Quitting without AA?? Is it possible?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 7
Quitting without AA?? Is it possible?
Hi everyone,
I'm new here and I guess we'll just go ahead and call this day ONE. I actually "quit" about 9 days ago (Friday, January 13 to be exact). Then yesterday I was digging through a kitchen cupboard and I found a pint rum bottle that was about 2/3 full. So I drank most of it. Without even thinking about the reprecussions really. Hubby was a bit p*ssed off to say the least.
Over the last couple of years my alcohol intake has progressed and I suddenly found myself drinking pretty much every night. I began hiding "extra" in the back of my bedroom closet and having a nip every now and then to take the edge off without my husband knowing. It gradually progressed into what it is now -- drinking every evening until I fall asleep (pass out?). Hubby caught on to it of course, and we talked about it and I cried a lot. I promised to get it under control -- and as I mentioned, I did quit until last night.
I have a wonderfully supportive spouse who agreed to quit with me. Of course, he didn't have much trouble at all, meanwhile I had my little relapse last night! So here I am starting over and trying to make it longer than a week this time.
I really don't want to go to AA, and I'm wondering if any of you have been successful in quitting without it? Please know that I don't intend to offend anyone by asking this. I'm really just not that kind of group person. I'm not religious in any way, and I dread speaking in front of a group. The fact that I live in a small town doesn't help either, as I'm sure the whole town would know pretty quickly. Excuses, excuses, I know! But I really don't want to go to the meetings.
Anyway, I don't feel like I'm organizing my thoughts very well here in my first post, but I think you'll all get the drift. Any advice, thoughts and comments are welcome. Thanks very much...
I'm new here and I guess we'll just go ahead and call this day ONE. I actually "quit" about 9 days ago (Friday, January 13 to be exact). Then yesterday I was digging through a kitchen cupboard and I found a pint rum bottle that was about 2/3 full. So I drank most of it. Without even thinking about the reprecussions really. Hubby was a bit p*ssed off to say the least.
Over the last couple of years my alcohol intake has progressed and I suddenly found myself drinking pretty much every night. I began hiding "extra" in the back of my bedroom closet and having a nip every now and then to take the edge off without my husband knowing. It gradually progressed into what it is now -- drinking every evening until I fall asleep (pass out?). Hubby caught on to it of course, and we talked about it and I cried a lot. I promised to get it under control -- and as I mentioned, I did quit until last night.
I have a wonderfully supportive spouse who agreed to quit with me. Of course, he didn't have much trouble at all, meanwhile I had my little relapse last night! So here I am starting over and trying to make it longer than a week this time.
I really don't want to go to AA, and I'm wondering if any of you have been successful in quitting without it? Please know that I don't intend to offend anyone by asking this. I'm really just not that kind of group person. I'm not religious in any way, and I dread speaking in front of a group. The fact that I live in a small town doesn't help either, as I'm sure the whole town would know pretty quickly. Excuses, excuses, I know! But I really don't want to go to the meetings.
Anyway, I don't feel like I'm organizing my thoughts very well here in my first post, but I think you'll all get the drift. Any advice, thoughts and comments are welcome. Thanks very much...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Hi A66,
You will find your answers here. There are other options than AA, but most people will swear by AA. Even the naysayers who finally took the plunge think that AA is a good option. I'm not religious and I don't even want to admit to drinking too much, but I went to a meeting last week and I didn't say anything (so don't worry about having to talk in front of anyone). I didn't even say my name when everyone was introducing themselves. I just wanted to pretend I was invisible. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be and now I'm glad I went. You can even try going to a meeting in a neighboring town perhaps. The key thing to remember is that one of the A's stands for annonymous, so they shouldn't be picking you out of a crowd in the supermarket and saying "Hey, there's the newcomer to our AA meeting!"
btw, I didn't have a drink for a week and to celebrate my victory over drinking I had a vodka and juice - go figure. Then I logged onto SR and talked my way out of having any more. That was last Monday, so I'm in your situation right now.
You will find your answers here. There are other options than AA, but most people will swear by AA. Even the naysayers who finally took the plunge think that AA is a good option. I'm not religious and I don't even want to admit to drinking too much, but I went to a meeting last week and I didn't say anything (so don't worry about having to talk in front of anyone). I didn't even say my name when everyone was introducing themselves. I just wanted to pretend I was invisible. It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be and now I'm glad I went. You can even try going to a meeting in a neighboring town perhaps. The key thing to remember is that one of the A's stands for annonymous, so they shouldn't be picking you out of a crowd in the supermarket and saying "Hey, there's the newcomer to our AA meeting!"
btw, I didn't have a drink for a week and to celebrate my victory over drinking I had a vodka and juice - go figure. Then I logged onto SR and talked my way out of having any more. That was last Monday, so I'm in your situation right now.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: ...
Posts: 87
Quitting without AA is absolutely, positively possible.
Many in the SR community are non-AA'ers (myself included). There are threads dedicated to AA alternatives.
What you must realize, however, is that people tend to get passionate about the method that works for them, so we all tend to get a tad bit "evangelistic" about our chosen method. It's only logicial though - getting sober is a great thing, and wanting to share it with others is a natural consequence.
Regardless of the program you choose, there is nothing out there that can "make" you recover - that comes from within you.
Without a commitment to personal growth, along with a willingness to examine the triggers, emotions and behaviors in your life that cause you to drink, complete recovery simply isn't possible.
Peace and Sobriety,
Yank
Many in the SR community are non-AA'ers (myself included). There are threads dedicated to AA alternatives.
What you must realize, however, is that people tend to get passionate about the method that works for them, so we all tend to get a tad bit "evangelistic" about our chosen method. It's only logicial though - getting sober is a great thing, and wanting to share it with others is a natural consequence.
Regardless of the program you choose, there is nothing out there that can "make" you recover - that comes from within you.
Without a commitment to personal growth, along with a willingness to examine the triggers, emotions and behaviors in your life that cause you to drink, complete recovery simply isn't possible.
Peace and Sobriety,
Yank
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Without a commitment to personal growth, along with a willingness to examine the triggers, emotions and behaviors in your life that cause you to drink, complete recovery simply isn't possible.
And it really is important to keep remembering Yanks comment about people being evangelistic about their own method of recovery. You must do whatever it takes for you to get well. If you try one method and it doesn't work (even if it worked for someone else) then you must try another method. Sometimes people can get carried away with trying to "push" their method on you, but keep an open mind. You never know whether you may need it later.
Right now I'm in the mode of trying to learn everything I can about all the different options before I leap into any one particular method. So far the best thing for me is posting and reading here at SR.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 305
Welcome! It took courage and committment for you to take this step. Just take it one day at a time. Do the right thing for yourself just for today. Whether it is right here or elsewhere where you get your support to stay healthy. You took the first step in the right direction. You have come to the right place for support and piece of mind.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 487
Hello and welcome,
There are as many roads to sobriety as there are people moving toward sobriety. You don't have to go to AA or any other group you don't want to. You would be foolish, in my humble opinion, to try to do it alone and without positive support. Humans are social beings and there is nothing wrong in asking for and accepting help when you need it (you posted here for a good reason).
I haven't been to an AA meeting, but I am in no way against support groups as I helped to start one when I went through my separation and divorce. Those people saved my life, literally. With this problem, I've been leaning on my friends and family, and, of course, reading and posting here at SR.
You need to find what works for you. Don't be afraid to try more than one way and "customize" your recovery.
Keep strong and keep posting.
Take care.
There are as many roads to sobriety as there are people moving toward sobriety. You don't have to go to AA or any other group you don't want to. You would be foolish, in my humble opinion, to try to do it alone and without positive support. Humans are social beings and there is nothing wrong in asking for and accepting help when you need it (you posted here for a good reason).
I haven't been to an AA meeting, but I am in no way against support groups as I helped to start one when I went through my separation and divorce. Those people saved my life, literally. With this problem, I've been leaning on my friends and family, and, of course, reading and posting here at SR.
You need to find what works for you. Don't be afraid to try more than one way and "customize" your recovery.
Keep strong and keep posting.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: London
Posts: 1,229
My thoughts exactly:
There are as many roads to sobriety as there are people moving toward sobriety. You don't have to go to AA or any other group you don't want to. You would be foolish, in my humble opinion, to try to do it alone and without positive support. Humans are social beings and there is nothing wrong in asking for and accepting help when you need it (you posted here for a good reason).
There are as many roads to sobriety as there are people moving toward sobriety. You don't have to go to AA or any other group you don't want to. You would be foolish, in my humble opinion, to try to do it alone and without positive support. Humans are social beings and there is nothing wrong in asking for and accepting help when you need it (you posted here for a good reason).
Community Greeter
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Mid-Life Express
Posts: 9,930
Welcome to you and I hope whatever you decide to do 'you will work it' rather than will it work for you?' because in the end wether or not we stay stopped is up to us to do the hard work (that is my opinion) and I speak only for myself and have nothing but respect for all other members of SR. I didn't use AA personally but I have stopped drinking and using too. Dip your toes in find what you feel is your path. I wish you well, fellow traveller.
indigo
indigo
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I did not go to AA to get sober but, I did get counseling, several different kinds of bodywork(accupuncture, chiropractic care) and diet therapy. I did end up in a 12 step program for co-dependency and I can't help but think that if I had gone to AA years ago it might have helped to deal with my underlying co-dependency which by the way was far more devistating than my drinking and it was pretty bad...
Guest
Posts: n/a
Is it possible to stop drinking without AA? Absolutely! Is it possible to stay stopped without some kind of support? I seriously doubt it!
I don't try to "promote" AA...I only know what worked for me, since I had "quit" drinking many times, but never able to stay sober until I started going to AA meetings. So, I can't recommend any other way, since I personally don't know of any other BETTER WAY.
As has been said here, whatever works for you, just as long as you don't drink. And, if you find whatever path you choose is no longer working...the doors of AA are always open and even the non-religious and the nay-sayers are welcome!
I don't try to "promote" AA...I only know what worked for me, since I had "quit" drinking many times, but never able to stay sober until I started going to AA meetings. So, I can't recommend any other way, since I personally don't know of any other BETTER WAY.
As has been said here, whatever works for you, just as long as you don't drink. And, if you find whatever path you choose is no longer working...the doors of AA are always open and even the non-religious and the nay-sayers are welcome!
Glad to you are trying to quit!
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
I really don't want to go to AA............
A program like AA is really about coping and life skills.
Learning to be comfortable in your own skin, and develop relationships with people who have similiar challenges. People who understand.
Ya' never know, give it a try. It might save your marriage, oh, and your life......
A program like AA is really about coping and life skills.
Learning to be comfortable in your own skin, and develop relationships with people who have similiar challenges. People who understand.
Ya' never know, give it a try. It might save your marriage, oh, and your life......
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
Hi,
I do believe we are all on our own journey and I know AA works for many. I have not used AA and have been sober now for almost 5 1/2 years. Yes, it can be done. I think it is about the amount of work you put into it on a daily basis, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And, I need the connection to SR as well because this is where people understand me.
I do believe we are all on our own journey and I know AA works for many. I have not used AA and have been sober now for almost 5 1/2 years. Yes, it can be done. I think it is about the amount of work you put into it on a daily basis, physically, emotionally and spiritually. And, I need the connection to SR as well because this is where people understand me.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
I don't know of any other effective method that would have helped me to quit drinking. I can tell you what I tried: motherhood, therapy, umpteen self-help books, changing jobs, moving out of state, turning to religions (all of them....one at a time), losing weight, gaining weight, getting married, getting divorced, going back to school, dropping out of school, taking anti-depressants, taking Antibuse (sp?), doing only drugs....you get the drift.
Fifteen years from the time of my first AA meeting, I went back. I haven't had a drink or a drug since.
Lots take the exploration route. You may find something that works for you. One thing's for sure -- if you decide you want to try AA, it will still be there when you're ready.
Good luck!!
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Fifteen years from the time of my first AA meeting, I went back. I haven't had a drink or a drug since.
Lots take the exploration route. You may find something that works for you. One thing's for sure -- if you decide you want to try AA, it will still be there when you're ready.
Good luck!!
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 7
Hi again everyone. Thanks for the welcomes -- and for all of the kind comments, replies and suggestions. I appreciate every one of them. I've been reading this forum for over a week now, but didn't join until last night.
At this point I just don't feel that AA is for me, but that doesn't mean that I won't change my mind somewhere down the road. For now I'd just like to see if I can quit on my own, something I haven't even tried seriously until now.
I called in sick today, something I rarely do. I just thought a mental health day was in order here. This post was the very last thing I did before I went to bed, and I was pleasantly surprised by all of the responses I recieved between midnight and 10am. While I'm quite internet savvy, I have only joined one other Forum in my entire Internet life, and it was about camping...lol. Very different from this one. I feel akward and at a loss of where to begin I guess, so I'll add a little background about me and just see where that leads us okay?
I'll be 40 on April 14 this year and am happily married to a man I've known since I was 20. I have two stepsons and a new grandbaby, who's seven weeks old. I've had a pretty decent life so far if you ask me. Far from perfect, LOTS of ups and downs -- but overall I would say a good one.
Ohhhh, I suppose if I looked deep down I could find something to blame my "problem" on, such as my parents divorce or the fact I never had kids of my own, or whatever. But that's not really my style. I like my family, my husband and my job. I like where I am in my life right now. Maybe that's why I feel so stupid that I'm having a problem with alcohol. I guess I grew up thinking of "alcoholic" in a very stereotypical way: that these people had other problems that led them to drinking, such as an abusive spouse or the death of a loved one or something. But none of those things are me. I'm just a normal, boring person without any shocking stories to tell...LOL!
I DO want to quit drinking though. I know it's the main reason for my weight gain this past couple of years, and I know it's affecting my health in other ways I cannot see. After a night of heavy drinking I find myself thinking "What in God's name are you doing? You have a great life and a husband who loves you and you're going to die young simply because of this BOOZE!"
It bugs the H*LL out of me you know? WHEN did I go from light drinking to heavy drinking to alcoholic drinking? WHY do I feel like I need to drink more than everyone else does? How did this happen? Will I ever be able to return to enjoying just a glass of wine with dinner or ONE martini with a friend and calling it good? I used to be able to...
I don't have many of the withdrawal symptoms described on this forum. I would say the main ones are insomnia and irritibility. I've also been craving sweets, which I guess is my body replacing the sugar it's used to getting from vodka. And of course, the main withdrawal being that a couple of times each evening I fight off this overwhelming desire to have a good stiff drink. But I felt GOOD last week, not drinking. I mean I drove to work thinking that my energy was up and my thoughts were clearer and I was happy! So why did I screw it up by drinking on Saturday?? I feel like I should be able to handle this, that things aren't that bad YET and if I do something about it now I won't have to go to AA or rehab or whatever. Maybe I'm just fooling myself...I don't know.
I do have a very supportive family. As I mentioned in my original post, my husband immediately offered to quit drinking with me, and he did. This makes me want to quit even more. It also makes me a little mad at him. He used to come home every night and have two beers. Just two, no more. Did it for years. On the weekends he had drinks with me, but not during the week. Now it seems like he's had absolutely no problem giving up those beers or the weekend cocktails, while I'm talking myself out of stopping at the liquor store on the way home from work...seems so unfair...
In any case, I'll close my rambling thoughts for now, and spend some time reading other sections of this Forum. But I'd just like to say THANK YOU again to everyone who responded. I'd especially like to thank winelover, because hearing that someone was in the exact same place as I am right now was really HELPFUL and HOPEFUL. I needed that. And also MEAT who recommended the book to me. I read all of the AMAZON reviews and then I purchased a copy off of Half.com just minutes before completing this post. I'm looking forward to reading it. (ironically enough, I work at the public library...lol). I just finished reading a book called "Drinking: a Love Story" and it's been haunting me quite a bit. Some of it is so scary, but also hopeful...
Okay, this is too long. I have a million things I want to say, but none of it's organized in my brain and it all seems to be twirling around in there right now. I think I need to read more of this forum and think more about what I'm embarking on right now. But I'll be back...
At this point I just don't feel that AA is for me, but that doesn't mean that I won't change my mind somewhere down the road. For now I'd just like to see if I can quit on my own, something I haven't even tried seriously until now.
I called in sick today, something I rarely do. I just thought a mental health day was in order here. This post was the very last thing I did before I went to bed, and I was pleasantly surprised by all of the responses I recieved between midnight and 10am. While I'm quite internet savvy, I have only joined one other Forum in my entire Internet life, and it was about camping...lol. Very different from this one. I feel akward and at a loss of where to begin I guess, so I'll add a little background about me and just see where that leads us okay?
I'll be 40 on April 14 this year and am happily married to a man I've known since I was 20. I have two stepsons and a new grandbaby, who's seven weeks old. I've had a pretty decent life so far if you ask me. Far from perfect, LOTS of ups and downs -- but overall I would say a good one.
Ohhhh, I suppose if I looked deep down I could find something to blame my "problem" on, such as my parents divorce or the fact I never had kids of my own, or whatever. But that's not really my style. I like my family, my husband and my job. I like where I am in my life right now. Maybe that's why I feel so stupid that I'm having a problem with alcohol. I guess I grew up thinking of "alcoholic" in a very stereotypical way: that these people had other problems that led them to drinking, such as an abusive spouse or the death of a loved one or something. But none of those things are me. I'm just a normal, boring person without any shocking stories to tell...LOL!
I DO want to quit drinking though. I know it's the main reason for my weight gain this past couple of years, and I know it's affecting my health in other ways I cannot see. After a night of heavy drinking I find myself thinking "What in God's name are you doing? You have a great life and a husband who loves you and you're going to die young simply because of this BOOZE!"
It bugs the H*LL out of me you know? WHEN did I go from light drinking to heavy drinking to alcoholic drinking? WHY do I feel like I need to drink more than everyone else does? How did this happen? Will I ever be able to return to enjoying just a glass of wine with dinner or ONE martini with a friend and calling it good? I used to be able to...
I don't have many of the withdrawal symptoms described on this forum. I would say the main ones are insomnia and irritibility. I've also been craving sweets, which I guess is my body replacing the sugar it's used to getting from vodka. And of course, the main withdrawal being that a couple of times each evening I fight off this overwhelming desire to have a good stiff drink. But I felt GOOD last week, not drinking. I mean I drove to work thinking that my energy was up and my thoughts were clearer and I was happy! So why did I screw it up by drinking on Saturday?? I feel like I should be able to handle this, that things aren't that bad YET and if I do something about it now I won't have to go to AA or rehab or whatever. Maybe I'm just fooling myself...I don't know.
I do have a very supportive family. As I mentioned in my original post, my husband immediately offered to quit drinking with me, and he did. This makes me want to quit even more. It also makes me a little mad at him. He used to come home every night and have two beers. Just two, no more. Did it for years. On the weekends he had drinks with me, but not during the week. Now it seems like he's had absolutely no problem giving up those beers or the weekend cocktails, while I'm talking myself out of stopping at the liquor store on the way home from work...seems so unfair...
In any case, I'll close my rambling thoughts for now, and spend some time reading other sections of this Forum. But I'd just like to say THANK YOU again to everyone who responded. I'd especially like to thank winelover, because hearing that someone was in the exact same place as I am right now was really HELPFUL and HOPEFUL. I needed that. And also MEAT who recommended the book to me. I read all of the AMAZON reviews and then I purchased a copy off of Half.com just minutes before completing this post. I'm looking forward to reading it. (ironically enough, I work at the public library...lol). I just finished reading a book called "Drinking: a Love Story" and it's been haunting me quite a bit. Some of it is so scary, but also hopeful...
Okay, this is too long. I have a million things I want to say, but none of it's organized in my brain and it all seems to be twirling around in there right now. I think I need to read more of this forum and think more about what I'm embarking on right now. But I'll be back...
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
He used to come home every night and have two beers. Just two, no more. Did it for years.
Annoying, yes. BUT, guess he does not have an alcohol problem!
Gotta say too, always amazed when people say they don't want to get involved in something, regardless what is is, when they have never tried.
Form your own opinion, after taking it in.........
Annoying, yes. BUT, guess he does not have an alcohol problem!
Gotta say too, always amazed when people say they don't want to get involved in something, regardless what is is, when they have never tried.
Form your own opinion, after taking it in.........
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in a better place
Posts: 1,406
Originally Posted by Aixelsyd66
I've had a pretty decent life so far if you ask me. Far from perfect, LOTS of ups and downs -- but overall I would say a good one.
I'm just a normal, boring person without any shocking stories to tell...LOL!
I DO want to quit drinking though. I know it's the main reason for my weight gain this past couple of years, and I know it's affecting my health in other ways I cannot see.
WHEN did I go from light drinking to heavy drinking to alcoholic drinking? WHY do I feel like I need to drink more than everyone else does? How did this happen? Will I ever be able to return to enjoying just a glass of wine with dinner or ONE martini with a friend and calling it good? I used to be able to...
Now it seems like (my husband has) had absolutely no problem giving up those beers or the weekend cocktails, while I'm talking myself out of stopping at the liquor store on the way home from work...seems so unfair...
I'm just a normal, boring person without any shocking stories to tell...LOL!
I DO want to quit drinking though. I know it's the main reason for my weight gain this past couple of years, and I know it's affecting my health in other ways I cannot see.
WHEN did I go from light drinking to heavy drinking to alcoholic drinking? WHY do I feel like I need to drink more than everyone else does? How did this happen? Will I ever be able to return to enjoying just a glass of wine with dinner or ONE martini with a friend and calling it good? I used to be able to...
Now it seems like (my husband has) had absolutely no problem giving up those beers or the weekend cocktails, while I'm talking myself out of stopping at the liquor store on the way home from work...seems so unfair...
The book "Drinking: a Love Story" was recommended to me also, but I don't have a library to go to so I'll just wait patiently for a few more months to get it. Keep posting.
For months I walked around clean without the help of any organization. 
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