I don't think I can stay at SR anymore
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
winelover,
I sent you a pm a while back but never heard from you. It's okay. No matter what you are always welcome here and I love reading your posts. Your discovery is yours and you have to decide what is going to work for you. I'm sure as he!! not going to sit on my high horse and tell you what is best for you cuz my best thinking got me into a world of compost. I'm grateful for having got to know you a bit on SR and everyone is going to have an opinion - posted or not - but it doesn't mean those opinions are the law. You DO belong here as you are commited to discovery and healing. Your discovery and healing are your own - whatever is working for you works... whatever doesn't then hopefully you (like all of us) will learn from it and gain insight on another path.
I think you are a very nice person too.
Stick around.
Suga
I sent you a pm a while back but never heard from you. It's okay. No matter what you are always welcome here and I love reading your posts. Your discovery is yours and you have to decide what is going to work for you. I'm sure as he!! not going to sit on my high horse and tell you what is best for you cuz my best thinking got me into a world of compost. I'm grateful for having got to know you a bit on SR and everyone is going to have an opinion - posted or not - but it doesn't mean those opinions are the law. You DO belong here as you are commited to discovery and healing. Your discovery and healing are your own - whatever is working for you works... whatever doesn't then hopefully you (like all of us) will learn from it and gain insight on another path.
I think you are a very nice person too.
Stick around.Suga
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Originally Posted by winelover
... I felt a little bad when my sponsor told me that neither she nor her sponsor nor this person and that person and on and on ever had to test the waters of moderation
and that I would be throwing away the gift of "only getting sober once".
I'll be around.
Don S
Peace begins with a smile
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 173
Originally Posted by winelover
See, I just can't stay away from here.
This question is very thought provoking:
Part of the reason for not posting on SR is that I read in another thread that if you aren't trying to quit drinking, then you don't belong here. How can I, in good faith, give advice to someone about not drinking? I surely am not going to advocate moderation since that's not the point of this forum, and who would even discuss it if I brought up the topic?
The AA part is a little more tricky, and I don't want to get into it here. I don't think that it makes sense to call anyone to tell them that I'm having a drink and they can't stop me. I felt a little bad when my sponsor told me that neither she nor her sponsor nor this person and that person and on and on ever had to test the waters of moderation and that I would be throwing away the gift of "only getting sober once". So now I feel like that bridge is burned to go crawling back if things get crazy later. To her I'm a loser.
This question is very thought provoking:
Part of the reason for not posting on SR is that I read in another thread that if you aren't trying to quit drinking, then you don't belong here. How can I, in good faith, give advice to someone about not drinking? I surely am not going to advocate moderation since that's not the point of this forum, and who would even discuss it if I brought up the topic?
The AA part is a little more tricky, and I don't want to get into it here. I don't think that it makes sense to call anyone to tell them that I'm having a drink and they can't stop me. I felt a little bad when my sponsor told me that neither she nor her sponsor nor this person and that person and on and on ever had to test the waters of moderation and that I would be throwing away the gift of "only getting sober once". So now I feel like that bridge is burned to go crawling back if things get crazy later. To her I'm a loser.
You see it in AA all the time. People go to meetings messed up. People say from the podium, "If you're new or just coming back or even if you're drunk right now, it doesn't matter. Just keep coming back. Bring the body and the mind will follow."
As for the AA part, yes it does make sense to call your sponsor before you pick up that drink. In fact, you ARE supposed to call them before, not after. But if it's already been done, you still call, you still go to meetings, that's if you still want to be sober. Sit back for a minute and try not to think... what does your true self deep down want? Sober life? Or drinking life? If you're sponsor told you that she doesn't know anyone who ever had to test the waters, then fine. But testing the waters is normal. The big book even challenges it... having done enough research is needed for admission of powerlesness.
We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself, step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.
Now I'm not suggesting drinking is the way to go, I'm just trying to say I understand your line of thinking, and where it's coming from. What your sponsor is saying is that, some people don't ever make it back. And I think she probably wanted you to just hang on for 24 hours. She was trying to give you hope, not trying to make you feel bad. But your disease might have made you think otherwise. We truly can't trust ourselves in early sobriety. I know that idea sucks, but it's mostly true. Lastly, the bridge of one alcoholic helping another is NEVER burned. You are not a loser and I'm almost 100% sure she doesn't feel that way. It's your disease talking you out of sobriety.
Anna
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
winelover said: "and that I would be throwing away the gift of "only getting sober once".
Don said: "Um, I don't think it's like virginity...."
Don said: "Um, I don't think it's like virginity...."
Guest
Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Part of the reason for not posting on SR is that I read in another thread that if you aren't trying to quit drinking, then you don't belong here. ~
How can I, in good faith, give advice to someone about not drinking? I surely am not going to advocate moderation since that's not the point of this forum, and who would even discuss it if I brought up the topic?
Oh, and I've seen other threads discussing moderation, so I don't think that's a taboo subject.So I'm glad you've said you'll be around!
See you later,
Jane
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Um, I don't think it's like virginity....
Sit back for a minute and try not to think... what does your true self deep down want? Sober life? Or drinking life?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by winelover
I'm not sure if it makes sense for me to post this, but I didn't want anyone to think I was dead if you don't hear from me. I've been trying really hard since December to get my drinking under control after it began to spiral downward pretty fast. I came here, went to AA and got a sponsor, and made it 30 days without a drink. The thing is, I still want to drink.
I've been trying to keep in touch here because I love the supportive atmosphere, but I feel that it's not the right place for someone who doesn't have the desire to quit or stay sober. I'll probably still check in because I'll miss some of you.
I've read a lot of information on the internet that suggests that there is a difference between a person suffering from true alcoholism and someone who has struggled with an alcohol problem and can change their behaviour. Even the Big Book says in reference to changing the habit,
"That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were."
I know so many of you are going to say "call your sponsor and go to a meeting" and "this feeling will pass" but I don't want to right now. I am using some of the step work to make changes in my life and I'm praying a lot. But I'm also having a drink now and then. I'm trying to be reasonable and it gives me confidence that my problem is not beyond repair.
I promise that I'm not drinking into oblivion nor do I ever drink when I'm sad or mad (in those cases I write, or read the Bible, or bawl my eyes out - I know I need to deal with my real emotions). I know I need to be vigilant and honest with myself knowing that I have the strength to ask for help again if I need it. I truly hope that you will understand my feelings and not bash this post (although I'm prepared to hear it and you will not hurt me!). I just wanted to let you know what was happening in my life.
I've been trying to keep in touch here because I love the supportive atmosphere, but I feel that it's not the right place for someone who doesn't have the desire to quit or stay sober. I'll probably still check in because I'll miss some of you.
I've read a lot of information on the internet that suggests that there is a difference between a person suffering from true alcoholism and someone who has struggled with an alcohol problem and can change their behaviour. Even the Big Book says in reference to changing the habit,
"That may be true of certain nonalcoholic people who, though drinking foolishly and heavily at the present time, are able to stop or moderate, because their brains and bodies have not been damaged as ours were."
I know so many of you are going to say "call your sponsor and go to a meeting" and "this feeling will pass" but I don't want to right now. I am using some of the step work to make changes in my life and I'm praying a lot. But I'm also having a drink now and then. I'm trying to be reasonable and it gives me confidence that my problem is not beyond repair.
I promise that I'm not drinking into oblivion nor do I ever drink when I'm sad or mad (in those cases I write, or read the Bible, or bawl my eyes out - I know I need to deal with my real emotions). I know I need to be vigilant and honest with myself knowing that I have the strength to ask for help again if I need it. I truly hope that you will understand my feelings and not bash this post (although I'm prepared to hear it and you will not hurt me!). I just wanted to let you know what was happening in my life.
When I was a kid, I wanted a dirt bike sooo bad. Just like my big brothers and his friends. I begged, pleaded, did extra chores, did soooo much until one day my dad brought one home for me. I was on cloud 9. I took it out and smashed it up the second day I had it trying to jump a ramp at this dirt field by my neighborhood. I went home and my Mom tried to comfort me by saying "You just need to keep trying,...you'll be able to do it soon" Like a normal child,....I said "No,....I never wanted a stupid dirtbike anyhow"
My point of that story is this. Its sounds to me like at one point, recovery was something you really wanted, something you were very serious about. But now, it seems like you had a few setbacks, and now, are acting like you dont really want sobriety anyways. Sounds sortof like a defense mechanism. Like you're trying to justify yourself giving up on sobriety. But,..if you are still doing that,...that atleast means there is some fight still left in you. Dont give up. It only gets worse. Dont do this to yourself, please.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: California
Posts: 39
Dearest (fellow[B])Winelover:
To borrow from Best;
I]AA has a requirement.... you are seeking answers.
SR has a requirement... you are respectful of others.[/I]
Greetings, brother.
My second sponsor (2nd time around out of 6) was a very wise lady. At the time she had sponsored 14 women who enjoyed at that time successful sobriety. Then she ran into me. she was always saying wonderful things like: "Honey, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth!" This lady (no other word to describe her), tried to mentor me, tried to help me become a "lady", but after awhile she said to me one day",
"Honey, you're not going to make it!" "You're not done yet". To spite her, I stayed sober for a year. What I gained in that year..(Oh great, weeping begins again), was a wealth of experience.
To borrow from Best again(Isn't he great?)
If you look at it this way....
By staying around on SR, you can gather info so if such a day comes that you do feel you want to stop, you already have much of the info that will help you on the journey
Yes, I gathered info..but more important what stands out in my mind's eye is the utter acceptance and unmatched love from my fellows, I felt it, palpable, each time I tucked my tail between my legs and limped back into these rooms. Why unmatched?
Because..other than God, my fellows understood me, this "fish out of the water".
Maybe it's because AA has no other authority than ..." a loving God as he may express himself in our presence.."
No, Winelover, I wan't done yet, not sure if I am . maybe you are not either. But I know this: These folks are here for us. Those rooms are waiting. Each time I have returned it's (Oh, I'm bawling now), it's like a homecoming. they are so happy to see me. They are so freakin' glad I'm still on the planet, and tell me so. You have earned the right to be here. You feel the love, and give it. all part of the process. I pray god keeps us both until then...
We'll keep comin' back
With no fear of lack
Or thought of attack
Love you brother:
Spungold49 from the
California south
To borrow from Best;
I]AA has a requirement.... you are seeking answers.
SR has a requirement... you are respectful of others.[/I]
Greetings, brother.
My second sponsor (2nd time around out of 6) was a very wise lady. At the time she had sponsored 14 women who enjoyed at that time successful sobriety. Then she ran into me. she was always saying wonderful things like: "Honey, take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth!" This lady (no other word to describe her), tried to mentor me, tried to help me become a "lady", but after awhile she said to me one day",
"Honey, you're not going to make it!" "You're not done yet". To spite her, I stayed sober for a year. What I gained in that year..(Oh great, weeping begins again), was a wealth of experience.
To borrow from Best again(Isn't he great?)
If you look at it this way....
By staying around on SR, you can gather info so if such a day comes that you do feel you want to stop, you already have much of the info that will help you on the journey
Yes, I gathered info..but more important what stands out in my mind's eye is the utter acceptance and unmatched love from my fellows, I felt it, palpable, each time I tucked my tail between my legs and limped back into these rooms. Why unmatched?
Because..other than God, my fellows understood me, this "fish out of the water".
Maybe it's because AA has no other authority than ..." a loving God as he may express himself in our presence.."
No, Winelover, I wan't done yet, not sure if I am . maybe you are not either. But I know this: These folks are here for us. Those rooms are waiting. Each time I have returned it's (Oh, I'm bawling now), it's like a homecoming. they are so happy to see me. They are so freakin' glad I'm still on the planet, and tell me so. You have earned the right to be here. You feel the love, and give it. all part of the process. I pray god keeps us both until then...
We'll keep comin' back
With no fear of lack
Or thought of attack
Love you brother:
Spungold49 from the
California south
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: California
Posts: 39
OOOOOOps!did it again.
Best: don't laugh.
Correctin' myself Lol. ..." a loving God as he may express himself in our presence.." ,
should be; ..." a loving God as he may express himself in group conscience". Crying jags befuddle me.
Best: don't laugh.
Correctin' myself Lol. ..." a loving God as he may express himself in our presence.." ,
should be; ..." a loving God as he may express himself in group conscience". Crying jags befuddle me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
My point of that story is this. Its sounds to me like at one point, recovery was something you really wanted, something you were very serious about. But now, it seems like you had a few setbacks, and now, are acting like you dont really want sobriety anyways. Sounds sortof like a defense mechanism. Like you're trying to justify yourself giving up on sobriety. But,..if you are still doing that,...that atleast means there is some fight still left in you.
I'd be lying to myself if I told anyone that I never want to drink again and it doesn't seem like the true purpose of AA to have people in the meetings saying they didn't want to drink "just for today" knowing that tomorrow they may drink. I wish I could talk to someone though.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Your thoughts are not unique.
The one day at a time is a daily choice. I don't say that I will never drink again. I do make my choice every day as I say that today I won't drink.
Tomorrow... the taste of wine or a beer... Well for now, I will just keep reminding myself why I found it better to not drink today.
My reasons for not drinking may not be the same as any one else or they could be the same as 99% of the people.
For me, it was a choice I can live with. If I could live with one beer a day that would be another thing. For me, one becomes two and two becomes a night full.
You will find your answers. Who knows.. your answers could be a small glass of wine with dinner and no more after dinner. Your answers will come.
The one day at a time is a daily choice. I don't say that I will never drink again. I do make my choice every day as I say that today I won't drink.
Tomorrow... the taste of wine or a beer... Well for now, I will just keep reminding myself why I found it better to not drink today.
My reasons for not drinking may not be the same as any one else or they could be the same as 99% of the people.
For me, it was a choice I can live with. If I could live with one beer a day that would be another thing. For me, one becomes two and two becomes a night full.
You will find your answers. Who knows.. your answers could be a small glass of wine with dinner and no more after dinner. Your answers will come.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi WL,
You know , that is exactly what it is !
I dont want to drink today , and I only have today, who knows ? I may want to drink tomorrow, but today .....I dont .
And today is all we have
HUGX
Lee
You know , that is exactly what it is !
I dont want to drink today , and I only have today, who knows ? I may want to drink tomorrow, but today .....I dont .
And today is all we have
HUGX
Lee
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Livonia, MI
Posts: 675
Originally Posted by winelover
There may be a little truth to your comparison. I hate to think I'm acting like a child, but hey, sometimes the truth hurts. I'm actually afraid to go back to AA because I don't feel the committment and I don't think I'll like the feeling of being there only half-assed. I also don't think any of the ladies I know would want to hear me babbling about how I don't want to drink this wine right now, but let me have a glass another day when I'm feeling better. I know it doesn't work that way.
I'd be lying to myself if I told anyone that I never want to drink again and it doesn't seem like the true purpose of AA to have people in the meetings saying they didn't want to drink "just for today" knowing that tomorrow they may drink. I wish I could talk to someone though.
I'd be lying to myself if I told anyone that I never want to drink again and it doesn't seem like the true purpose of AA to have people in the meetings saying they didn't want to drink "just for today" knowing that tomorrow they may drink. I wish I could talk to someone though.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by Spungold49
OOOOOOps!did it again.
Best: don't laugh.
Correctin' myself Lol. ..." a loving God as he may express himself in our presence.." ,
should be; ..." a loving God as he may express himself in group conscience". Crying jags befuddle me.
Best: don't laugh.
Correctin' myself Lol. ..." a loving God as he may express himself in our presence.." ,
should be; ..." a loving God as he may express himself in group conscience". Crying jags befuddle me.
Love you brother:
New things have come to light
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Downtown Nashville , TN
Posts: 306
I don't think that it makes sense to call anyone to tell them that I'm having a drink and they can't stop me.
How can I, in good faith, give advice to someone about not drinking? I surely am not going to advocate moderation since that's not the point of this forum, and who would even discuss it if I brought up the topic?
why would anyone wanna drink in moderation?
Dopeless Hope Fiend
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: anchorage Alaska
Posts: 2,741
It sounds like you have gained alot from working a recovery program and talking with others!! I am glad that you are so honest about where your at today!!! i totally respect you for speaking from the heart!! Hey progress not perfection.!!! ...Take care..sometimes we have to try different things to find our own answers!!!...best to you!!!...northbelle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
(((((((((PROF)))))))))))))
I'm so glad to see you! I was wondering about you lately. Can we make an agreement for both of us to hang around here. I don't want to worry about you falling off the deep end.
I read in another thread about counting days from your last drink (which really bums me out) that if you're not in AA, you could simply start from the time you started changing your life. I like that much better. My life truly has changed in the last 3 months. I'm sure it will continue to change, just not overnight. Like I said before, maybe I just need to take a slower road to sobriety. Maybe when I move back to the states and the stress overwhelms me, I'll hit some AA meetings, but right now I feel good about the direction things are going. Less and less alcohol each week. By the way, I'm trying to keep within the guidelines set by the CDC for "safe" drinking for non-alcoholics. If I can maintain that without the head games then I'll do that for a while and see how it goes. I also think I'll try calling one of the women in AA just to see if she's OK still talking to me.
Prof, you should check out the website for the CDC or the NIAAA (I think it's the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Addiction). There's a lot of info including some suggestions on cutting down or eliminating alcohol from your life, and the daily and weekly limits for men and women.
I'm so glad to see you! I was wondering about you lately. Can we make an agreement for both of us to hang around here. I don't want to worry about you falling off the deep end.
I read in another thread about counting days from your last drink (which really bums me out) that if you're not in AA, you could simply start from the time you started changing your life. I like that much better. My life truly has changed in the last 3 months. I'm sure it will continue to change, just not overnight. Like I said before, maybe I just need to take a slower road to sobriety. Maybe when I move back to the states and the stress overwhelms me, I'll hit some AA meetings, but right now I feel good about the direction things are going. Less and less alcohol each week. By the way, I'm trying to keep within the guidelines set by the CDC for "safe" drinking for non-alcoholics. If I can maintain that without the head games then I'll do that for a while and see how it goes. I also think I'll try calling one of the women in AA just to see if she's OK still talking to me.
Prof, you should check out the website for the CDC or the NIAAA (I think it's the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Addiction). There's a lot of info including some suggestions on cutting down or eliminating alcohol from your life, and the daily and weekly limits for men and women.
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