Smyle

I freaking relapsed and have spent the last several days all kinds of out of sorts.... I found a big bottle of misc drugs while I was spring cleaning. I sat there and was like- should I hold on to them or take them now...not, I better flush these!
That part of my brain was LONG gone at that point. So I binged on pills and then went to the lake house and got really drunk.....I was sooo hung over and cannot believe I put myself through it.
My husband found a couple pills and was NOT happy

we got through it but all the stress and fighting that I could have saved us both from. So 2 months sober and I AM BACK TO THE BEGINNING. I was really mad at myself the first couple days but I know I will get back in my meetings and work this program. :andy:



I am powerless and I surrender ..... I hate relapsing !!!!! peace and love ~~~ Barbara

CarolD

It's a hard lesson.

glad to see your new resolve..Welcome back!

Justme57

Welcome back Barbara

Great to see you
HUGX
Lee

Phinneas

Yup, use this as a lesson. It will help you and help others.

Glad you made it back.

lulu70

Pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and get back to it. I'm glad you made it back!!!

Wolfman

It's a blessing that you got right back into recovery. You're slip could have been a sliiiiiiiiiiiide otherwise.

Don't beat yourself up too bad. Use this as a point of reference if and when you are faced with the chance of a future relapse.

Sounds strange but it's almost a good thing that your husband found those pills... it just reinforces the point to the little monster in your psyche that this is not the road to take to keep a healthy balance in your personal life.

May peace of mind dominate your day.

-Wolfman

Dawn10

We have all had the same thing happen and if anyone says they didn't they are fooling themselves. You did a good thing in claiming it and the next best thing you can do is have a plan if you have this temptation again.
What are you doing for your recovery? Do you have a sponsor? That is in itself a great tool to help avoid this in the future.you have someone to call before the drugs go into your mouth!
Keep coming back!

Little Missy

Glad your back. If you find pills again, call someone and ask what you should do with them!! I'm sure they will set you straight!! Helps to have the support and reinforcement from others. Also adds to the accountability of our actions!!

Beachbabe

After being a 10 yr addict, this is my first and last attempt at getting clean. Thanks for your post... it is posts like these that keep me in line.

I am so very sorry it is at someone elses expense though. Im so glad you worked it out and SO glad you have chosen to recommit.

Sugasnaps

Hang in there. Everyone is right... pick yourself up and move forward. Relapses are part of recovery. I'm glad you posted here... it sure helps to get the guilt off our minds if even for a few moments.

Suga

Beachbabe

Im starting to think the harder the withdrawal... the actual process and how your body handles it may have alot to do with recovery success.

I am almost in my 90th day and PAWS is and every minute reality. No urges though. For damn sure. I know I couldnt go through this again so relapsing isnt an option for me.

Had it been easier for me, not so sure I would have been without urge.

Smyle

Thanks for all the input...it means alot to me.

I have not been going to meetings..we recently moved to the country (of sorts) I have no farm animals etc...lol but I am SO apprehensive to go to the NA that is close to here. My sponsor commited suicide a little bit back and I am having trouble letting myself develop a relationship with the other ladies that were in the group I used to attend. I really need to suck it up and go to the one here but get totally freaked out when it comes down to it. I do see an addiction counselor but this 15 year addiction of mine just keeps telling me " you don't need to see a headjacker" So I am going to see her next week. I have not seen her since November.

I have been reading my NA text and now that the weather is nice I am running again so that helps to . I just really need to go to a meeting.......Would one of you kick me in the behind all the way there ...
My husband is so great I am sure he can do it. I just feel so mad and hate being an addict. Why can't we be addicted to like picking up litter or not running red lights ???

well my 6 year old has a birthday party at her best friends house so I better get her ready. Thanks again you guys and I will keep posting it really helps.
Peace and Love ~~~~ Barbara

Dawn10

You wanted a "kick in teh behind" to go to a meeting. Is this close enough??
You should re-read your last post--I think you will see the reasons your relapsed. When we stop working the program, our addict's brain tells us many lies to get us to justify using.
Suck it up and go to a meeting. You won't be sorry.

ASH

Me too, me too!!!!
Thanks for your post and glad your right back at it.
Take care