na4today

If you had something you felt like you should do, but you didn't want to do, because you were sure that it would really really mess with your head, but would feel guilty if you didn't, would you do it anyway??

My dad died in May. He was buried in the wrong grave. He is being moved to the right one in a while. My mom has to go and my sis is going with her. My problem is I feel an obligation to go. The both of them will take Xanax before, and I can't. The anxiety is flying big now for me, I don't know what to do.

Help!!!

CarolD

Hugs..
In any quandry...Pray for your answer.

If you do go... go clean in honor of his memory.
He would not want you active in your addiction.

You need no crutch as long as you use hP.

Phinneas

Can your sponsor or someone in recovery go with you?

If not and you still decide to go, pray, pray and pray some more. A big part of recovery for me is facing my fears - being scared and doing it anyway (with the help of my HP and people in the program).

What does your intuition say? Go or not?

Luckyv2

You have to do whatever you have to do to protect your sobriety. That has to be the most important thing. If you don't want to go then don't go I know that you dad would really understand. I am sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Love Vic

na4today

I don't feel like my sobriety is in danger, but my sanity maybe. It's like if I don't go I will feel guilty, not being a good daughter. And if I do go, well it makes me feel dizzy to thing about going. I know that is my anxiety talking. I just feel lost with this one.

raerob

First of all, you say "in a while", which means you don't have to make the decision TODAY, since it isn't happening TODAY. A lot can happen between now and then...you can keep throwing it out for suggestions/support...the anxiety you feel right now could be diminished to from less to nade.

It's unfortunate your Mom and Sis need the crutch to fulfill their obligations; but, what a great gift clean & sober has given you...you KNOW it's possible to get through the worst of times without using...you KNOW it!!!

When the time comes, you will KNOW the right thing to do...and, maybe FOR YOU, the right thing will be NOT TO GO, if you honestly feel it will jeopardize your sobriety. We do have choices now.

na4today

It's at 1:00 today!

Luckyv2

raerob

OK...that does put a bit of a different spin on things. But, I stand by my original statement, which Vic dittoes.

I've found with sobriety/age/knowledge...I can make choices that might not be popular with others, but right for me...and, I don't have to feel guilty about it. I'm would hope your Dad would understand how important your sobriety and peace of mind are.

My prayers will be with you, whatever you decide to do.

rae

na4today

Raerob I agree with you too. When the time comes, I will know the right thing to do. So I stepped away from the computer to think.

I have decided that I want to be there. Not for my mom but for my dad.

na4today

I forgot...thanks for the words guys!

miss communicat

Kathy,

I always (try to) wait until I feel 100% clear about taking any action before doing it. This means saying "no", "not now", "maybe later", or similar.

I give myself time and space to sort through the feelings, and usually, I find that I am taking on pressure for all the wrong reasons, such as fear that I will be rejected, fear that the other person will no longer like/love me, fear that this opportunity will NEVER come again, and that I will FOREVER miss out on the benefits to be gained by participating at this time, and ONLY this time.

Once I get some perspective, I see that fear, not faith is operating.

That helps me to make a choice. I try to redirect the choice to one that is based on postive thinking. Like: There is always a solution. If it is not revealed to me right now, then DO NOTHING UNTIL IT IS.

Now, I know that life demands snap decisions in some cases, but this is a different set of circumstances.

Best of everything to you!!

Miss C

raerob

If this is what you feel is the "right decision", then you are doing it for yourself, as well. Maybe you can make a brief appearance, and a quick get-away from the Xanax ladies. I'm sure you'll be OK.