I got down on my knees today
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Prof
SO SO MUCH of what you say rings true!!!!
In particular :
I usually fall back down after 3 days of sobreity.
By the third day I am feeling better. The hangover seems managable as the last one fades into memory; and I am feeling upbeat, energetic and cautiously positive. This is the hardest time for me.
drawing me away from my soul
So I drink and I'm euphoric for a few hours.
I do no work the next day
All of it, so true!!! But you know what you CAN resist just for today.
[U]Today I got down on my knees in the bathroom and asked a God I don't believe in for help... begged for help. [U]
I'm so glad you did this...expect a miracle.
Why don't you try something else you've never done and fill the meeting with an AA meeting...it'll be too late to drink by the time you finish, and you'll have another day sober!
Sending prayers.
Cathy31
x
SO SO MUCH of what you say rings true!!!!
In particular :
I usually fall back down after 3 days of sobreity.
By the third day I am feeling better. The hangover seems managable as the last one fades into memory; and I am feeling upbeat, energetic and cautiously positive. This is the hardest time for me.
drawing me away from my soul
So I drink and I'm euphoric for a few hours.
I do no work the next day
All of it, so true!!! But you know what you CAN resist just for today.
[U]Today I got down on my knees in the bathroom and asked a God I don't believe in for help... begged for help. [U]
I'm so glad you did this...expect a miracle.
Why don't you try something else you've never done and fill the meeting with an AA meeting...it'll be too late to drink by the time you finish, and you'll have another day sober!
Sending prayers.
Cathy31
x
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Originally Posted by Prof9000
Thank you Cathy
I'm closer to going to a meeting than I ever have been. Before I do that I must admit to my wife that I am an alcoholic and need help.
I am so scared to do this, I don't want to see dissapointment and fear in her eyes. I don't want to see a reflection, and therefore validation, of my own bad feelings about myself.
I'm scared of being the "AA guy" in social situations and cramping our fun.
I know it is all fear and addiction. My wife will want to help as will my friends... I'm just terrified and overwhelmed.
I'm closer to going to a meeting than I ever have been. Before I do that I must admit to my wife that I am an alcoholic and need help.
I am so scared to do this, I don't want to see dissapointment and fear in her eyes. I don't want to see a reflection, and therefore validation, of my own bad feelings about myself.
I'm scared of being the "AA guy" in social situations and cramping our fun.
I know it is all fear and addiction. My wife will want to help as will my friends... I'm just terrified and overwhelmed.
But! First things first! Get to that meeting, and you certainly do not need to announce to *anyone* that you are an acoholic! NOt your wife, not the meetnig, no one! Until you are ready. And you're not yet, so that's cool.
You won't be cramping anyone's style!!! I promise you - my friends like me much more as does my husband and family!!!
Remember by going to AA you are going to not only STAY SOBER but you are going to address so many issues to do with YOUR growth and becoming a better person and you are going to make some VERY cool new friends.
Just go! Look for the similarities and not the differences, and you'll never look back.
What you are feeling is SO SO NORMAL! And you are very, very brave, Prof!
Have a read through Quitting What To Expect at the top of the alcoholism forum.
Please let us know how you get on, ok?
Cathy31
x
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Dear Prof
I support you in not drinking today, every breath and every second that it takes to move past those intense parts. You are worth it! Hang in there.
For me, I always had one of 3 hurdles in quitting drinking: 3rd day, 5th day and 14th day. Who knows why, but it seemed like my denial reared its ugly little head at those points, and I gave in again.
At days 1 and 2, I still felt sick and low. Quitting was easy these days.
At day 3, I was feeling strong again, and felt ready for another go at moderation.
If I made it past Day 3, to Day 5, (rare) I was feeling in control. Without a spiritual source of strength (for me), I fooled myself into thinking I was totally in charge of things, and that moderation was possible.
IF I made it to Day 14, (extremely rare) I often felt that I had proven to (?) myself that I am not an alcoholic because I am able to quit. This is where the cravings and complicated thinking came in really bad.The inner dialogue was intense. I saw that I was spending so much energy thinking about drinking that, finally, this time, it became clear that I AM an addict/alcoholic.
This time, I've decided I want true freedom more than the freedom to drink.(which is an illusion. Its more like bondage, to me) I've also accepted humility.
Since coming to SR (and going to AA meetings) I have not had a drink in 49 days, and, for me, the miracle of having the obsession lifted occurred at day 30. It keeps getting better and I am feeling the taste of freedom.
To stay on track, I read and post every day, especially when I NEED to.
We are all here for you, too!
Keep reading, posting, busy, meeting people face to face in meetings, get a Big Book and read it..... These things are helping me.
I wish you well today not drinking!
I support you in not drinking today, every breath and every second that it takes to move past those intense parts. You are worth it! Hang in there.
For me, I always had one of 3 hurdles in quitting drinking: 3rd day, 5th day and 14th day. Who knows why, but it seemed like my denial reared its ugly little head at those points, and I gave in again.
At days 1 and 2, I still felt sick and low. Quitting was easy these days.
At day 3, I was feeling strong again, and felt ready for another go at moderation.
If I made it past Day 3, to Day 5, (rare) I was feeling in control. Without a spiritual source of strength (for me), I fooled myself into thinking I was totally in charge of things, and that moderation was possible.
IF I made it to Day 14, (extremely rare) I often felt that I had proven to (?) myself that I am not an alcoholic because I am able to quit. This is where the cravings and complicated thinking came in really bad.The inner dialogue was intense. I saw that I was spending so much energy thinking about drinking that, finally, this time, it became clear that I AM an addict/alcoholic.
This time, I've decided I want true freedom more than the freedom to drink.(which is an illusion. Its more like bondage, to me) I've also accepted humility.
Since coming to SR (and going to AA meetings) I have not had a drink in 49 days, and, for me, the miracle of having the obsession lifted occurred at day 30. It keeps getting better and I am feeling the taste of freedom.
To stay on track, I read and post every day, especially when I NEED to.
We are all here for you, too!
Keep reading, posting, busy, meeting people face to face in meetings, get a Big Book and read it..... These things are helping me.
I wish you well today not drinking!
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