Hope

I talked to my mom earlier and she just flipped out on me. She said that she just can't trust me and that if something happened to her, she wouldn't leave my sister and brother in my care and would let them go with my cousin.

The part that hurt me was when she said that I was nothing but a ******* drug addict. I don't understand how she can be so hurtful especially since she is also an addict. She should understand how hard of a battle addiction is. That comment really hurt down to the core.

At least I am working a recovery program. My mom won't hear of anything about recovering. She thinks she can stay clean just by willpower. Fortunately, when I move back to school, I won't even have to deal with her.
I am going to try to detach.

On the bright side, I got a job offer earlier. That was cool.

Anna

Hi Hope,

I'm sorry that your mother doesn't offer you support. Maybe detaching is the answer for you. It's something I had to do with my mother many years ago. It really helped a lot. If you keep going back, thinking that things will change, you can keep getting hurt. If you do decide to have a relationship with your mother, make sure that you are being treated with the respect you deserve.

Hope

Thank you Anna!

slyguy

Hope hang in there girl,She will get a change of heart.
Vince

Jupiter2

Hi Hope,

Try to not to worry about what your mother said. Sounds like she is in denial about her own addictions. She doesn't realize that the disease is hereditary and that she may have passed these traits down to you. Not your fault you are an addict. I haven't heard anyone say that they wanted to be an addict when they grew up. Concentrate on your own recovery path.

You are doing great. Hang in there.

Jup.

Hope

Something must have triggered a huge emotional response because I just broke down sobbing while talking with my grandfather. My parents abandoned me for most of my life and they act like they don't even want me. They probably didn't even want me to be born. I feel almost like a mistake. I wish my parents would have just put me up for adoption so maybe I could have really known what it felt like to have someone love me.

I just accept the cards I am dealt.

Jupiter2

Yeah, that's a tough one. sometimes we have to make a loving family if we don't have one to start with. Keep searching for that. You'll find it. Your sponsor might have some words of wisdom, or at least comfort. Why don't you give her a call?

Jup.

Hope

At least there is the hope of finding a loving family of positive supporting friends. God places people into our lives for a special reason. Sometimes, when we least expect it, we find special people who make a huge impact on our lives. Many times, all it takes is for someone to say "I care" or even just to smile.

kathyInSanDiego

I'm in a very similar position to you and am searching for a way to deal with it as well. I've just begun my path to sobriety and haven't had a drink in 3 weeks. My mother has always been very abusive to me and we do come from a family of closet functioning alcoholics. I hope that whenever you do find the answer as to how to make this hurt stop, you will be kind enough to share it with the rest of us.

Hope

Kathy, welcome to SR and congrats on 3 sober weeks!

I think it is a whole healing process to work through the hurt and pain. Unfortunately, there is no quick and easy way to get rid of it. But, by taking the situation bit by bit, we can deal with the emotions as they arise. It is complicated and a difficult road to trudge, but we emerge stronger for having gone through it.

Beachbabe

As sick as this sounds... some mothers are jealous of their daughters and resent them.

*hands my mother the top prize and detaches once again*

requiredfield

No matter what, you just don't drink or drug today..

It sounds to me like the tension b/w you and your mother can't be solved today. So try not to even focus on it. Call someone in the program, ask them how they are doing? Try to get out of yourself. I know that life can hurt. And I know that there are things which you will need to work on inside of you in the future but you can't solve a lifetime of problems in one day. But you can stay sober for one day. And that alone is a freaking miracle. Focus on that... all the good things in your life today. Share them with others. Get to a meeting, raise your hand, post., talk it out.. call your sponsor.

As for your mom, I'm sorry to hear that but the first thing I thought of was "Some people are sicker than others". I understand her point in not being able to trust since trust is something that is earned over time, but it seems as if she's the pot calling the kettle black. Try to realize that she is probably hurting inside and this is how it manifests itself b/c she can't be honest about how she is feeling. She may be envying your willingness for recovery. WHO KNOWS? The point is, we can't get inside anyone else's head. We concentrate on our side of the street and we don't pick up for one day..... and we are promised a daily reprieve from our alcoholism based on our spiritual condition. YOU will get better, and you will learn more about yourself every minute you stay clean. This is a journey... a beautiful one. Hang in there... it gets better.

Little Missy

((Cheryl)) You know, if you keep walking in the same door and every time you do, you get punched in the face, eventually you won't walk in that door anymore. You may try the window!! LOL

My sponsor told me, it's about acceptance and setting boundaries. Accept that this is the way your mother is and then decide how far you are going to let it go. We can only change ourselves, not other people.

Here's another one she told me. Some people, you let in your yard. Some on your front porch, some into your living room. Very few people do you let into your bedroom. These are the people you trust and tell all to. Maybe mom needs to stay in the yard!! That's where I keep my Dad most of the time!! LOL

BSPGirl

Don't let your mother's harsh words affect you, she's not worth that. It's easier said than done, tho.

Sugasnaps

Remember the serenity prayer. You can't control her opinions or her thoughts and what she thinks of you is none of your business. I know - sooooo easy to say and hard to impliment. It really is true though. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. Sucks when you realize that your parents are just as f'd up in the head as you feel you are... they are just human and flawed and trying to get by too.

I'm thinkin about you and sending hugs your way.

Hang in there,

Suga