berkman123

started going to na meetings a week ago, and stopped using 8 days ago (dec 7). i'm lucky in many ways my behavior never got so bad that i wasn't able to keep it relatively separate from a productive life. and i never used drugs as heavily as some of these people i am beginning to meet. reservations:

* this na thing is just another club i want to be a member of

* see above -- i never used drugs as heavily as the hard-core drug addicts i hear at meetings

* the biggest one: i have a tendancy to get into things, to identify with something i've read or a film i've seen. having just read augusten burroughs dry and james frey a million little pieces i'm probably just going overboard in my identification with these things. this will be old news in a few weeks.

but then i go to the meetings, and i hear people say things that i identify so deeply with. and i know that all of the above is ********. i have kept a destructive part of myself hidden from everyone's view, even my own.

part of me wants to write all of this down. part of me wants to wait and just take things in.

most of all i am increasingly finding myself able to see a lot of my thoughts and behavior through a different lens. don't know if that means i'm an addict or if that means i am a human being with all the associated weaknesses and temptations to fight against. don't know if i am an addict. but i will keep going to these meetings, for the next few weeks.

i suppose i shouldn't worry so much about whether or not i belong there. all i know is that for right now going to these meetings is helping me stop. i haven't taken vicodin in nearly a week, haven't smoked any pot. haven't had as many obsessive thoughts.

i have smoked cigarettes (oh well).

thanks for listening.

CAPTAINZING2000

First things first.

Worry about the drugs first then take care of the cigs. Later

It's not lucky, it's blessed to be clean and sobe for 24 hours for so many of us

TONYTEXAS

Good Work On Your Clean Time. You Know Its For The Best. Thats How I Got Started With Darvon, Talwin, Vicodin. Then Once A Tolerance Is Built Percocet, Morphine, Oxycontin, Fentanyl. Then I Couldnt Find Any And Was Sick So We Scored Heroin And It Was Downhill From There. Everything Can Slip Away Easily, So Stay Strong And Go To The Meetings.

Phinneas

That's exactly how it worked for me, too. There is an addict living in my brain that wants me to believe the lies it tells. Worse, it is trying to kill me.

After I stopped putting the drink and drugs into my body, I could get some clarity and make some good choices. I chose recovery and the lies, the pain, the dishonesty and the destruction in my life ceased. It's an amazing journey, berkman. Hang on for the ride!

Greenbug

In early recovery most people like to rationalize the "Why" part of addiction and want explanations. Whatever helps you stay clean from Vicodin and Pot is what works for you, if you cant find anything keep looking. The NA meeting should focus on what you relate to and less on what you dont relate to, we all have our own story, keep going I assure you your will be told soon.

What ever helps you get and stay clean, its pretty simple when you focus on the result and less on the "Why"

Cheers,
~GB