Very hard
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: This crazy world Of Ours
Posts: 8
Very hard
I’m in a house FILLED with alcohol right now and I can’t stop thinking about it. My boyfriend had a surprise birthday party for me last week and bought a ton of alcohol for the guests. He’s very good about watching me and making sure I’m not drinking but he has NO IDEA how hard it is for me. I can’t communicate it enough to him. It is not an option to leave him or any of my friends. THEY can control their drinking unlike me! My boyfriend is the guy I want to marry and my friends are ones I want for life. My boyfriend and I just built our dream house together. Part of that dream was being able to have an entertainment area for our guests...including a bar. Now the bar is stocked and I can't sleep at night...not to mention I work from home. I'd greatly appreciate any positive advice. <?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Nowhere
Posts: 889
Well it's not your bf making you stay sober, but your own self control, think about that, for starters. Other than that, do what's needed, perhaps you really needa throw out all the booze in order to stay safe. Try to make that clear to your bf and if he doesn't understand it's his problem. Good luck. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: lynn,ma
Posts: 37
Wow, I couldn't imagine living in a house where my drug of choice is. IMO, you are setting yourself up for a relapse.Please be careful! How about buying something where your bf can lock the liquor up in,while not in use? You can't just keep it there ,out,open and calling for you. Recovery is not having willpower. If that were the case ,alot more of us would be able to stay clean by ourselves. Please talk to your bf again about this, continue to explain how hard this is and that u need to find a solution. Buy a safe, keep at a friends , just do something so that you can live safe and in peace or you may continue to many sleepless nights! I know I would. With love and concern, grateful2bsober.
Last edited by grateful2bsober; 01-11-2006 at 05:20 AM. Reason: spelling
Member
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: lynn,ma
Posts: 37
I'm sorry, I wrote that wrong-I meant to say "Recovery isn't JUST having willpower. Of course willpower has something to do with it, but I don't know anyone who has stayed clean on sheer willpower, alone.If you have, Congrats, and more power to ya, but I personally never heard of it.I wish no one has to go through the horrors of addiction and I know evryone is different and what might work for one person may not work for another, all I'm saying is don't rely on JUST your willpower to get you through. Sorry for the mistake.
Soberus Maxus
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Seattle WA
Posts: 298
Hey Peachie, Someone has to teach me to use the quote thing but every sentence in your post says alot. I have a friend whos wife has a drinking problem. I wandered over to his campsite with a beer in my hand this past summer. Asked him if he wanted one. He said no. His wife was quitting and he wanted to support her. I thought Wow. He is so cool. They are sober friends of ours and a good influence on me. We are camping together next week and Im looking forward to it.
You said they can control their drinking unlike me. Well join the club!! Its not the fairest club but a club nonetheless. I think it totally sucks that we got the card that held this demon but wadayagonadoaboutit. Not a card you can put back in the deck. Its played. Im not real happy about it either but I must deal with it or else.
I wonder if you feel the same way?
You sound like you have a zest for life and your boyfriend has quite a catch.
I hope he supports you. Having a house full of booze will not work!
Sorry to be so absolute but I think I can say that. Your friends are so important I know. They are just going to have to understand your the sober girl.
I know it is so complicated but you having just built your dream house probably know booze will tear it down.
If your like me you cant live with a house full of booze.
Im trying to parse my words but I really feel for you and your situation.
I hope you keep us posted on how your working it out.
Your boyfriend is really lucky!!
P.S.
My wife has been dealing with this for years. Shes such a trooper I love her.
You said they can control their drinking unlike me. Well join the club!! Its not the fairest club but a club nonetheless. I think it totally sucks that we got the card that held this demon but wadayagonadoaboutit. Not a card you can put back in the deck. Its played. Im not real happy about it either but I must deal with it or else.
I wonder if you feel the same way?
You sound like you have a zest for life and your boyfriend has quite a catch.
I hope he supports you. Having a house full of booze will not work!
Sorry to be so absolute but I think I can say that. Your friends are so important I know. They are just going to have to understand your the sober girl.
I know it is so complicated but you having just built your dream house probably know booze will tear it down.
If your like me you cant live with a house full of booze.
Im trying to parse my words but I really feel for you and your situation.
I hope you keep us posted on how your working it out.
Your boyfriend is really lucky!!
P.S.
My wife has been dealing with this for years. Shes such a trooper I love her.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,499
Yes, I agree with the above statements.
I think you may not see it, but you are putting emphasis on your boyfriend, your friends and your dream house than you are on your sobriety. Getting and staying sober is very hard to do and it has to be done by you and for you and it has to be your priority. I'm lucky we don't have alcohol in our house and we don't serve it in our house. Early on in sobriety I never could have managed with a house full of alcohol, and even now, I wouldn't like it. Nor do I especially like being around people who are drinking. It's something I do once in awhile, not as a regular thing.
It's all about priorities!
I think you may not see it, but you are putting emphasis on your boyfriend, your friends and your dream house than you are on your sobriety. Getting and staying sober is very hard to do and it has to be done by you and for you and it has to be your priority. I'm lucky we don't have alcohol in our house and we don't serve it in our house. Early on in sobriety I never could have managed with a house full of alcohol, and even now, I wouldn't like it. Nor do I especially like being around people who are drinking. It's something I do once in awhile, not as a regular thing.
It's all about priorities!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Racine, WI
Posts: 206
I also agree with the above statements. It sounds like you have a great life, and I'm guessing your bf loves you lots. So, it seems to me that if you were to talk to him and explain how you are feeling, he will have no issues with removing the alcohol from your home. I mean think about it, if you had severe asthma, would he stand in front of you smoking and blow smoke in your face......expecting you to hold your breath and just deal with it? Of course not because he would know that you have a sickness and that blowing smoke in your face would only cause you harm. Sooooo, having alcohol in your home is the same thing. It has the potential of only causing you harm.
Anyway, best of luck to you, and really, just talk to your bf, you might be surprised at how supportive he will be!
Anyway, best of luck to you, and really, just talk to your bf, you might be surprised at how supportive he will be!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Racine, WI
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by Prof9000
(((((((((Peachie)))))))))
I know... it's a little weird getting hugs from a stranger but there you are.
An important point that has not been addressed: You said that you've had the alchohol in the house since last week and I presume that you haven't touched it.
GOOD JOB BE PROUD OF YOURSELF
I don't know your history so I won't give you too much advice. Just want to say be strong and YOU CAN DO IT !!!!
I know... it's a little weird getting hugs from a stranger but there you are.
An important point that has not been addressed: You said that you've had the alchohol in the house since last week and I presume that you haven't touched it.
GOOD JOB BE PROUD OF YOURSELF
I don't know your history so I won't give you too much advice. Just want to say be strong and YOU CAN DO IT !!!!
WOW Prof9000.........thanks for being so positive!! You are very correct....... Peachie, ROCK ON for NOT drinking!!!Thanks again for pointing out the positive part of this Prof!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: not here
Posts: 6
When I first began my sobriety under medical supervision 18 months ago, I told my husband that getting rid of all the ETOH in our house wasn't necessary (as my desire to stop drinking was that strong). --i hate beer and wine, it was the hard stuff i was talking about. Around 6 months later on a dark, rainy, gloomy, depresssing day,etc...., I raided the liquore cabinet. Only had a drink, (alright, maybe two) and I felt awful and even more depressed.
I had my husband put a lock on the cabinet and never think of it being there anymore. Big relief! My four children are all teenagers so we felt it was necessary since we were having so many of their friends over. (It also made for a good excuse should anyone question a lock on a cabinet.)
I haven't had a drink since and I figure as long as I don't buy it, I won't have it. I have become very comfortable with my sobriety but I STILL WANT that cabinet locked!
jane
I had my husband put a lock on the cabinet and never think of it being there anymore. Big relief! My four children are all teenagers so we felt it was necessary since we were having so many of their friends over. (It also made for a good excuse should anyone question a lock on a cabinet.)
I haven't had a drink since and I figure as long as I don't buy it, I won't have it. I have become very comfortable with my sobriety but I STILL WANT that cabinet locked!
jane
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