TheLivingEnd

Ok, I am new to this site, and i am greatful to find a online community of fellow people like me. I so lost rite now, and I will be honest I am high on oxycontins and drinking some beers rite now, and it ******* sad, very sad. I am in recovery and while I work so hard to recover and get my ******* life back, I keep ******* up. I will not go into my life story rite now but I will talk about the past few weeks.

Basically it all started probally around dec 18. I have been addicted to oxycontins for about 4 years now. And well over the past 4 years i have managed to get high about 340 some days a year out of the 365 days there are. I usually always managed to get high paycheck to paycheck and just live my life as a working addict. The sad thing is I don't have a ******* great job or great pay, but the money from my job helped me to get high, but the real income i had to get high on was selling drugs that i got perscribed to me from my DR once a month. well anyway thats what i have been doing for 4 years now and well out of that 4 year period i only been working for a year now. so it came to a point were i was broke had no money and was going to have to face the dreded withdrawl, and well i said **** it, i can't go cold turkey like before when i was not working a just be sick at home, i going to have to go to detox and get the dr. note 4 work and all. Well when i get to detox they tell me the only way i can be excepted was if my dr. was to stop perscribing me the drugs he has for so long. Now that was when i got the wake up call. Do i really want to get help or am i just trying to get a quick clean up and not be sick. So i said **** it i want help, **** my dr if i no longer get pills and all from him i will no longer be able to afford to get high, and i can finally get sober agian. well i did the detox thing, and was so glad to have a job to come back too, because if i was to come out to nothing i have so much free time i would get high again, but sad thing even though i am working i still high and drunk. this wensday should be 30 days sober for me, out those 30 days i been sober 28 days. Now to me that a ******* accoplishment. I have never had more then 4 days sober in over 4 years. So i been so ******* happy i been clean 28 out 30 days, but the 2 days i have gotten high are basically warning signs of a full blown relapse. i basically got high last weekend for new years eve and that was it. well i did that and well since today my only day off during the week i go high as if well it my day off i going to just relax and chill out. Sad thing is I will go to meetings all week and work stay clean all week and during the week when I am sober i feel so ******* good and proud myself, but I don't know I feel i a lose because i work so hard to stay clean and my mind just ***** with me. I want to say so much but don't know what to say because i feel as if nobody cares. I just lost. very lost and i just ******* hate life and society and getting high and drunk helps me escape this ****** up reality I been forced to live with. I will basically try to use this community as a way for sopoourt and all and hopefully it can help me. I ******* need it so bad.

Meg

hey, i just read your post and i wanted to send out a message of hope. you can do this. if you want it. take it from me, i'm in day 6 of vicodin w/d. it is not easy but with some support and willpower, you can do it. this is my first day posting on a forum, so i hope this will be a source of hope and help or me. my husband has been monitoring my detox but had to go back to work today...so if ou're out there. just know it can be done. i have a great "recipe" for at-home detox if you are interested.

Doug

Welcome to SoberRecovery. Both of you. I'm glad you found us.

PATIENCE_0706

Livingend Boy Do I Know Your Story All To Well, I Was You. I Used Oxycontin Since 99 When I Went Into Detox I Was Taking 20 80mgs A Day And Had Tried To Quit So Many Times On My Own, The Withdraws Would Be So Bad Within 3 Days I Was Using Again. I Got 300 From My Dr A Month Would Sell Some For Money Then Buy Them When I Ran Out Stupid Why Sell Any At All. Well After Detox And 10 In Rehab I Walked Out Of Rehab And Used That Was 80 Days Ago By The Way I Died That Night For 11 Minutes Others Here Know That But Just Thought I Would Tell You. Well Today Got A Phone Call My Friend Holly Died 33 Years Old And She Dead Overdosed So Living End Please Stop Before You R Stopped If You Dont Stop Your Living Will Come To An End. This Is A Great Site Please Let Us Know How You Are Doing.

TheLivingEnd

i doing great just got back from a meeting. it hard still, but i happy that i have been clean atleast 28 out 30 some days. I just going to take it 1 day at a time.

Anna

That's good to acknowledge that you have been clean for 28 out of 30 days. And, do have hope that you can do this! Just take a look around these forums and you'll see lots of people who can inspire you to carry on. Take it slow and carry on. If you want it, you can have it. We are here to support you.

Anna

Meg,

Welcome to SR. I'm glad you're doing well and I hope you keep posting and let us know how your detox is going.

Meg

I made it thru another day.


today i felt the best i've felt in a week. I actually got some sleep this morning after once again being up most of the night...and I managed to clean up my mess around the couch and in my bathroom from spending hours in the tub soaking in Epsom salt.

It felt great to be able to walk and move around the house. I even went to the market. I'm doing fantastic today. I even made my husband dinner, which i haven't been able to do in a week. I am proud that i'm making it through this detox. I think i'm almost trough the acute part of the Vicodin w/d.

Dead Poet

The living end,

Share everything with us, no one is here to judge you...if you don't want to share it with everyone you can always pm me

raerob

A shout out to Living End and Meg...

Welcome to Sober Recovery and "reality"...I've heard that's what SOBER stands for, when you finally shake off the drugs and/or alcohol: Son Of a Bitch, Everything's Real!
You can make it...both of you!!!

Even after 26+ years clean and sober, you should see all the scars on mine...no, maybe you shouldn't...UG-LY SIGHT!

Hang in there, guys & gals!!!

TheLivingEnd

still hanging in there. made yet another meeting today and i feel good, i just hope that I don't relapse friday again. My cousin wants me to come out and all and i know if i do go out it be bad news.

thanks for all the advice everyone, it good to know strangers care.