FriendofBill

What an amazing amount of humility for such a newly sober person.

You told a heart felt and inspiring story.....you rock!

knoxunlabeled

Thanks (((FriendofBill)))… I guess the majority of my humility comes from all the countless times I have tried to get clean-sober, having worked the program (on and off) for so many years and watching myself fail, time after time. Although somewhere within my heart, I know the program works, I cant say it has ever worked for me due to the simple fact that I have given up on working it! I’m hoping that will not happen ever again to me. My approach this time is more sincere I believe, the reason being, I have nearly lost everything… In every instance prior to this, I always had some “thing” or “person” to fall back onto when I renewed my recovery, however, this time, it was just me! I don’t have that crutch to prop me up and tell me everything will be okay, that alone has given me an enlightened view of my situation and given the past 15 years or so, more meaning. Today is day 24 for me, and I realized at day 1 that this was something I was having to do alone and for the first time in my life, FOR MYSELF, not because my job told me to, not because my parents told me to nor because my significant other told me to…I TOLD MYSELF I had too…! I cant promise that I will be clean-sober tomorrow, the next day nor the next, but I can promise that I will be clean-sober today!...and everyday that I get up I’m going to pray that God gives me the strength to have another clean-sober day! As I’ve mentioned previously, things are looking up… In fact even a few things have evolved that I know ONLY GOD (my Higher Power, no offense to anyone) could have placed His hands upon and made possible.

My suggestion today to myself and anyone who might want it: Although at day 1, 2, 3, etc. things seem so impossible, it seems that there is actually no way out, no hope, nothing will ever work or be the same…and I have felt that myself! In hearing other peoples story and reading other peoples post you hear it said, time and time again, things will get better, everyday, every hour, every minute and although you may think it is impossible, you may think that it will never be okay, you may think that you will never feel better or “normal”… trust me, IT DOES GET BETTER….EASIER…. I’m living testimony that it does get better!!!… And what makes me feel even better today is that, upon beginning day 24, and feeling this good today, I can only imagine what day 124, 224, 324 will be like! It does, I PROMISE, get easier everyday….just hang on! (((Hopealwayz))) told me, “We have our hands stretched out to you so grab on.” I’m telling anyone who may be in the beginning stages of detox or recovery or thinking about it, do just that, grab on and hold on tight, together, we (YOU), can do it!



God Bless and I Love you guys…

P.S. I cant remember ever in my 34 years, waking up on New Years Day and feeling refreshed and ready for the day! Man I love sobriety!!!
P.S.S. (((Hopealwayz))) Haven't heard from you in a few days...you okay?
P.S.S.S. By the way, I'm thinking about "quitting smoking" today. Its nearly Noon and I still haven't had one! Is it to early to add this to the bundle?

FriendofBill

Oh. How I identify with every-single-word-you-wrote!

Not having anyone else to fall on.....man....do I understand that feeling.

Its then...and only then, that I fell on my higher power...and he caught me, and continues to do so.

Keep on keeping on....

Done_With_It

I I wrote something very similiar to that on my 6th week. I so know what you mean.
Thank you for sharing your story. It's a great read. Your doing great. It is hard to stay sober, but it's worth it. Keep posting. Glad to see you here.

Cindi R

Somewhere I read that you should wait a couple of years before you make an attempt to give up the cigarettes...
too much stress right now.
First things first.

knoxunlabeled

Just a couple quick notes… Getting a little anxious I suppose… I mean although everything is 200% better today than it was 25 3 ½ weeks ago, I am still facing a few worrisome issues… 1) Having to find a new place to live, my landlord has given me his last break – I mean, God Bless the man, I haven’t paid rent on time in over one year, at times (like now) being two months due!... He finally gave me the big “eviction notice” and pretty much set the terms so high that he knows I cannot possible meet…therefore I guess between now and 1/29/06 I will be finding someplace to live… and thank God… 2) I have found a new job that I will start on Tuesday! Nothing to exciting nor is the pay very much, but, hey, it will keep me moving for now… Trying to stay upbeat and positive here… A little worried at this point, but for some reason (and I’ve noticed it very much today) my Higher Power (God) has given me such a serene peace that I cant describe. I fell to my knees last night and prayed, with all my heart and felt immediately comforted… Since then I have, like I said, been in this place of serenity that I’m certainly not accustomed to… Anyway, I just wanted to drop in and say evening to everyone… Hope everyone’s New Years Day has gone well. Please keep me in your prayers and I make the pilgrimage set forth me…

nogard

Hi Clif, welcome to SR

knoxunlabeled

Evening all… Today has been a little “weird”… Sorta’ been in a funk most of the day it seems… Perhaps its just the 26th day blues or the fact that I’m starting a new job tomorrow and a little nervous/anxious about that… Physically I’ve felt fine, a little tired, but mentally I’ve been a little depressed today. Plus, I started taking my Prozac again today, after a few months off it, and maybe it’s giving me a little bit of an odd tweak, I don’t know, but I’m clean and sober and alive…and getting very close to my 30 DAYS!!! Hope everyone is well…

Justme57

Morning Cliff

Thank you so much for sharing your ups and downs with us !

i was like you , when I decided to quit, i had absolutely no where and no one to turn to, and now i believe my HP (God) had to get me to that place so I would listen. I am so glad he did !
Even if it was having just been chucked on my front lawn, drunk, half dressed and filthy , by the police , no less

Good luck with the new job, I am sure it will just rock lol

Keep us posted

HUGX
Lee

Cindi R

Just keep on taking it one day at a time...
Good luck with the new job.

knoxunlabeled

WHY do I feel so depressed, lonely, worried, tired, etc…today?...especially now. I have been feeling so good the past few days and suddenly this evening, I feel all of these weird emotions rising in my throat. I spent the weekend with my better half but now that I’m alone I feel so lost… I know, I know, “one day at a time”…but jeeze, I feel so horrible this evening.

Cindi R

They talk about "the pink cloud" of early sobriety...
How great it feels, when everything seems to be getting better and it all feels "worth it"...
However there are going to also be those moments, hours, sometimes days that you do have to have those other feelings...
it's called "life on life's term's"...
I like to think that if there were no really rotten horrible awful days that suck...then how would I know the difference between those and the really great wonderful awesome days...
Just know that
"This too shall pass"...
whatever it is.
Grief shared is halved...joy shared is doubled...
That's why it's a "WE" program...& ya gotta reach out to people...
Which is totally different than living the life of isolation that I was used to.

knoxunlabeled

Thank you so much Cindi... I hear you loud and clear... "This too shall pass"...

knoxunlabeled

Yep…Day 27… Started the new job today, seems like it will be pretty good… First time I’ve ever worked for Health Insurance company, quite interesting so far… Believe it or not…TODAY, my 27th day, I actually had urges to USE! It was precipitated by a woman with whom I am now employed stating that she was going home at lunch and getting her HYDRO’s because her back was killing her… Man, when she said that my mouth began to water and the thoughts of using were so strong… Thank God I’m not in an environment where it is accessible and I fought off the urge to call my supplier. I made it though, I am home now, TIRED as hell, and glad the day is over. I’m having some weird feelings now though, I guess because I was so busy today and all that now I’m home alone and facing that boredom that I suffered the last couple weeks… I’m to tired to really do anything but so bored I cant sit still… I know its all part of recovery, I’ve had these feelings before, but that doesn’t make it easier… However, being able to put it down here, does help a lot. I cant believe that in just 3 days I will be at 30 DAYS! I cant remember when I’ve had 30 days clean in a L O N G time. Anyway, I just wanted to say hello to everyone and let you guys, who have been so supportive, know that I remain clean-sober and that my day at the new job went well… Hope everyone is happy and clean-sober.

mooselips

Hiya Clif,
Great you're hanging in there.
I was thinking, you talk on occasion about being bored, or alone.
How about a new hobby?
Woodworking?
Painting?
Meetings?


Do you have something to occupy the free time you have now?

Hugs and keep on, keeping on....

Cindi R

Glad to hear you had a good day at work, except for the "trigger"...
Just remember this too shall pass...whether or not you make the decision to use or not.
Way to go on passing the first test!
Congratulations on day 27...

knoxunlabeled

Thanks guyz... You know, I remember a couple months back talking to my counselor at the "methadone clinic" and she ask me what my hobbies were... and I couldn't answer that! I have spent so many years living for nothing but drugs and alcohol that I really don't know what I like to do! I guess that is why I say so often that I am bored. Hell, I don't even know what I like to do... There again, being co-dependent, I always depend on someone else to provide my entertainment... Jeeze, does it every end? Lol... Your right, I need a hobbie. I will be thinking the next few days about that, perhaps I should start working out again, kill two birds with one stone that way...

mooselips

Here's kind of a fun hobby...
if u like this sort of thing.

Mr. Moose has a GPS, he goes to this site online,
to this site called Geocaching, and they give him
coordinents to find treasure.
Silly, but maybe someday he won't have to stop
for directions.....