone in my circle (other thank work related friends) and then actually (ACTUALLY) quit and go out like a normal person with all my friends and just drink sparkling water. After I battle the morning exhaustion, I practically can't wait to look at myself in the mirror. I'm as vain as any woman, but this isn't about vanity...I can't wait to see the daily changes in my skin, the brightness returning to my eyes, the "old me" coming back...slowly resurfacing. I am trying to work out on a regular basis, but I'm not killing myself (as someone here so wisely mentioned, the main priority right now is sobriety) to be everything at once. One step at a time, right... I've asked about the exhaustion and sugar craving and everyone has been so helpful and shared their insight, so I see that it's pretty standard what I'm going through along with all the other newbies on line - but I'm would really love to also hear stories of others who might have battled the mourning I'm experiencing for all the time I lost to blackout. I had severe alcohol amnesia and it scared me straight, so to speak...I can't stop feeling sadness for all that lost time. Any one else?

c'est la vie

OMG, I think mourning is what I'm feeling. I'm depressed that I blew all that precious time with my kids just drinking. I'm trying not to drink now and really spend time with them, but I'm still really sad that I wasted so much of my life.

NewYorkGirl

I know...I think it's so deeply felt and with all the emotions we're finally feeling once again, the sadness for the time lost is hard to swallow. Do you vacillate between feeling incredibly relieved and happy that you're sober and doing it...and feeling regret and deep sadness for all that lost time? Having children would definitely exacerbate those feelings I would imagine. Luckily we have the good things about sobriety to focus on...but the mourning, sadness, deep regret keeps popping up. Part of the healing / recovery process?

El Gato

The first 2 months I had insomnia and lethargy. Always tired. Now I'm getting decent sleep and rarly need a nap. Sugar craving!! I know. Last week I ate a half-gallon of ice cream, Duncin Hines cake made into 24 cupcakes... Gotta stop that!! My LDL is 156 and all that sat fat & trans fat ain't helpin'!!

Keep up the good work!

El Gato

I was thinking the other day how I have wasted the last 20 years of my life. Not to mention that my grandmother that lives nearby, who I haven't seen in years, has alzheimers now. She may not even recognize me. On the surface that's kinda sad. But I keep telling myself that the past is over. I can't do anything about it. So it's best to focus on the here & now. Sometimes it works.

NewYorkGirl

That's the best advice....focus on here and now. Enjoy the day today.

c'est la vie

I keep telling myself this over and over and over. Sometimes it helps. I really obsess about wishing I could go back to the way it was - fun drinking and having friends to be silly with. I don't drink that way anymore. I drink by myself thinking I'm having fun and then I get depressed because I'm so stupid. We can't turn back time though so we need to figure out how to go forward and be happy with our new lot in life.

And yes I vascilate so much my brain has got bruises. I'm sure it's all a part of it and I'm sure someone who really is sober can tell you that.

tantricblaze

Hey NY Girl,

GOOD FOR YOU!

You sound like you are returning to the girl you are supposed to be. I remember in the heart of my drinking days, I would be aware that there was this other life I was supposed to be leading, and that the dark and twisted road of addiction was leading me away from it. You know those commercials where they say, "inside every fat person is a thin person trying to get out?" Well, I had this feeling that every time I drank, I was killing the vibrant, spiritual, wonderful person inside.

At least that's how it felt near the end.

I want to let you know that a lot of folks have encouraged you to try AA. I tried it, and found it wasn't really for me. I felt kind of like I was going backward into a life I was no longer leading.

For me, spending time with my friends, family, and working out was much more "in the moment," and made me identify myself as a non-drinker. The compulsion to drink sometimes flits by my awareness, but rarely anymore, and when it does, I kind of laugh. Would I really trade this life...this life where I am actually fulfilling my potential for that life of fuzzy, fatty, drunkeness? No way.

--Scott