I need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Somewhere, Southeast
Posts: 1
I need help
Hi. I am CG. I'm 38 and the divorced mother of three lovely children. I have a good job and am generally a high achiever. Most people would never guess I have a problem but I am finding it increasingly hard to ignore the fact that I do.
I look fine on the outside, but on the inside, my life is a mess. I am heartbroken over recently being dumped by an unemployed drug addict with a girlfriend who treated me badly. This was my first "in love" experience since my painful divorce three years ago and it just literally ripped my heart out of my chest. He was completely wrong for me in every way but I still fell hard for him and am in a lot of pain over the end.
Two nights ago I drove drunk with my children in the car. I had a minor accident in which no one was hurt (hit a tree). No one but me knows the real reason for this accident: I was drunk. My car is banged up and I can't afford to get it repaired right now.
My children are now with their father for the rest of the holidays and I drove drunk again last night after going out drinking with a man I've dated off and on for the past year (always while drunk. I feel very uncomfortable around him when I am sober.) This was after I SWORE to myself I would not drive drunk again.
My entire social/dating life revolves around alcohol. I feel unable to meet, attract or hang onto a man unless I am in a setting with alcohol. This has been the case for me since adolescence.
I have occasional blackouts.
I drink alone.
I spend money I shouldn't on drinking and going out drinking, etc, etc.
I feel lonely and spiritually empty despite many, many blessings: friends and family who love me, job and house, good health, etc
I manage my money poorly and am perpetually in a state of financial crisis.
I am nervous about attending an actual AA mtg in my town because my ex-husband, with whom I have a VERY bad relationship, is heavily involved in AA locally for many years and knows everyone in all the groups all over town. I am afraid he would sue me for custody again if I betray any sign of weakness or need by going to a meeting.
I don't really know what step to take next except to say: I need help.
Thanks for listening.
CG
I look fine on the outside, but on the inside, my life is a mess. I am heartbroken over recently being dumped by an unemployed drug addict with a girlfriend who treated me badly. This was my first "in love" experience since my painful divorce three years ago and it just literally ripped my heart out of my chest. He was completely wrong for me in every way but I still fell hard for him and am in a lot of pain over the end.
Two nights ago I drove drunk with my children in the car. I had a minor accident in which no one was hurt (hit a tree). No one but me knows the real reason for this accident: I was drunk. My car is banged up and I can't afford to get it repaired right now.
My children are now with their father for the rest of the holidays and I drove drunk again last night after going out drinking with a man I've dated off and on for the past year (always while drunk. I feel very uncomfortable around him when I am sober.) This was after I SWORE to myself I would not drive drunk again.
My entire social/dating life revolves around alcohol. I feel unable to meet, attract or hang onto a man unless I am in a setting with alcohol. This has been the case for me since adolescence.
I have occasional blackouts.
I drink alone.
I spend money I shouldn't on drinking and going out drinking, etc, etc.
I feel lonely and spiritually empty despite many, many blessings: friends and family who love me, job and house, good health, etc
I manage my money poorly and am perpetually in a state of financial crisis.
I am nervous about attending an actual AA mtg in my town because my ex-husband, with whom I have a VERY bad relationship, is heavily involved in AA locally for many years and knows everyone in all the groups all over town. I am afraid he would sue me for custody again if I betray any sign of weakness or need by going to a meeting.
I don't really know what step to take next except to say: I need help.
Thanks for listening.
CG
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: California
Posts: 972
Hello CG! Yep, it definitely sounds like you have a drinking problem and are headed towards at least a DUI arrest.. hopefully not worse.
Don't let your x husband get in your way of seeking help. If he's working his program he would be ever so happy to see you in AA seeking the best for yourself and your kids.
If you absolutely won't go to AA then seek out alternative recovery methods. It does sound to me like you have reached the end of your drinking career and nothing but bad is gonna pass if you continue to drink and drive drunk.
Don't let your x husband get in your way of seeking help. If he's working his program he would be ever so happy to see you in AA seeking the best for yourself and your kids.
If you absolutely won't go to AA then seek out alternative recovery methods. It does sound to me like you have reached the end of your drinking career and nothing but bad is gonna pass if you continue to drink and drive drunk.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Hi there. I'm sorry your in so much pain. I think it's great your asking for help before something bad happens.
They have some really good on-line meetings here,
and there are probably some other good suggestions in the Alcohol Recovery forum. It's on here too.
Welcome to SR, hang in there.
I hope to see you more.
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
Hi CG
I can really relate to your story and I am sorry things are so tough right now. However, this was a good start - to recognise that there IS a problem (because clearly there is) and you want to address it.
In my opinion, if your H is in AA I doubt he would act in the way you fear, but then again one never knows with people!
What about trying a meeting in the next town?
The reason I suggest this is that you are hurting, you are alone and I believe that the AA program can help you to heal again. I know you feel alcohol is the social lubricant...but really itÃ*s not!!!! What about trying your own recovery first...and then deciding on a relationship. IÃ*m sorry about your relationship breakup, I can imagine it was devastating especially first one after your divorce.
I think itÃ*s imperative that you take those near misses as a sign of some time and use this time away from your kids to get some face to face help. I can guarantee you that there are many millions feeling like you do now...AA is there to help. You will make new friends, you will heal and grow spiritually, you will learn to live sober, you will learn to love and respect yourself again, you will learn coping mechanisms....thereÃ*s so much to gain, I hope you will try it...even next town. If you google AA meetings and the town you are interested in.
I wish you all the best, and I am sorry for your pain...but there IS a way out!!!
Much love
cathy31
x
I can really relate to your story and I am sorry things are so tough right now. However, this was a good start - to recognise that there IS a problem (because clearly there is) and you want to address it.
In my opinion, if your H is in AA I doubt he would act in the way you fear, but then again one never knows with people!
What about trying a meeting in the next town?
The reason I suggest this is that you are hurting, you are alone and I believe that the AA program can help you to heal again. I know you feel alcohol is the social lubricant...but really itÃ*s not!!!! What about trying your own recovery first...and then deciding on a relationship. IÃ*m sorry about your relationship breakup, I can imagine it was devastating especially first one after your divorce.
I think itÃ*s imperative that you take those near misses as a sign of some time and use this time away from your kids to get some face to face help. I can guarantee you that there are many millions feeling like you do now...AA is there to help. You will make new friends, you will heal and grow spiritually, you will learn to live sober, you will learn to love and respect yourself again, you will learn coping mechanisms....thereÃ*s so much to gain, I hope you will try it...even next town. If you google AA meetings and the town you are interested in.
I wish you all the best, and I am sorry for your pain...but there IS a way out!!!
Much love
cathy31
x
a hole new life
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: London UK
Posts: 90
Hello CJ, cant offer any advise but i will be praying for you tonight, take care,and keep comming back here, their are people that will be able to offer some help and support. As I always say keep digging deep
David
David
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome....
If your ex was out to get evidence he would already have it.
He could have hired a PI.
Or taken pix of you in bars and leaving drunk and driving.
Or hanging out with druggies/drunks.
Blackouts are a sign of middle stage alcoholism.
This info is fron my favorite source...
"Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham;
Yes.... your life is a mess...please stop before it becomes worse.
And it will.
Keep in touch..we do understand and we can help.
If your ex was out to get evidence he would already have it.
He could have hired a PI.
Or taken pix of you in bars and leaving drunk and driving.
Or hanging out with druggies/drunks.
Blackouts are a sign of middle stage alcoholism.
This info is fron my favorite source...
"Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham;
Yes.... your life is a mess...please stop before it becomes worse.
And it will.
Keep in touch..we do understand and we can help.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi CG 
Welcome aboard, you will find alot of support here. You will find friends that are battling the same demons.
Most of us find that it easier to get and stay sober within a fellowship of other alcoholics.
I understand your fears and concerns about the ex. Is there a woman's group in your area?
We have meetings here as well.
Here is the meeting schedule...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...5-a-39702.html
Looking forward to having you here.
Welcome aboard, you will find alot of support here. You will find friends that are battling the same demons.
Most of us find that it easier to get and stay sober within a fellowship of other alcoholics.
I understand your fears and concerns about the ex. Is there a woman's group in your area?
We have meetings here as well.
Here is the meeting schedule...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...5-a-39702.html
Looking forward to having you here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Anywhere,USA
Posts: 511
Hi CG...welcome to the boards. I was 39 when I entered the program. I was sick & tired of being sick & tired...
I, too was a functional addict/alcoholic for many years...before it got the best of me.
Something in your post is reaching out for help...
Sobriety needs to come first. If your exAH is active in AA it would appear to me that he probably already knows what you're going through...and I'd think he'd be very happy to see you come into his program...
It sounds like you're trying to fill a void...with a relationship, with booze, to help you deal with some unresolved feelings from the past...
If it is too painful to go to a meeting with the ex...find one in another town.
But what you really don't need at this point is another "relationship"...
that will not solve the current problems...only add to them.
Take some time to work on your sobriety and learn what you want out of your next relationship before you jump into the next one...
Allow yourself some time to grieve for the past one...
I, too was a functional addict/alcoholic for many years...before it got the best of me.
Something in your post is reaching out for help...
Sobriety needs to come first. If your exAH is active in AA it would appear to me that he probably already knows what you're going through...and I'd think he'd be very happy to see you come into his program...
It sounds like you're trying to fill a void...with a relationship, with booze, to help you deal with some unresolved feelings from the past...
If it is too painful to go to a meeting with the ex...find one in another town.
But what you really don't need at this point is another "relationship"...
that will not solve the current problems...only add to them.
Take some time to work on your sobriety and learn what you want out of your next relationship before you jump into the next one...
Allow yourself some time to grieve for the past one...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: PNW
Posts: 15
I don't know where you are but in most towns they have a number for AA and their is someone that you can talk to.Most of the time they will go to your first meetings with you or meet you there.That way you already know someone.They can help you get some more phone numbers.People will help and support you if you give us a chance.Thank for being here this is a good tool for recovery and god knows we need all the tools we can get.May your head slow down and you open your heart to recovery and realy know what it is to feel real love.
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