So glad I found this site! Question-
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: IL.
Posts: 8
So glad I found this site! Question-
:ValB010:
This is starting day 9 for me. When I decided to quit - a week ago Mon. I didn't tell anyone - hey I'm going to quit. Just did it - action works better for me than talking.
Here's a question I have though - so I quit. Others don't know the extent of my problem. I told my husband I was on a diet - which is true- alcohol doesn't fit in with a diet, all those empty calories and all.
Of course my husband say's - why don't you just cut back on the wine? I just ignored him.
Now last night we were standing in the kitchen and he says "have you ever thought maybe your weight gain has to do with the gallons of wine you were drinking? And now you are on such a strick diet that just about everything is bad?" (hmmm - he knows more about how much I drank than I thought)
I told him I just want to lose weight quick. (I'm following Atkins which I think is a good program, nothing unhealthy - lots of veggies and fresh food)
Anyways - we go out to dinner and this rest. has a bar- he says lets sit down and have a cocktail - you can have one glass of wine. I said we can sit down at the bar but I am having mineral water!
You all know- for a split second I thought - ya - I can have a glass of wine and then I wised up and thought Ya I can have one and then two and then have some more when I get home.
So I stuck to my guns - no drinks. I woke up this morning and thought good for me!
These changes must be hard for my husband. I think he is afraid I'm going to change or something - whoops I guess I have changed.
How can he go from saying " all the gallons of wine you used to drink to - you can have a glass of Chardonay?"
Maybe he is in denial -
(Whew - that was a long post!)
This is starting day 9 for me. When I decided to quit - a week ago Mon. I didn't tell anyone - hey I'm going to quit. Just did it - action works better for me than talking.
Here's a question I have though - so I quit. Others don't know the extent of my problem. I told my husband I was on a diet - which is true- alcohol doesn't fit in with a diet, all those empty calories and all.
Of course my husband say's - why don't you just cut back on the wine? I just ignored him.
Now last night we were standing in the kitchen and he says "have you ever thought maybe your weight gain has to do with the gallons of wine you were drinking? And now you are on such a strick diet that just about everything is bad?" (hmmm - he knows more about how much I drank than I thought)
I told him I just want to lose weight quick. (I'm following Atkins which I think is a good program, nothing unhealthy - lots of veggies and fresh food)
Anyways - we go out to dinner and this rest. has a bar- he says lets sit down and have a cocktail - you can have one glass of wine. I said we can sit down at the bar but I am having mineral water!
You all know- for a split second I thought - ya - I can have a glass of wine and then I wised up and thought Ya I can have one and then two and then have some more when I get home.
So I stuck to my guns - no drinks. I woke up this morning and thought good for me!
These changes must be hard for my husband. I think he is afraid I'm going to change or something - whoops I guess I have changed.
How can he go from saying " all the gallons of wine you used to drink to - you can have a glass of Chardonay?"
Maybe he is in denial -
(Whew - that was a long post!)
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
He just doesn't understand -- and that's why we come here. Here we do understand that there is no such thing as one glass of wine!
And, yes, you are going to change, no doubt about that. And, who knows where it will lead you. I changed when I stopped drinking. My husband was never in denial about my drinking though. It is hard when one spouse changes and one does not, but you know you are doing the right thing.
And, yes, you are going to change, no doubt about that. And, who knows where it will lead you. I changed when I stopped drinking. My husband was never in denial about my drinking though. It is hard when one spouse changes and one does not, but you know you are doing the right thing.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 305
Sometimes when someone sees how out of control they believe our drinking is, they think we cannot control anything. Low and behold, we are able to control! Scary when we're drinking and scary when we're not!
Your dh sounds like a nice guy. I am sure he is actually thrilled you chose mineral water and that you woke up smiling.
Your dh sounds like a nice guy. I am sure he is actually thrilled you chose mineral water and that you woke up smiling.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Melbourne victoria
Posts: 1,975
Hi Travel Welcome to SR
Good for you , and Congratulations on your 9 days ! Well done .
I found it difficult to STAY stopped, and I found AA a great help and support in changing my thinking and my lifestyle , also the fellowship with others who have the same goal is a terrific boost
Keep on keeping on
Good work
HUGX
Lee
Welcome to SR Good for you , and Congratulations on your 9 days ! Well done .
I found it difficult to STAY stopped, and I found AA a great help and support in changing my thinking and my lifestyle , also the fellowship with others who have the same goal is a terrific boost
Keep on keeping on
Good work
HUGX
Lee
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: midwest
Posts: 148
Hey travel, good for you! I am currently trying to taper, bad choice or not,I don't know. You sound like a very strong lady, and I wish the best for you,and me, and all of us on this board. I am still um... on the bottle, but I will not buy today, or tomorrow. If I don't quit in the next day or two, my husband will take me, kicking and screaming into rehab. I am not a violent person, I take ladybugs outside if I find them in the house, and even a spider every now and then. But if he tries to take me in, oh never mind, I will just go. But heck, I won't like it. Good for you, you will make it I can just tell.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: New Focus
Posts: 687
Hi Travel,
Good for you on day nine and on the mineral water!
Your husband most likley doesnt understand the problem, he probably thinks, well she can just cut down. Others have no clue about why there just CANT BE ONE!!!! Also, you are making big changes and change is scary.
Stick to it whatever, you and your husband will be happier in the end
Good for you on day nine and on the mineral water!
Your husband most likley doesnt understand the problem, he probably thinks, well she can just cut down. Others have no clue about why there just CANT BE ONE!!!! Also, you are making big changes and change is scary.
Stick to it whatever, you and your husband will be happier in the end
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 487
Originally Posted by travel
This is starting day 9 for me. When I decided to quit - a week ago Mon. I didn't tell anyone - hey I'm going to quit. Just did it - action works better for me than talking.
Here's a question I have though - so I quit. Others don't know the extent of my problem. I told my husband I was on a diet - which is true- alcohol doesn't fit in with a diet, all those empty calories and all.
Of course my husband say's - why don't you just cut back on the wine? I just ignored him.
Now last night we were standing in the kitchen and he says "have you ever thought maybe your weight gain has to do with the gallons of wine you were drinking? And now you are on such a strick diet that just about everything is bad?" (hmmm - he knows more about how much I drank than I thought)
I told him I just want to lose weight quick. (I'm following Atkins which I think is a good program, nothing unhealthy - lots of veggies and fresh food)
Anyways - we go out to dinner and this rest. has a bar- he says lets sit down and have a cocktail - you can have one glass of wine. I said we can sit down at the bar but I am having mineral water!
You all know- for a split second I thought - ya - I can have a glass of wine and then I wised up and thought Ya I can have one and then two and then have some more when I get home.
So I stuck to my guns - no drinks. I woke up this morning and thought good for me!
These changes must be hard for my husband. I think he is afraid I'm going to change or something - whoops I guess I have changed.
How can he go from saying " all the gallons of wine you used to drink to - you can have a glass of Chardonay?"
Maybe he is in denial -
(Whew - that was a long post!)
Here's a question I have though - so I quit. Others don't know the extent of my problem. I told my husband I was on a diet - which is true- alcohol doesn't fit in with a diet, all those empty calories and all.
Of course my husband say's - why don't you just cut back on the wine? I just ignored him.
Now last night we were standing in the kitchen and he says "have you ever thought maybe your weight gain has to do with the gallons of wine you were drinking? And now you are on such a strick diet that just about everything is bad?" (hmmm - he knows more about how much I drank than I thought)
I told him I just want to lose weight quick. (I'm following Atkins which I think is a good program, nothing unhealthy - lots of veggies and fresh food)
Anyways - we go out to dinner and this rest. has a bar- he says lets sit down and have a cocktail - you can have one glass of wine. I said we can sit down at the bar but I am having mineral water!
You all know- for a split second I thought - ya - I can have a glass of wine and then I wised up and thought Ya I can have one and then two and then have some more when I get home.
So I stuck to my guns - no drinks. I woke up this morning and thought good for me!
These changes must be hard for my husband. I think he is afraid I'm going to change or something - whoops I guess I have changed.
How can he go from saying " all the gallons of wine you used to drink to - you can have a glass of Chardonay?"
Maybe he is in denial -
(Whew - that was a long post!)
I hope you don't mind my adding my two yen (well, this is a public Internet forum, so not much choice
)I've seen a couple of people respond that your husband just doesn't understand, and you yourself are wondering if he's in "denial". I've gone back and read your post several times and it seems to me that you haven't given him a chance yet to fully understand. You've told him you're on a diet, yet that doesn't seem to be the real reason why you've stopped drinking, or you would not be posting here, yes? If a diet was your true motivation, you would be posting on an dieters' board, it seems to me.
I would lay strong odds your husband isn't psychic. I have no idea what your relationship is with him, but if it is at least minimally healthy and if you are truly seeking help and support from him--tell him! If he truly is in denial, which I could at least see to a partial extent, he can only come to grips with that situation if he knows you are coming to grips with your drinking. How can you expect him to come to help with your situation and support you if you yourself have only begun to do that yourself, yet haven't told him what you are doing?
You've changed your lifestyle, which I applaud, but you haven't included your husband in that change. I know it's scary, and many times we don't tell the people we hold closest our fears and problems because we don't want to hurt and burden them, but that is what they are there for. We are human beings, and human beings are social animals--it's ok to ask for and accept help. You've done it here and I feel strongly you can do it with your husband, friends and family as well.
Maybe I'm missing something. If I am please tell me. Is he a heavy drinker/alcoholic himself? There was nothing in your post to indicate that. He may be in denial, but I think he largely doesn't know the whole story yet. Yes, you've changed--let him change also.
I hope you keep strong and keep posting.
Take care.
By the way, congratulations on 9 days!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: IL.
Posts: 8
Hey Beam me up Scotty - I like that name, it's funny.
Thank you for your insight. No, I have not explained to him the full extent of my problem. I guess I want to get a good handle on it myself before letting others that are close to me in on the deal. I'm being selfish taking care of myself. I know eventually I will have to come clean with him. I just want to have myself under control and feel confident in what I'm doing.
He does drink but is not an over-drinker. He would talk to me once and awhile about my drinking too much, but I don't think he likes it that I totally quit. I'm sure he would rather have me be just a social drinker - like at parties or a cocktail while we are out before dinner ect. but, I don't know if I can do that.
Right now I just want to quit for at least 30 days and see how I feel and then reevaluate my situation.
Thanks again for your insight.
travel
Thank you for your insight. No, I have not explained to him the full extent of my problem. I guess I want to get a good handle on it myself before letting others that are close to me in on the deal. I'm being selfish taking care of myself. I know eventually I will have to come clean with him. I just want to have myself under control and feel confident in what I'm doing.
He does drink but is not an over-drinker. He would talk to me once and awhile about my drinking too much, but I don't think he likes it that I totally quit. I'm sure he would rather have me be just a social drinker - like at parties or a cocktail while we are out before dinner ect. but, I don't know if I can do that.
Right now I just want to quit for at least 30 days and see how I feel and then reevaluate my situation.
Thanks again for your insight.
travel
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 79
Congrats on 9 days!! That's HUGE! But - just my 2 cents - the longer you wait to tell your husband, the harder it will be. I didn't tell my wife the extent of my problem and now that it's been just over 2 weeks, I'm not sure how I'd even broach the subject. So, do it now and he may surprise you by giving you his full support!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 487
Originally Posted by travel
Hey Beam me up Scotty - I like that name, it's funny.
Thank you for your insight. No, I have not explained to him the full extent of my problem. I guess I want to get a good handle on it myself before letting others that are close to me in on the deal. I'm being selfish taking care of myself. I know eventually I will have to come clean with him. I just want to have myself under control and feel confident in what I'm doing.
He does drink but is not an over-drinker. He would talk to me once and awhile about my drinking too much, but I don't think he likes it that I totally quit. I'm sure he would rather have me be just a social drinker - like at parties or a cocktail while we are out before dinner ect. but, I don't know if I can do that.
Right now I just want to quit for at least 30 days and see how I feel and then reevaluate my situation.
Thanks again for your insight.
travel
Thank you for your insight. No, I have not explained to him the full extent of my problem. I guess I want to get a good handle on it myself before letting others that are close to me in on the deal. I'm being selfish taking care of myself. I know eventually I will have to come clean with him. I just want to have myself under control and feel confident in what I'm doing.
He does drink but is not an over-drinker. He would talk to me once and awhile about my drinking too much, but I don't think he likes it that I totally quit. I'm sure he would rather have me be just a social drinker - like at parties or a cocktail while we are out before dinner ect. but, I don't know if I can do that.
Right now I just want to quit for at least 30 days and see how I feel and then reevaluate my situation.
Thanks again for your insight.
travel
I understand your feelings and trepidations. I don't think you are being selfish. I think your trying to deal with a major life decision and lifestyle change in the way you think is best. Personally, I've pretty much given up hope on the post office--I'm pretty sure they've lost my user's manual for life, so I can't be blamed when I make a mistake. I'm sure they must have lost yours as well, so don't be too hard on yourself. Whenever you get down or make a mistake--blame it on the post office!!
But seriously, I personally think you have much more to gain from telling your husband than not. I just think it will make it easier for you. Wouldn't it be better to be able to talk about it at any time, rather than adding extra stress on yourself that you "know" you have to tell him eventually? I don't know the man, but from what you've described he seems decent and will understand and help you if you let him know.
No matter what you choose to do, continue to choose not to drink. I've been very fortunate. I've been sober about 2 1/2 months and my life has simply turned out better than I could have imagined. Things will get better without drinking.
Keep strong and take care.
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
Hi travel. Welcome to SR. For me, my life needed more then me just not drinking. I had to learn how to live my life without drinking, covering up all my emotions. That's what AA (my choice in recovery programs) has done for me!! I am now happy and at peace with myself. It has given me the ability to choose not to drink. This FREEDOM is amazing!!
Keep coming back!!
Missy
Keep coming back!!
Missy
everything is already ok
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Melbourne Victoria Australia
Posts: 19,789
Hi travel,
Congrats on the 9 days, way to go
Its tough enough for me to do this one day at a time, I can not imagine keep it from those close to me, in fact they give me loads of love and support all the time.
Keep coming back.
Kevin
Congrats on the 9 days, way to go
Its tough enough for me to do this one day at a time, I can not imagine keep it from those close to me, in fact they give me loads of love and support all the time.
Keep coming back.
Kevin
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 305
Hi Travel,
Congratulations on your progress and I understand the method and path you are taking. I did it the same way, although my husband did know.
If you feel it is better this way, that is your decision. If you feel pressure from not telling your husband, then you have to. If you don't for now and just need "Me" time...well, then whatever floats your boat babe! Just want cha healthy.
I always believe that if we are OK, then the rest will fall into place.
Good luck on your journey, you're not alone!
Etimee
PS -> Just had to add that your husband probably has a good idea of what you are doing, he may be just giving you your time that you need. Ya think?
Congratulations on your progress and I understand the method and path you are taking. I did it the same way, although my husband did know.
If you feel it is better this way, that is your decision. If you feel pressure from not telling your husband, then you have to. If you don't for now and just need "Me" time...well, then whatever floats your boat babe!
Just want cha healthy.I always believe that if we are OK, then the rest will fall into place.
Good luck on your journey, you're not alone!
Etimee
PS -> Just had to add that your husband probably has a good idea of what you are doing, he may be just giving you your time that you need. Ya think?
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Gald you are here posting about your drinking problem, that takes courage!
A note on dieting.
Re: Atkin's/ high protein diets. They tend to make you moody and grouchy. Generally for weeks in the beginning.
I lost major weight the following way.
LOW fat, smaller portions. Excercise.
The excerise CLEARS the mind like NO drug can. Huge reduction in anxiety and depression.
Once you have started to lose some pounds, you can introduce more protein into your diet.
I found the best way was to use protein powder.
Mix frozen fruit, yogurt into your favorite fruit juice, and blend.
Oh, and please, whatever you do, DON'T, DON'T do sobriety alone.
Get involved in SOME sort of formal program.
AA saved my life!
Tom
A note on dieting.
Re: Atkin's/ high protein diets. They tend to make you moody and grouchy. Generally for weeks in the beginning.
I lost major weight the following way.
LOW fat, smaller portions. Excercise.
The excerise CLEARS the mind like NO drug can. Huge reduction in anxiety and depression.
Once you have started to lose some pounds, you can introduce more protein into your diet.
I found the best way was to use protein powder.
Mix frozen fruit, yogurt into your favorite fruit juice, and blend.
Oh, and please, whatever you do, DON'T, DON'T do sobriety alone.
Get involved in SOME sort of formal program.
AA saved my life!
Tom
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