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Old 02-06-2006, 12:01 PM
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New to this forum: Let me tell you about me

Hi everyone..I am very new to this and trying to figure out what to do with my life. I am a 28 year old social worker who can't fix her own problems. I have been married for only a year and a half. Before getting married, my husband had a problem with alcohol. After getting married I put my foot down about the drinking. Now he doesn't drink as much but is more sneaky about it. All he wants to do is spend time with his friends and drink or something that involves alcohol..He doesn't think he has a problem..Our marriage is falling apart because when he doesn't drink than he is angry and has an uprising of emotions that he has never dealt with. Needless to say that is why he drinks, to self-medicate. I started going into counseling myself because his temper started getting out of control, of course he doesn't remember it, or only the part where I'm to blame. My counselor has been working with me on me becoming stronger..I don't feel strong. My husband and I started marriage counseling with the same counselor. My husband arrived at the second meeting smelling of beer on his breath. He had a horrible and negative attitude for the whole session and I just sat their and cried..That seems all I do anymore..I know I can' t change him or make him realize that he really does have a problem..I know my options are to stay or to leave..I am not strong enough to leave...I'm not sure how this forum can help me but I'm trying anything for support. I recently joined Al-Anon at my therapists request and my husband told the therapist and I that it was not acceptable..I feel like everything I do is not good enough..My husband keeps telling me I need to try harder to save this marriage..I honestly can't try any harder..I feel so lost and empty within myself....
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Old 02-06-2006, 12:11 PM
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Hi and welcome to SR, you have found a great place for friendship and support.

I am sorry for the situation you are in, but as you said, you cannot make him stop drinking. Just continue your counseling and go to Alanon! With time you will grow and become stronger. I think right now you are probalby stronger than you think look how you have already reached out for help, it takes strength to do that.

And stick around here, there is a great group of people here.
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Old 02-06-2006, 12:24 PM
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taking the right steps

I may not be qualified to respond since this if my first time online. I'm on the other side of things I'm the heavy drinker constantly making promises to slow down or only get drunk once a week in order to move on to another topic. Always with no intentions of doing so. I don't get nasty as far as I know I usually wait for him to go out and then start drinking so by the time he gets home it's to late. We've been playing this dance for the last 8 years or so. Some years better than others but it always comes back to the same topic.
Well 2 nights ago I made sure I drank and went to bed before he got home I guess that was the plan because I really don't remember. BUT I do remember getting kicked out of bed for breaking yet another promise I never intended on keeping.
We talked the next day and he was crying I've never seen him cry in the 10yrs we've been together. But the thought of loosing him and being the one to make him cry ( he hardly every drinks) over alochol broke my heart. So hear I am feeling good today with lots of energy 2 days w/o a drink.
Hopefully I didn't make this to much about me and was helpful with my story so far. Just take care of your self and the rest will take it's course (including your husband) We need our downs inorder to enjoy our ups. Good luck Stay strong I'm trying.
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