Upsetting realization:
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: On a Boat in the Gulf
Posts: 308
Upsetting realization:
Hey Ya'll
After a life of never really sleeping well, I went through a bought with an addiction so sleep was something that eluded me.
I remember being awake at all hours of the night. Feeling so alone... as if I was the only one awake in the whole world. So anxious for the sun to rise. Wishing I was normal.
One night a few weeks ago I took a stand. Exhauted to the point I was beginning to have 'scary thoughts' I was determined to get some sleep. I took benydril one night, huge mistake, higher than I have ever been and in not a good way. Night 2, same thing but with no aid.
I went to my room and locked the door, threatening with conviction to cut anyone whom woke me to the white meat. I slept from 10 pm until 4. AWESOME! Wasnt able to get back to sleep but what progress.
Night 3 same thing... locked door. Slept from 11 til 6 am! NORMAL! And this has continued now for about 3 weeks.
I have a controlling husband whom I stand up to constantly. As I put time lines together I realize my really bad sleep problems started about the time he and I got married and settled in good. Good man but very 50ish to be so young.
So with me doing so well for so long, I wanted to be back in bed with him, not in bed alone with a locked door. I stopped locking the door so he knew he could come and snuggle in.
Thats not really what he did. And this really upsets me... he came into the bedroom and began waving a pillow over me as to make wind and shaking the bed ever so lightly. He thought I was asleep. I pretending to react and he stopped and crawled into bed. I pretended to sleep. He did things until I finally 'woke up'. Turned the Tv up and down. Flushed the toilet. Turned the shower on. Flickered the lights.
Could someone be sick enough to **** with someone like that? FOR YEARS!? Since he cant control me because I possess my own thoughts, ideas and opinions he just wants to beat me down so Im easier to manipulate?
Am I being crazy? The door is now back locked and I have been sleeping like a gift from God. Lastnight, from 11 pm until 10 am... UNHEARD OF! Like Im resting up from 10 yrs of being poked in my sleep.
I really need some support/answers/friends.
Im sorry ya'll are still fighting with sleep. Please know Im not rubbing mine in. It isnt something to be proud of, yet I am.
Im just upset to think I have been exhausted for 10 yrs at the hands of a sadistic control freak. Could anyone be that sick after seeing me sob in my hands praying for 'just enough rest not to feel dizzy anymore.'
__________________
After a life of never really sleeping well, I went through a bought with an addiction so sleep was something that eluded me.
I remember being awake at all hours of the night. Feeling so alone... as if I was the only one awake in the whole world. So anxious for the sun to rise. Wishing I was normal.
One night a few weeks ago I took a stand. Exhauted to the point I was beginning to have 'scary thoughts' I was determined to get some sleep. I took benydril one night, huge mistake, higher than I have ever been and in not a good way. Night 2, same thing but with no aid.
I went to my room and locked the door, threatening with conviction to cut anyone whom woke me to the white meat. I slept from 10 pm until 4. AWESOME! Wasnt able to get back to sleep but what progress.
Night 3 same thing... locked door. Slept from 11 til 6 am! NORMAL! And this has continued now for about 3 weeks.
I have a controlling husband whom I stand up to constantly. As I put time lines together I realize my really bad sleep problems started about the time he and I got married and settled in good. Good man but very 50ish to be so young.
So with me doing so well for so long, I wanted to be back in bed with him, not in bed alone with a locked door. I stopped locking the door so he knew he could come and snuggle in.
Thats not really what he did. And this really upsets me... he came into the bedroom and began waving a pillow over me as to make wind and shaking the bed ever so lightly. He thought I was asleep. I pretending to react and he stopped and crawled into bed. I pretended to sleep. He did things until I finally 'woke up'. Turned the Tv up and down. Flushed the toilet. Turned the shower on. Flickered the lights.
Could someone be sick enough to **** with someone like that? FOR YEARS!? Since he cant control me because I possess my own thoughts, ideas and opinions he just wants to beat me down so Im easier to manipulate?
Am I being crazy? The door is now back locked and I have been sleeping like a gift from God. Lastnight, from 11 pm until 10 am... UNHEARD OF! Like Im resting up from 10 yrs of being poked in my sleep.
I really need some support/answers/friends.
Im sorry ya'll are still fighting with sleep. Please know Im not rubbing mine in. It isnt something to be proud of, yet I am.
Im just upset to think I have been exhausted for 10 yrs at the hands of a sadistic control freak. Could anyone be that sick after seeing me sob in my hands praying for 'just enough rest not to feel dizzy anymore.'
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alcohol-kicked-my butt
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: oregon
Posts: 191
man from alot you share this guy seems a bit disturbing--i dont have advice--my first hubbie was a control freak and it ended in divorce 10 yrs ago and im so glad--i have a great marriage now--take care girl
laura
laura
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 398
Beachbabe,
It seems important that you convey to him exactly how you feel about his behavior. Very clear, upfront communication is so very important in any relationship. On both ends. I hope things work out for you.
ChrisMan
It seems important that you convey to him exactly how you feel about his behavior. Very clear, upfront communication is so very important in any relationship. On both ends. I hope things work out for you.
ChrisMan
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,501
You mentioned before about his really disturbing behaviour when he put pills out in front of you. This is only my opinion, but I think he's sick and is trying to manipulate/harm you. You are definitely not being crazy. His behaviour is not normal and could do you no good at all.
I really hope you will do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
I really hope you will do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: On a Boat in the Gulf
Posts: 308
Im here for the kids... his kids, my kids. I adopted them when we married but the chances of a step parent getting custody isnt very realistic.
When I confront him about his antics he gets very pissed, walks aways saying "you'd have to be nuts to even think like that'
Signs of abuse #1: being made to feel inferior, as if your thoughts are rediculous and your actions are 'crazy'.
4 boys that only know me as a mom. Big problem.
When I confront him about his antics he gets very pissed, walks aways saying "you'd have to be nuts to even think like that'
Signs of abuse #1: being made to feel inferior, as if your thoughts are rediculous and your actions are 'crazy'.
4 boys that only know me as a mom. Big problem.
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
First of all that man is ABUSING you, no not physically YET, but certainly mentally and emotionally.
Second, do not be too sure about him getting custody. You adopted them, you are their mother. When I married my first husband, within 6 months I had adopted his 4 children from his first marriage. I was 21 and had a son who was 13, lol. When he and I got divorced 10 years later, I got custody of the ones still under 18. Judge didn't even blink.
You may want to quietly start checking out lawyers, many of them the first consultation is free, and start making an exit plan "just in case." May I also suggest, for your own "piece of mind" YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, BY THE WAY, start writing down (documenting) each incident with date, day of the week and time of the day the incident occurred. Keep it locked up, or get yourself a "free" email account at *****, or hotmail, or any one of many others, and email them to yourself at that email, THAT ONLY YOU HAVE ACCESS TO, so that you can print them out from any computer at any time they are needed, even at a lawyer's office.
Just a little CYA for you. Again, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, but you seem to be married to a very 'controlling' man.
JMHO
love and (((((to all))))),
Second, do not be too sure about him getting custody. You adopted them, you are their mother. When I married my first husband, within 6 months I had adopted his 4 children from his first marriage. I was 21 and had a son who was 13, lol. When he and I got divorced 10 years later, I got custody of the ones still under 18. Judge didn't even blink.
You may want to quietly start checking out lawyers, many of them the first consultation is free, and start making an exit plan "just in case." May I also suggest, for your own "piece of mind" YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, BY THE WAY, start writing down (documenting) each incident with date, day of the week and time of the day the incident occurred. Keep it locked up, or get yourself a "free" email account at *****, or hotmail, or any one of many others, and email them to yourself at that email, THAT ONLY YOU HAVE ACCESS TO, so that you can print them out from any computer at any time they are needed, even at a lawyer's office.
Just a little CYA for you. Again, YOU ARE NOT CRAZY, but you seem to be married to a very 'controlling' man.
JMHO
love and (((((to all))))),
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hey Babe--If you are not ready to really do something about his behavior, my suggestion to you is to document EVERTHING! That way, if and when you do decide to confront him or otherwise take matters into your own hands, you will have concrete evidence of his behavior. Also, keep locking your door!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
BB
Really good advice above.
Curious< Are you still considering having a baby with this man?
Perhaps you need to step back and look at this relationship pattern more closely, and honestly before you sign on for more. Red flags everywhere.
Really good advice above.
Curious< Are you still considering having a baby with this man?
Perhaps you need to step back and look at this relationship pattern more closely, and honestly before you sign on for more. Red flags everywhere.
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