shyl

Before i post this message,i just want to say in advance that i know that AA works for many people and i am not slating it for all but only talking from my own perspective.

I also wasn't sure whether this message should be in the 'newcomers to recovery'section.So if i have made an error please can this message be moved to where it fits best.

I have mentioned the fact i was wary of AA before in previous messages and most people who replied clearly felt i was making excuses,or at least that is what i genuinely felt.

Before i actually stopped drinking i went to AA many times with one friend who was also an alcoholic.During this time it seemed to be full of women who were old hands at the staying sober lark,these women were at best intimidating and a couple of times i witnessed them give one woman such an abusive mouthful that she left in tears.

The men in meeting mainly seemed to be suggestive which i was far from alone in feeling.In my opinion they used a 'hug' (which i never felt comfortable with really) to be over friendly.

My friend thinks that AA has become this way on the Island i live on because of simply that..we are a very small island and i tend to agree.

My friend went to rehab twice and is doing really well and uses the rooms off and on.

I have managed to stay stopped since the 30th Dec 05,i still don't really understand how i did it or how i continue to do it.

I feel strongly that i need to continue to stay away from alcohol but my problem is stinking thinking,i think.

I carry so much anger around and bitterness,i have realised along the way that whether i am justified in feeling this way,is irrelevant as i must put down all this emotional baggage.

I know i am way to much of a perfectionist and have many other character flaws.
I really don't feel i am going to find personal growth within AA..at least where i live.I cannot see myself being able to move to the mainland to attend meetings there and it is too far (and too expensive)to go over and come back for one meeting.

Recently a really sad thing has happened within my life that i cannot change or make go away and i don't want to drink about it which would have been my chosen way of coping before.

Apart from feeling really depressed by this ,I feel threatened by it too as i am well aware of how fragile my sober existence is.

I also look back clearly,or perhaps it would be more honest to say i have moments of clarity, of both my drinking and pre drinking life and realise i was an addiction waiting to happen.

I want to achieve personal growth and feel more comfortable in my skin if that makes sense..not just for me but for my children,who i don't want to become addicted to anything that could destroy them and looking at my own parents and siblings i realise that it could easily happen.

My middle child is so sensitive and finds the world a very hard place already and i see myself so much in him.

Both my parents still drink and seem to be able to see on some level that i have a problem with alcohol but carry on drinking themselves in a happy little denial bubble!

The only way i have any sort of relationship with my parents and my siblings is if i never challenge them about anything and smile sweetly.

Anyway i digress...has anyone on this forum achieved what i long for without AA and if so how?

I have read a few books the last one being 'drinking -a love story'which was brilliant but i don't feel i am going to reach the place i need to be,purely by reading.

Thankyou for reading

Shyl

Anna

Hi Shyl,

First of all "Drinking: A Love Story" is my all-time favourite book about addiction. Caroline Knapp is so smart and strong and she expressed so many of my feelings about drinking.

Congratulations on stopping drinking. That's great! I'm not an AA person either and I've been sober quite awhile. I agree AA works well for many, but it's not the only way. Books have been a great help to me in this journey and this website has been a continuous source of inspiration and information.

I had an enormous amount of guilt, shame and anger to deal with when I stopped drinking and I got so much help from reading here and from people who reached out to me. The best advice I got from someone here was to journal. Write down all the awful, dark, bleak feelings and it helps. It's SO hard to do - to write down the words and see them on the page. But, when I did it, I began the process of letting go of the negative emotions. I have found that it is a process, just like most of recovery.

Feel free to PM me anytime if you want to talk.

CarolD

Thus night be of interest...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...nfo-76726.html

Take care,,,

tantricblaze

Hi Shyl,

Your post was thoughtful and personal. I enjoyed reading it! I wanted to let you know that I pretty much feel the same way about AA. It just really wasn't for me. There were abusive people in my home group as well, and no one seemed to be able to stand up to them. After a while, I just quit going, and a funny thing happened. I felt better.

I started to realize that a lot of what I had learned there had become self-fulfilling prophecies. Like, I was told that if I didn't go to meetings, I would start drinking again. Then I got scared that if I didn't go, I was at risk.

It felt very negative.

After I left, I suprised myself. Not only did I not drink, I got involved in other stuff. I started kayaking again, and hiking. The exercise felt great, and the last thing on my mind was alcohol. When I look back, I wonder how I even coped with focusing on alcohol night after night.

Now, it's just not even an issue. And the only thing that really made it an issue was the frequent meetings where I dwelled on it.

Maybe AA works for some people, but I sure did see a lot of people only one time, and those who stuck it out, were either chronic relapsers, or just not the kind of people I want to be.

I did find some websites that have information that goes against what they try and tell you in AA, and I found that really helpful.

So, I guess, to answer your question, I succeeded by de-programming myself of AA.

I also picked up a copy of "How to Stop Drinking Without AA." There are other books like that too. They really help. Maybe you are just telling yourself that you can't do it without meetings because that is just so drummed into us by society, but I am living proof that there is life beyond AA...a better one at that. It's been four years now, and my life as a drinker, and my life in AA are really a thing of the past.

I was visiting here mainly out of curiosity to see if more people felt the way I do, and I felt compelled to reply to your post. Good luck to you. I do believe that you can create a better life for yourself. Just move on as a non-drinker.

--Scott

shyl

Thankyou for my replies.
Anna,Bless you,i had sort of started writing things down..or should i say typing things down as it is the only way i felt it was safe,tucked away in my pc.
It has given me confidence to carry on doing so and a sense of purpose about my written thoughts,reading your message.
Thankyou to for your offer of a chat.

Carol,Thankyou for the links they are of great interest.

Scott,Thankyou so much for your frank and open message.It seems that we view things in a similar light.

Shyl