hopealwayz

I had another rough day today. I went out to visit my family and I ended up arguing with several people. When I left I was feeling pretty stirred up and resentful. I just walked out, got in my car and left. But, on the way home, I noticed that thoughts of using started popping into my mind. I noticed my trigger and I prayed for the humbleness to turn my car around, go home and make amends with those people.

Resentments are bad and a big trigger for me. After I prayed, I got off on the next exit, heading back to their house and made amends with my family.

Now, the thoughts of using are gone tonight. Wow, I actually realized my trigger and worked through it. I realized that I wanted sobriety more than anything and I was willing to go to any lengths to keep it so I did what I needed to do today.

My reward will be my sober head hitting my pillow tonight.


Hugs,

Hope

raerob

Good for you, Hope! That 10th Step can certainly be a powerful tool for getting rid of the poisons and maintaining an atmosphere of serenity...if not for the recipient(s) of the amends, certainly for us!

"IT" works if you work it...no matter which step we need at any given time.

CAPTAINZING2000

Takes a long time to realize that some things aren't worth fighting over. I can argue all day and night over politics, religion and sex. I've come to believe, just cause I don't agree with someone or they agree with me doesn't make either on of us wrong.

Glad you're learning to pick and choose your battles.


Go work out, burn off that aggression in a healthy way

hopealwayz

I'm glad that I didn't let myself use that as an excuse.
I used to find every excuse in the book to drink or get high.

I feel like I'm still on an emotional rollercoaster. I wish it would
slow down.

hopealwayz

I have been free for 35 days!!!!

2dayzmuse

I think 30 days is a trigger for you. This seems to be a pattern. Have you noticed? Maybe subconsciously you went out looking for a reason to drink/use, but were able to hold off this time. Families are often used as a reason to drink, but you know that. It all seems to piece together. Don't get me wrong. I'm just pointing this out trying to prevent you from spiraling downward. I have watched this happen many, many times. Once you start getting these feelings, relapse soon follows. What can you do differently and how can we help? My wish for you is that you get off of the rollercoaster for the last time. Now...lets hula. You have 35 days sober and our aim is to keep adding on.

roadie58

Good job on recognizing a trigger and immediately applying the principles to take care of the resentment.

Are you working with a sponsor? Have you done the steps? I'm currently on 8/9 in my workshop, but my sponsor took me back to 6/7 because he wasn't sure I was willing to give up one of my character defects. They don't all disappear at once, but he wanted me to be sure I was WILLING to give them all up to my HP.

I can't
He can
I'll let him.

Hope this helps....

I hate to see you struggle in sobriety like this. Prayers going out to you.

Michael

chip

Hope-
I'm pretty new to sobriety, so any advice from me comes with a grain of salt.
Everybody in recovery circles talk about the danger of resentments. Resentment can be fatal.

You did the right thing, and I'm happy for you. You were able to work through your trigger, and you didn't drink. Don't let anybody "steal" your sobriety. I'd work on becoming free of those resentments. How much more resentment would you have if you had a relapse? It's a vicious cycle, and us alkies must break free if we are to live happy, sober lives.
chip

Etimee

-> Hope, that's me doing the happy dance for you!

Thanks for doing the right thing. Your actions will make me think twice the next time something like this happens.

dakota110705

Congrats on 36 days! I can really relate to your post. It's always been that way for me too. No matter who is involved (but especially family) the first thing that goes through my mind when things get screwed up is to drink. This has been the most difficult part for me. Now I always try to put myself in a safe place til it blows over, and keep reminding myself that no matter what, drinking is not an option.

hopealwayz

I have noticed a pattern but this time, I am willing to do anything to avoid going back into that downward spiral. LeAnne, you are right. Everytime I start to get these feelings, I don't deal with them in the right way and I end up drinking/ using so hopefully now I can avoid the pitfall. And anything around that 30 day mark has usually been a trigger for me.
It seems that this time , I've been working on getting through these issues instead of just giving up and turning to old habits.

I do not want to go back into that pain that I came from. I just don't think I have it in me to break free once again. The last time I relapsed, I almost didn't make it back because I thought that I had lost my will for it. My soul had gotten so beaten down by using that I just that I was one of those hopeless cases. Thank God ,for hope today. I was able to get myself back on track this time but I found it to be so much harder. I think with every relapse, it is harder to come back.
..That is why I am going to do everything to stay in and not go back out. Just for today, I'm commited to staying clean/sober.

On a positive note, I'm supposed to be moving in today or tomorrow in my new apartment. A refreashing start.... wonderful new journey.

My mom did say that she would come help me.

And now I have things worked out with my family and that is so much better.

Cathy31

(((Hope)))
Thinking of you my dear. I can relate to the 30 day trigger...36 days is so awesome, just keep doing what you have been doing, glad family back on track! keep going! One day at a time!
You are doing so great!
Cathy31
x

hopealwayz

It is so amazing because I have my mom and grandma both coming to help me move boxes to my new place. It is good to know that someone loves me.

I am glad to be sober today. I may be offline for about a week or so until I get get my internet hooked up at my new place. I definitely doing the work it takes to stay clean / sober so I will be ok.

I'm grateful that I was given another chance to get things right in my life.

Little Missy

You get another ATTA GIRL from me!!

That's how we do it, one day at a time!! Don't drink or use no matter what!! When I would get those thoughts in my head, one of the things I would do was say out loud, I DON'T DRINK!!

Keep up the good work. And congratulations again on your new apartment!!

Max Oblivia

Hey Hope, now thats they way to do it. I love your mental process there and your guts.
Us guys have a hard time with that go back and make things right thing, testosterone and foolish pride you know.
So I can learn from you. What a great example for all of us you are.
Did I tell you I dont drink anymore? Did you hear me Ill say it louder?
I DONT DRINK ANYMORE!!!!!'
Climbing the mountain huff hufff hufff still climbing whew climbing climbing.
Ok getting close
Here I am at the top of the mountain shouting Loud!
I DONT DRINK ANYMORE!!
did i tell you?
Max.... the sober one...
Its nice when the brain is in charge isnt it Lil Missy?

livenletlive

Thanks for sharing. Good post. I have to remember my triggers too. 10th step rules.

2dayzmuse

You are right about how hard it is to come back and the pain that we create for ourselves when we drink/use. You have the right spirit. Do whatever it takes to stay sober.

Enjoy your new apartment. I'm glad you have something you are excited about. Get settled in so you can join us once again. Take care...

daddysgirl29

Hopie, thinking of you, sweetie!! Check in when you can. Good luck in the new digs, and congrats on beating that sneaky trigger!! I'm proud of you!!!