izzle

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and I post on another forum and know people get irked with posts in the wrong places there, so I hope this is in the right place.

I felt like it might be a good idea to come here because I'm definitely having problems with alcohol. It's not at a critical stage yet (ie. it's not interfereing with my life greatly) but I do have some dependency and i'm not sure if I can sort things out myself or if I need to see someone about this.

At the moment, I only drink in the evenings and I drink about 7-8 pints a night... which might be ok if it was just on weekends but I don't feel like I can stop. I've been like this for about a year and the amount I drink each night has gradually increased, so I fear it's going to increase even more.

A complication is that I'm trying to recover from bulimia, and things are going pretty well with that (better than they've ever gone for the last 8 years or so), but I feel that i'm using alcohol as a crutch to cope with my eating problems.

I know this might seem trivial to some people on here who have worse habits, but it's really worrying me. I don't know if I can cope with stopping drinking altogether, or even if I want to. I just hope that perhaps I can get some support and advice from people, like I have on the eating disorders forums i've been to.

Most of you probably know a whole lot more about alcohol dependency than me... so, first of all, I'd like to ask: do I have to quit drinking completely, or can I just try and limit it? Because a lot of former alcoholics seem to think that you can never touch alcohol again... but I'd like to. I'd just like some moderation.

Izzy X

lulu70

Hello Izzy--Welcome to SR! Glad you found us. This is a great place for support and encouragment. Hope you'll hang out for a while.
Ahhhhhhhhhhh....I am one of those alcoholics who KNOWS (for me) that she cannot ever touch alcohol again and expect to keep her sanity for any period of time. The only way YOU will know if you can moderate is to try. If you have already tried and failed, I'm sorry to say it is doubtful you will ever be able to moderate. Some have learned to do it, it's true. My question for you is this: Is an inert substance like alcohol (which is actually a poison) worth risking your life for?

Like I said, I hope you will hang out a while, keep posting, and read, read, read. I suggest you check out the Alcoholism forum as well. There is lots of good info there!

Hang in there!

CarolD

Welcome to SR!

Can you be a moderate drinker?
I can not.....perhaps you can.

Here are the standards Moderate Drinking
The US based NADAA (National Association of Drug and Alcohol Abuse) defines moderate consumption of alcohol as
one drink daily for women and two for men.

One drink is defined as a glass of wine, 4 ounces

A cocktail consisting of 1 ½ ounces of liquor

Or one 12 ounce bottle of beer.

We also have a forum om Eating Disorders....
check it out too.

Glad to see a new member...

Anna

Well, maybe you can moderate your drinking - try it for a month a see if you can stick to it. I never could. And, I'd say don't think about 'forever'. It's just an overwhelming word. Just focus on not drinking today and go from there.

izzle

Hi you two,

Thanks for the replies. Well you're right, I guess I'll have to try and see if I can drink moderately - I was hoping that I might be able to do that, given that my problem hasn't gotten too serious.

It's St Patrick's Day tomorrow so I don't think I'm going to be avoiding drinking then cause I have a night out planned with friends. And Saturday is probably out too, because I'm going out then. In short, I feel like my social life would suffer a lot if I stopped drinking completely. Ideally, I want to just drink on weekends and when I go clubbing.

So i'm going to try and go Sunday without drinking. It seems like a bit of a challenge because I can't remember the last day I went without drinking and I have a lot of problems sleeping when I don't drink.

I know that alcohol is not worth killing myself for... I've been through these kinds of thoughts too with eating - I was anorexic at one time, but is thinness ever worth killing yourself for?


Anyway, I'll post back on Sunday and hopefully things will have went ok. Thanks for your posts, again. I'll check out the ED forum and read around a bit - that's the best way to get to know a forum and members but it's nearly 1am here so I need sleep!
Thanks again

Izzy X

hector

Welcome, Izzy. Glad you're here!

I like the advice about controlled drinking. It's from the textbook of Alcoholics Anonymous, the "Big Book." If you can cut down to what Carol called "moderate drinking" and stay there for weeks or months, you're not an alcoholic. One definition of an alcoholic is someone who, after the first drink, cannot guarantee his/her behavior. 7-8 pints a night, gradually increasing, is not moderate drinking. But you know that. A big symptom of addiction is increasing tolerance for the addictive substance.

I had to quit drinking completely. In order to keep the nice serene comfortable prosperous life I've built, I can never drink again, not even a little bit. Moderation wouldn't work for me. I don't want "a" drink. I've never wanted "a" drink. One is too many, a thousand is not enough.

I drank fairly steadily from my late teens to my early thirties. Almost every weekend. No matter what else was going on, I got drunk, or wanted to. I re-joined church after a divorce at age 30. Three years later, I quit drinking and joined AA. That Sunday morning, I hadn't had a drink in a bar or at home for about six weeks, only a sip of communion wine each Sunday morning. I took the sip that morning and wanted to grab the chalice and chug it. That was my last drink, November 27, 1988.

A sip of wine a week is moderate drinking, wouldn't you say? I couldn't handle it. I'm an alcoholic. A little bit makes me want more.

I couldn't and can't quit drinking forever. One day at a time, that's all I can do. It's all I need to do. I can't change yesterday. I'm not guaranteed tomorrow. All I have is today. My objective is to go to bed tonight sober. Tomorrow, if I wake up, I'll work on staying sober tomorrow.

You mention that alcohol might be a crutch to cope with your eating disorder. Congratulations on that. Most people wouldn't make that connection. It means you're strong, smart, and insightful.

I hope you're smart enough to become simple enough to get better. Please post again, let us know how you're doing.

izzle

Hi

Thanks for replies... I hope I can manage to just cut down because it seems so weird to think about never drinking at all.

Anyway, yesterday being the first day I was going to try not to drink... didn't go as planned but didn't go awfully. I agreed with my boyfriend that I'd just have one drink shortly before I went to sleep because I have a lot of trouble sleeping without drinking.

But after that I started freaking out because I bit into something and part of my tooth chipped off - my teeth are really eroded and weak cause of throwing up all the time. I got really upset about that and drank more. But I only had 3 bottles of beer so I guess it's an improvement... I don't know if I'm using the fact that I got upset about my tooth as an excuse.

Guess I'll just have to try harder tonight. Probably won't be on here after this post cause I have way too much work, but wish me good luck.

Izzy X

lulu70

I sincerely wish you the best of luck. To be honest, for me, what you are trying to do sounds a bit like torture. I would be a wreck if I were trying to moderate. All I would be able to think about is when I could drink, how much was I going to drink, what would I drink, etc. etc. today I find it much more simple to just know I am not going to pick up a drink at all! I hope it works out for you, though.

Justme57

Hi here Izzy , welcome to SR

I too, was unsucessful in moderating my drinking, once I had 1 I could not guarantee my behavior. I first started drinking to " help me sleep", and it progressed over the years, i clearly remember when i started, like you , drinking every evening, I had a twinge of guilt, and I recognised that it was not " normal" consumption, but at that time, I chose to ignore it, and try for moderation. Did not work for me, and I had to drink for another 20 years before I acknowledged that for me, it was a problem, and had progressed big time.

I now have 2 1/2 years sobriety, and a whole new life. I was 21 when I picked up my first drink, and 57 when I put it down. You dont have to wait that long! my chosed method of recovery was AA, but there are many alternatives, if you choose to quit

HUGX
Lee

janeeyre

Hello Izzy,

I understand your concern about reverting back to an eating disorder if you quit drinking-- been down that road before.

I haven't got any definite answer about any of it, but I've noticed with myself that there are underlying reasons behind my need to douse the uncomfortable emotions that come along sometimes. Whether I choose to stifle the discomfort/pain with drink, food, purging, whatever--it won't go away unless I learn to face it head on.

I guess it all comes down to figuring out why you drink. How are you overcoming the bulimia? I'm wondering if things that influenced you in that also trigger your drinking habits-? Just some thoughts.

Moderation has not worked for me (though I sure tried it!), but if you're giving that a shot, there is a program/website called Moderation Management. Maybe that would be helpful.

Anyway, I'm glad you're here!

Best wishes,
Jane

izzle

Hi everyone

Laura - It doesn't really seem like torture. I don't think about it at all during the day, not until about 11pm or so. I've got such a lack of self-discipline that sometimes I wonder if it's not alcoholism as such, but just that I can't stop myself doing something I want to - I mean, my parents would probably LIKE to have a drink every night, but they stop themselves. It's a bit like the food thing really, except I kind of found a (crappy) way round that...

Lee - Yeah, that sounds pretty like me. I suppose one thing to be thankful for is that I'm trying to change things (it's probably been about 7-8 months that I've drank every night). I'd like to try and tackle things myself, to begin with - because I feel that any addiction is similar, in a way, to an eating disorder. And I'm going to therapy to learn how to cope with urges to binge and be sick, so perhaps I could approach this problem in the same way? It's just hard to get a handle on things when you're trying to do so much at once!

Jane - I think part of the reason I drink is to stop thinking about food... some people say drinking makes them hungry, but I feel sick if I eat and drink (alcohol) at the same time. I started going to CBT for my eating disorder around September and things just seem to be slipping into place. I've found it hard... but having some kind of structure has helped, eg. taking a food diary and including how I felt at the time, what were the circumstances, and what could I have done to stop myself binging. Perhaps it would help to do something similar with alcohol - I think a large part of it is finding diversions so you don't think about it. Thanks for that website too, it sounds perfect for what I want.

I've felt very tired all day today, so I hope it will be quite easy to get to sleep. I've only had 2 bottles of beer - which is above an ideal amount, but again, it's improvement. I think that as long as you're improving at something, that's generally ok. I really want another one though - but I won't! I'm going to bed in 10 minutes anyway, and my boyfriend can give me a hug to calm me down. Thanks everyone.

Izzy X

Justme57

Great to hear from you again Izzy Glad you are doing OK.

I take your point re the treatment you are using for your eating disorder, it may well work, i have no experience in anything other than booze !

Keep us posted wont you ?

HUGX
Lee

rose petals

eeekkk!!--be careful--take care

janeeyre

Hey again, Izzy!

You mentioned that you use CBT to overcome the eating disorders--good!There are lots of folks who use CBT to beat alcohol, too. I think (someone correct me if I'm wrong) that Smart Recovery is one group that promotes that method--??

It sounds like you are in a good place, ready to press on and do what it takes to make your life better. Good on you!

Hugs,
Jane