Beachbabe

If any of you have never gone back from Day 1 and read your posts, I fully encourage it.

I read mine today. WOW. I have changed alot.

Reading those put my recovery and progress into perspective. Sure it feels good to hear 'Youre doing great!'. But to actually see progress is a true reward.

Wow, what an impact. This little cookie has come along way.

I thought I liked myself then because pills filled me full of arrogence. I KNOW I like me today and deserve any and everything God blesses me with... just as any other human being.

Justme57

LOL aint that the truth BB I went back and looked at mine a couple of weeks ago, the whole 2 1/2 years of them . I seem to have grown as well.

You know. I still remember the day i looked in the mirror, i think I was about 6 months sober, and I actually saw myself, i was present in my own life! It is/was a miracle!

HUGX
lee

2stop

Growth is a BEAUTIFUL thing.....but dang if it don't hurt! Good 'hurt' though.....the type that gets us into recovery and present for our life.

****{Hugs!}}}

2dayzmuse

I just went back and re-read my posts of nearly 2 years ago. It was great to see growth and security, but it was very eerie and sad at the same time. Going back to those days gives me the heebie, jeebies. I know that is a good thing. It reminds me to stay on the straight and narrow path. Today, I am free from the agony and miseries that bound me. I'm not going back.

Sugah

Told you so

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Beachbabe

My theory may have no basis... again, new to recovery. But, I feel like each time you go back out, it lessens your success rate.

I have read where people have relapsed for the first time after having a bit of time under their belts. From that, I know it is a guilty, shameful, hurting, failure, out-of-control feeling. I cant hurt me anymore so using, for me, is not an option.

I know me. I know my personality. If I ever went back out after all I have been through to make it this far... I'd be done. Dont have it in me to win again. And the games not even over.

miss communicat

Yep, yep, yep....Its great when the fog lifts and then, miraculously, lifts some more.

SR is a great phenomenom, not only for the way it works as a support system, but also for the record it keeps of one's progress. (Although, for me, just when I think I have "progressed" is when I need to get humble, remember it is HP's will, not mine being done so I do not take my will back). No goin back to the old heebie jeebie days!

Beachbabe

It can be disheartening to re-read your posts. I recommend doing it only when you are having a 'good day'. Certainly not on a bad one.

Not that Im liked now but come on, gotta admit... I was something when using. Something I dont like much. Yuck.

Cool... post 444... get to make a wish.

2dayzmuse

I think we can all relate to that. Drinking/using, doesn't exactly bring out the best in us. I'm glad that I've been able to grow. I'm a better person today. I'm grateful for that.

Hope

I can read some of my old posts and cringe. It scares me to even know that I was that person. At least I am on my way to something better now. Growth is definitely a good thing.

Beachbabe

My thoughts exactly Hope4life.

I read it and Im like... I wrote this? Using and withdrawal can bring out the worse in a person. I wonder if that is understood around here when newbies come and people dont hold it against them.

I know I wont... thats another thing I learned from reading mine. The person that signs up IS NOT the person you'll know in two months, if all goes well. To give newbies time to 'cycle through' and even out before making decisions about what a person says.

2dayzmuse

We know that. We've been there. We know that newbies come in sick, tired and scared. Most don't have any clue on sobriety or how to achieve it. We don't judge, but try to help and give guidance. We can see the transformation happening if the newbie sticks around long enough. Many of them split after a few days. Their nerves and addiction get the best of them. None of us are truly ourselves in the throws of withdrawals. Don't worry about changing the past. Look towards tomorrow.

2dayzmuse

I thought I'd share a story with you of what I did when I was detoxing from alcohol. I was jones'in big time. I believe I was on day two of detox coming off from a 9 nine day hardcore binge. I was hurting, bouncing off of the walls. I had someone from AA sitting with me basically babysitting me. I had handed over my car keys because I couldn't trust myself. I knew I would try to make a break for it to the store. Right in front of the AA member, I pick up the phone and called my dearest friend who lived down the street. She knew what was going on. She had been checking in with me during my ordeal. I begged her to bring me alcohol. Just a couple of beers, wine cooler, which I can't stand. Anything to relieve my pain. She instantly burst into tears. She cared enough about me to say no, but she felt guilty by saying that. She knew that alcohol withdrawals could kill you. She didn't want to enable me and cared enough to say no. Today she is still my best friend even though I put her in such a position. My own selfishness and desperation wasn't considering her feelings at all. The cravings passed with time and I got through that horrible time. I'm glad she told me no. To this day, I know she doesn't hold it against me. She understands the power of addiction and withdrawal. However, I still can't believe I did that. We say and do things we normally wouldn't do.