paloma

I came to this forum some time ago because I felt like my drinking was out of hand. Tackled that problem and doing great. Here's the deal, though...
Because we would like to have a child, I have been spending a lot of time closely examining my day to day behaviors. Little things add up. For example, I was chewing on nicotine gum, about 4-5 pieces a day. Quit smoking years ago, but a year or so ago decided I liked the "tingly" feeling the nicotine gum gives me. Huh?? So I stopped that, and I found it was kind of hard to stop!
Then there is Tylenol PM. Was using it 2-4 nights a week to fall asleep. I've stopped that.
I know that doesn't sound like a lot, but I've noticed that I am having a hard time not having SOMETHING to be addicted to! Does that make sense? I'm a bit grumpy too.
Case in point...I had an AWESOME day on Friday. So I'm driving home and this feeling hits me like a ton of bricks that I need something. A bottle of wine? Some of that gum? Maybe I'll buy some smokes even though I don't smoke? Like I HAD to do something destructive, as if I HAD to sabbotage my natural high.
I'm rambling I guess, but I was wondering if this is common among people like me with addictive personalities.
I will overcome, and I have not caved in. I just wonder if it will ever stop, because it sucks, quite frankly.
Thank you for being here!

NEEDTOBESOBER

yes, i have that problem, this is my 4th day without drinking and at this moment i want to drink, but i also take anxiety meds and smoke cigarettes. Even though I want to drink I am not going to, but without the anxiety pills I dont think I could not drink. Before I was diagnosed with anxiety which those pills also help me so I can sleep, I used to take PM Tylenol just about every night so i could sleep then I stopped that cause they stopped working and since i also have allergies i started taking benadryl to go to sleep and then I also took seroquel a few times that my son's girlfriend gave me so I could sleep which is meant for people who are bipolar. It is like I need something to make me feel good or something like that and I know I have an addictive personality. I am as frustrated as you are as to how to avoid these addictions, for me I am going to try to quit drinking first, then the pills which I tend to take more than I am supposed to, but I am trying to keep them down to 2 a day and then I want to quit smoking. Also at different times in my life I believe I have or had a sexual addiction problem.

Time4Change

Wow! I SO relate to what you're saying about having an addictive behavior. After getting into recovery for my opiate addiction, I've noticed how addictive I am, and also a bit obsessive/compulsive, too. My current addiction is the fruit and walnut salad at McDonald's , iced tea (strong, strong, strong), anything with caffeine, and trail mix. I could live on those things seemingly forever and be content. I also have a hard time grasping the concept of never feeling any type of chemically-induced high ever again. But that's the cool thing about my NA meetings. I'm actually learning how to find that adrenaline rush in simple, everyday accomplishments. It's a trip when I'll be driving my car and a song I like will come on the radio and I'll feel that rush. It's like, whoa, I CAN feel again without using! As addicts, we just need to keep our addictive personality in check. They say doing ANYTHING for more than 2 hours at a time isn't healthy.

Glad you're here. Keep posting!

Kelly

shockozulu

I can relate. I am addicted to work and gatorade. For gatorade I will walk in weather that I would only have walked through for cigs or my DOC.

Luckyv2

I sure can relate of course the addict that I am, I will use anything to take away that empty feeling that is in my gut. I am on day one clean today again, but I have decided that I must surrender, and I have to surrender everyday. I know it won't be easy and yet I know that this deal is doable. I guess on the addiction part it goes a lot deeper than DRUGS...I need to start peeling that onion to get to the core and the only way to do that is through the steps. I will be sending good thoughts your way.

Love Vic

shockozulu

Guess who just got in from the rain because I just had to have that melon flavored gatorade? Yeap, I can become addicted to anything. I am also addicted to a particular type of candy and actually have to order it from the company or buy it in packages of 200 off of ebay.

Time to check my auction so I make sure I don't run out, I'm down to 9 atomic fireballs. Oh no!

jbm125

Hi paloma, years ago I saw a special on PBS set in a rehab facility. They took junkies who'd been clean for months and scheduled them to meet with a shrink. One at a time they went in the shrinks office where there was a set of works on the desk. It was explained to them there was nothing in the works but saline. After 10 or 15 minutes the Dr. was called from the office. Everyone of those (ex)junkies couldn't resist the urge to shoot the saline once the doc left the office. They knew they wouldn't get high but the urge to fix was too great for their addictive personalities to overcome.
Absolutely true story, all filmed.
God bless

BigSis

I thought I was "only" an alcoholic, but since I haven't had a drink in over 20 years, I thought that was "all". Then my children developed addiction and I discovered a brand spankin' new codependency. A year in Alanon helped me to recognize I am also a compulsive overeater. Then my sponsor talked to me about balance, and I realized I was a workaholic. Then I had some dental work done and ate all the hydros in 3 days....

Good lord. Sometimes it just feels like I am walking barefoot in the tailor's workroom... got to watch out for stuff everywhere!

katybelle

I can relate to this too. I am really new here, my third day, and also my third day without a drink, so I'm still pretty rocky, but this morning is better, physically at least.
I take two benadry every night....I have a RX for Ambien, but it's so expensive and it scares me because I think I'll get dependent. I also have a RX for prozac that I haven't filled for the same reason, and also because it's so dangerous to mix with alcohol, and I can't predict I won't drink.
I also drink lots of Coke...and smoke....no coffee, but the addiction shows up in so many places. But right now, I'd trade being addicted to alcohol for being addicted to something relatively harmless like GatorAde!! Maybe that's just my screwed-up thought process, but it sure seems like the lesser Evil to me.

Katy

Kellye C

I also have that addictive personality! For years food was my drug of choice (didn't realize that at the time). I had this empty pit of lonliness in my gut that I sought to fill. I went through the first 34 years of my life non-alcoholic but huge. I had weightloss surgery in 2000 and all of the sudden I can't eat! I was living with my 2nd husband out of state away from my family and he was an alcoholic. I found out that I couldn't control his drinking so I figured if you can't beat em join em. Boom! Quickly I was outdrinking him and within 3 1/2 years was so dependent on it and shattered that I went to AA to get sober. Now that I'm not drinking alcohol I have found that I once again turn to food for comfort although not in the quantities I did. I gained about 30lbs in sobriety which I am now working at getting back off. I also picked up smoking about 5 years ago after surgery because I needed to do something with my mouth other than eat. How stupid is that? I am also addicted to relationships and having just had an 18 month relationship end after I caught him yet again cheating on me I find myself alone which is driving me crazy! So............... although I am not drinking I have these other addictions to work on. I know the best way for me to do it is to work the steps on them.

I wonder if the time will ever come when I'm not addicted to something. I hope so but for now if I could find an addiction (like gatorade LOL!) that wouldn't end up KILLING me or HURTING me I'd be thrilled.

Hugs,
Kellye

NEEDTOBESOBER

I can relate to if you can't beat them join them theory, before and after my dwi-my son who is a teen was into drugs mainly at 1st, spent the 1st yr or so trying to stop him, then I thought if i let him drink at home, he would stay home and not do drugs, huge mistake, led to letting him smoke pot in the garage, then I decided I would smoke with him a few times, then I started thinking if I can'y stop him what the hell! He was also into xanax and then ironically I came down with an anxiety problem, doc prescribed xanax to me, but in low doses and I found out why it was so addicting, then I would have my son take me to his drug dealers so I could get more xanax and i would share with him when I ran out of the stuff the doctor gave me. I also at times would try to stop drinking after my last DWI, and Chris would ask me to get some beer and I would say but I am tring to stop and he would say well you dont have to drink cant you just buy some for me-of course, I would give in and buy enough for the both of us and we would drink together. HE is now 17 goin on 18, his birthday is beginning of May, because of a legla problem he is not living w/me anymore he is living w/my parents and he is clean and sober, has a job, is getting his ged, is on probation, but has already gone through drug counseling-they told him he has a chemical imbalance in his brain, but I believe he inherited it from me, cause I have heard it is suppose to be hereditary, and now he is going through a long domestic violence/anger management class cause the reason he got in trouble was cause of assault on me for stealing my pills- we got into a physical fight and it landed him in jail. So I can relate to that theory of if you cant beat em joinem as I did with my son.

REZ

The NA program focuses on addiction, not just addiction to a particular thing. The first step of the NA program says "We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable." My primary addictions were marijuana and alcohol, but I have exhibited addictive behaviors concerning other things since getting clean and sober, such as nicotine, food, sex, exercise, etc. Check out some NA meetings: they saved my life and could save yours too.

shockozulu

Now everyone knows why I keep my gatorade close by me all the time. It is my 'safe' addiction. It is interesting though that Iwill exhibit the same behavoirs for something that is clearly non-addictive though (obsesive, counting the bottles etc).

the power of the mind

Sugah

I'm sure my post will contain a significant amount of rationalizing, but here goes.

My litmus test for physical sobriety is that I put nothing into my body that alters my mind or mood. Although I smoke in response to a physical addiction, other than the calming of that physical craving, I do not respond in any significantly different way after having a cigarette. I may be a little cranky while craving it....but my emotions, state of mind, and thought processes are not adversely affected by the act of smoking. I smoke the same amount today as I did fifteen or twenty years ago. Eventually, I expect that I will find a bottom in my smoking, and at that point, I will need to look at my powerlessness, but at this point, I consider smoking to be a physical dependence. When I can admit unmanageability, then I believe that the same steps which helped me to recover from my other addictions will help me recover from smoking.

I'm also a caffeine freak, but it's the same situation: my caffeine intake has not significantly changed since getting clean. I haven't hit a bottom, physically or emotionally, by using caffeine.

I also have to have a drink beside me at all times....doesn't matter what it is (so long as it's not booze).

Another way I put it when asked, "How can you call yourself clean if you smoke and drink coffee?" I say, "I have never compromised my morals for a pack of Newport, nor have I ever rolled anyone for a pound of Columbian roast."

Rationalizing? Probably, to an extent. My HP has helped me to leave behind those things which kept me from being an acceptable, responsible and productive member of society.

Progress, not perfection.

Peace & Love,
Sugah