geeb

So here's my story. I never drank much until late in my 20s, really never drank at all. My problem started with a seperation and divorce. My wife left me for another guy and I was devastated. Looking back I went in the tank big time, that was 3 years ago.

I started going out, just to be out. Stopping for drinks on my way home from work. Anything to dull the pain and not be home alone. I just wasn't really coping with the situation. After 8 months I got a DUI, I can still see those blue lights behind me, wow what a sinking feeling. That changed me for sure, so I started staying in and drinking. And I think that's how I got to where I am today. My life turned into binge drinking and eating. See that's my real problem, I always binge eat and drink, they always go together. I haven't gained a ton of weight, but most of the time I do feel like crap. I probably do this 2-3 times per week. I really want this to stop and to get out of this unhealthy lifestyle. I've been trying for so long, it just seems like I can't last more than a few days.

So I'm here and I'm posting this. Last night I felt so bloated and nauseous. I couldn't sleep, my pulse was just racing and I felt horrible. I want to think I'm drawing a line in the sand and that's it. I know I won't do this again today, had my feel last night. Realistically, I know I'm safe for a few days. My guess would be Wednesday is when the beast is going to want to be fed. So I'm worried about this week. I'm going to read these forums and I'm going to post here before I give into having another drink. I just need to stop.

Anna

Hi Geeb,

Welcome to SR and it sounds like you've made a good decision to stop.

The thing that I needed to do, early on, was to change my routines. Drive home a different way so you avoid the liquor store. Plan to be doing something specific on Wednesday evening - go to a movie, go on a hike, go for coffee with a friend, anything that is different from the norm and that will get your mind off drinking.

Each time you do that, you will get stronger and it will get easier.

Yhtac

Hi geeb,
I'm new here also. So here's to seeing what the site's about.
If you're expecting Wednesday to be a sort of D-Day, 51anna had it right by planning your night out. Regardless, you're going to need to eat dinner but the key is to not binge. I can't relate to the 'plan something with a friend' thing but perhaps you can. If not, pick up a killer steak to grill along with a potato and a nice salad. Rent a movie or two. Make the night about you instead of about food and booze. If you plan it out ahead of time, you'll have something to look forward to come Wednesday evening and it won't be destructive.
Funny how I can give advice but not always follow it.
Good luck.

2dayzmuse

Good advice so far. Continue to make changes in your routine and seek support. I can relate to that horrible feeling keeping you awake at night. Bleech! I hated that. Good luck...

Justme57

Hi Geeb, and welcome to SR

I so relate to your feeling of not being able to stop. I did not pick up my first drink til i e\was 21 either, and it helped me cope with the pain of an abusive mariage. From then on, thats how i dealt with emmotional pain, and it worked............... for several years, but then it stopped working.

I was a bloated mess, and in so much pain from the guilt and remorse, but when i tried to stop, I could not . I NEVER set out to get drunk, but it never worked. Like you , I could go several days, but then the thought " just 1" and it was never "just1". I drank to blackout on many occassions.I was terrified!!!!!!!!! fear was a huge part of my life, and my world became smaller, as my friends and family ledft me alone, and my fear took over.

I was unable to stop, and every time I drank, when I picked up the first drink, I hated myself more.For me, the answer was a phone call to AA.They were able to show me how to STAY stopped, and live a HAPPY sober life.

That said, Anna is right, the sacret is to change your life, and your routine. i had to change the way I thought, and the way I reacted. that is where I found AA helpful

Geeb, whichever method you choose for your recovery, I wish you well, and congratulations on your decision to stop

HUGX
Lee

markofevil

I'd suggest AA. The eating is tied to the drinking it sounds, so work on the drinking. AA gives you something to do and a place to go to also, which can really help. Go to a meeting every night if you want. I actually enjoy AA and find it a healthy alternative for my social life.

What AA will really do is give you tools to deal with life better if you work the 12 steps. It's tough to make the decision to go for some since if you're sincere, it means your goal is abstinence. That was the hardest part for me. I wasted a number of years trying to control my drinking rather than give it up because I just couldn't bear the idea of giving it up. If you're an alcoholic, you can't really control it.

geeb

Thanks so much for all your advice and obvious concern. I've never considered AA but I am now, I'm going to make it a goal to go to a meeting this week, hopefully before Wednesday.



Thanks again and I plan to not be a stranger.
Geeb

2dayzmuse

Keep coming back.

lulu70

Hello Geeb--I just wanted to add my welcome. Going to an AA meeting is a great idea. It will help you meet people who have learned how to not use alcohol to solve their problems. I hope you will also continue to hang out here at SR! It is the best recovery website around!

Justme57

Hi geeb, so glad you are going to take some action, I do hope you enjoy it

let us know how you go, we care geeb, and good luck

HUGX
lee

Irish Virus

I know what you are feeling and it's tough to deal with. Quite honestly, I don't know if I'll ever get over the fact that my wife left me. What I do know is that it ain't worth drinking over and killing yourself in the process.

Fortunately for you, you have realized this before it's too late. You're not that far down the ladder yet. You mentioned that you are going to attend AA meetings and that will be good for you.

I don't know why you drink in excess, but for me resentment was the biggest
cause. AA made me analyze myself enough that I figured out this was the number one culprit for my drinking. I don't know how many times I drank because of her. I ran the emotional spectrum from missing her to death to wishing she was dead. It was this deep seeded resentment that I believe fueled my drinking to the point of insanity. I can't blame her for my drunkeness anymore than I can blame the bartender for serving me the drinks.
I can only blame myself and realize that harboring resentments is the worse thing an alcoholic can do. At least this is this drunk's opinion.

If you go through AA, and work the steps, amazingly you will have a spiritual awakening. You will be able to figure out why you binge drink and how to deal with your emotions before you feed that beast again.

Good Luck and God Bless.

markofevil

Yeah, AA is great in my opinion, though you may have to try different meetings to find the ones you like. They are all unique.

I know that there's a stigma attached to AA in the minds of many -- I certainly didn't want to be associated with it before I went. I definitely had to feel out of options to make my first meeting. I went expecting it to be like a scene from "Grumpy Old Men" -- a lot of bitter people sitting around a table pissing and moaning about how unfair life is and how it sucks that they can't drink. I couldn't have been more wrong. It's warm, friendly, funny, loving, down to earth, open, and generous. Best of all, it's extremely low pressure. You can just go and sit. You can go for years and never talk. You can go and never get a sponsor and never work the steps. You will never be turned away unless you show up drunk and out of control, in which case someone might gently escort you from a meeting. That's about the only way a door will ever be shut to you, and that's just for one evening. They'll be delighted and excited to see you show up the very next day if that's what you want.

If AA works for you, it can be a life-transforming experience. Good luck with whatever path you choose.