Help! Don't know if I am being unreasonable.
 

I am 12 days sober and my partner and I just had a discussion about him having the option of going out and having a drink every now and then (he has, on average, about 3 beers a year) I said that's fine, but perhaps he is best off going without me as I don't feel that I should have to be there. He said that I should be strong, should be able to handle it, and it would be good for me 'a type of conditioning' that I can't drink so 'get used to it'. I am a little shocked, and find his approach heartless. Am I wrong in feeling this way?

NO!

You are not wrong in feeling that way. It's clear he simply doesn't understand how hard it is for an alcoholic to be around drinking... especially at 12 days. How can he understand it if he only drinks 3 beers a year? To him, it's a no-brainer.

He can no more understand what it is like to be an alcoholic than he could understand what it is like to have a baby. You can tell him... but unless he's actually experienced it he simply won't "get" it.

**{hugs}} You are most certainly not unreasonable.

Suga

In some relationships (mine included) a partners sobriety scares the hell out of the other partner.

We are different now. They have to get to know us again, the real us... and that can be alot to swollow.

I have learned that unfortunately, my husband doesnt like me much clean and sober. Way too hard to control and manipulate me and you can see the hate and frustration in his eyes because of it.

I have been clean of a horrid hydrocodone habit since Jan 17th. Each of those days I have heard, 'You need to take your meds and get your ass off the couch, this is all so stupid'. While puking he is sweet enough to bring me two pills (this was day 3 of cold turkey). I lost it and spit in his face. I know thats awful but I am fighting a pure demon and he places it right there in front of me while Im trying to excorise the demon already THERE! I said 'if you ever offer me that trash again I will see it no differently than you putting a gun to my head with only one bullet and I will relatiate accordingly.

He no longer insists I take my meds, just rags me for being sick... thinks Im milking the whole thing or something, I dont know.

He is too stupid to know there is NOTHING I would love better than to go on the boat, to the beach, hell Wal-Mart for Gods sake... he hasnt a clue. And I hate him for it because the info is out there yet he doesnt reseach what Im going through.

That was not unreasonable.
He just doesn't have that understanding on the difficulty of what he is asking you to do.

It is way to hard to be around the drinking environment and not be drinking.. it adds too much pressure.

No, you are not wrong to feel that your b/f is lacking in understanding about your sobriety. But, he does not want his life to change because yours is changing. When I stopped drinking I changed a lot and grew a lot. My husband has very little interest in what I went through and what I do daily. It's not that he doesn't care, he just doesn't understand.

Your husband isn't trying to be insensitive, he just doesn't understand how HARD it is!! He has to trust you with what you are and are not comfortable with- he cannot make those decisions for you.

I am in a similar situation. My husband is a very light drinker. We have removed all alcohol from the house, and he does not drink around me at all- whether out to dinner or at a party. He's very supportive, and it helps, but he also does not truly understand how hard it is.

I tried to explain it to him this way: "Honey, if you stopped masturbating for a month it wouldn't even be close to how difficult going without alcohol is for me". He got the point.

Thanks!! :)

OMG Garsh! I am ROFLMAO at that!!!

Trish, no way are you being unreasonable. He doesn't understand and he may never understand. You do not have to do anything you are not comfortable with! Your sobriety has to be your top priority. Eventually he will come to accept that................ or not. Do what you know is best for you!

Hugs,
Kellye