Loving an Addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Redwood City, CA
Posts: 5
Loving an Addict
Loving an Addict is the most difficult thing I have ever experienced. The warrning signs were there, the little voice spoke to me, but did I listen? NO!! I thought he would change, I though he would change for me, I though I could fix him. Words like "Codependant & Enabler" meant nothing to me. Now I realize the "part" I played in this relationship as a codependant and enabler.
The guy is sick, an Addict, porn, coke, pot, women, it dosent matter...
The attraction was and is very strong between us, so that might have had something to do with it, we were drawn to each other sexually, and I know that contributed to the problem. It started with pot, then moved to coke, and it was alot of coke at one time. Then he overdosed on his depression pills, but did I run far away NO!! I cant tell you all of the things I have experienced with this man, the endless nights crying and crying over this man. He just showed up at me house last Friday high as a kite after doing cocaine all night, and it took everything inside of me to tell him to leave and not to call me ever again. and do you know what I did after I slammed the door on him...
I ran after him, but thank God, he had drove away already... Then the guilt began, then the anger. We have gone throught this before, I get mad, we don't talk for a few weeks, but he ALWAYS comes back to me and you know that I take him back. What will happen this time? Will I let him back into my life again? Or is it really over this time? Am I that stupid? I know that if I do, my life will be Hell again, and all of the hard work I have done in the past will be thrown out the window, and the Madness will start again... I'm the codependant because when he is High, he loves me, I want that call at 3:00 in the morning from him professing his love for me, and I know that is totally sick on my part, but it feels soo good at the same time...
The guy is sick, an Addict, porn, coke, pot, women, it dosent matter...
The attraction was and is very strong between us, so that might have had something to do with it, we were drawn to each other sexually, and I know that contributed to the problem. It started with pot, then moved to coke, and it was alot of coke at one time. Then he overdosed on his depression pills, but did I run far away NO!! I cant tell you all of the things I have experienced with this man, the endless nights crying and crying over this man. He just showed up at me house last Friday high as a kite after doing cocaine all night, and it took everything inside of me to tell him to leave and not to call me ever again. and do you know what I did after I slammed the door on him...
I ran after him, but thank God, he had drove away already... Then the guilt began, then the anger. We have gone throught this before, I get mad, we don't talk for a few weeks, but he ALWAYS comes back to me and you know that I take him back. What will happen this time? Will I let him back into my life again? Or is it really over this time? Am I that stupid? I know that if I do, my life will be Hell again, and all of the hard work I have done in the past will be thrown out the window, and the Madness will start again... I'm the codependant because when he is High, he loves me, I want that call at 3:00 in the morning from him professing his love for me, and I know that is totally sick on my part, but it feels soo good at the same time...
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
(((leslie))). Lotsa hugs.
You are addicted to him.
Think about that for a moment. Don't read on til you're ready.
If he died today, where would you be a year from now? Unless you get help for yourself, I am SURE you would be in another relationship with an addict.
You Need Help For Yourself. Please get it. The Nar-Anon information and boards on this website right here are a great place to start.
There's nothing I can add to what you've said. You know what the problem is. Find the solution. Now. Right now. God be with you. Post again.
You are addicted to him.
Think about that for a moment. Don't read on til you're ready.
If he died today, where would you be a year from now? Unless you get help for yourself, I am SURE you would be in another relationship with an addict.
You Need Help For Yourself. Please get it. The Nar-Anon information and boards on this website right here are a great place to start.
There's nothing I can add to what you've said. You know what the problem is. Find the solution. Now. Right now. God be with you. Post again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: some where / no where
Posts: 1,019
Dear Leslie,
Hector gave some good advice.
I'm going to jump in and agree with him. You know that you need to take care of yourself. The way you described the situation was very honest, and I aplaud you for taking the step of facing the problem. Only you can find the solution. If I were you, I'd start by checking out Nar-Anon information.
The bottom line is that you have become dependant on this relationship, and it is hurting you. I hope you will be able to end the cycle of hurt.
chip
Hector gave some good advice.
I'm going to jump in and agree with him. You know that you need to take care of yourself. The way you described the situation was very honest, and I aplaud you for taking the step of facing the problem. Only you can find the solution. If I were you, I'd start by checking out Nar-Anon information.
The bottom line is that you have become dependant on this relationship, and it is hurting you. I hope you will be able to end the cycle of hurt.
chip
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