Interesting observation about myself...
 

In that never ending quest for that "Ahh...." feeling that supposedly alcohol was supposed to give me, I find that that never happened. From drink number one until the last, I still never quenched my thirst for more, but not more alcohol. My thirst for that feeling I was searching for was never satisfied. Can anyone relate? I feel like it is not alcohol at all, I just think it is, for lack of a better understanding.
If one were to suggest it is a spiritual craving, I would not be offended, as I think that might be just what I crave. I am involved in my church, but I guess I am just haven't made that full connection yet, I don't know.
Discussion welcome.
Love to all!
Paloma

Hi there Paloma :) and yes , I do understand what you mean! I searched all my life, including the 37 years that I drank, for just such a feeling, but never found it .
I tried religion, as such, and that , when I was drinking never did it either, it just filled me with guilt.

I have heard it described in AA as a " hole in the Soul" and for me that is exactly what it was.
Since I have gained some sobriety ( 27 months now) and have been working my Steps,I HAVE found an inner certainty and peace. For me , it is a combinatin of finding myself, and a God " of MY understanding"

HUGX
Lee

One of my best Ahhha moments was when I realized that I really do like myself alot more than I was showing it to others and that although I work hard I have a certain laziness when it comes to social situations as in I just don't really care what others think of me and I am very leary of people who approach me.

We crave because our souls are empty.

Feed it with prayer instead of drink or drugs

CAPTAINZING200-
That just hit me like a ton of bricks....thank you, and you are so right.
I guess I'll just keep truckin....keep me in your prayers.. I need it, my friend!!

Paloma!

I'm glad to see you again :)

And I can completely relate to the neverending quest for the "ahhh" feeling. That's definitely a HUGE part of my alcohol situation. And "strangely" enough, it's worse when I'm ignoring God.

Jane

I think most people in life are searching. That is part of our journey. I am an atheist/agnostic, but I still consider myself a spiritual being-full of flaws and unpleasant points, but trying to do better each day.

After I was separated from my wife and going through a divorce I had a lot of anger and resentment toward my now ex-wife. I woke up one morning in a lot of pain-spiritual and emotional-and I came to realize that I was only doing myself harm and none to her (I still held a lot of resentment). That was about 8 years ago. I've only recently come to realize that even thinking that "it was doing her no harm" was still a negative emotion that was harming me. I have come to believe that, in the end, most of the harm that comes to us is done by ourselves, or at the very least, allowed by ourselves.

I don't mean that we aren't harmed by other people, but that we have the power to dwell on it or not. We have the power to see that when we are harmed by others, it is most likely because they have weaknesses they cannot control. We can take those feelings of hurt and keep them and let them become our own weaknesses, or we can learn from them and let them go and try to become better ourselves.

The same is true for me for alcohol. I've hurt myself for many years, wasted lots of time an money (and actually made lots of money too, as a bartender), and adversely affected my health. In December, I quit drinking and I feel very good about life. I am letting that past self go and I am working on becoming a better person today. I won't forget the past, but I'm not going to dwell on it. I'm going to use my experiences to make me stronger and to let me search for beauty and truth, and to help others do the same if I can, but I don't want my experiences to become a weight on my shoulders to have to be carried through life like a prison sentence.

Alcohol was a big part of my past, but I am not going to let it dictate my future.

Yep I can relate. I always wanted more. Sometimes I'd think the next drink would do it. Before I knew it I'd be totally wasted and just not present. Alcohol never quenched my thirst for....fulfillment. I'm trying to find it in my faith. It's taking time but my prayers are being answered.

Good luck.

Thank you all. I have a strong faith. I've had it for a long time...through the ups and downs. I do pray for understanding. I feel like I've hit a wall. It 's like, when will the big "AH HA!" moment come when it all makes sense and I can get a grip on life? Ya'all, I hope I don't sound like I'm whining. I really appreciate the opportunity to write and feel like I'm being heard.

My humble advice would be to take your time and work through your thoughts and emotions as they come. Often we prolong problems/situations through our desire to be done with them by forcing a premature end, which is ultimately a false end, and thus not a conclusion to our original problems. Maybe just doing the mundane things in life will let you have those "AH HA" moments. One thing I'm sure of for myself, the few "AH HA" moments I've had in my life never came at the times when I was wishing for them.

BTW, you're not whining. You're working your way through life. Welcome aboard.

Oh! BMUS thank you for that post ! awesome .

just what I needed today

HUGX
Lee

Hi Paloma! You sound great!!

Big hugs (and congrats!)

All of us do not get a burning bush...
pray for an ember.:approve:

I know that if I do not drink and
pracrice The Golden Rule

I am contented.

I can for sure.

I wanted the feeling of confidence and not feeling vulnerable. Of wanting to be able to say what was on my mind without feeling like I was always wrong.

I wanted to feel good about myself and feel comfortable in my own skin.