Falling apart
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 93
Falling apart
Somehow I always let this happen. I am not a good person, only get here when my life is a pile of debris around me, never here when the going is good. Things were supposed to change this year. 2005 sucked and 2006 everything was supposed to get better but it is not even the end of January and already everything is a mess. I can't take it and the list of reasons to keep going is getting shorter. I guess I just want to say I am sorry.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Nevyn;
Nothing to be sorry for. You come when you need support.
And one day, you'll be the one giving support. That's what SR is all about.
But, you don't say what's wrong....
Listen, a date doesn't magically make everything better. If things sucked on Dec 31, 2005, then they're gonna still suck on Jan 1 2006.
What is the problem; what have you done about it, and is that solution working, or do you need to try something else. Take it one step at a time.
And remember, there is no such thing as a problem free life.
Shalom!
Nothing to be sorry for. You come when you need support.
And one day, you'll be the one giving support. That's what SR is all about.
But, you don't say what's wrong....
Listen, a date doesn't magically make everything better. If things sucked on Dec 31, 2005, then they're gonna still suck on Jan 1 2006.
What is the problem; what have you done about it, and is that solution working, or do you need to try something else. Take it one step at a time.
And remember, there is no such thing as a problem free life.
Shalom!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 93
I guess I was just hoping for a new start, but everything is piling up again and I am having difficulty with management. My wife is going in to hospital and I am going to be on my own. She is my biggest support.
Your wife needs your support to by the sounds of it Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 21
Nevyn, my story sounds like yours.................where am I when things are going great (if there is such a time!!)..................and here I am looking for someone who needs me as much as I need them.
Living and Loving.
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Saratoga, California
Posts: 475
Nevyn,
You are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for... pick yourself up, dust yourself off and give it another go. Take a deep breath my friend... look at your watch and give yourself another 10 minutes of self-pity and then find your inner strength. It is in there... we all have it and you are no different. I'm sure sorry your wife is going into the hospital - I hope she's going to be okay. If she is going into the hospital please try to think of her while you are down on yourself - hospital stays are not fun and can be scary too - you are strong enough to get through this and be there for her too. Maybe in being there for her you can unfocus upon your own feelings of self-doubt and hatered. These feelings are something that this alcoholic is familiar with - hard not to have those feelings when your mind is under the haze. You can do it.
**{hugs}}
Suga
You are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for... pick yourself up, dust yourself off and give it another go. Take a deep breath my friend... look at your watch and give yourself another 10 minutes of self-pity and then find your inner strength. It is in there... we all have it and you are no different. I'm sure sorry your wife is going into the hospital - I hope she's going to be okay. If she is going into the hospital please try to think of her while you are down on yourself - hospital stays are not fun and can be scary too - you are strong enough to get through this and be there for her too. Maybe in being there for her you can unfocus upon your own feelings of self-doubt and hatered. These feelings are something that this alcoholic is familiar with - hard not to have those feelings when your mind is under the haze. You can do it.
**{hugs}}
Suga
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 93
OK I just took a look at myself. Not good with the self-pity and egocentricity. Just adds to the self-loathing, of course. Vicious cycle, isn't it? And I end up justifying using as the lesser of two evils. But recognizing that tendency is half the battle. And I have Responsibilities.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Nevyn...
I remember rounds and rounds of "fresh starts." You said that 2006 was supposed to be better, but you don't say why? Did you have a plan of action to make it better, or was it...hoping?
My fresh starts never were very fresh because I carried the wreckage of the past with me. Until I found a program whereby I could face all that came before my decision to stop drinking & drugging, deal with it, and forgive myself and others, I could not hope to stay sober. Past resentments, guilt, shame, remorse, fears, ego....all that sat under the surface like a time bomb ticking, just waiting to explode and be my next reason to pick up. It took time, but I learned a way to deal with the past and clean up present messes as I made them....and even avoid making them sometimes! I also learned to stay out of other people's messes. Responsibility? EVERYTHING was my responsibility. Or so I thought.
I'm very sorry to hear that your wife is ill. That's another good reason to surround yourself with your own support system to help you through helping her. Why not, while she's away, find an AA meeting to attend. You can find a source of support that takes that off her shoulders so that she can do what she needs to do for herself. I have found no better "treatment" than spending time with people in recovery. They understand better how I feel than any family member, though my family has tried. I suspect that you will discover the same.
I'll keep you and your wife in my prayers.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I remember rounds and rounds of "fresh starts." You said that 2006 was supposed to be better, but you don't say why? Did you have a plan of action to make it better, or was it...hoping?
My fresh starts never were very fresh because I carried the wreckage of the past with me. Until I found a program whereby I could face all that came before my decision to stop drinking & drugging, deal with it, and forgive myself and others, I could not hope to stay sober. Past resentments, guilt, shame, remorse, fears, ego....all that sat under the surface like a time bomb ticking, just waiting to explode and be my next reason to pick up. It took time, but I learned a way to deal with the past and clean up present messes as I made them....and even avoid making them sometimes! I also learned to stay out of other people's messes. Responsibility? EVERYTHING was my responsibility. Or so I thought.
I'm very sorry to hear that your wife is ill. That's another good reason to surround yourself with your own support system to help you through helping her. Why not, while she's away, find an AA meeting to attend. You can find a source of support that takes that off her shoulders so that she can do what she needs to do for herself. I have found no better "treatment" than spending time with people in recovery. They understand better how I feel than any family member, though my family has tried. I suspect that you will discover the same.
I'll keep you and your wife in my prayers.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Montana
Posts: 50
HI nevyn... Poor you... If you poor me enough it will become pour me another drink.. Truely sorry about your problems.. Good news - your not alone - we all have LIFE to live and daily problems to deal with..
If you want it to change -- YOU are the one to make it happen.. IT will not happen magically. It will not be dropped in your lap. Support is good but no one can give you a better life except you. IT will not even happen by osmosis through this board.. We have to get off our arse and take some action.
AA is what worked for me. 25 years now... I hope you find what will work for you..
Linda C.
If you want it to change -- YOU are the one to make it happen.. IT will not happen magically. It will not be dropped in your lap. Support is good but no one can give you a better life except you. IT will not even happen by osmosis through this board.. We have to get off our arse and take some action.
AA is what worked for me. 25 years now... I hope you find what will work for you..
Linda C.
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