Laura_P

Today is my day 3 without drinking. It hasn't been hard yet, but I have 3 social events coming up this week where I know it will be. I have had so many questions in my head. Am I really an addict? Can I just cut back? I've tried to cut back, but after that first one, the rest go down so easy.... Just one more.....I haven't told anyone, not even my husband. Actually, my doctor knows and he referred me to talk to an addiction specialist, but so far they have not returned my calls. I am going to tell my hubby this w/e, we have a "Date night" planned for Friday, which usu involves pot (helps me get in the mood) and alcohol. He does know that I have a problem, and has offerred to help me, and has said that he would stop drinking with me if I wanted him to. At the time that we had that discussion, about 4 months ago, I told him that I realized that I was drinking too much and would cut back some, which I did, for a little while. I guess I'm what you call a "habitual" alcoholic. I drink every night but very rarely during the day (only with friends at a lunch where others are drinking). Once I start, I usually have 4-6, sometimes more. I've gotten to where I'll only have 2-3, then when hubby goes to bed, I have a few more. I have had blackouts after a big party. I'm kinda known as a "party girl", and I guess I'm wondering what I will be without the "Party " part? Just boring? As far as the pot, that's very rare. We have it in the house, but it's not even a temptation. I only smoke about once a month, if that much. I know any of you who reads this is going to tell me that I have to quit both, but I'm really focusing on the alcohol right now. I'm PMSing right now, so that really sucks, too. I would love to be like my hubby and so many of my friends and be able to "just have one or two", but it's looking more and more like that's not an option for me. Drinking is such a big part of so many of my social activities, and I feel so much more relaxed and social when I've had a few. This is going to be so hard.
Laura_P

best

True and drinking is also THE big part of me screwing up many of the social activities.

Comes a point when they are not laughing with you, but at you.

Many a time when I would go to parties and not drink, I would see that there was no social value being made of the party. Get drunk enough, fall down, go home, not remember a thing from the night before.

Go sober, stay sober, and see what you find. You can have a good time sober. Until you try it, you won't ever know.

CarolD

Welcome...

Congratulations for seeking answers to your drinking.

Alcoholism is a disease.

I suggest you get more factual info

My favorite resourse on alcoholism is
"Under The Influence"
and it has a sequel..."Beyond The Influence"

Both can be ordered from Amazon...

Glad to see a new member...we do understand and you are not alone.

Blessings...

O yes...Blackouts are explained on Page 119 in
"Under" I have not had one since I read that info.

BSPGirl

Welcome Laura! Just try to realize that booze will make all the problems you listed worse, eventually. (I certainly stay very far from alcohol when PMS'ing)

bikewench

"party girl" eh.. ;o)

Me too...
And then at some point.. I realized that I was tired.. and worn out.. and I was still trying to live up to that label...
be what people expected me to be..

And then there was the other side..
my side.. ;o)
I had unreal standards and expectations around myself.... and that contributed to my using.
Even just thinking that I couldn't have fun without using...
I know today that's a lie to myself...
Dependancy on a substance takes my fun...
I'm just the puppet dancing on the end of the string.

Years can go by..
while we play with this...

Society.. in my opinion... is outa control...

I don't have to join them.

nogard

Welcome to SR and congrats glad your here.

Kevin

Grimnar

Hi Laura!

Welcome to SR.

It's really good you have the support of your husband.

Digger

Welcome to SR, your in a good place, keep coming back for loads of very helpful advise. As for this weekend do your best and try to stay sober. Good luck
Dave

Chy

Hi Laura,
I was stuck in party girl mode for 20+ years. I have to say the last 10 were sheer hell though emotionally. I was lonely, miserable, angry all the time, bloated like a beached whale and just at the end of my ropes. My husband loved me unconditionally and put up with it nearly 3/4 of our marriage of 25 years.

I was afraid to stop, I was afraid I'd only go crazy not knowing how to utilize my drinking time and to some degree didn't want to quit. But I had to. I had to because I hated the emotional turmoil I was in with my self. I went from my 20's the foxy chick to the lonely miserable isolating shell of a person I became.

I relate to your story. I understand what your feeling. I've been there. I'm sober now and my only regret is not having the courage to do it much sooner. I've never been happier... truly!

Laura_P

Here's the thing, When I drink, I do really enjoy it. I keep reading stories of how people are sick all the time, and doing stupid things when they drink. Granted, I have done an occasional stupid thing related to drinking, but not in a long while. Mostly when I was younger. I'm 38, have 2 kids and a wonderful hubby. He drinks, though not nearly as much as I do. I like to drink when I am out with friends, a "social" drinker, perhaps. But I do tend to drink more than most of my friends. While they have 2, maybe 3 drinks, I will easliy have 5,6, maybe even more. I have no health problems, rarely have hangovers, and typically have a good time when I drink. It "loosens" me up. I have better sex, though rarely orgasm when I drink. I am more conversational when I drink. I can be a bit shy without that extra "boost". I also like to drink at home while relaxing in the evening. It starts with a glass of wine while making dinner, another 1 or 2 with dinner, then another 2 or 3 while watching tv, taking a bath, etc. I have probably 6 or so, but it is usually over 5 or 6 hours. So it's not like I'm getting trashed or anything. My problem is that I can't stop once I start. I do fine when I don't drink, but I would rather have a drink. It's not like if I don't drink I have any kind of withdrawal or insomnia even. My doctor says that if I keep drinking like I do (and I only told him 3-4 per night), it could cause problems in the long run, even though I am very healthy now. I know he is right. My hubby has not asked me to quit, just to "cut back". I do for a while, then I slip back into my same old routine.
I know this all sounds like I am trying to justify my actions. I'm not, I'm just trying to understand them and to make a decision about what I need to do. Do I need to quit cold-turkey? Can I really cut back and stay that way? that would be my preference, but is it a possibility? I'm not looking for you to answer my questions for me- I know I have to do that on my own. I just want to know are there others out there like me and what are your experiences? How did you handle it?

REZ

These are questions only you can answer yourself. In AA meetings, they recommend that you try some controlled drinking if you are not sure whether you are an alcoholic. Try, seriously, cutting down, drinking less. If you can't do this, then you may be an alcoholic. If you are an alcoholic, the disease will get worse over time (it is progressive). Now you're at 5-6 a night and none during the day, but it may go up to drinking 10-12 a night and during the day a lot. I would urge you to go to an AA meeting--you may find a lot of support and information there even if you are not sure whether you are an alcoholic.

CarolD

Hmmm....
You drink more than your husband and friends
You drink at home and when out
Your husbands ask that you cut back
Your doctor has warned you and you lied to him
You tried to moderate and could not
No withdrawals? It takes awhile for the alcohol to leave your system before they begin.

A married Mom of 38 is a tad over the hill as a party girl.

Laura...save yourself the misery that
I can see coming into your life.
I know you and you know me
We are women dealing with a deadly disease,

AA is my solution...I do hope you find yours.

Jhana

When I first tried to "cut back" I believe it was the beginning of my realization that I had a problem. Oh, I could "cut back" but then I would spend the rest of the evening obsessing. And things over time then began to get worse-much worse.

You have quit for three days; there must be a reason. Social drinkers never think about this stuff.

I do know a few people who drink a lot on a daily basis and are able to quit when they have had enough. Years have gone by and they seem to be fine with this, although of course I can't know what is lurking in their inner lives.

Glad you found SR; welcome,

Gianna
Day 6 (of quitting again)

bikewench

there is something called the "yets" in addiction.....

I hope you never have to go there.

Chy

Yes, I was just like you and came to find my own answer. Drinking wasn't an option anymore. When you put this much energy into questioning it there's a problem, but you must decide how to tackle it.

zazamama

Dear Laura,
I know what you mean about trying to tell yourself you can cut back, etc. I've done that so many times, and also tried to go without alcohol so many times. I decided to try, one day at a time (the cliche really helps) becasue I want to be more present for my daughter, age 12. I'm not a party girl but really enjoyed my wine at night, too mcuh I'm afraid. I am taking a freind out to dinner next week adn I told him: Im still not drinking so I hope I'm not boring. He told me: I will never think of you as boring. That might be in you, not what others think of you. I've had 21 days without a galss of wine (or any alchohol. Here's what ahs helped:
1. Steer clear of parties for a bit, until you feel more in control
2, Indulge yourself in other things, like good mineral water, fresh limes and lemons for it, bubble baths, fresh flowers, something for every day you dont drink. With the money I am saving (I spent 15 on each bottle of wine) I joined a gym and work out. It deos something physically that helps.
Stay well-noursihed and well hydrated and try to cut back on sugar if you can.
You are doing great! Be well.

Justme57

Hi Laura

Alcoholism is a progressive and fatal disease.

It WILL get worse.

There are many "yets" in the journey.

it was when I tried to moderate my drinking, and realised I could not , that I became terrified, mind you , not terrified enough to actually quit! THAT took me another 30 years. You do not have to ride the train to the end of the line, you could hop off now

HUGX
Lee

BSPGirl

Who are you to judge that?

Anyway...yeah I think it might be a good idea to 'test' kinda if you can cut down the drinking or like go to a party and have fun without alcohol at all. I do that sometimes, just checking if I can still have fun without the booze. If you notice that you think you need alcohol to have fun, then you might have a problem with drinking, yes.

Mandybabes

Dear Laura, I am 53, and when I was 38 I think we were wearing the same shoes. I would love when there were parties or picnics and I could look forward to a bit of excess. You still have your health, and if I could talk to me when I was your age, I would yell, STOP, STOP. It is so much harder now. I wake up nauseous, and it will not stop until I drink a bit. It creeps up on you, and will take over your life. Believe me Laura, stop now. While it will not be quite as hard. It won't be fun, and it won't be easy. Did I understand correctly that you have young children? What about that. When I think back about my little guys asking me "why did you do that Mom" I just what to die. I still wonder if my adult children will allow be to sit for their children, should I actually be alive when they are born. I have two adult sons, 26 and 25. Don't let this happen to you. If I am scaring you, I'm sorry but that is the reality. It sounds like you are on the road, but it is not too late. My name is Marilyn, and I am an alcoholic. Hugs

Laura_P

Thanks you to all who replied to me. Unfortunatley, I have not been posting or even reading these for a while. For one, I have to use my kids' compuuter because I don't want my husband to know about this. He is very supportive, and will want to talk about it, and I don't want to until I am ready. I have been drinking since I last posted over a month ago, sometimes the usual 5-6, sometimes not at all. I have cut back some, but not enough. I went to see a behavioral therapist today ( I had to wait 1 1/2 months to get an appointment!) and it went pretty well. He presribed Campral which is supposed to help reduce the cravings. Hopefully it will work for chocolate, too!:-) SO I guess today is day 1, all over again. I'm not saying that I'm quitting, but I am cutting back severely! I'm also going to start keeping a journal of how much I drink and how I feel, both when drinking and when not. I've gone to a couple of parties over the past month and have drank, but have stayed in control. No blackouts. I'm just going to take it one day at a time, go from there. Maybe this stuff will really work and I won't even want to drink anymore. Although I don't think my drinking is so muich a physical craving as a habitual one. But what do I know? Has anyone else ever tried Campral? I'd be interested to know what your results were.

Thanks again for all of the support! You guys are all awesome!