miss communicat

There's a good book I recommend you read: "High Bottom Drunk", by Nicholas Roper. At first I was very critical of the style and topic, but I stuck with it and am suggesting it because it is very educational for those of us, whethere its booze or pills or both, who look fine on the outside.

it explores honest recovery on physical, emotional and spiritual levels.

1_day@_a_time

I have heard about that book, bet we could all benefit from it.

Having said that, going to a meeting is also in order.

Today.............

NOW!

And thanks Kelly. I like your message, and your candor.

Tom

Beachbabe

Any of you read "A Million Little Pieces"?

1_day@_a_time

Sure, good reading. Was better before I knew the latest.

You ignoring the message from all of us?

Beachbabe

He and I did a meeting. It was an AA but we just substituted the doc. I was listening and looking for the differences and simularities. Trying to relate but honestly, I couldnt.

Upside for him was, he could smoke. I'd have never thought smoking would be permitted, pretty cool. Because I imagine for some, if they couldnt smoke, they wouldnt go.

I found no differences or simularities. It was more like I was in there for research or shooting a documentary. To be honest, it was alot like I imagined it... somewhat of a pity party. That really turned me off. I dont attend those.

There were probably 10-15 people maybe a few more. 3 newbies. One of the newbies was in pretty bad withdrawal and seemed as if she needed to be in the hospital rather than the meeting. I asked her is she was hungry, needed a ride, if there was anything I could do for her but got 'in trouble' a little. I guess they want the newbies apart at first?

I gave her $20.00 hoping she uses it for good. Today, I wonder if that was the right thing to do. I didnt think about her using it for drugs until my man pointed it out when we got into the car. I felt ****** then. And I held her, despite the fact she didnt smell fresh and really didnt care. I think someone would have had to hold her up to get her through the meeting.

That was me one day not too long ago... being so sick and missing showers somedays.

I dont know if I got this out of the meeting or in my sleep or woke up with this attitude, all I can hope is it is a healthy one:

From this day forward Im not going to have an over-whelming desire to be 'fixed' today. Im not going to wish I had almost 2 yrs behind me rather than 2 months. I have a whole new view on life...

I am a structure 'under construction'. Although I am still functionable, I am in a state that consists of remodeling and renovation. Three floors need the most work, my mind body and soul. After completion, I will not be as good as new but even better because I worked so hard at it.

Yoga works for my body, I can shove my foot up my own ass if I want (ladies learn yoga it will not only make you live a better life when elderly but it makes 'play time' unbelieveable. Imagine being able to get into ANY position you/he/she desires. Hell, guys too. There are guys in my class. It does something for my soul, very relaxing once you get unbent like a pretzel.

I go to church but not always with my family. Mostly alone. I am going to insist my 5 yr old go from now on. He needs that foundation to build his faith on. I will encourage my husband, and 4 older boys to go and hope they do. This is for the soul. I always walk out of church cleansed and happy. Baptist church is like a bar brawl minus the alcohol lol. We get our church ON! Amen.

As for my mind, Im going to continue on with my work as usual. I am going to continue to get on the boat almost everyday. Its docked in our back yard so you just untie it, start it and go down the channel into the ocean. I never go too far out alone though. And I never go without packing, guys can see me out there and do what they want with me, chop me up, fish food. Happens all the time. Never go out of cell phone range.

I wasnt paying attention yesterday trying to get the windshield closed and run up on an oyster bed and it shot me out of the water lol. Scared the crap out of me at first but when I landed it was a RUSH. Just glad I landed flat and not sideways. The sun feels soooo healthy. I can feel the photosynthesis going on inside my body.

I am going to walk for at least 30 minutes a day and return calls while doing that. Then it won't bother my work and play time. I havent been riding my motorcycle as much as I need to because it is a little chilly in the evenings (CBR600 sportbike). Then again, I doubt most of you would consider 65 chilly. Is to Floridians though *buuurrrr*

Will I go back to another NA or AA meeting? Well, I am an addict and I cant think of one single thing I ever did only once.

Again, thank you all so much for being a part of what has become 'my journal'. I pray for SR every night now.