The hardest parts of being sober...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 18
The hardest parts of being sober...
I've only been sober for a few days, so I know it's no victory yet. But here's the reasons why I'm scared to be sober/askfor help. Does anyone relate? Does anyone have advice?
*All my friends use, and despite that fact, I still think that they are great people. They are nice, intelligent, and it would really be a shame for me to lose them as friends, but I don't see having them in my life and being sober. I don't want them to think that I don't care about them.
*I don't want to turn my back on my friends. It seems the only people who ever really cared about me are users.
*I don't want my parents to be angry.
*I don't want my parents to think that they are bad parents or that they have failed me. Using was my decision, and I don't want them to blame themselves.
*All my friends use, and despite that fact, I still think that they are great people. They are nice, intelligent, and it would really be a shame for me to lose them as friends, but I don't see having them in my life and being sober. I don't want them to think that I don't care about them.
*I don't want to turn my back on my friends. It seems the only people who ever really cared about me are users.
*I don't want my parents to be angry.
*I don't want my parents to think that they are bad parents or that they have failed me. Using was my decision, and I don't want them to blame themselves.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: SYDNEY NSW
Posts: 156
WHen you say users, do you mean they drink to excess or only for recreational purposes.
As long as it is not to excess, I don't see why they cannot continue to be in your life.
I would give it some time, a few weeks at least before you make any life-altering decisions.
As long as it is not to excess, I don't see why they cannot continue to be in your life.
I would give it some time, a few weeks at least before you make any life-altering decisions.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Do your friends know that you are trying to live sober? Those who care about you will respect that and not do it around you. There is a non-confrontational way of telling them, "This may not be making your life unmanageable, but it is mine."
On the other hand, even knowing that the people you're around may be high or smell like they've been getting high may be enough to trigger you into using. We talk about changing people, places and things associated with using, and there are good reasons for that. I do know a guy who, when he got sober, needed a job and the only person who would hire him was the owner of the bar he used to drink in. Fourteen years later, he's still a bartender in that bar and still sober, but he's definitely an exception.
As far as disappointing your parents, well...I'm the parent of four very diverse teenagers, and though I would ache to my core if I discovered any of them had followed in my footsteps, I would do anything in my power to see that they received the help they needed and wanted. I've always tried to give them the message that they can come to me with anything.
These decisions are difficult at 18. I was 19 the first time I recognized that I didn't use like other people and needed to get sober. I wasn't willing to change certain things, either, and as a result, I had to face a living hell before I finally admitted complete defeat. I'm not unique...a lot of people here will tell a similar story. The question is, are you willing to learn by others experience, or do you have to have empirical evidence that proves that it only gets worse, consequences only become more severe, and addiction will rob you of everything, including your friends and parents, that you hold dear?
A few days sober is a victory. Meetings can help you, and they don't cost anything, don't require that you ask your parents for help, and don't require that you take your friends along. Have you considered that?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
On the other hand, even knowing that the people you're around may be high or smell like they've been getting high may be enough to trigger you into using. We talk about changing people, places and things associated with using, and there are good reasons for that. I do know a guy who, when he got sober, needed a job and the only person who would hire him was the owner of the bar he used to drink in. Fourteen years later, he's still a bartender in that bar and still sober, but he's definitely an exception.
As far as disappointing your parents, well...I'm the parent of four very diverse teenagers, and though I would ache to my core if I discovered any of them had followed in my footsteps, I would do anything in my power to see that they received the help they needed and wanted. I've always tried to give them the message that they can come to me with anything.
These decisions are difficult at 18. I was 19 the first time I recognized that I didn't use like other people and needed to get sober. I wasn't willing to change certain things, either, and as a result, I had to face a living hell before I finally admitted complete defeat. I'm not unique...a lot of people here will tell a similar story. The question is, are you willing to learn by others experience, or do you have to have empirical evidence that proves that it only gets worse, consequences only become more severe, and addiction will rob you of everything, including your friends and parents, that you hold dear?
A few days sober is a victory. Meetings can help you, and they don't cost anything, don't require that you ask your parents for help, and don't require that you take your friends along. Have you considered that?
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Procrastinator
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 76
A few days sober is a few more days that were given to you as a gift, and it definitely is a victory!
Yeah, it stinks about the friend situation. But like Trish says, are they alcoholics or are they social drinkers? I know a lot of literature says to distance yourself from those that use, but sometimes that isn't feasible (for a lack of better words.) My AB has five or six friends that he grew up with and all of them drink every weekend. They know he is in recovery. They still drink around him, they just never offer him anything. If your friends know you are in recovery and if they have shared your life and realized that you were on a bad path, they should embrace this new change in you and accept it and not make things difficult for you. If they don't, then you have to make a choice and try to figure out if they really are your friends or if they just want the "old" you back. Ecchh.
Your parents may think it's their fault, but that's their feelings. Let them know that it isn't, take responsibility. If after that they still feel that way, they will have to own those feelings.
Your parents are probably more worried than angry right now. And if you are already a few days sober, that worry will eventually melt away.
Keep strong and keep posting......everyone here has helped me out a lot and they will help you too. xoxoxo
Yeah, it stinks about the friend situation. But like Trish says, are they alcoholics or are they social drinkers? I know a lot of literature says to distance yourself from those that use, but sometimes that isn't feasible (for a lack of better words.) My AB has five or six friends that he grew up with and all of them drink every weekend. They know he is in recovery. They still drink around him, they just never offer him anything. If your friends know you are in recovery and if they have shared your life and realized that you were on a bad path, they should embrace this new change in you and accept it and not make things difficult for you. If they don't, then you have to make a choice and try to figure out if they really are your friends or if they just want the "old" you back. Ecchh.
Your parents may think it's their fault, but that's their feelings. Let them know that it isn't, take responsibility. If after that they still feel that way, they will have to own those feelings.
Your parents are probably more worried than angry right now. And if you are already a few days sober, that worry will eventually melt away.
Keep strong and keep posting......everyone here has helped me out a lot and they will help you too. xoxoxo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 18
Drinking isn't even the problem in the first place. Sure, I drink, but I'm a college student. I drink like once a month which is way less than anyone else I know, so I don't think I have a problem there.
My problem is drugs. And yes, my friends are all excessive users (5 times a day) as I am/was 4 days ago.
My problem is drugs. And yes, my friends are all excessive users (5 times a day) as I am/was 4 days ago.
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