tryinagain

I agree and I like your idea. For what it is worth, I respect you. I respect all unless they have done something so bad that the respect that I have for them is destroyed. That is where I am with this, my self-respect has still in ICU over this as I too have children, both driving age and preach to them all the time about the dangers of such actions. I feel like a complete hypocrite and should. I/we will get past this. For what it is worth, you sound like a nice person just abrupt and to the point like me. Nothing wrong with that.
Roy

Gooch

I for one am glad I wasn't shot. Just think of all the taxes I've been allowed to put back into the system by being a rehabilitated, respnsible member of society for the last 17 years.

Beachbabe

Hey tryingagain:

I had a very sweet post for you yesterday. We hugged, kissed and made up but I see this morning it has been removed.

I suppose some like to keep drama stirring but doesnt look like you and I do so its sqaushed. Cant believe that post was removed lol. Leave the mean ones, take down the sweet ones. I smell drama.

Anyway man, I too respect you and as I said in the post that was deleted:

I wish you all the best, I know you will do what it takes to keep your family together. Also, I talked paragraphs about starting a thread/journal "Diary of a DWI" hoping to keep others off the road.

Going to delete this one too 51Anna? You leave the post that said he should have been shot yet you delete a post between two members trying to work things out? Not Good, nor fair.

Anna

Beachbabe,

If you look, Jbm's post was deleted.

If you continue in this manner, you will be banned. This is not open for discussion.

tryinagain

Onward and forward to the good stuff. I spoke with my atty today as my license has still not arrived in the mail and told him of my acceptance to a program. He said that it was a great decision and will not look fishy to the judge as I have asked to get into the program before any of this happened. He also said that their primary concern of the courts is recovery and not committing this same offense. Learn from it, clean up and move on to better things which is exactly what I plan to do. He said that this would carry alot of weight with the judge but my primary concern at this point is getting and staying sober. I am praying that the judge takes mercy on me but am primarily focused on cleaning myself and my life up. I cannot be in treatment 4-6 days a week if I am locked up though and the coordinator of the program who is a psych said that he will testify to that in court. What a mess. I am trying to clean myself up but have this legal issue lingering over my head at the same time. My own fault though. Thank you all for supporting me through this. I have a couple of months or more before I will go to court and am going to use that time to do what I know I have to. The program is 4 month min twice a week with voluntary meetings at AA in between. I am looking forward to it as 15+ years of abusing this stuff and it abusing me is just too much.
Peace and prayers,
Roy

P.S. Anna, sorry if things got out of hand or took a wrong turn. Not trying to disrupt the community. I think we all have settled our differences in an adult manner and can continue peacefully. Thanks for the patience and understanding. Not trying to make your job any harder than it already is.

Anna

There is no problem and I think your thread is doing exactly what it should be doing. It's no fun what you're going through, but you're giving us all strength by seeing how well you're handling it.

lulu70

Yep. It's a mess, but as you already know, all you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other, keep trying to do the next right thing, and stop picking up those drinks! If you really get hard at work on your recovery, I expect that by the time your court date rolls around you will be well equipt to deal with whatever they throw your way. I'm pulling for you!

Done_With_It

Hey,

I think your doing great. This is a great thread, one we can all learn from.
Learn what to do, and learn what not to do.

Your in my thoughts!

tryinagain

Gooch-I too am glad brother. I have talked to you on several occasions and have learned alot from you as well as appreciate your support and advice. Ride Safe.

BB-Thanks and hugs.

Anna-Thank you. Justme57's quote of "We will not forget the past, nor wish to close the door on it " pg 22 Daily Reflections got me thinking. I never got much past step 3 and am sure that I will have a problem with it again this time but I have a psych to figure out what is holding me back as well. The response is even more powerful.
"Once I became sober, I began to see how wasteful my life had been and I experienced overwhelming guilt and feelings of regret. The program's Fourth and Fifth Steps assisted me enormously in healing those troubling regrets. I learned that my self-centeredness and dishonesty stemmed largely from my drinking and that I drank because I was an alcoholic. Now I see how even my most distasteful past experiences can turn to gold because, as a sober alcoholic, I can share them to help my fellow alcoholics, particularly newcomers . Sober for several years in AA, I no longer regret the past: I am simply grateful to be conscious of Gods love and of the help that I can give to others in the Fellowship."

lulu-Thank you. I know that you are right and am going to put full effort into working the program and my personal recovery.

Max Oblivia

This thread has been tough for me. For me is one of those perfect storm situations.
I know what BB is going thru. I also was addicted to Vic's. I come to this forum to seek help. I have driven drunk many times and I fear what could have happend if I hurt someone. I have also been busted. Its not fun. Although Ive never had a DUI.
My challenge here is I dont like conflict anymore. I used to live on it. Its the way I was raised and I thought it was normal. Its just not.
One of the things I like about SR is I dont have to fear getting judged. I can lay it out pretty much and by not getting judged I can work/muddle my way thru it.
Although I have been reading here I havent posted much.
Because of the conflict I have shy-ed away from this thread and SR.
This place has been like no other. Its not full of MACHO it has wonderfull women and because of that I feel safe.
I do not want to fear being judged. I am an alcoholic I want to come hear and seek help. I hope I can help others on the journey.
Max

LeighC

Max,
I feel the same way, I to shy away from sharing what I'm going through because I"m afraid someone will judge me or think my problem is too trivial to share. There's been times when I've sat for an hour or more with my thread typed up and I end up deleting it. I know that sounds crazy, but I've always had a fear of being judged. You're definitely not alone. I realize that everyone has there opinion, but I don't think it's right to judge someone harshly when they are sharing what they are going through.
Leigh

Roy,
You have continued to amaze me with your attitude through this whole thing. I think you are doing great, and like I said before, as long as you learn something from your mistakes, that's what matters. I honestly believe that you truely feel bad and don't inteed to do this again. I'm not sure if you go to AA or not, if you do it wouldn't hurt to get the chair person to sign something saying you were there on the days you go. You can give this to your laywer to give to the judge when you go to court. That may sound crazy, but it will show the judge that you are making an effort to get help. I got caught for poss. about a year ago, I did that along with doing an out patient program and it really helped in court. Stay positive, everything will work out O.K. Like Lulu said, as long as you stay sober you'll be able to handle whatever happens.
Leigh

Justme57

Max and Leigh

Hi Guys !

One of the promises in the BB states that " we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us".

I have found this to be true . I was just like you 2 in early recovery. My Sponser used to say, " how important is it ?" which is a tool i still use.

In the end, does it really matter what others think, as long as you havent lied, or hurt anyone, and your sobriety os not at risk,?

My attitude did changed in this area, but like everything else in this programme, it crept up on me, and blow me down, that too had passed ! LOL

HUGX
Lee

Anna

I'd like to say that I am sorry about the bits of negativity that have crept into this thread. I think it is such an important thread for Newcomers and for Oldtimers. It's raw, heartbreaking, real and so full of hope.

I would encourage all of you to feel comfortable here and to express your feelings if you want to. This is a safe place and we all work to keep it that way. And, Lee is so right, at some point in recovery you really stop caring what other people think. It might be because you have gone through so much and come so far, it might be because you finally feel comfortable in your own skin. But, it will happen.

earlybird

The chances of it being a misreading are a longshot. It DOES happen, but, very rarely. Those machines are calibrated weekly by law. The bottom line is that you had anywhere from a .25 to a .38 BAC level and you still drove. Feeling "ok to drive" doesnt mean you are "ok to drive". With the legally intoxicated BAC level lowered to .08 in most states, its pretty apparent that if you drink AT ALL, you shouldnt be driving. All you have to have is a broken tail light or turn signal, not to mention that jerk who HITS YOU when you are driving perfectly. Its all a risk. Its bad decisions. And yes, I agree,.....you should really be looking at the fact that you had ATLEAST a .25 BAC and you say you still felt fine. Thats HUGE tolerance. Not a good sign. The possible drinking problem red flags should be apparent. Good Luck to you.

tryinagain

Thank you for all your posts. I would like personally to address the quote "You have continued to amaze me with your attitude through this whole thing." There is an old saying that goes "It is not me but that which is within that gives me strength." It could not be more true in this case. Inside, I am jello when I think about this thing but my prayers have been honest, heartfelt and answered accordingly. God is giving me the strength and wisdom to get through this trying time. It also helps greatly to have the community of my friends here and within my group and AA. My meeting went very well tonight and I learned more about this thing that I ever thought I would. I also realized for the first time why a sponsor is so important and why people still attend meetings with 10-15 and even 20 years of sobriety. That is what the program does which is to give us the tools and knowledge as well as companionship to form a strong bond that is our medicine for survival against this thing. I also realized full well for the first time why one drop is just inches away from the grave. We can keep it in remission but never be fully cured of it. I fought the AA thing for a long time because I never felt like I really belonged. The fact is, I just went to the wrong meetings which is why it is so important to keep going and trying until you find the right one for you. I have found mine and could not be happier about it. I really think I can make it this time. I honestly do. I am even considering the 30 meetings in 30 days thing. I cannot believe that I held out for this long. The DWI thing will rear its ugly head soon enough but for right now, I am focused on recovery and eventually remission. I have known alcohol was evil for a long time now but exactly how evil I believe I underestimated. A mistake that will not be made again, at least not by me. We need our numbers high to fight this demon as one cannot do it alone. I thank you all for the strength and hope that you have given me and pray that I may be able to do the same for you.
Man, I am so jazzed.
God Bless,
Roy

lulu70

((((((((((Roy))))))))))

tryinagain

I was all jazzed up and ready to go last night, proper attitude. I did not sleep well but got up with the proper attitude and off to work I went. It was one of those days that the harder you worked the less anything seemed to get done and everything was over deadline so I am getting hit from all sides. I got super stressed and started thinking the whole "man I need a drink, will be glad when this day is over thing" and then realized my commitment. Fought the demon the rest of the day and made it home without a stop for a drink or to pick any up. I am still craving hardcore along with the whole rationalizing thing but I know that this is wrong. Just a tough day, it will pass. Going to try to get to a meeting tonight, might help. Hope you all are hanging in there. Every trigger and button that I have was pushed to the limit today. I will make it through, I think.

nogard

Hi (((((Roy))))

Been reading this thread, your doing fantastic, hanging in there and doing it one day at a time. Meetings are great, they keep me sane and moving forward, I feel for you.

I also owe heaps of money and I have learnt to do that a day at a time as well rather than looking at the whole lot and scaring the pants of myself.

I also love teh advice I get too. I heard someone say at a meeting last night, that they are greatful for both the good and cra**y advice as they learn from both.

Hang in there.

Kevin

tryinagain

Just got back from my meeting and it went well. Seen a couple friends from my other group so we talked for a moment. I have a question for those of you who have been in the program longer than I have. It might seem wrong to ask for some kind of proof that you were there but I thought, hey I can ask. I asked the administrator of the program and they abliged with initials on a sheet that I had made that simply said I was in an AA meeting and participated at such time, such date. I could feel their discomfort. I know one of the primary values of the program is anonymity so how do I manage to do this or get proof of my being there without making someone feel uncomfortable. I went because I was Jones'n for a beer or drink really bad and fought the demon all day and did not want to go back down that road. Let it end here and a new one begin. So I fought it off and made it to the meeting sober. Glad that I did and thank god they were there tonight, I needed it and a couple of others did too. The thing is, what was a good experience changed a bit when I tried to find proof. I went for me and to be sober but was told by my atty that if I do go, why not get some proof that we can show the judge proving that I am really trying to change. I felt really good then kinda bad, ya know.
Confused,
Roy

lulu70

Hey Roy--I'm sorry you were left with an icky feeling. Some people just don't feel too good about the courts forcing people to go to meetings. We know and you know that you went to that meeting because you needed a meeting and wanted to be there. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who show up just to get the signature and don't take any of it seriously. That sort of behavior has given people like you a bad rap. Please don't give up and don't let that discourage you. Those people will soon enough see that you are serious. Just keep going back!