I Am Not Safe!
 

You know I don't know I really don't! I have been doing so damn well the last 16 days. Haven't even really thought about using. Now a guy at the meeting came up to me and wants me to go get him 1/2 ounce of crack on Friday. OMG, that is all that I have on my mind now. It is like I can not wait until Friday. :c002: WTF, I am just screwed I guess. Maybe I am constitutionally incapable of being honest. Now come Friday I will have 21 days clean. And now I am willing to give that up for one night of getting high. Hell with that much crack I could die. I guess I don't know how to do this deal. I guess I am just a damn looser yep that is me. :(

Vic!!!!!
You DO NOT need to be getting some guy some crack! Just because he is willing to screw up his life doesn't mean you have to. You know what to do. Get to the meetings, call your sponsor (RIGHT NOW!), and pray your a$$ off!! You ARE NOT incapable of being honest. That is a cop-out. You don't have to use....You don't have to use....You don't have to use!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry to be so harsh, but I have to admit, some of what I really wanted to say was much harsher!!! I just care about you and know you can do this thing. People like that are always going to be around. You just have to let your HP be stronger than them.

The universe is putting a test in front of you, you now have to decide... The choice is this is a temptation that can lead you back to your addiction... you know what to do.

You don't have to get the crack for the guy, you don't need to get the crack for the guy, you need to do what you can to work your program. All of that crap about being a loser and not being able to be honest is simply an excuse. You are not a loser nor are you incapable of being honest. Pray, call your sponsor, go to different meeting do something. You can do this, it is just going to take a little discipline.

I will remember you in prayer.
Scott

Vic!!

don't go there. its a WRONG turn! you went down that road and it was the wrong one for you. Remember?

Stay the course you are on. Tighten your seatbelt. Do NOT GET THE CRACK FOR ANYBODY. Avoid this person, surround yourself with as many other people who are clean and sober as you can. allow your Higher power to reach into your mind right now and change its direction back to your recovery being #1.

Prayers for you,

C

Praying for His divine intervention...

Vic, he was so wrong in asking you to do this for him - can you not see how selfish that is? To ask someone who has been working off their butt to be clean to get that DOC on their behalf is just plain wrong - it's a test!! You have progressed so well, your posts are becoming brighter and more cheerful. Be proud of yourself - don't throw your hard work away. Stay away from this dude. Tell him you can't get it for him and stay away from him. For now, he is bad news. He doesn't want to get straight. YOU ARE STRAIGHT!!

You were being honest with us here!! You posted about it, that is being open and honest. Now are you Willing to do what it takes to stay clean? What is the next right thing to do? Don't let your disease run your life, you are just getting it back.

Live in today, this moment. Talk to your sponsor and keep praying. By Friday, I believe you will do the right thing. Don't obsess over it now. The answer to his question is pretty simple, "NO!!"

And, at the next meeting you are at, share about it. Not useing any names of course. Say it even if that person is there. See what others think. I'm sure they will stand right by your side!!

Nobody and nothing can make you use!! You now have been given the Freedom to choose!! Make the choice that is right for you. Wow ((Vic)) that rhymed. You must be rubbing off on me!! LOL

Stick with the winners. You wouldn't be helping anyone by getting them drugs...

Just go to meetings all day on Friday if you have to..

(((Vic))) I came to SR everyday for 7 months before I got clean. I tried. Couldnt do it. No way. Or so I thought.Sure, I could get a few days here and there. But, I just couldnt stay clean for any amount of time. I was convinced I was a hopeless case. 6 years of meetings and I couldnt hardly stay clean a day. I came here and talked the talk and felt like a hypocrite. I still had reservations and didn't realize it. I had not completely surrendered and didn't realize it. I could not live like that anymore. I was done. But, I couldnt live without drugs either. Or so I thought. On May 25th 2005, I had enough. I decided if it took going to any lengths to get clean and stay clean, I would. I had to make my recovery the most important thing in my life. I had to get rid of my reservations. There had to be nothing that could be an excuse to use. NOTHING!!!! And I had to surrender. COMPLETELY!!! Yes, I thought I was a loser. Hopeless. Saturday I had 10 months. MY DOC was Crack. I cant tell you exactly how I did what I did. I can however give you a few suggestions. First, Surrender. Surrender to your higher power. Today. Surrrender completely. Turn your will and your life over to God. With complete faith. Vic's way obviously hasn't worked. Next,do you have a job? The reason I ask is cause I notice your always here. If I am wrong, I appologize. If not, get one. Even if it's at McDonalds. Get a job anywhere. This is important. It occupies your time and gives you a feeling of being useful. Go to a meeting everyday. If your sponsor isn't working for you, or you feel you need more, change sponsor's Spend less time here at SR and a little more time working your steps, doing service work and doing things for Vic. Be good to yourself. You deserve it. :) SoberRecovery is a great place, but spending too much time here can be bad too. Get involved with as much service work as you can. Hang out with people from your meetings.Go to the funtions. Picnics, dances, etc. Stay away from newcomers!!!! Nothing good can come from a couple newcomers hanging out. Not if they keep going back out. Stay away from women. Get them out of your mind. A woman is not going to fix you or keep you clean. Work on Vic. Go to bed early and get up early. Get your rest, but dont sleep all day. Not healthy. Eat a proper diet. Exercise. If possible, join a gym. I cant tell you how much that has done for my recovery. If you have any reservations in your recovery, they will happen. So, get rid of them. Your not a loser Vic. Your a good guy. I like you. Stay away from the guy who wants you to score from him. Vic, I had all the same feelings you post about. I struggled to get clean. Without God, NA, a good sponsor, my NA friends, and a job, I would probably be screwed. You can do this Vic. You just need to make some changes and do things differntly. Keep the faith. I believe in you and so do a lotta other people here. :)

(((Vic))) I came to SR everyday for 7 months before I got clean. I tried. Couldnt do it. Sure, I could get a few days here and there. But, I just couldnt stay clean for any amount of time. I was convinced I was a hopeless case. 6 years of meetings and I couldnt hardly stay clean a day. I came here and talked the talk and felt like a hypocrite. I still had reservations and didn't realize it. I had not completely surrendered and didn't realize it. I could not live like that anymore. I was done. But, I couldnt live without drugs either. Or so I thought. On May 25th 2005, I had enough. I decided if it took going to any lengths to get clean and stay clean, I would. I had to make my recovery the most important thing in my life. I had to get rid of my reservations. There had to be nothing that could be an excuse to use. NOTHING!!!! And I had to surrender. COMPLETELY!!! Yes, I thought I was a loser. Hopeless. Saturday I had 10 months. MY DOC was Crack. I cant tell you exactly how I did what I did. I can however give you a few suggestions. First, do you have a job? If not, get one. Even if it's at McDonalds. Get

Vic,

You know who you need to stay away from.

I don't understand, why would you want to help someone hurt themselves? There's so much compassion and understanding in you that so genuinely wants the BEST for people. Enabling another's addiction contributes to the worst, in him, and in you. Vic, we all wish the BEST for YOU. You know what to do.

As an aside, once again, I'm right where you are, I can see what your brain is doing. It's protecting that using side, in playing these games. That black dog inside is ferocious. Don't feed it, that only fuels it, gives it more life. Call your beautiful white dog and go to a meeting, talk with a friend, write to us here.

I posted this on the Don't Quit thread I am running late here but I wanted to post this so everyone knows what I am doing today....

Good Morning woke up late, I think I was just trying to let this day go by, but decided to get up and to get into action. Had a hell of a time last night but I am feeling much better this morning. I am going to confront this guy today and tell him that I love him enough not to get him anything. That is the truth. Here is the update for today.

Love Vic :)

I wouldnt tell him $hit. This is your life here. You think he cares about you? Sad fact about NA, most wont make it. Just the way it is. They are not willing to do the work. Save your own a$$ first.

vic chances are that he got it... And you want to go visit him? Bad plan.

Vic, I was going to respond to this yesterday. When you did your original post, you talked like it was a foredrawn conclusion that you were going to do this and you were going to smoke it with him. Like just the fact that he asked you meant you were going to go back out. Today's post sounds better but I'm still worried about you. I wouldn't give this guy any explanation. I would stay as far away from him as possible. I love the idea about sharing about this at a meeting. Let this loser know that you aren't going to be his dealer. If he wants it that dang bad let him risk his own life and freedom to get it himself.

Just because somebody asks you to do something doesn't mean you have to do it. You are NOT a loser! You don't have to use over this. If you choose to that's one thing but you don't HAVE to. Dig down deep inside yourself and remember how good it felt to be clean and know that you CAN do it again. You just have to want it more than anything else.

Pray your *ss off, stay close to the winners and get the heck away from this LOSER!!!

I don't want to see you use this to set yourself up for failure. You are worth more than that and you owe yourself so much more than that.

Hugs,
Kellye

Vic, Protect yourself first and foremost. This has to be your number one priority. This person - "friend" - asks you to get him some rock? Oh my god... please look at that... what kind of friend asks you - a wonderful person working on staying clean - to go out and get him a piece of sh!t so that he can destroy his life more? This completely translates to me as someone who is willing to destroy your life for his addiction.

Protect yourself, you don't owe this person anything. Not an explanation, not a reason, not one single breath of your precious clean air. He has to take care of his own stuff... not you.

To thine own self be true.

Suga

I can not blame him he is no different than we are. We are all trying one day at a time but like I said I don't know. I won't come back here to this one thanks. Since my last post now my thoughts are on using Friday, back and forth like a ******* yoyo. :c002: