Max Oblivia

I hope its alright with Raerob to paste her post here. I love words and especially the words of my new sober friends here. For someone to give of themselves as much as she has to me means so much and truly is the only reason Im tackling this alcohol demon. Her words below were in responce to my wondering why some can have just one and we cant. Thank you so much for giving of yourself to help others. If only every story could have such a happy ending.

Quote:
Some will go to a bar have a couple then go home and not have more and be productive.



I, myself, was a "controlled" drinker for many, many years...mostly, I was controlled by the fact I had three kids at home that I felt needed at least one of us reasonably sober, some of the time. My husband of 25 years, on the other hand, didn't/couldn't control his drinking.

Often, I would ask him, "Why can't you be like other men...stop for a couple after work, and then come home...why must you stay out all night!?!" He couldn't/wouldn't give me an answer.

Then, there came a time when my drinking was just like his! I'd stop for a couple after work, "just to unwind". After several hours of "just one more", I'd become so unwound I could hardly stand up, let alone drive home. It was only by the grace of God that I didn't kill myself or someone else.

The only way to avoid getting sloshed after work in the bar was to go immediately home, and do my sloshing there. Fortunately by then, my kids were old enough to fend for themselves. Progression had robbed them of not one, but two productive parents! And, if anyone had asked the same question of me that I had posed to my ex-husband, I would no more have been able to explain it than he had been those many years ago. I understand now, and he learned the answers, too, in the rooms of AA. He passed away a couple of years ago with 25+ years of sobriety, and we had been able to make our amends to each other.

I don't think any of us picks up that very first drink expecting that one day we simply won't be able to stop at one. As I've heard here and in the rooms of AA, "One is too many, a thousand not enough!"

CAPTAINZING2000

IF, drinking was miserable the first time many of us tried it, maybe we wouldn't progress to the alcoholic we later become.

It was fun at an early age to drink. Somewhere in our drinking lives, we cross over the line and drinking is no longer fun it's a way of life.

Staying sober is a way of life as well.

Just kicking back and starting to reap the benefits of the past few years of not drinking. The long term goals I've set for myself God willing are getting closer

The thing that you wrote that hit hardest, the kids grew up. Damn, love to have that time back when, my kids were little. I sure do enjoy the time with my Grand kids.

janeeyre

Thank you for putting Raerob's post here, Max. It's rung a bell somehow.

Captain, you said it all.

My kids are still young. I'm glad I can be a sober mom to them now.

Thanks to all of you folks further down the road for showing the rest of us a way out. You are priceless.

sherbear5104

Thanks for sharing that, Max. Words of wisdom.

raerob

Early in sobriety, when I used to hear, "It's a selfish program," I just didn't get it...but, hoped that someday it would all make sense. I've also heard, "You can only keep it by giving it away." And, then there's, "You must surrender to win." So many seemingly contradictory statements!

I know one thing for certain...by sharing my experience, strength, and hope with the Newcomer, it helps (on a daily basis) to keep my memory green...to remember what it was like when I, too, was a Newcomer (there are days I still feel like one).

Yes, Captain...and the greatest pangs of guilt I had were over the drunkenness when my kids were little. It took a while to be able to forgive myself...until it was pointed out to me at meetings that I had done the best I knew how with what I had to work with. One of the things I'm most grateful for is that I quit drinking in November 1979, and the first of my four Grandkids was born in January 1980...so none of them has ever seen me under the influence!

So, you see, Max...it works both ways, and so wonderfully well! Thank you for helping me to stay sober!!!

Done_With_It

I am still struggling with that part. It takes so much energy to stay sober.
I am always sitting here thinking about all this "Reee Cov Ery" stuff takes
up a lot of my time. Even when I'm here at SR I feel guilty for taking the time,
but I come here so I don't use. It's so confusing!

You know I get so mad at my mom sometimes thinking about the things that happened with me while she was out having fun and drinking her life away. I start thinking, no wonder I have so many issues.

But I've also come to the point of realization a long long time ago, that when you Know better you do better.

She somewhat knows better now, and she has been confronted at face value what her drinking has done, but it still does not stop her.
Her dad died from cancer, but I believe that had he taken better care of himself he wouldn't have died. So many things.
So give yourself a lot of credit for stopping drinking, for finding this place, etc.... Some will never do what you did.

Thanks for posting this thread!

BeamMeUpScotty

I don't have kids of my own (in some senses, knock on wood; in others, I know I'm missing out), but I am and have been a teacher for over 10 years. I do have guilt over the fact that my students got much less of a teacher than they deserved. How many times did I give them pointless busy work because I had a splitting headache? How many times did I give less than 100%? Well, I can't change the past, but I will change the future and my students will get a much more focused and active teacher.

It does work both ways. One of the things which helped me get through my separation/divorce was helping to start a support group. While I helped to get the group started, those people literally saved my life. Helping each other, as is the main purpose of SR imho, is one of the main purposes of being human.

Captain Max (I think this should be your new name--as it shows who's in charge and how much you can do), you've helped me more than you know. I thank you friend.

Take care all.

Max Oblivia

Hey Sober Girl..You ever heard that song. "Up On The Roof"? Always liked it. You know it start something like. When this old world starts a gettin you down I find a place to go up on the roof.... I wonder if you could help me find an Avatar. I want to join the big boys. Or tell me where you guys go for those.
Just got back from my AA poker meeting. Maybe I'll go to real meetings soon but its a good place to go for cheap and very few drinkers. Poker tournaments and alcohol dont mix well.
Mr Scott. My old high school coach called me over the weekend he never stops coaching and teaching. Teaching is a special craft. I admire the patience it takes.
My kids were enough for me and I certainly have scars from my alcohol use as it relates to them. They are the children of an alcoholic. They are recognizable as such.
It sucks they only got one crack at growing up and I wasnt the best I could be for them. Its always been just under the surface but reading Sober Girls post really sent it home for me. I know we spend alot of time here looking at ourselves and mending ourselves. I really want to explore what I have done to my kids. I know that part of AA is rectifying problems you have had with other people. I really havent destroyed to much that wasnt bad for me anyway. I mean who needs drug buddies.
But my kids, Ive got to identify the areas Ive harmed them and dig into that.
Im sure if you asked them its more than enough and they are going to be quite proud when I tell them Im not drinking. Im scared to tell anyone theres still an ever so slight chance I could fail. LOL not really funny but MAN what a challenge.
Heres a big shout from my tricorder from the formerly Planet Oblivias
Maxus Magnanumus out...

raerob

Hmmmmmn...since you're in roofing & siding (I guess), I searched one of my favorite websites, and came up with a few:

raerob

I thought these were a bit whimsical (kinda like the one with the kitten...it probably belongs to an alcoholic):



I'm also going to send you an instant message with the URL for the website.

cooky

Done-with-it
I had a old timer tell me.this is a selfish program.If you don't make it so you'll never get it.He told me.
SOBRIETY IS NO. 1
FAMILY IS NO. 2
JOB IS NO. 3
For if I don't have no. 1 I don't have no.2and 3
So don't feel guilty at all about the time you spend on your sobriety.For your sobreity is all you got.Recovery is what you make of it.Lighten up and have fun.
Bob

Done_With_It

Thank You Bob. If you had any idea how much I needed to hear that right now you'd be blown away. People were happier with me when I was doing meth. It's hard to not go and do it again and be the person I know they will be happier with. But I know it would only be time till that ended up changing and I'd be worse off than I am now. Thank you again.

Max Oblivia

I met a girl at the gas station. We started discussing home towns and that I was from the area. She said she was from there to. I told her there was a lot of crystal going on there wasnt there. She said she'd been shooting up for 5 years but she got pregnant. She said that because of her daughter that was a life she had left behind. Then she started talking about her daughter and how shed had to leave all her old friends because they were still doing the same and she wanted to be better for her daughter. I was so impressed with her and she really inspired me. I could tell she had been thru the ringer. But the love and responsibility for her daughter shone in her eyes.
I know sobriety is number one and we all have different motivations and pathways to get there. When love conquers any problem I think its beatifull.
I think you are so right in your point not to feel guilty about doing what it takes to keep sobriety #1.
But the motivations for getting there have a beauty all their own.

Jersey Nonny

It ain't necessarily so...but, as long as we get there!

There was a time when I was Secretary of my home group, it was my responsibility to give out motor vehicle cards to newcomers mandated to AA meetings by court. A lot of the oldtimers objected to this practice; but, my feeling was, "If even one comes and stays to get sober, it's worth it." Over the years, I met many who had been sent through the court system, but stayed once the seed had been planted.

In my own case, I started to attend AA (as well as Al-Anon) because I hoped to reconcile with my newly-sober husband (even though he had left me and was living with someone else). It used to make me extremely nervous when I would hear, "If you've come for anyone or anything else but yourself, your chances of success are slim to none."

Ahhhh...I may not have come to the rooms for myself, but I subsequently stayed for me...so, I believe it's not necessarily as important how you get there, but why you continue, and continue, and continue to stay!

BTW, Max...I love your Avatar...it goes with your new-found sobriety.