Dilemma
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Nottm Nottinghamshire
Posts: 217
Dilemma
Hi
I'm currently on day 4 (well it's 3.39am here so technically it's day 5)
I set myself a test on the first day (which could have backfired badly) when a friend (who knew it was my first day) asked if he could drink vodka in my home. I said yes because I thought if I can cope with this on my first day it will show that I can do it. I was ok, I didn't feel tempted and he finished the bottle on front of me. I wouldn't recommend that test but this time, for me, it was fine.
He came around again tonight and brought 4 cans of beer with him. He drank 1 of them and tried to leave 3 of them with me. I refused but he kept insisting that I 'keep them in the fridge' for the next time he comes around. I think if he'd left them I would have drank them so I waited till he went to the toilet and then put them in his bag so he would take them away with him.
I am travelling to Poland with my friend and his girlfriend and another friend on Thursday morning for a short break and they all (apart from my friends girlfriend) drink heavily. He keeps telling me that I can drink while I'm in Poland and then stop drinking when I come back to England. His reasoning is that if I only drink when I'm not in England then I will be ok. But then I'm kind of thinking that I don't want to put alcohol in my body because my body won't know what country I'm in? I'm at the moment thinking that I probably will drink while I'm in Poland. My boyfriend would go mad (at them) if he knew because he's so proud of me. There's no way I could drink in England anyway because we live together and I don't have the strength or even want to go back to hiding bottles and munching on mints to hide it from him. While we live together I can not drink even when he's not here as I know he will find out.
would it really hurt to drink for 3 days in Poland? Knowing that I can't drink in England because it isn't an option? I don't know. Will that get me addicted again and make me have withdrawl symptoms if I drink for only a few days?
My brain is feeling fuzzy as I haven't had any sleep for the last 5 days. I do feel motivated but at the same time I'm not really thinking clearly and I don't know what to decide.
Would a few days really send me back to the start and I'd have to start all over again? I don't want that.
your thoughts?
thank you
molly
I'm currently on day 4 (well it's 3.39am here so technically it's day 5)
I set myself a test on the first day (which could have backfired badly) when a friend (who knew it was my first day) asked if he could drink vodka in my home. I said yes because I thought if I can cope with this on my first day it will show that I can do it. I was ok, I didn't feel tempted and he finished the bottle on front of me. I wouldn't recommend that test but this time, for me, it was fine.
He came around again tonight and brought 4 cans of beer with him. He drank 1 of them and tried to leave 3 of them with me. I refused but he kept insisting that I 'keep them in the fridge' for the next time he comes around. I think if he'd left them I would have drank them so I waited till he went to the toilet and then put them in his bag so he would take them away with him.
I am travelling to Poland with my friend and his girlfriend and another friend on Thursday morning for a short break and they all (apart from my friends girlfriend) drink heavily. He keeps telling me that I can drink while I'm in Poland and then stop drinking when I come back to England. His reasoning is that if I only drink when I'm not in England then I will be ok. But then I'm kind of thinking that I don't want to put alcohol in my body because my body won't know what country I'm in? I'm at the moment thinking that I probably will drink while I'm in Poland. My boyfriend would go mad (at them) if he knew because he's so proud of me. There's no way I could drink in England anyway because we live together and I don't have the strength or even want to go back to hiding bottles and munching on mints to hide it from him. While we live together I can not drink even when he's not here as I know he will find out.
would it really hurt to drink for 3 days in Poland? Knowing that I can't drink in England because it isn't an option? I don't know. Will that get me addicted again and make me have withdrawl symptoms if I drink for only a few days?
My brain is feeling fuzzy as I haven't had any sleep for the last 5 days. I do feel motivated but at the same time I'm not really thinking clearly and I don't know what to decide.
Would a few days really send me back to the start and I'd have to start all over again? I don't want that.
your thoughts?
thank you
molly
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
Hi Molly,
Drinking would put you right back at the start. You probably would also have feelings of guilt after you drank. It is much better to keep the car moving forward rather than backing up. Once alcohol enters the system, you never know when you could get back to your recovery. Even if you think it wouldn't, there is always a possibility of it catching and ending up being worse than ever.
Take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Hope
Drinking would put you right back at the start. You probably would also have feelings of guilt after you drank. It is much better to keep the car moving forward rather than backing up. Once alcohol enters the system, you never know when you could get back to your recovery. Even if you think it wouldn't, there is always a possibility of it catching and ending up being worse than ever.
Take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Hope
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
****((Molly))}}
I don't know why you let yourself get into this mess. Why haven't you slept in five days? Your body and mind are attacking you. Why are you going away with some heavy drinkers so early in your sobriety? I wouldn't get into that situation now, and I've been sober over 17 years. Why do you have a friend who drinks in front of you and wants to leave beer in your fridge? Get rid of him. Today. Tell him he's welcome only if he's sober and won't drink in front of you.
To answer your question, no, you can't drink for 3 days in Poland, or Israel, or Tasmania, or Peru, then take up sobriety again when you get back home as though nothing happened. You're trying to play with a rattlesnake. But you know that. There's some common sense in your share, a glimmer of hope, or I wouldn't be typing this.
Get some sleep, then re-read this thread. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
I don't know why you let yourself get into this mess. Why haven't you slept in five days? Your body and mind are attacking you. Why are you going away with some heavy drinkers so early in your sobriety? I wouldn't get into that situation now, and I've been sober over 17 years. Why do you have a friend who drinks in front of you and wants to leave beer in your fridge? Get rid of him. Today. Tell him he's welcome only if he's sober and won't drink in front of you.
To answer your question, no, you can't drink for 3 days in Poland, or Israel, or Tasmania, or Peru, then take up sobriety again when you get back home as though nothing happened. You're trying to play with a rattlesnake. But you know that. There's some common sense in your share, a glimmer of hope, or I wouldn't be typing this.
Get some sleep, then re-read this thread. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: SYDNEY NSW
Posts: 156
Really bad idea to go away.
You know what? The biggest factor in cyclic drinking is shame. Are you going to feel ashamed of yourself for giving in and drinking? These are not supportive friends to have around you. You really will have to consider whether or not you want to face continuous temptation. Because you will, if you keep hanging around these people and they're not showing support but rather only care about 'good times' which will, inevitably, involve alcohol.
You sound like you have a really supportive and loving boyfriend. Why risk that for 'friends', and I use that term loosely, who are only interested in 'getting pi##ssed'?
You know what? The biggest factor in cyclic drinking is shame. Are you going to feel ashamed of yourself for giving in and drinking? These are not supportive friends to have around you. You really will have to consider whether or not you want to face continuous temptation. Because you will, if you keep hanging around these people and they're not showing support but rather only care about 'good times' which will, inevitably, involve alcohol.
You sound like you have a really supportive and loving boyfriend. Why risk that for 'friends', and I use that term loosely, who are only interested in 'getting pi##ssed'?
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
How soon we forget the misery of drinking.
What if you get in a serious situation in Poland when drinking?
I have no idea as to their laws and neither do you.
I got arrested in a strange city for mouthing off to a cop while I was in a blackout. Cost me a bundle.
Stay home stay safe and stay sober!
What if you get in a serious situation in Poland when drinking?
I have no idea as to their laws and neither do you.
I got arrested in a strange city for mouthing off to a cop while I was in a blackout. Cost me a bundle.
Stay home stay safe and stay sober!
New things have come to light
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Downtown Nashville , TN
Posts: 306
[QUOTE]We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed.
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
[\quote]
We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals usually brief were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.
[\quote]
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
yeah, all kinds of warning bells are going off right now... surely you can hear them too, Molly? It would be hella dangerous to put yourself in that position.
Give your friends the benefit of the doubt... give em a serious talk and tell them you are really serious about your sobriety and that you need their support in it. If they try to talk you out of it and into drinking then they really aren't in the friendship for you - they are in it for their "drinking buddy". You may be an alcoholic but it does not define who you are - you are so much more. Also, talk to your boyfriend and tell him about the pressures you are feeling from friends... he sounds so supportive - honey he will have your back and stand up for you. That is a GOOD thing not something to fear.
I hope you change your mind about the trip and stay at home with your boyfriend. He sure sounds like a dream.
Suga
Give your friends the benefit of the doubt... give em a serious talk and tell them you are really serious about your sobriety and that you need their support in it. If they try to talk you out of it and into drinking then they really aren't in the friendship for you - they are in it for their "drinking buddy". You may be an alcoholic but it does not define who you are - you are so much more. Also, talk to your boyfriend and tell him about the pressures you are feeling from friends... he sounds so supportive - honey he will have your back and stand up for you. That is a GOOD thing not something to fear.
I hope you change your mind about the trip and stay at home with your boyfriend. He sure sounds like a dream.
Suga
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Location: Nottm Nottinghamshire
Posts: 217
Thank you. I think you've all said what I was secretly thinking anyway. I was just making an excuse to drink wasn't I? It's so easy to see through excuses in other people but much harder to look in the mirror and see your own. The trip to Poland is for dental treatment and I don't have the option of delaying it as the NHS waiting lists here are too long but I can stick like superglue to my friend (not the drinking one but his girlfriend who doesn't drink at all) and we can let the boys go off and do their own thing. I think I'll ask her to have a talk with him too.
What was I thinking? In my defence I've not been able to sleep more than an hour or two a night since I quit drinking so I'm really tired and probably not making much sense at the moment. It doesn't matter. Once my sleep patterns return to normal I'll be able to think more clearly.
Of course I shouldn't drink in Poland. It sounds ridiculous to me now, reading it back. 5 days would be brought back to 0 days and then I'd have to start all over again and who knows what demons it might awaken.
You're right. I was being irrational. I don't like lying but I think I will tell them that I'm on medication from the doctor and if I drink alcohol it might be potentially life-threatening. Nobody could possibly try and persuade me to drink after that, ok, it's a horrible lie to tell, but that's just tough because I have to prioritise. Whatever it takes I have to protect myself. Especially at this stage.
I've never taken drugs but I think sleep deprivation must be silmilar. Awake for ages and all motivated and alert and then suddenly come crashing down and feel lethargic, dull and confused.
I have to stay strong. I have to stay motivated. I have to keep remembering why I'm doing this and how dangerous that first drink would be whatever country it was in.
Please don't stop giving me advice on this just yet. I can't fail at this stage, I just can't!
What was I thinking? In my defence I've not been able to sleep more than an hour or two a night since I quit drinking so I'm really tired and probably not making much sense at the moment. It doesn't matter. Once my sleep patterns return to normal I'll be able to think more clearly.
Of course I shouldn't drink in Poland. It sounds ridiculous to me now, reading it back. 5 days would be brought back to 0 days and then I'd have to start all over again and who knows what demons it might awaken.
You're right. I was being irrational. I don't like lying but I think I will tell them that I'm on medication from the doctor and if I drink alcohol it might be potentially life-threatening. Nobody could possibly try and persuade me to drink after that, ok, it's a horrible lie to tell, but that's just tough because I have to prioritise. Whatever it takes I have to protect myself. Especially at this stage.
I've never taken drugs but I think sleep deprivation must be silmilar. Awake for ages and all motivated and alert and then suddenly come crashing down and feel lethargic, dull and confused.
I have to stay strong. I have to stay motivated. I have to keep remembering why I'm doing this and how dangerous that first drink would be whatever country it was in.
Please don't stop giving me advice on this just yet. I can't fail at this stage, I just can't!
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hugs Molly....
And yes...the medication lie is smart as is sticking with the non drinker girl.
See if this helps...Sleep Link
http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/
And yes...the medication lie is smart as is sticking with the non drinker girl.
See if this helps...Sleep Link
http://www.well.com/user/mick/insomnia/
Leigh
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: N.C.
Posts: 49
Molly,
I'm so glad that you have reconsidered the Idea of drinking while in Poland. Trust me it would never work. You would probably only want more when you got home. I know how hard it is to go without sleep. I've had sleep deprivation in the past and ended up in the hospital for several days. Maybe you need to consider going to see a doctor. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. I'm curious why your friends have to take you to Poland for the dental work. Seems to me it would be safer for your boyfriend to take you. You can do this just stay strong. You are doing great and you should be very proud of yourself! You will be in my prayers.
Leigh
I'm so glad that you have reconsidered the Idea of drinking while in Poland. Trust me it would never work. You would probably only want more when you got home. I know how hard it is to go without sleep. I've had sleep deprivation in the past and ended up in the hospital for several days. Maybe you need to consider going to see a doctor. Please don't be afraid to ask for help. I'm curious why your friends have to take you to Poland for the dental work. Seems to me it would be safer for your boyfriend to take you. You can do this just stay strong. You are doing great and you should be very proud of yourself! You will be in my prayers.
Leigh
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Posts: 1,525
Molly,
I was thinking about you this weekend. Gosh, I know how miserable it feels to be deprived of sleep! I really hope that improves.
Anyway, I'm glad you've realized that drinking in Poland (or anywhere ) would not be good for you. You don't want to set your body back to having to detox any more alcohol at this stage.
Good for you, sweetie. And that little "medication lie" is just fine!
Take care of you,
Jane
I was thinking about you this weekend. Gosh, I know how miserable it feels to be deprived of sleep! I really hope that improves.
Anyway, I'm glad you've realized that drinking in Poland (or anywhere
) would not be good for you. You don't want to set your body back to having to detox any more alcohol at this stage. Good for you, sweetie. And that little "medication lie" is just fine!
Take care of you,
Jane
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Nottm Nottinghamshire
Posts: 217
You'll never know how much I appreciate this support right now. Thank you so much. If I hadn't had the support and advice from here I couldn't do this.
Leigh, it's because my boyfriend is from India and his visa won't allow him to leave the country.
I think I might print this thread out and keep it in my pocket to keep looking at it when I need it.
Thanks again. I felt a bit guilty about the medication-lie but I have to be practical. I can't afford to fail. This is too important to me and I'll do whatever it takes to get through this and get my life back.
(((hugs)))
xxx
Originally Posted by LeighC
I'm curious why your friends have to take you to Poland for the dental work. Seems to me it would be safer for your boyfriend to take you.
I think I might print this thread out and keep it in my pocket to keep looking at it when I need it.
Thanks again. I felt a bit guilty about the medication-lie but I have to be practical. I can't afford to fail. This is too important to me and I'll do whatever it takes to get through this and get my life back.
(((hugs)))
xxx
My Boss is a Jewish Carpenter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Western Canada
Posts: 338
[[[******(((Molly)))}}}]]].
The biggest hugs there are.
I'm sooo glad you didn't drink. Every moment sober is a victory against this disease. Wonderful beyond words.
And thanks very much for posting again. Too often, someone will start a thread and then never post again.
I've been sober over 17 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
The biggest hugs there are.
I'm sooo glad you didn't drink. Every moment sober is a victory against this disease. Wonderful beyond words.
And thanks very much for posting again. Too often, someone will start a thread and then never post again.
I've been sober over 17 years. Remember, I'm pulling for you. We're all in this together.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Nottm Nottinghamshire
Posts: 217
I've just had some terrible news. My first instinct was Screw this! I'm going to go out and get a bottle of wine (my tolerance will have gone down so that would be enough) but remembering the posts yesterday on this thread I thought I'd make a cup of herbal tea and light a cigarette first (can't do everything at once). When I read your post Hector I thought I don't want to 'betray' you after those words you wrote. Then I'm thinking that this isn't the only crisis that will happen. If I fall apart and drink at this crisis what will prevent me from doing it again?
My boyfriend just called from work and I started crying and told him (about the bad news and what I wanted to do and he told me to sit tight, he's coming home from work. He'll be here in about 15 minutes. I know I should feel bad for dragging him out of work but I don't. I just need him here right now. I'm not going to do it. Another milestone I guess. Please pray for me that I don't lose my home. I got behind on payments after I lost my job and the man just came to take my belongings but I didn't let him in so he charged me 160 pounds and he's gone away again.
My boyfriend just called from work and I started crying and told him (about the bad news and what I wanted to do and he told me to sit tight, he's coming home from work. He'll be here in about 15 minutes. I know I should feel bad for dragging him out of work but I don't. I just need him here right now. I'm not going to do it. Another milestone I guess. Please pray for me that I don't lose my home. I got behind on payments after I lost my job and the man just came to take my belongings but I didn't let him in so he charged me 160 pounds and he's gone away again.
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First they said I owed 600 (on council tax) then he added 160 (for the bailiff visit) and they've managed to get it to 965 pounds or they'll take my belongings but I don't have anything worth anywhere near that much money and I'm on incapacity benefit for depression and anxiety attacks. I'm not asking for help, the laws are different in America so it wouldn't count but I'm so worried. My boyfriend won't let anything bad happen to me, but it's an unfair burden on him to have to work so hard and stuggle to find ways to help me when I'm falling apart with crying and fear
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