Family Violence
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Family Violence
Who is going to address this? Something that has been really bothering me a lot for several months is what to do when we know a person is trapped in a cycle of violence? Are we supposed to stand idly by and tell them they need to get out? Is this all we can do?
When a woman comes on a forum like this one a starts talking about how she lives in violence and their partner does very violent things like pull out weapons and knock the woman and kids around where does our responsibility to these people begin and end? Is it right for us not to try and intervene? I mean people are being injured children are living in fear in their own homes aren't we supposed to help these families? Are we really doing enough by saying get out? Look at what we doing to the next generation by turning a blind eye to this. Not to mention that people get killed because the violence keeps esculating. I know that co- workers, neighbors, teacher can can read the destress on the faces of people at work and children at school who are living with violence.
I have stopped many people from beating their kids in public when I see them doing it. Some people have tried to attack me one guy pulled a gun on me when I intervened if they run off in a car I get their tag. I mean this is happening a lot I don't go out in public a lot and I see it at least once a month. I will not stand by and watch a person hit a child in the face ever with out trying to stop them.
I have jumped in between people fighting many times. I have seen many men hitting women and children in cars . I have seen many women hitting children in cars. This is not a pretty sight folks...
When a woman comes on a forum like this one a starts talking about how she lives in violence and their partner does very violent things like pull out weapons and knock the woman and kids around where does our responsibility to these people begin and end? Is it right for us not to try and intervene? I mean people are being injured children are living in fear in their own homes aren't we supposed to help these families? Are we really doing enough by saying get out? Look at what we doing to the next generation by turning a blind eye to this. Not to mention that people get killed because the violence keeps esculating. I know that co- workers, neighbors, teacher can can read the destress on the faces of people at work and children at school who are living with violence.
I have stopped many people from beating their kids in public when I see them doing it. Some people have tried to attack me one guy pulled a gun on me when I intervened if they run off in a car I get their tag. I mean this is happening a lot I don't go out in public a lot and I see it at least once a month. I will not stand by and watch a person hit a child in the face ever with out trying to stop them.
I have jumped in between people fighting many times. I have seen many men hitting women and children in cars . I have seen many women hitting children in cars. This is not a pretty sight folks...
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
It is my opinion that if children are being abused that child protection agencies should be notified. Children are at the mercy of their guardians and have no one, often, to be their advocate.
Adult women and men in an abusive relationship is a different thing. They are an adult and do have to take responsibility for their own life. I know it is easy to say for me sitting safe and sound in my home and that it is more complicated than just an easy answer. But the bottom line is... get out and get safe and get help.
If I see violence like this - such as knock down drag out fight with a man and a woman with physical violence I have and will in the future called the police.
There is no easy answer and any action you take will more often than not be unwelcomed - at first - or maybe forever. You have to do what is right in your mind at the time and in the situation.
If it is you that is experiencing the violence I hope you get out and get safe.
**{hugs}}
Suga
Adult women and men in an abusive relationship is a different thing. They are an adult and do have to take responsibility for their own life. I know it is easy to say for me sitting safe and sound in my home and that it is more complicated than just an easy answer. But the bottom line is... get out and get safe and get help.
If I see violence like this - such as knock down drag out fight with a man and a woman with physical violence I have and will in the future called the police.
There is no easy answer and any action you take will more often than not be unwelcomed - at first - or maybe forever. You have to do what is right in your mind at the time and in the situation.
If it is you that is experiencing the violence I hope you get out and get safe.
**{hugs}}
Suga
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: On a Boat in the Gulf
Posts: 308
Wow Splendra... Im just a pup, cant imagine having those problems going on with someone here I care about. It is hard to love from afar. I dont know how yet so I get into trouble here alot. Many Pms from Mods hehe. Sorry!
I dont feel right to even try to deal with this but I know in my heart that if there are children being scared or hurt I wouldnt let it go here. Unfortunately IT IS your responsibilty to get them help.
I think you know that.
If you lived downstairs from a couple and heard a man abusing his family would you question your right/responsibility to get involved?
I dont feel right to even try to deal with this but I know in my heart that if there are children being scared or hurt I wouldnt let it go here. Unfortunately IT IS your responsibilty to get them help.
I think you know that.
If you lived downstairs from a couple and heard a man abusing his family would you question your right/responsibility to get involved?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Good questions, thanx for starting this thread Splendra.
I see two different issues. Our responsibity in real life and our responsibility on this forum.
In real life it's easy. It is my responsibility to report to the police any crime that I see. It is also my responsibility to _avoid_ causing a crime against me. Sometimes it takes a little ingenuity to turn in a criminal without getting shot at in the process.
On this forum there is the added complication of anonymity. Here on SR it is our responsibility to maintain that anonymity as best we can. The reason is that if we blow the anonymity of _one_ person we will loose a large number of "lurkers" who are still afraid to speak. Whenever we post to one person we have to be aware that we are being read by many silent ones. The traditions of the 12 step programs are a great guideline for how to conduct ourselves on SR.
On this forum we are responsible to share our personal Experience, Strength and Hope when we have it, and to _not_ distract with irrelevant fluff when we don't have it. Those of us who have survived and overcome violence can be examples of how others can do so.
In the preamble of most 12 step programs it clearly says "We do not give advice". We are not professionals and are not qualified by education or licensure to give advice. There are two forums here on SR that _are_ led by professionals, should anybody wish to consult them.
It requires a great deal of self-discipline to be able to limit posts to only "ESH" and not get emotionally involved with a poster. What I do when I see a post that I am emotionally unable to handle is to just let other folks with more serenity and experience take care of it. That's called teamwork.
Mike :-)
I see two different issues. Our responsibity in real life and our responsibility on this forum.
In real life it's easy. It is my responsibility to report to the police any crime that I see. It is also my responsibility to _avoid_ causing a crime against me. Sometimes it takes a little ingenuity to turn in a criminal without getting shot at in the process.
On this forum there is the added complication of anonymity. Here on SR it is our responsibility to maintain that anonymity as best we can. The reason is that if we blow the anonymity of _one_ person we will loose a large number of "lurkers" who are still afraid to speak. Whenever we post to one person we have to be aware that we are being read by many silent ones. The traditions of the 12 step programs are a great guideline for how to conduct ourselves on SR.
On this forum we are responsible to share our personal Experience, Strength and Hope when we have it, and to _not_ distract with irrelevant fluff when we don't have it. Those of us who have survived and overcome violence can be examples of how others can do so.
In the preamble of most 12 step programs it clearly says "We do not give advice". We are not professionals and are not qualified by education or licensure to give advice. There are two forums here on SR that _are_ led by professionals, should anybody wish to consult them.
It requires a great deal of self-discipline to be able to limit posts to only "ESH" and not get emotionally involved with a poster. What I do when I see a post that I am emotionally unable to handle is to just let other folks with more serenity and experience take care of it. That's called teamwork.
Mike :-)
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Let me be clear I have and will again report people I see fighting and if I see someone hitting a child I will try to stop it and plus take their tag # and report them...
Now that I am older I do not try to get between 2 adults. If I did live in an apartment and heard someone getting beat up I would also call the cops...if I saw one of my neighbors getting beaten I would also call the cops.
Now that I am older I do not try to get between 2 adults. If I did live in an apartment and heard someone getting beat up I would also call the cops...if I saw one of my neighbors getting beaten I would also call the cops.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Splendra, I'm with you completely on that one.
I am probably slightly less confrontational than it sounds like you are, but I have intervened and will continue to intervene. As a child who grew up with violence, I remember wishing and praying that someone would help me. No one ever did. So, I will help anyone that I can.
I do agree with Mike's point about anonymity on this board. Still, a phone call to police made anonymously could possibly work. If this family is so violent, it could be anyone who made the call - a neighbor, a bystander, a family member or one of us.
I am probably slightly less confrontational than it sounds like you are, but I have intervened and will continue to intervene. As a child who grew up with violence, I remember wishing and praying that someone would help me. No one ever did. So, I will help anyone that I can.
I do agree with Mike's point about anonymity on this board. Still, a phone call to police made anonymously could possibly work. If this family is so violent, it could be anyone who made the call - a neighbor, a bystander, a family member or one of us.
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I am also very concerned for people who think they can work something out on their own with someone who is being violent.
I hope and pray that the people are being reached who come here and post about violence in their lives
I hope and pray that the people are being reached who come here and post about violence in their lives
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((Tracee)))
That was some good ESH sharing there gal!!!
My mom was very violent when I was growing up. I finally stood up to her when I was about 12 years old. I left home at 15 I made my own way pretty much every since.
I have not been in a phyiscally violent relationship since. I have recieved a lot of counseling over the years to over come it. I was very worried about being violent with my son as when he was very young while I would hold him memories of the violence would flood my mind. I would often rush to put him in his crib or on his palet that I made for him in his room. I was so afraid I would do it to him. His dad could see that something was bothering me about the baby and one time he caught me rushing to put him in his crib and he ran up to me with my son in my arms and put his arms around us both and he just held us and kissed us lightly and playfully and started saying really goofy stuff. Later he and I talked and I told him what was going on with me and I called my therapist and I went in and cried and cried and expressed that I was afraid and I felt the joy of being a mom and could see my sons sweet smile in my mind and I knew really knew that I was aware enough not to do this to him.
Once when my son was about 18 months old my mom begged me to visit with the baby so I did my son was standing next to my mom and he reached to pick something up off the table and my mom hauled off and hit him in the head and started yelling at him. Oh my God it just flew all over me and, while holding my son I went to the room where all my stuff was and picked it up and threw it in my car and left. My mom was following me saying she was sorry and that she would never do it again I told her she was right about that as I was pulling out of her driveway for a 1000 mile trip back home. Again the painful memories flooded my mind I cried and cried all the way back my son saying the sweetest things oh how the joy of having a child really flooded me too. and standing up to my mom again was good too.
I want to add that I have gotten a little vocal with my H over him getting high and my insane responces have been borderline violent and he has been emotionaly abusive with me and that is not really something I am very proud to admit that my attitudes and reactions have been pretty messed up. I have seen how good he does when I encourage him rather than shame him and I see that shaming someone is just as bad as violence cause ultimatly it is violence and could lead to phyiscal violence...
That was some good ESH sharing there gal!!!
My mom was very violent when I was growing up. I finally stood up to her when I was about 12 years old. I left home at 15 I made my own way pretty much every since.
I have not been in a phyiscally violent relationship since. I have recieved a lot of counseling over the years to over come it. I was very worried about being violent with my son as when he was very young while I would hold him memories of the violence would flood my mind. I would often rush to put him in his crib or on his palet that I made for him in his room. I was so afraid I would do it to him. His dad could see that something was bothering me about the baby and one time he caught me rushing to put him in his crib and he ran up to me with my son in my arms and put his arms around us both and he just held us and kissed us lightly and playfully and started saying really goofy stuff. Later he and I talked and I told him what was going on with me and I called my therapist and I went in and cried and cried and expressed that I was afraid and I felt the joy of being a mom and could see my sons sweet smile in my mind and I knew really knew that I was aware enough not to do this to him.
Once when my son was about 18 months old my mom begged me to visit with the baby so I did my son was standing next to my mom and he reached to pick something up off the table and my mom hauled off and hit him in the head and started yelling at him. Oh my God it just flew all over me and, while holding my son I went to the room where all my stuff was and picked it up and threw it in my car and left. My mom was following me saying she was sorry and that she would never do it again I told her she was right about that as I was pulling out of her driveway for a 1000 mile trip back home. Again the painful memories flooded my mind I cried and cried all the way back my son saying the sweetest things oh how the joy of having a child really flooded me too. and standing up to my mom again was good too.
I want to add that I have gotten a little vocal with my H over him getting high and my insane responces have been borderline violent and he has been emotionaly abusive with me and that is not really something I am very proud to admit that my attitudes and reactions have been pretty messed up. I have seen how good he does when I encourage him rather than shame him and I see that shaming someone is just as bad as violence cause ultimatly it is violence and could lead to phyiscal violence...
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