HeatherM

Hi,
I found this website just trying to find some hope and wisdom. My name is Heather and I am an alcoholic. I had been sober since Jan 1st this year. It felt great, amazing how depression meds work when you aren't washing them down with a beer. Well, on Sunday I decided I was going to drink. Of course nothing good came of it, it was like I had not stopped drinking at all, went right back to where I was before. I am so disappointed, angry, confused... the list goes on and on. I made such a mess of everything. I now know that I am totally powerless over alcohol, I am defeated without question. I was telling myself Sunday that I just needed to get out of the rut of when I was drinking, that I could handle now... Well I was wrong, what a shocker. To make a long story short, I called a friend in the middle of the night, she told me to come over she would leave the door open. Well I came over, I was sitting on the floor talking to her and petting her dog, well all of a sudden he bite me in the face. Another friend showed up and took me to the hospital, I ended up with six stitches. Well, I was not in the right mind when I am at the hospital, didn't know that dog bites had to be reported. Well they wanted the shot records of the dog and they had left a msg on her machine. She calls me yelling at me for turning it in. That she is going to have to pay for it because my insurance company will come after her. I told her I was sorry and I will pay any bills that were sent to her, that I didn't mean to get her in trouble, that I didn't it would happen like that, otherwise I would have lied and said it was dog, or not even went to the ER. She was so pissed and I am so hurt. I have been so depressed. I have stayed sober and plan on doing so, one day at a time, but I can't take back what has happened. There are just so much crap going on, I have felt so unappreciated at home and at work, I could feel it brewing up and I should have called someone but I didn't, I decided to say heck with and drink and now I am more miserable then I was before.

Where do I go from here? I can't change what has happened and boy I wished I could.

Thanks,
HeatherM

rose petals

welcome heather--
isnt it amazing how bad things always happen when you drink--the dog biting you was not your fault though--so you let that go--she shouldnt have a dog that bites people--hang in there--what kind of work do you do?--how much did you usually drink in your drinking days?--i use antabuse and it has been great for me--i also go to aa and here on thi site--if there is anything i can do--let me know --im here
Laura

Anna

Hi Heather,

You know we've all tried to 'drink normally' after a break from alcohol and we can't. Don't be too hard on yourself over that. We're addicts and our mind tells us we can do it, but we need to know that we can't.

And, you seem to be taking all the blame for the dog bite yourself. Your friend should not have let the dog near you or anyone else. It sounds like a dangerous dog and of course, you had to go to the ER and of course, you had to report it. You did the right thing and your friend should have accepted the responsibility for what her dog did. She needs to pay the bills and deal with handling the dog safely. It's not your fault.

The thing is you have to learn different and better ways to cope with stresses. There will always be problems and stress in your life and you need to find ways that work for you to handle those situations. For me, it took a long time after getting sober to believe that I had the confidence to deal with difficult situations. But, each time I did, it felt so good.

I hope you keep posting!

CarolD

Welcome to our recovery community!

The best advice I have for you...
find your local AA meetings and begin to recover.

Sorry for the bite....I think you did the correct action.
There is no reason for you to pay her at all.

We do understand and you are not alone in seeking a better way of life. Sobriety rocks!

HeatherM

Thanks so much for responding. I have been going to aa since Jan. I am scared to go back after my slip, I feel like such failure and now I have to start over. I do need to find a way to deal with the stress and a healthy one at that. I need to turn to exercise. I had gastric by-pass and switched on addiction for another. Since I stopped drinking in Jan I have gained almost 20 pounds. Another failure. So the root of the problem is what I need to address and I am not sure how to do that either. I have always had the problem with alcohol, not to the point of drinking all the time but when I did drink I always did to the point of black outs, from my very first drink at 17. I should have realized I wasn't normal but when I had the surgery and I couldn't eat my stress or bad feelings away I starting drinking. Every weekend turned into every night, every night turned into in the am if I had the day off, then I started drinking before I went to work and sneaking on my breaks. I think of that crazy behavior and can't believe I actually did those things. I don't remember last summer since I drank the whole summer away. It is a wonder I am still married, got an owi a year ago last november, that was hard, my kids are small but they know what happened. I have three boys, 9, 7 and 6.

I hope I am not dumping too much out there. I can't decide if i need to call my shrink. I feel bad and he told me to call if I did, he has been proud of me since I have stayed away from the beer. He has me on xanax, my aa guy says this is a bad idea, it is dry alcohol. Most of my shrinks have just been the script guys, I just went to get refills, never to find the root of my problems, I guess I hide them well. Can someone tell what you are supposed to do at a shrink appointment? What are you supposed to do at the aa meeting? I can't decide where I am supposed to tell all this crap too so they can tell me I am crazy or normal. I am so confused, my husband is supportive but he has admitted he doesn't know what to do either. Am I even suppposed to be rambling this stuff off here?????

HeatherM

CarolD

SR is a great place for sharing

AA is a great place to learn how to stay sober.

Or so I find...Take care of yourself

Cap3

and welcome Heather.
Failure is not a person.Its an event based on judgements,from my own understanding,of this word.What is effective,and what is not effective.What works in my life,and what doesnt work.What is not effective and,not, working in my life i change.
Personally i told all my crap to my sponsor in recovery programs.smile.Talk to who you feel most comfortable with.Be that a professional,or ,a,sponsor.When im confortable,i can talk things out more.
Whether you take meds or not,is between your doctor and yourself.Its always good,to get to the root and causes of issues,whether,meds are taken or not.My personal opinion,here,
welcome again,
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care!!!

BSPGirl

Hello and welcome, Heather. I hope you feel better soon and that the dog bite heals ok. Oh and don't ever let anyone who isn't a medical professional decide for you what medications you should take or not. Suppose you had diabetes, would anyone say 'oh don't take insulin, it's poison' ? I'm all for a combination of meds and therapy and I do think some ppl really grow too dependent on meds and that's something to keep an eye on but it's up to you to make decisions about that.

inneedofchange

Welcome Heather....you are making the right choice by being here and (hopefully) by seeking some sober assistance there at home. This forum has been so supportive and helpful for me in both my addiction issues and in others since everything that happens to us can affect our success.

I urge you to look at some of the other threads and get comfortable. You will find that everyone is really welcoming of new friends.

As others have said...the dog bite was not your fault. It is unfortunate that your friend has chosen to be mad at you rather that care about the fact that you were injured seriously. Some people have their priorities a little "off".

You just take care of yourself for now!

Jupiter2

Hi Heather,

Welcome to SR. The dog bite is NOT your fault. Your friend is responsible for her vicious dog, not you. You did the right thing.

As Carol has said, best thing I can think of is try an AA meeting. It has worked for me and kept me sober for a while now.

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing by going to the ER and taking care of yourself. The authorities/insurance company are doing the right thing by going after the vicious dog owner as well. Your friend is thinking about herself and not about you, the injured person, here.

Hang in there and don't drink. Sobriety is so worth it.

Jup.

Chy

Hi Heather,
Two issues going on here. One, your seeking support for recovery and you'll get a lot of that here. Two, the dog bite was not your fault! Hello! Your friend has no right for you to be upset at her. She just doesn't understand that hospitals have to report that stuff. So let her feelings go! You don't own that at all. I know how easy it is to feel guilty over little thing like your friend being upset with you. Us alkies are good at carrying a ton of guilt but sweety this one you have nothing to feel guilty over so let it go okay? It's hard to do I know you don't want your friend upset with you but if she's not seeing the big picture then well.. think about this friendship. Your only mess to clean up is getting yourself well and back on the road to recovery.

SortaFunctional

Hi Heather!!

I'm so sorry about the dog bite (happened to my 10 y/o daughter at my sister's who had 4 kids... NO one's fault and of course no alcohol invovled ) Sometimes stuff just happens! Don't beat yourself up over something you have no control over!

You sound like you need someone to talk to. If you don't feel you can be free and open with your counselor then it's time to find a new counselor. They are VERY helpful once you find one you have a rapport with AND they are NON-judgemental!! If you don't feel comfortable...keep looking!! I went through 5 till I found one that taught me this.

There is hope and help...and wonderful support here *HUGS*

lulu70

Hello Heather--Welcome to SR! Glad you found us.

First, in my experience, "shrinks" mostly just prescribe medication. I would suggest asking your doctor to recommend a counseling psychologist, preferably one who has experience with substance abuse problems.

Second, what you are supposed to do at an AA meeting depends on the meeting and where you are in your recovery. Do you have a sponsor yet? If not, it is probably a good idea to find one. To do that, look for women in the meetings who have the kind of sobriety you want. When you find one, ask them if they would sponsor you. If they say no, just keep looking and ask someone else. Your sponsor will be able to tell what to do in your meetings and with your program.

Third, from what I can tell you are a perfectly normal alcoholic. (Kind of an oxy-moron, huh?) What I am trying to say is that everything you seem to be feeling is just like what I was feeling when I was early in recovery. It will get better, as long as you don't keep drinking.

Fourth, you can ramble about anything you want to ramble about here. (Within reason of course! ) If there was some kind of rule about rambling at SR, many of us wouldn't be here anymore!!

Finally, please don't feel bad about going back to AA. I can assure you that MANY of the people there did not get and stay sober the very first time they tried. Just go back, talk about what happened, and get back to work. They will be so glad you came back.

Hang in there, hon'. I hope you will hang around and keep posting!!

HeatherM

Thanks so much to everyone! I do feel better today, still feel bad about what happened due to the fact it wouldn't have it I had stayed sober. I need to accept the fact that drinking is not in my cards, bad things happen when I drink, I am totally powerless over alcohol and it does and will always kick my butt. I have felt so much better in the months that I wasn't drinking, I slipped, but I have now been clean since Sunday and I am feeling better and more positive. I have almost talked myself into going to my AA meeting tomorrow night. Here is one problem with my AA meeting. It is very small, all men except for me and another woman who just had her three month anniversary. I was told I needed to find a sponser that was the same gender, i live out in the country, this was the closest AA meeting to me (25 min drive). Not an excuse I know, I have drove an hour to a woman's meeting on Friday nights, it is just hard to get there with my work schedule (retail manager), so getting every Friday night off is hard, they are pretty good about getting Thurs. nights off to go to my small meeting that is in the same town as my job. Is there other ways to finding a sponser? I appreciate all the advice and positive words everyone has said, it makes me feel so much better that I am not alone. I will keep posting this sounds like the right place for me.

HeatherM

Charlina

They say that alcholism and drug addiction is like a sleeping tiger inside of us and that when awakened its pissed as hell and is more fierce than before. Sounds like this is what happened and its time to put it back to sleep and for good. Just keep your head up and know that sometimes we stumble sometimes we fall but we must all get back up and try again. Things will go better just take one day at a time or even one hour or minute if you have to just keep coming back and dont pick up. Keepin you in my prayers.
Char