I don't think I can stay at SR anymore
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
I don't think I can stay at SR anymore
I'm not sure if it makes sense for me to post this, but I didn't want anyone to think I was dead if you don't hear from me. I've been trying really hard since December to get my drinking under control after it began to spiral downward pretty fast. I came here, went to AA and got a sponsor, and made it 30 days without a drink. The thing is, I still want to drink.
I've been trying to keep in touch here because I love the supportive atmosphere, but I feel that it's not the right place for someone who doesn't have the desire to quit or stay sober. I'll probably still check in because I'll miss some of you.
I've read a lot of information on the internet that suggests that there is a difference between a person suffering from true alcoholism and someone who has struggled with an alcohol problem and can change their behaviour. Even the Big Book says in reference to changing the habit,
"That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were."
I know so many of you are going to say "call your sponsor and go to a meeting" and "this feeling will pass" but I don't want to right now. I am using some of the step work to make changes in my life and I'm praying a lot. But I'm also having a drink now and then. I'm trying to be reasonable and it gives me confidence that my problem is not beyond repair.
I promise that I'm not drinking into oblivion nor do I ever drink when I'm sad or mad (in those cases I write, or read the Bible, or bawl my eyes out - I know I need to deal with my real emotions). I know I need to be vigilant and honest with myself knowing that I have the strength to ask for help again if I need it. I truly hope that you will understand my feelings and not bash this post (although I'm prepared to hear it and you will not hurt me!). I just wanted to let you know what was happening in my life.
I've been trying to keep in touch here because I love the supportive atmosphere, but I feel that it's not the right place for someone who doesn't have the desire to quit or stay sober. I'll probably still check in because I'll miss some of you.
I've read a lot of information on the internet that suggests that there is a difference between a person suffering from true alcoholism and someone who has struggled with an alcohol problem and can change their behaviour. Even the Big Book says in reference to changing the habit,
"That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were."
I know so many of you are going to say "call your sponsor and go to a meeting" and "this feeling will pass" but I don't want to right now. I am using some of the step work to make changes in my life and I'm praying a lot. But I'm also having a drink now and then. I'm trying to be reasonable and it gives me confidence that my problem is not beyond repair.
I promise that I'm not drinking into oblivion nor do I ever drink when I'm sad or mad (in those cases I write, or read the Bible, or bawl my eyes out - I know I need to deal with my real emotions). I know I need to be vigilant and honest with myself knowing that I have the strength to ask for help again if I need it. I truly hope that you will understand my feelings and not bash this post (although I'm prepared to hear it and you will not hurt me!). I just wanted to let you know what was happening in my life.
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
AA has a requirement.... you are seeking answers.
SR has a requirement... you are respectful of others.
I see that you fit both areas very well. You are very kind and respectful and you are seeking answers. I would say that makes you welcome at AA and it will always have you be welcome here.
If you look at it this way....
By staying around on SR, you can gather info so if such a day comes that you do feel you want to stop, you alreaqdy have much of the info that will help you on the journey.
Your always welcome here. Don't feel you need go because of your want for the wine.
SR has a requirement... you are respectful of others.
I see that you fit both areas very well. You are very kind and respectful and you are seeking answers. I would say that makes you welcome at AA and it will always have you be welcome here.
If you look at it this way....
By staying around on SR, you can gather info so if such a day comes that you do feel you want to stop, you alreaqdy have much of the info that will help you on the journey.
Your always welcome here. Don't feel you need go because of your want for the wine.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
You might find Moderation Management useful: http://moderation.org/ It doesn't work for everyone, but it's a group that exists to support people who seek to drink moderately after having abused alcohol.
By the way, I don't believe there is any such thing as a 'true alcoholic' or a 'real alcoholic'. In his book Addiction, Change, and Choice, Vince Fox lists 18 different definitions of alcoholism. There's no consistency to what people -- including experts -- describe as alcoholism, and the definition in the Big Book is just one of many.
Discussing your ambivalence about drinking/quitting would be very useful, since practically everyone who quits has similar mixed feelings about it. Maybe over in the Alcoholism forum.
Otherwise, thanks for being honest and don't be a stranger.
Don S
By the way, I don't believe there is any such thing as a 'true alcoholic' or a 'real alcoholic'. In his book Addiction, Change, and Choice, Vince Fox lists 18 different definitions of alcoholism. There's no consistency to what people -- including experts -- describe as alcoholism, and the definition in the Big Book is just one of many.
Discussing your ambivalence about drinking/quitting would be very useful, since practically everyone who quits has similar mixed feelings about it. Maybe over in the Alcoholism forum.
Otherwise, thanks for being honest and don't be a stranger.
Don S
Like others said, we'll still be here for you!! For me, the desire to drink was not lifted until I worked the steps. Just be careful and stay safe. Keep searching for the answers and what is right for you.
What does worry me, is that "normal" drinkers can take it or leave it. They really don't crave a drink, like alcoholics do. This could just be your minds way of messing with you. Telling you one won't hurt - I can control this - I'm not an alcoholic. Been there, have had those thoughts and still do occasionally.
Do what's right for you and find your way.
Hugs,
Missy
What does worry me, is that "normal" drinkers can take it or leave it. They really don't crave a drink, like alcoholics do. This could just be your minds way of messing with you. Telling you one won't hurt - I can control this - I'm not an alcoholic. Been there, have had those thoughts and still do occasionally.
Do what's right for you and find your way.
Hugs,
Missy
Yeah I second what best says, why leave here or AA, stick around and we can support each other.
Now of course you have to answer these posts and then ......
Kevin
Now of course you have to answer these posts and then ......
Kevin
(((((((((( WL)))))))))))
You need to do what is right for you my friend We will still be here to hang with if you get lonely, or just want to share whats happening in your life.
Thank you very much for sharing how you feel , and what is happening, I am honoured to have met you , and hope that you still post from time to time, and of course , if you ever need our support
Go well WL
HUGX
Lee xxxxxxx
ps I am very sad to see you go , I will miss ya
You need to do what is right for you my friend We will still be here to hang with if you get lonely, or just want to share whats happening in your life.
Thank you very much for sharing how you feel , and what is happening, I am honoured to have met you , and hope that you still post from time to time, and of course , if you ever need our support
Go well WL
HUGX
Lee xxxxxxx
ps I am very sad to see you go , I will miss ya
Winelover my friend. Im not the boss around here but Im telling you. You cant leave us. We/I need you. I need your kind words. I need your wisdom.
From one person working hard on themself to another.
You have become my friend and I dont give you permission to leave. LOL
Dont make me swim to France and find you.
Max
From one person working hard on themself to another.
You have become my friend and I dont give you permission to leave. LOL
Dont make me swim to France and find you.
Max
Don't Go!
winelover - I for one certainly hope you don't leave. I love your posts and what you have to say.
I'm not here to judge you. You're life is your own. Some people cannot moderate their drinking. Some people can. I've tried it and I can't . It doesn't mean you can't. Beside, who am I, or anyone here, to tell you you can't? The AAers here should tell you that you should do what works for you, they can tell you what helped them but be ok with whatever works for you.
You DO belong here. You are working on changing your life and we are here to support you in whatever decisions you make.
~doll
I'm not here to judge you. You're life is your own. Some people cannot moderate their drinking. Some people can. I've tried it and I can't . It doesn't mean you can't. Beside, who am I, or anyone here, to tell you you can't? The AAers here should tell you that you should do what works for you, they can tell you what helped them but be ok with whatever works for you.
You DO belong here. You are working on changing your life and we are here to support you in whatever decisions you make.
~doll
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
I know I need to be vigilant and honest with myself knowing that I have the strength to ask for help again if I need it. I truly hope that you will understand my feelings and not bash this post (although I'm prepared to hear it and you will not hurt me!). I just wanted to let you know what was happening in my life. ~ winelover.
From what I've seen, you've come a long way and have gained wisdom which you're using to make excellent changes in your own life, and to help others. You are honest, and you've found and continue to seek ways to make your life what it's meant to be. I so admire you!
Blessings to you,
Jane
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Newark,DE
Posts: 404
Hi Winelover,
Others have expressed most of my feelings pretty well. Please stick around!
Each person here who can offer their individule experiences is an asset. Your threads and posts have been wonderful, and I hope you continue to share your journey with us.
Steve
Others have expressed most of my feelings pretty well. Please stick around!
Each person here who can offer their individule experiences is an asset. Your threads and posts have been wonderful, and I hope you continue to share your journey with us.
Steve
Peace begins with a smile
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 173
Originally Posted by winelover
I'm not sure if it makes sense for me to post this, but I didn't want anyone to think I was dead if you don't hear from me. I've been trying really hard since December to get my drinking under control after it began to spiral downward pretty fast. I came here, went to AA and got a sponsor, and made it 30 days without a drink. The thing is, I still want to drink.
Even the Big Book says in reference to changing the habit,
"That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were."
I know so many of you are going to say "call your sponsor and go to a meeting" and "this feeling will pass" but I don't want to right now. I am using some of the step work to make changes in my life and I'm praying a lot. But I'm also having a drink now and then. I'm trying to be reasonable and it gives me confidence that my problem is not beyond repair.
I promise that I'm not drinking into oblivion nor do I ever drink when I'm sad or mad (in those cases I write, or read the Bible, or bawl my eyes out - I know I need to deal with my real emotions). I know I need to be vigilant and honest with myself knowing that I have the strength to ask for help again if I need it. I truly hope that you will understand my feelings and not bash this post (although I'm prepared to hear it and you will not hurt me!). I just wanted to let you know what was happening in my life.
Even the Big Book says in reference to changing the habit,
"That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were."
I know so many of you are going to say "call your sponsor and go to a meeting" and "this feeling will pass" but I don't want to right now. I am using some of the step work to make changes in my life and I'm praying a lot. But I'm also having a drink now and then. I'm trying to be reasonable and it gives me confidence that my problem is not beyond repair.
I promise that I'm not drinking into oblivion nor do I ever drink when I'm sad or mad (in those cases I write, or read the Bible, or bawl my eyes out - I know I need to deal with my real emotions). I know I need to be vigilant and honest with myself knowing that I have the strength to ask for help again if I need it. I truly hope that you will understand my feelings and not bash this post (although I'm prepared to hear it and you will not hurt me!). I just wanted to let you know what was happening in my life.
AS for that big book quote, oh yes I've read that and I've been in the middle of a meeting thinking..."That could be me!" But you know what, I didn't pick up and things got better and I started to remember more about the way my life used to be the longer I stayed sober. Things I had convienently forgot about had come to the surface to remind me that I was NEVER a social drinker. In fact, when I sat around thinkin about that quote, I suddenly realized, "What was it about my thinking that even made me to try to think my way into being ok with having a drink?" Yes, my alcoholism. Don't forget there is a reason you went to the halls of AA. Only you can come to terms with Step 1, but just remember that 30 days is probably not alot of time to be making any decisions. Ask youself why you don't want to call your sponsor, why you're backing away from SR.
Lastly, I do understand how you are feeling. I used to also think "Hmmm maybe I can live the steps and still drink here and there.." But then I quickly remember that social drinkers don't even THINK about booze like I do. The mere fact that you're putting so much thought into how this is ok, and still repairable just reminds me how insidious this disease really is.
I wish you the best, whatever you decide it's ultimately your choice. But just remember, your sponsor, meetings, and SR will be there is your way doesn't work.
Anna
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: The Big Woods
Posts: 521
Originally Posted by winelover
...I love the supportive atmosphere, but I feel that it's not the right place for someone who doesn't have the desire to quit or stay sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
See, I just can't stay away from here.
This question is very thought provoking:
Part of the reason for not posting on SR is that I read in another thread that if you aren't trying to quit drinking, then you don't belong here. How can I, in good faith, give advice to someone about not drinking? I surely am not going to advocate moderation since that's not the point of this forum, and who would even discuss it if I brought up the topic?
The AA part is a little more tricky, and I don't want to get into it here. I don't think that it makes sense to call anyone to tell them that I'm having a drink and they can't stop me. I felt a little bad when my sponsor told me that neither she nor her sponsor nor this person and that person and on and on ever had to test the waters of moderation and that I would be throwing away the gift of "only getting sober once". So now I feel like that bridge is burned to go crawling back if things get crazy later. To her I'm a loser.
A LOT!! AA and SR has opened my eyes to many things I didn't recognize about myself before. I've made changes in the way I do things, and I actually think more now. I know there's room for improvement but like I hear with sobriety, it's progress not perfection. Who knows, maybe this is my slow path to sobriety. My body and mind feel better so I know I'm doing something good for myself.
I'll be around.
This question is very thought provoking:
Ask youself why you don't want to call your sponsor, why you're backing away from SR.
The AA part is a little more tricky, and I don't want to get into it here. I don't think that it makes sense to call anyone to tell them that I'm having a drink and they can't stop me. I felt a little bad when my sponsor told me that neither she nor her sponsor nor this person and that person and on and on ever had to test the waters of moderation and that I would be throwing away the gift of "only getting sober once". So now I feel like that bridge is burned to go crawling back if things get crazy later. To her I'm a loser.
You did write your life had "begun to spiral downward pretty fast," and that was only a few months ago. What has changed?
I'll be around.
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