MightyJester160

have you talked to your higher power about this ??? my higher power handles situations much worse than this one like they were ... oh ... normal every day things.... and wheres youre grattitude list for the day... what are you greatfull for in all this.... you are learning so much that you should be more confused on which of the multitude of positive solutions you should choose for this event....

youre leaving out things from your posts..... you see were not mechanicial machienes... theres a personal reason we choose to end our days where we do......

the real truth is as simple as this .. when all there is left to do in a relationship is leave... then leave....

your list of priorities could look like this

1.] higher power
2.] sobriety
3.] self
4.] everything else

wheres your sponsor and such who are your support people close to you....

is it against the law to flush pills down the toilet???

he will say (---------) when you say you flushed them.... and youll be branded a user in denile.... re-lapser.... yeah?


if you have your own house it will be against the law for him to enter it and sabatoge you by placing illegal drugs on YOUR counter... though... just a thought....


pardon my lack of tact... and spelling... ":} my concern for you is genuine though... i am a recovering addict as well... i lie cheat and steal to get high when im on one... so it takes one to know one i guess... oh yeah i did the control thing on a scale that would place me in the top 1% of those gifted assholes who manipulate ... so its been tough for me to accept that and try to do the work required to not be that type of person...lol the addict i am...
its a tricky contradiction being the person youre trying to help someone see is the person there with.....



its rough ... where youre at... youre in remission...be greatfull it matters...thats a pain you can recognise.. and thats because youre sober ...

smile .... enjoy it... this too shall pass.... the BS that is .... hold down the sobriety...

Jester.

ASH

Hi Beachbabe,
Congrats on your sober time!!!
Unfortunately most humans are resistant to change and like the old status quo. I don't know how long you have been with your husband but all the rules have changed in the last few months. Early sobriety is a tough time with lots of ups and downs so it could be he liked the old you, less ups and downs, less confrontation, and certainly more easily dominated. In addition, non alcoholics/addicts can study this forever but they don't get it, and for sure may not understand the life and death consequences of our struggles until it is too late.

If your husband is a loving caring partner, (btw doesn't sound like it!!!), over time he will begin to understand recovery a bit and enjoy growing with you in new directions.
If your husband picked you because he wanted a partner he could dominate and manipulate and your addiction was part of the package then the future could be a bit more problematic. Did you write in another thread his first wife was diabetic and alcoholic? Does someone marry two addicts by mistake or chance?
In any event you are doing a great job and can focus on your own recovery. Find lots of sober friends and stay out of the game playing with your husband, (I know easier said than done!) My own anger and resentment got me drunk so many times I hate to think about it.

Flush the pills, and maybe take him to a meeting so he can hear and learn about addiction and recovery?
You can just keep walking forward in a positive way and he can keep pace or be left behind.
Take Care

Beachbabe

Married two addicts... Yes, thats me. I have never looked at it from that point of view. Wow

*ponders and soaks that in*

Thanks Ash.

Jester:

I appreciate your candor.

1_day@_a_time

Alanon says it best.

The three C's.

Didn't cause it, can't control it, can't cure it.

Detach.

ADDRESS THE ISSUE regarding YOU!

when ya' going to take care of you, and get involved in a program of some sort?

1_day@_a_time

BB, there seems to be a pattern.

When you are pressed with tough questions, you don't reply.

You sure have no problem being the hard a$$ yourself.

Tom

Max Oblivia

Keep workin it Beachbabe.
I think your a hard worker.
I like your style.
I know your tough.
I support you.
Max the sober one. Formerly Max Oblivius
Formerly Vicodin Addictus
Now Soberus Maxus

MightyJester160

turner movie clasics... i aint old though... 38 is well lernered... not old!


its nice to forget sometimes.... just look over the things that hurt n such... like seeing through things you normally cant see around...

kids play make believe games right......

so whats an old man doing seperateing two kids under 10 years old for fighting over something they put together in their minds ...

see something they dont hold outside their thoughts .. leads to fighting.... whats that about... dont suppose it matters much cause 2 mins after their napping its like nothing was ever wrong in the first place and the wife and i just assume they needed a nap anyway... she says its overstimulated immaginations......

you suppose adults get that way from time to time.... old movies....just sitting here watching old movies today......

Jester.

MightyJester160

hey you.. where you at ... you ok ?? whats happening..??best wishes


Jester

Done_With_It

How you doin girl?

jbm125

Hi...I'd leave the pills and flush him.

jpeace2

LOL....what Jack said.

Seriously, I wouldn't be there with the pills OR him if my hubby treated me like that. Screw him.....you're better than that. Or don't you think so?

Wolfman

If you have already let the guy know that you would feel alot more comfortable if he would either keep the pills elsewhere if he needed them, or got rid of them if he didn't plan on taking them, then the fact that he is leaving those meds in plain site is far too tempting. Tell him if he actually cares at all about you that he should care enough to not leave you so vulnerable. If he tries to justify it beyond that then he is far too cavalier with your sobriety and perhaps even enjoys taunting you...

Be safe, if he won't accomodate your wishes, flush 'em... NOW.

Peace to you.

Beachbabe

Hey ya'll

Thanks for checking on me. Im ok. Not estactically happy or anything but not suicidal. I suppose thats how alot of us go through life for awhile after getting clean. Existing, doing my daily thing.

His little trick back-fired on him but unfortunately, in a way I cant enjoy. Our/his 15 yr old grabbed them on his way out the door Friday night. They were the blues (10/650 hydrocodone) and they mixed alcohol with it. About 5 parents had to go scrap their kid off the sidewalk because they were soooo fried.

I told everyone there... Darn hun, he Haaaaaad to have gotten these from the pills you laid out. The other parents handled him then, to say the least.

So now our/his baby knows how good they feel and wil score any chance he gets. I also found something in his room recently called triple C? A cold medicine but I dont feel good about it. I say his/our because I have raised them all from babies, their real mother simply allowed me to use her birth canal. Sorry bitch if there ever has been one to walk the earth. 3 kids and she cant/wont care for any of them. Too busy being a floridian ***** with a drink in one hand and a diabetic needle in the other. Now, thats STUPID. Dr said she'd never see 45, prepare for it. Between the drinking and the drinking induced diabetes (being an alcoholic for yrs sometimes leads to diabetes, hers did, her time is numbered.

Hindsight 20/20, this was an arranged marriage. He had 3 kids and needed a Mom for them. He ran across me and hit pay-dirt (very maternal). 'She was hip, she was square she was there! and thats how she became them Nanny.' lalala Dickwad *rolls her eyes*

Dont ever set out to hurt someone... it will come back on you 10 fold. Everytime. My bible says it and I believe it. Good thing is though, any good you do comes back just as fruitful.

Jesus, I love you!

Wolfman

Looks like Jr. is experimenting wit altered states of consciousness. That 'cold medicine' is known to produce feelings of euphoria and even hallucinations in high doses. As far as the Vic is concerned, if he's using cold medicine to get high he's probably not too selective in what he'll try to get that 'warm fuzzy.' He also is probably no where near ready to hear any lecturing. After all, "everyone is doing it" and "You used to party all the time" are still available to fire off if confronted with his using.

Unfortunately, it may take something scary to happen to him or one of his peer group before he is receptive to any of your 'good advice'. Be sure and let him know about the dangers of drugs and that it's a fine line between what's enough to make him feel good and what's enough to kill him. Give him some straight talk from your heart, it will make more of an impression than telling him to "just say no."


Peace and good luck.

MightyJester160

you know me .......!@#$%^&*((^$$%^&$@#$%^&.....im trying to hold my fingers back....k breatheeee ok .... seriously... im cool with him useing your addiction against you to keep you in the sick relationship your in with him...NOT... however im not cool with him destroying the abillity his offsprings have to live a life completely opposite of the adults hes been forced to modle his life after.....forced... not heavyhanded or anything obvious like thet...twisted like ...you know... so long as noone is yelling it must be love ,,,,,, ********... youre not yelling cause your addiction is getting its drug of choice.....NICE lesson... how can you do the one thing you hate to someone who cant defend themselves...well lets look at the chain of command......him you kids... 1 2 3 he does it to you you do it to them...or he does it to you all and you all do it to eachother....nice...blame is a blanket you all fight to cover the other with to keep the toxcisity levels of the disfunctionalliyt so high that noones addiction goes unsupplied...i have to have my DOC because i have to deal with these loaded people the way i know how...BS.. as your sober days stack up you begin to loose the taste for playing games with controlling freaks who dont have the foresight to look after their own flesh and blood. c mon ,,,, think just take a min and think ..even i know i have to start out being nice to a girl if i want to get anywhere with her....but later on i can just play on her weaknesses for me and she will do what i want..... is this the message you want to send to your little ones....to teach them the rules to a game that only they know how to play.....why not give them the chance you never had....is that so unfair...would that be so bad ........

Jesta.

MightyJester160

Dump this guy and his baggage.....for gods sake get out while youre young enough to recover.....just go...

Wolfman

Heavy Duty Jester. I'll be pondering that second last posting and its brutal truths for a while.

Hey BB, leave your contempt for the 'birth canal ' in the dust and instead focus on your efforts to raise these children. So long as you do not approach it self righteously, you are a blessing to these kids and the chance they may never have had at a loving and nurturing influenc in their lives. (even if your message isn't embraced by them, it is still educational and food for thought that can ultimately influence them if not now, then when they are ready.)

By no means allow yourself to be a doormat for anyone, and if and when the time comes for you to leave this relationship, do so because it's in your best interest and don't be stuck in a bad situation that could jeopardise your sobriety because of your 'maternal' instincts.

Staystrong, stay positive.

DO have a good day

MightyJester160

ok i am solly for the Heavy defense.....thnx for the clinical version of whatever that was wolfman...way to step into the heat of the situation and bear witness to her difficulties.

the trauma i suffered from my usage over the short period of time i was exposed to my DOC still has me wondering to this very second....is there another man in the house with my wife.... you know that falling back in a chair feeling you get ....well i get that still. at 1 year sober...do i say anything outloud to the MrS...hell no.. she is not that kind of person...the doc i used however twisted my mind so that even at one year i still dont know how much of the 12 years ive been with my wife are real or not...were raising our 3 kids together and doing the best we can day to day to look after their and our best interests ...... is there room for one of us to be loaded.... is it really a matter of life and death any time i use....or am i safe to just get a bit loaded....and not tell anyone..... i share the way i do to bring the focous exactly to bear on the current issue at hand....sobriety is the only way we have a chance at living the life that god intended for us all to have... zero tollerance....im not ramming my advice into anyones life....these are just words on a screen and you can look away at any time...you can have the loaded life any time you choose..take it ...make no mistakes about it though.your/mine/our addictions are looking for any way out to get what they need to control our lives and addictions do not hold the same values over our lives that we should.....lest we forget those that have and will fall from this disease....we might as well deny our own existance...

Nurturing... to an addict that has grown up devoid of this the meaning of that word is a white hot heat that promises nothing but pain and anguish as we deliberate our past to its definition....were the product of abuseive upbringings and have over time created some of the most complex survival skils you can ever imagine .... the very structure that Nurturing promisses as the basis for its necessity is a transparent guideline that we can measure by the physical sensations we feel in the pit of our stomach as we try to deal with comon everyday issues..these become the events that we call memories..most people just sigh them away ...we dont have that luxury..recovery is a lifetime cure to a disease we were not aware we even had...own that... youre an addict..its terminal...now what are you going to do about it?

Jester.

Wolfman

Yeah, I know that 'falling back in a chair feeling' all too well. Paranoia will destroy ya. However these feelings are an integral part of the human condition and we may never be entirely free from them. That's why it's important to put them into perspective and get down to the 'causes and conditions' as it is obvious you are doing thruogh much introspection.

It takes a long ass time to detach, especially when you have children together. This all but necessitates continued contact with the person and those the recycling of those old wounds and contemplations of "maybe things could have worked out different if I only..."


Can I get away with a little use on the side... is a little ok now and again when noone is looking...

"To decieve others is dangerous... To decieve ourselves is fatal."

Peace to you. Keep on....

-Wolfman

jeff007b

Beachbabe,
First of all I want to say that I respect and admire the fact that you were able to keep your hands off of the pills. That is not a simple task for people in our situation. Its always so much easier to just take the pills. Its easier but is most devistational to our lives. I am not sure of how your realationship is with your hasband. So I can not really say what is right or wrong and I would never try and determine that. Just looking from a different angle. For one people without addiction do not understand what we are faced with. They feel its just a matter of taking control of our addiction. However its not that easy if it were that easy none of us would be here today. I think he is just trying to test you. Maybe he feels threatened but what you are starting to become. A person with true thoughts and feelings. Not someone who is fogged up by a substance that has been placed within our bodies. Maybe he has been so comfortable with the role that he has developed from within your realationship due to your addiction? Maybe he is scared that he will not longer be needed if you are all clean and sober? I cant say b/c I really dont know your situation. All I know is that in one of my family and friends sessions we talked about roles, and the different roles that spouces take on when an addiction is involved in the whole triangle. One thing that was made clear is that the other spouce that has no addiction can at times feel threatened when the other decides to become sober. They are scared that they will not be needed anymore. They can feel like they are not going to be the person who is able to care for the other anymore because they are becoming someone new, someone that is not an addict anymore. I am not sure where your realationship stands but if you still want him in your life and want a healthy realationship there are many kinds of meetings to help the family understand what is going on, and to help from codependancy. Which maybe he is codependant upon you and your addiction. I am not sure just a thought. I am actually going to a meeting with my wife this morning. Its a meeting for family and realitives to attend whos loved one is an addict. I know it has helped my wife to understand a great deal about what is going on in our realationship now that the addiction is added into our realationship. So maybe he is just blind and does not understand anything about what you are going through. It does not make it right, what he has done is unjustifiable and I am very proud of you that you have stayed true to yourself. Keep it up! Maybe its just his ignorance to the whole issue and concept. Maybe he needs to see the light