OnceNice

Well, I decided that I'm not coming back to your forum. Its a great place, and I love reading your stories. Its just I'm not as strong. And I don't have a computer when I get home.

And I hope that people who want to start a thread about "being on a pity party" just STOP HERE and don't bother reading this and then telling me off. Okay. I feel bad enough without being insulted

From the first time I signed on here I felt stupid. With that horrible thread that became of my first post. I kept signing on even though I was embarrassed.

Then I saw another thread being started about "pity" I guess thats me.
So I just feel like a liar and a joke. I keep going home and drinking. All alone. Just me and my cat.

So many of you have said wonderful things to me and my mind can't focus on that. Just the negative. I'm on medication for depression.

Anyway, Tuesday a bunch of wonderful people here gave me some great ideas as to stay sober when I got home. Did I take them. No. But I did something awful. Well awful to me. I was able to drink from 5:30 Tuesday night till 5:00 pm Wednesday afternoon without sleep. I had never done that before. I canceled the Doctor Appointment with my shrink, and lied to my mom. Told my mom and dr. I was sick and had to stay home. Then I drank. Then I got to the telephone and called all these strange men and said things that I would never ever do in person. (on a telephone dating line) All I kept hearing was a bunch of gross men complimenting this gross drunk and disgusting behavior. And I felt I deserved to be doing what I'm doing. Just trash. And I'm not even getting any money. Just sitting home drunk and stupid.

I've gotten rid of all my friends, and I haven't dated in years because I'm such a "pity party" loser.

Anyway, I don'twant to waste anyone's time anymore. You are all so nice and I'm just a drunk. Forgive me for not trying as hard as you.


It seems like I see people on this site sober for three days and four days. I can't even do one! What the hell.

I wanted to go to an AA meeting tonight, but I know that I won't. I've been there before. I'm embarrassed to go back. Heck I'm embarrassed on here because I feel my first thread was a failure. (lack of my self-esteem kicking in)

It was a horrible feeling to know I could drink straight without any sleep.
I had never done that before and I have been drinking since 15 and I"m 40.

Goodbye. And I'm sorry I couldn't focus on the good. But in my heart, I know the good is here.

Take Care all. Off to work. My only social life, besides this forum and that damn phone.

I hate me.

Take care. I'll try not to log back on. But sometimes its nice to hear people say nice things. Again take care.

I'm logging off so don't bother responding.

1_day@_a_time

OnceNice, hope you will in fact stick around.

You only fail when you stop completely.

Going back to AA bet you will find plenty of understanding and compassionate people.

Beats the hell out of how you are living now.

I have had plenty of the feelings you are now.

Not had a drink in yrs now, and that simply is a miracle.

If I can, you can too!

Tom

Chy

I hope you stick around to. It takes many failed attempts, uncertainty, and simple got hurt bad enough till ready before you get to where you in your heart want to be but in in your head aren't ready to go. It's okay. Your here, your learning your like a little snowball building momentum to be big and strong and ready to do battle. If you want it bad enough you'll get there.. when ready. Don't beat yourself up. I have the same problem with quitting smoking, that's been harder nearly then quitting drinking for me... but I'm slowly biuilding that momentum. Like my buddy Tom said If I can do it so can you!!

janeeyre

NICE-

Just because people gave you good suggestions the other day and you didn't take them, it does NOT mean you are a "loser." You are not the first one to drink like you did, and I'm afraid you won't be the last.

I sure wish you'd stick around here, computer at home or not. But of course it's your decision.

You know we will be here for you. That's one thing this place is for--to offer help to people who are having a tough time helping themselves. If I lived anywhere near you, I'd be your "in-person" friend, and you'd have a tough time running me off, for what it's worth.

You DID have a day sober, and that's where every single one of us starts. I know you can do it again, whether you believe it or not.

Jane

Val-light

Hello Nice,
That IS rough not having a computer at home! I just started DAY 1 AGAIN!
It can be frustrating worrying about the numbers. Early on, I buried my head in my pillow for 3 weeks, let my home go to pot, didn't talk to anyone while trying to clear the fog out of my head. It was awful! I couldn't have done it without this forum. It's gotta be tough for you to go to work and quit drinking at the same time. I'm sure you've heard of all the ways you can help yourself on SR...it's easier said than done. I'm betting you're stronger than you think...you're holding a job, girl....that takes quite a bit of strength and only you know all of the other stressful situations you have to deal with on a daily basis. At least you're trying. Girl, it's not good for you to be spending too much time alone in the evening. I'm glad you have your cat. Don't lose hope in yourself. I hope you'll come back anyway and let us know you're not giving up. We're in the same boat you're in and struggling day to day as you are.
Val

Cathy31

(((Oncenice)))
Please don't go!!! Many people don't get it first time...but by just BEING here you are learning stuff AND helping others...do you know how many people read this thread (and the others!) that felt comforted and not so alone!
You are not a disaster in any way..you are battling ADDICTION which is very very tough. God, I took YEARS to take any good advice!
Look up that AA meeting and just go! It can help you on so many fronts especially with the loneliness and isolation.
It's a wonderful trait that you are so honest...we've all done things we're ashamed of while drinking...the problem is it can only, and does only get worse...
Please keep posting, you clearly have ALOT of friends here!!!
You're worth it!!
Cathy31
x

BSPGirl

Aww hey I tend to think that I learn from every slip and every relapse. You want to stay sober and that's enough to validate you being on this forum.

Cindi R

Not everyone gets it on the first attempt...
that's why we tell people to keep comming back.
I was ready when I was sick and tired of being sick and tired of living the life I was living.

CAPTAINZING2000

If, by chance you ever do peer at this forum again, this is just a tip of the ice burg.

For the most part, being on line keeps you isolated. If, you're going to AA, being in here can play a good part in your recovery. I don't rely on this to keep me sober nor do many other people. I had over 4 and a half years in recovery before I got on line.


I've met a lot of great people all across the planet and I do owe that all to S/R

I only know that God put me in AA for a reason. I'm sorry that you feel like you do

AA is for people that want it, not for those that need it. We wouldn't have rooms big enough for all the people that should be in recovery.

I didn't know until I got into AA I was a drunk with a living problem.

indigo

you have to go your own path, I wish you wisdom and aptitude.
indigo

jmhs002

When you are ready we will be here. It took me many years to actually want to be sober more than I wanted to drink. You are right about the pity party though - it is a lame bit. Hope you find your way back.
JMHS

earlybird

Just remember,..................you are ALWAYS welcome...

Sugasnaps

Oncenice

Darlin' somewhere deep inside of you is a tiny voice that told you to seek out help. That voice is your true self - in hiding - and it will from time to time be the voice of sanity that will someday when you are ready to try again bubble up through the muck that you feel is too much for you right now and it will say "come on - let's give it another go". Listen to it and give it a go - again. I have many many "agains" and I love each and every one of them because they brought me to where I am today - still "givin it a go". You have a beautiful spark inside of you and you let it peek out here if only for a few moments and thank you for sharing it with us.

I hope you will not give up on you. No one else can do it for you - so you will have to carry the torch to light your way - but you can do it. We can be your cheerleaders and encourage you but we can't do it for you.

Good luck and I hope for you.

Suga

ASH

Hi Once,
Sorry you want to leave, hope you decide its for a break and come back soon.
Just a thought; maybe try going to a meeing on a Sat or Sun during the day? They have morning and afternoon meetings and that might be a better time of day for you than evening. Womens meetings also have a different dynamic that
could be good for you right now.
Take care

miss communicat

(((stillNice)))

Strengths I see in you:

Honesty
Compassion
Empathy
Humanity
Desire for connection
Strong Will

It requires honesty to say unpleasant things and to speak one's truth. It shows compassion for living beings that you share your life with a sweet cat. It takes empathy, not badness, to understand pain, and humanity to know that you belong to this family, even when you feel different than others. It is not the computer that links us hon, its the heart and soul.

You must have a will of steel in order to keep going to work. Thats your will to survive. Put it to good use.

Go to a meeting. No one here or ih those rooms is above you. No one will judge you. We are all in this together. You help others when you help yourself.

See you soon, I hope!

Sugah

I only have three things to offer you, all of which I consider truths:

1. Things can get better.

2. Things will not get better until you put down the drink.

3. Things will get worse if you don't.

I think you will check back, and I hope you do come to see that, though there is abounding help for you, none of it will do any good until you want it.

I'm saying a prayer for you right now. Might work better if you say one as well.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

Val-light

Hello Nice,
Just stopped in again to let you know that I've been thinking about you and hope you're doing okay this evening.
Val

Jupiter2

Hi Nice,

I was embarrased about going to a meeting too. Everyone here encouraged me and I went. It really helped, but took quite a while and lots of going back to meetings even though I didn't want to.

Don't worry about what anyone thinks, dig deep and do this for you (the old none of my business what others think about me bit).

I've been where you are now, but after many many false starts I'm coming up on a year on Feb 8. If I can do this you can. Please give yourself another chance. You are so worth it! And keep posting here. We can help by giving encouragement.

Jup.

Cathy31

Great, great post, Prof! Especially this!

Cathy31
x

miss communicat

Prof

You GO GUY!!