tstar7400

Hi! I'm new here! Alot has occured in my life over the last month. So here I am. I committd my husband to a treatment center. We have been together for 10 years. He has used the entire time (for the most part - A few sober weeks here and there) for the most part it has been our entire relationship. We have 3 little girls - our oldest one is 8, then 6 (both will have birthdays in June) and our youngest will be 1 on St. Pats day. (Also my husband's birthday - he will be in treatment for his birthday) Anyways - like I said my husband is a drug addict. Pot and meth mainly. Years ago you could throw in a few other things, but for the last 7 yrs. mainly those 2. We're taling pot every day 6-8 times, meth 2-3 times a week. Like I said he in now in inpatient care. I attended family day again today - group therapy. My husband and I were given an assignment to complete by next week and I'm at a loss. We have to develop a written plan to help his recovery once he leavestreatment. Like what is our plan when we realize he is going to or might relapse. Even any situation where he feels like he's out of control, yelling at the kids, etc. My part is I have to write out what I'm going to do when I see that things are going in the wrong direction. I'm suppose to narrow it down to what we will do the first 5 minutes then the next 5 then for the next 15 then 30 - on and on until we can get him to a meeting or someone to talk to support from AA. I have learned what true insanity is - Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That is where I get stuck. I feel like I have tried to do everything I've known to try to "fix" his problems for years and they never helped. (I am a fixer - I want to fix everything - glad I figured out I can only fix myself) But now starting a new life in a few weeks - where do we begin? Any one have any ideas what we can or should do to stop it before it starts again. Thanks!

Midas

Welcome aboard, tstar7400. We're glad you're here.

Treatment is a good thing. New beginnings are good too. I have two words for you. Relapse Prevention. Learning to cope without running away, is a big challenge for recoverees. Get to NA or Nar-Anon meetings often. Here's the link to help you locate some NA meetings in Iowa.
http://www.iowa-na.org/

Three things that can help avoid relapse: Go to meetings, call your sponsor, read the Big Book (for NA or AA).

Be sure to read the sticky notes in the Substance Abuse & Narcotics Anonymous--lots of info there.

Good Luck to you & your recovering husband!

earlybird

Well,...Im sure you have already heard that an addict must 'want' to get sober. Thats first and foremost. If thats not there, than its hopeless for now. You said that 'you' committed him to the center. Does that mean it was against his will? You are correct about the 'being a fixer' thing. You cannot fix his addiction. You cannot change a person, addict or not. The very best thing you can do to help his recovery is learn, learn, learn. Learn about addiction. Go to Nar-anon or Al-anon meetings. Learn to take care of YOURSELF. One huuuuge thing about addicts is that for some reason we tend to FIGHT recovery, battle any help, til the bitter end. We know we need it, but, for some reason we oppose it at every turn. Its very scary, ..change. But you need to recover as well. What alot of people 'dont get' is that the non-addict is just as sick. We may have made you that way, but, you are sick just the same. You need to recover WITH him. Thats your only hope of a happy life together. Good luck. God Bless.

MamaGoose

Hi tstar,
Welcome to SR!

Please check out the Nar-Anon forum here and read the stickys.

You might want to post your question there (lots of spouses of addicts)

My son is the addict in his life and his program includes my going to 12 step meetings.

You are not alone.