2dayisanewday

I am wondering if anyone knows what the characteristics of an alcoholic is. I have learned that just because the drinking has stopped for several years does not mean the issues or problems go away.

What are some of the noticable behavior issues you have recognized??

Selfishness is one of them for sure that I have noticed.

Other addictions. My boyfriend can't seem to stop watching porn. It is the hard core porn too and I think it worps his mind.

Midas

This site details a portion of the really obvious roadsigns of alcohol abuse;
http://www.nh-dwi.com/caip-222.htm

Cross addictions are very common: gambling, narcotics, overeating, sexual indulgence...

2dayisanewday

Why are those things such a problem though???

Midas

That's the whole nature of the disease. Excess and No Moral Control. Addicts take EVERYTHING to the extreme. There is no minimum.

2dayisanewday

I guess I have a hard time with it.


He knows that it causes problems in his mind when he continually looks at porn, even just once and he is on a bad path. He thinking gets jacked up. He downloads stuff, then feels bad or decides he shouldn't so he deletes it and says he is not going to do it and he does. So he is back at it again. I just don't get it. If you say, this is bad for our relationship because of the way it makes me and then chose to do it over and over, what does that say???

Midas

Consider this...

Gypsy moths are attracted to bug zappers. I'm sure they know what their fate is. But they wrecklessly fly into the zapper anyway.

OMG They Killed Kenny! Kennyyyyyy!!! I'm going in on a wing and a prayer, BAAAAAAH!!!! Bzzzzzzt.

Yep. Another one bites the dust.

Sugah

The kinds of things you're describing are what we in 12 step programs call character defects. Selfishness, self-centeredness, resentment, guilt, moral decay - are all common in anyone suffering from addiction. To deal with them, we use. Just because we stop using (drugs or alcohol) doesn't mean the underlying defects go away. That's why we have the steps. The steps are designed to replace selfishness, self-centeredness, and a reliance on outer things to make us happy, however temporary, with a reliance on a Higher Power and then we begin to take interest in the needs and feelings of those around us.

What you're describing in your boyfriend sounds like a dry drunk (or dry high). Has he ever considered meetings to deal with his issues?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

2dayisanewday

He still goes to meetings and although he does, it does not seem to be doing much good.


it is every other week or so that he goes.

i still have a hard time understanding but this is the best answer so far. I just think he needs to get to the underlying problem, why is that desire there........and we all have choices. You can't blame alcoholism for everything in life either.

Sugah

Only your boyfriend can decide if he'll take the steps and use them to improve his life.

Not everything can be blamed on alcoholism, but if you understand that alcoholism is a lot more than ones inability to handle liquor, then it's a lot easier to understand why what you described isn't all that unusual.

I wish you the best. Have you tried Alanon?

Peace & Love,
Sugah

minnie

Acceptable behaviour vs unacceptable behaviour.

You have choices too, you know.

raerob

I started out by going to Alanon because I wanted to understand my husband's problem...then I realized I, myself, had a problem...so, I started going to AA for me.

But, before I stopped going to Alanon, the one thing I did learn and I use it today is, "You don't have to accept unacceptable behavior." Also, from AA, "How important is it?" If his obsession with porn is offensive and unacceptable to you...well...