why does this always happen?????
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
why does this always happen?????
Why do i always start to feel this way? I get to the 30 day marker fairly easily and then BAM! I spend the next two weeks obsessing about drinking........ I start playing mind games with myself......telling myself i'm not an alcoholic, trying to remember what got me here in the first place....it goes on & on. I'm on day 37 today, in the past i made it 45 days, then 44 days, will it be 43 next? It's all a mind game, but i can't turn my mind off. I don't know if i can do it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Hi Igfan,
Yeah, it's annoying the way our mind tries so darn hard to convince us that we're alright to have just one drink.
I'm not sure what other changes you've made in your life since you stopped drinking, but it's important to remember that not drinking is only the beginning of the journey. I think my suggestion would be to plan. You know you have a time period coming up that has caused you problems, so plan to be doing something to take your mind off drinking as much as possible. Change routines and patterns in your daily life. Make yourself do things that take you out of your everyday routine. This might be a good time to try something new that you've been wanting to try. You can get through this!
Yeah, it's annoying the way our mind tries so darn hard to convince us that we're alright to have just one drink.
I'm not sure what other changes you've made in your life since you stopped drinking, but it's important to remember that not drinking is only the beginning of the journey. I think my suggestion would be to plan. You know you have a time period coming up that has caused you problems, so plan to be doing something to take your mind off drinking as much as possible. Change routines and patterns in your daily life. Make yourself do things that take you out of your everyday routine. This might be a good time to try something new that you've been wanting to try. You can get through this!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: QUEENS, NY
Posts: 200
This is your disease talking, I go through the exact thing from time to time, especially if I miss a few meetings. I am convinced that I am not an alcoholic, maybe I could drink socially etc...
To cut a long story short it works better for me if I get to alot of meetings when I feel like that, and it passes. My denial is powerful and tells me I am not an alcoholic, we all go through these phases, I also felt like that at every milestone, 30, 60 90 days.
As an alcoholic, I want to destroy everythng I have ever acomplished, its my nature to mess things up and I try to do that when I have reached a goal.
I don't know if you are in AA, meetings are very helpful during times like that.
Goodluck, Rose
To cut a long story short it works better for me if I get to alot of meetings when I feel like that, and it passes. My denial is powerful and tells me I am not an alcoholic, we all go through these phases, I also felt like that at every milestone, 30, 60 90 days.
As an alcoholic, I want to destroy everythng I have ever acomplished, its my nature to mess things up and I try to do that when I have reached a goal.
I don't know if you are in AA, meetings are very helpful during times like that.
Goodluck, Rose
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Virginia
Posts: 111
Maybe you are putting too much energy in counting days. I made my mind up that I'm not drinking again because I wanted to live... I wanted to get some good out of life. I have a life time goal. Not 'one day at a time' goals.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Hampshire
Posts: 782
As an alcoholic, I want to destroy everythng I have ever acomplished, its my nature to mess things up and I try to do that when I have reached a goal. I don't know if you are in AA, meetings are very helpful during times like that.
Maybe you are putting too much energy in counting days
I've also started having wicked anxiety again, i'm thinking about calling my doctor for a prescription, the only other option i know is to drink
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
I went through the same thing. It took me over a year to get 6 months.
Yeah...getting pass the 45 days threashold was a struggle.
I just kept going back no matter what.
I wasn't sure I was alki, but had a desire. A desire not live like
that anymore. Wasn't totally convince alcohol/drugs had a role
in my live problems of course. After all I functioned will for years
stoned or drunked off my ass. I never got into major trouble until
the end. Was still in the stage of thinking AA was going to teach me
how to live and drink at the sametime. During my relapses nothing
bad happened...so I was incline to think I wasn't alki even more.
But damn..the depressions, anxiety and what not.
And some of the stuff/life issue that was being say in meetings
I can relate to, but I didn't want to deal with them or knew how.
There's a fair amount of obsessive, complusive behavior/thinking involve.
It's in the big book.
It just got to the piont of I gave up on the whole idea of trying to
stop. It seemed the more I tried to stop, the more I would want to drink.
For a while attending meetings or after a meeting I would want to go out
and get drunk...Good god almighty.. is this it ? All these nut cases and
hell no I don't want to be like those peaple.
Then I had one of those miracle or Ahha moments.
I actually, reflected on step #1 the word POWERLESS kind of jumped
out at me. It wasn't like I've never heard it before from all the meetings
I attended. It was just the first time I reflect or took any kind of
significaint of that word . My first spiritual awaking, I suppose.
No angles,ligthings or god almighty standing in the clouds.lol
and Yeah...."don't leave five minutes before the miracle happens"
Yeah...getting pass the 45 days threashold was a struggle.
I just kept going back no matter what.
I wasn't sure I was alki, but had a desire. A desire not live like
that anymore. Wasn't totally convince alcohol/drugs had a role
in my live problems of course. After all I functioned will for years
stoned or drunked off my ass. I never got into major trouble until
the end. Was still in the stage of thinking AA was going to teach me
how to live and drink at the sametime. During my relapses nothing
bad happened...so I was incline to think I wasn't alki even more.
But damn..the depressions, anxiety and what not.
And some of the stuff/life issue that was being say in meetings
I can relate to, but I didn't want to deal with them or knew how.
There's a fair amount of obsessive, complusive behavior/thinking involve.
It's in the big book.
It just got to the piont of I gave up on the whole idea of trying to
stop. It seemed the more I tried to stop, the more I would want to drink.
For a while attending meetings or after a meeting I would want to go out
and get drunk...Good god almighty.. is this it ? All these nut cases and
hell no I don't want to be like those peaple.
Then I had one of those miracle or Ahha moments.
I actually, reflected on step #1 the word POWERLESS kind of jumped
out at me. It wasn't like I've never heard it before from all the meetings
I attended. It was just the first time I reflect or took any kind of
significaint of that word . My first spiritual awaking, I suppose.
No angles,ligthings or god almighty standing in the clouds.lol
and Yeah...."don't leave five minutes before the miracle happens"
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