Scared Sober
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Feeling kinda scatter brained (withdrawal I think)... Lots of great insights from other posters who are much further down the promised path than I. I have also realized that some of my bizarre behaviors are better described as addictive behaviors (for instance spreading out the convenience stores I buy from, so the clerks don't think I'm an alki. 24 hours (and counting) of sobriety; bottomed out I think. I had quit for a week (about a month ago) and deluded myself into thinking I could just have a couple. Decided to go gambling after after a brief binge and nap... thought I was OK to drive. Blew a .11 and now have a court date for a dui charge. As an alcoholic my response was naturally to go on week long bender. So much is racing through my mind; so many similarities with other posters' experiences. My plan is to go to AA tomorrow and use this site as well. Any and all suggestions are welcome. My best wishes to all.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome Aboard, ElegantlyWasted. We're glad you're here. Kinda funny how our quirky habits literally scream 'alkie'. People (even the less observant ones) can just about always tell. We rarely fool anybody except ourselves.
Good luck on that court date. Congrats on the 24 hours you've collected so far. This is just the beginning!
Good luck on that court date. Congrats on the 24 hours you've collected so far. This is just the beginning!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 3
Hugger, We applaud you for standing strong on not taking that drink. We feel that your friend has a problem herself and is in denial of her problem, and she wants you to be with her in that denial. If you are serious about your sobriety you must change your life which include people, places and things. You must remove the tempations that cause you to drink. Working in a Bar is a definite trigger. Your room mate is a definite trigger. You have many triggers in your life. You know that drinking is ruining your life and your health. You have to stop running from yourself and your feelings. You must deal with what causes you to drink. We have to admit we are powerless over our addiction and until we can do that we won't be able to control our addiction. We congratulate you on the hours that you have remained sober. We know where your coming from. Take it one day at a time. If you feel you need treatment there are many programs out there. Get a sponsor, not a friend, someone who will be objective. Good luck and God bless you. Let us know how your doing.
careyp
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Auckland New Zealand
Posts: 2
My Story
Kia Ora and Hello,
My name is Carey and I am an Alcoholic from DownUnder, New Zealand, Aotearoa, the Land of the Long White Cloud under the Southern Cross.
Kia Ora is the Maori greeting and translated means Be Well.
I am sober by the grace of a loving God who gave us the 12 steps of our program, and a meeting in my hometown where people were waiting for me the night I stumbled into my first AA meeting - smashed out of my head - which was the way I found it necessary to conduct my life at the time.
Going to that meeting was not my idea, in fact left to my own devices, I doubt that I would have ever made a decision to do so.
A few days prior I visited our family Dr. with a sore foot ( I had dropped something on it while drunk at work) and I was looking for sympathy, time off work on what we call ACC or Accident Compensation, and anything else I could get e.g. painkillers, sympathy etc.
The Dr. did not oblige and told me that I should exercise the foot and it would get better all on its own.
This was bad news and I had mentally crossed him off my Christmas card list and put him on that other (long) list of those who were out to get me.
I was on my way out the door when he asked me if anything else was wrong, I said NO!
He repeated the question, and it was at this stage that I believe that God stepped in because I said some words that I did not intend to say. I told him that some people were saying that I might have a bit of a drinking problem.
In hindsight a masterly piece of understatement, but the best I could do at the time.
He then told me to sit down and asked me three questions:
1. What are things like at home?
2. What are things like at work?
3. What is your opinion of the Law?
I suggested that these subjects were none of his business, and then for some reason gave him answers which were probably not too honest, but whatever I said caused the Dr.to point his finger at me and say "I think you might be an alcoholic"
He did not tell me I was one. He left it open for me to make a decision.
He also told me that if this was the case that he was unable to help me, and then
proceeded to give me a phone no. and said that it belonged to a member of AA
and suggested that I call the man and listen to what he had to say.
He also told me that if I went to an AA meeting my next 3 visits would be free.
He also gave me a prescription for some extra strong Vitamin B pills because=20
he reckoned that my liver was stuffed in a big way.
I went home, and made the phone call. Not immediately you understand, but at
about 1am which I now believe is the normal time for such calls to be made (after =
having spent a year on our after hours phone roster).
I also had to be mentally prepared to do this big task and this involved putting away enough booze to speak with confidence and authorityto a complete stranger.
Anyway the call was made and the man on the other end asked me if
I had been drinking to which I replied No in all good faith because unless I
was flat on my back or wherever and totally unable to move I did not consider that I
had been drinking.
I don't recall much of the chat but do remember that he suggested that I got myself to a
meeting on the following Saturday night.
Getting to this first meeting was quite a mission. Just imagine, no one from my family was interested in taking me.
I was going to walk into a room full of strangers. What were they going to say
to me?
What were they going to do to me? I was terrified.
The only thing I was certain about was what they going to think of me. You see at this point in my life I had developed this amazing insight into the minds of others. I always knew what they were thinking about ME.
Therefore the immediate application of another bottle of courage was called for.
Another thought came to mind. What if they ask me to say something?
So I had a bottle of conversation for good measure.
This constituted my spiritual preparation for my first meeting.
I am so grateful that AA is a place for drunks. I fell in the door and people
like you welcomed me, shook my hand, and said sit down and listen to the
similarities and not the differences.
They seemed not to care that I had not washed or shaved for some time, or that
my clothes were old and dirty, I suppose all they saw was a lonely little wino, because that is what I had become.
It was at this meeting and those that were to follow that I heard the answers
to the questions that the Dr. did not ask me.
Back to more of my story, I wish that I could say that I walked out of that
first meeting and didn' t take another drink, but that was not to be.
At that stage the disease had progressed in me to the extent that I could not
go for more than 2 hours day and night without having a drink, this is not an
easy way to live.
But they also told me at that first meeting that they could not stop me
drinking but they sure as hell would screw it up for me.
I suppose that I detoxed in AA, one man appointed himself as my sponsor
(without my permission) and took me to meetings whether I wanted to go or not,
he knew that I was still drinking but he kept at it ( why he did this is the subject of a whole story on its own) and kept sharing his story with me and insisting that I only had to get self honest.
So there I was going to meetings and tapering off.
I didn't mention that I had also been introduced to better living through chemistry by another doctor and 2 psychiatrists who very obligingly treated the symptoms I presented them with , with a cocktail of ativan for anxiety tryptanol for depression and halcion to help me sleep.
When you disregard the instructions re alcohol and wash this concoction down with copious quantities of sherry the result can be quite amazing, how to turn your brain to mush in easy installments !!
I really was a sick unit, but such is the nature of the disease that I thought
that I was right and everyone else was wrong. I was very nearly DEAD RIGHT.
Sometimes I hear people share that AA is the last stop on the bus route, I disagree,
Chptr 3 tells me that we can follow the illusion into the gates of insanity or death.
I shot straight thru the gates of insanity, didn't even stop to read the
label, and was standing outside the gates of death with one foot in the grave
and the other one on a banana skin.
I may well have been like the drowning man who, when confronted with a
rescuer, put up a fight and refused to be rescued, so the rescuer had to knock
him out so the rescue could continue.
My knock out blow came in the form of a hit and run car crash.-- I was not the one
who got hit.-- I was driving home totally off my face, and I hit another car as I turned into the street we had recently moved to.
I was driving a Ford Falcon and hit a Honda Civic. It fell to bits all over the front of my car. I never saw it, although it had every right to be where it was at that point in time. I briefly checked to see if the female driver was OK, gave her a false name and address and left her there.
I went home and turned into my drive way where my family was trying to tidy the grounds and they saw all the broken glass spread over the bonnet(hood) of my car.
When they asked what happened apparently I told them to shut up and sweep the car and then I'm told I went upstairs and sat in a chair and collapsed into another of my alcoholic stupors complete with shakes and all the drama.
What I didn't know was that I had hit the lady who lived 2 doors up the road , so she didn't have too much trouble finding me.
Of course my wife had to deal with the ensuing shambles.
HP must have been watching over the whole thing that day because the lady I hit did not want to call the police for reasons of her own, also no one else witnessed the accident and called the police. Had this been done I would certainly have gone to prison because of my prior convictions. The lady had no injuries which was a miracle, I could have killed her and not given a damn about it. When confronted with all this the next day, I had my moment of clarity and saw my wretched life for what it really was. I got serious about AA from then on-
-nothing that affected me from the neck up, one day at a time.
The other miracle I hope never to forget was the morning I woke up to realize that for the first
time in 25 years I had gone 24 hrs without a drink.
My sponsor took me to meetings for a few more months because I had no confidence driving
and then one day he said I'm not taking you to meetings any more. My heart fell, what had I done wrong to deserve such treatment. Still self centred.
He said that I had to start taking other people to meetings and sharing with newcomers as he had done all he could for me the rest was up to me and the AA program.
So for the first time in my life I guess I had to accept direction, I had to accept that I didn't have all the answers and perhaps I should do what someone else suggested.
So from then until now that is just what I have been doing, and the deal is that life is good today and I do not need to drink a day at a time.
No matter how great I thought I was yesterday or how fantastic I think I am going to be tomorrow it is today that counts, today is the day I don't pick up, today is the day I remember that I am only one day sober and only one drink away from a drunk. Today is the day that I must be grateful for my sobriety and share it with another alky and also remember that I must practice these principles in ALL my affairs. Today is the day not to be an AA skyrocket--- one who is standing still with his arse on fire, or not to be an AA astronaut---one who is in orbit around his own ego.
Thanks for letting me share.
Aroha nui and Blessed Be,
Carey
My name is Carey and I am an Alcoholic from DownUnder, New Zealand, Aotearoa, the Land of the Long White Cloud under the Southern Cross.
Kia Ora is the Maori greeting and translated means Be Well.
I am sober by the grace of a loving God who gave us the 12 steps of our program, and a meeting in my hometown where people were waiting for me the night I stumbled into my first AA meeting - smashed out of my head - which was the way I found it necessary to conduct my life at the time.
Going to that meeting was not my idea, in fact left to my own devices, I doubt that I would have ever made a decision to do so.
A few days prior I visited our family Dr. with a sore foot ( I had dropped something on it while drunk at work) and I was looking for sympathy, time off work on what we call ACC or Accident Compensation, and anything else I could get e.g. painkillers, sympathy etc.
The Dr. did not oblige and told me that I should exercise the foot and it would get better all on its own.
This was bad news and I had mentally crossed him off my Christmas card list and put him on that other (long) list of those who were out to get me.
I was on my way out the door when he asked me if anything else was wrong, I said NO!
He repeated the question, and it was at this stage that I believe that God stepped in because I said some words that I did not intend to say. I told him that some people were saying that I might have a bit of a drinking problem.
In hindsight a masterly piece of understatement, but the best I could do at the time.
He then told me to sit down and asked me three questions:
1. What are things like at home?
2. What are things like at work?
3. What is your opinion of the Law?
I suggested that these subjects were none of his business, and then for some reason gave him answers which were probably not too honest, but whatever I said caused the Dr.to point his finger at me and say "I think you might be an alcoholic"
He did not tell me I was one. He left it open for me to make a decision.
He also told me that if this was the case that he was unable to help me, and then
proceeded to give me a phone no. and said that it belonged to a member of AA
and suggested that I call the man and listen to what he had to say.
He also told me that if I went to an AA meeting my next 3 visits would be free.
He also gave me a prescription for some extra strong Vitamin B pills because=20
he reckoned that my liver was stuffed in a big way.
I went home, and made the phone call. Not immediately you understand, but at
about 1am which I now believe is the normal time for such calls to be made (after =
having spent a year on our after hours phone roster).
I also had to be mentally prepared to do this big task and this involved putting away enough booze to speak with confidence and authorityto a complete stranger.
Anyway the call was made and the man on the other end asked me if
I had been drinking to which I replied No in all good faith because unless I
was flat on my back or wherever and totally unable to move I did not consider that I
had been drinking.
I don't recall much of the chat but do remember that he suggested that I got myself to a
meeting on the following Saturday night.
Getting to this first meeting was quite a mission. Just imagine, no one from my family was interested in taking me.
I was going to walk into a room full of strangers. What were they going to say
to me?
What were they going to do to me? I was terrified.
The only thing I was certain about was what they going to think of me. You see at this point in my life I had developed this amazing insight into the minds of others. I always knew what they were thinking about ME.
Therefore the immediate application of another bottle of courage was called for.
Another thought came to mind. What if they ask me to say something?
So I had a bottle of conversation for good measure.
This constituted my spiritual preparation for my first meeting.
I am so grateful that AA is a place for drunks. I fell in the door and people
like you welcomed me, shook my hand, and said sit down and listen to the
similarities and not the differences.
They seemed not to care that I had not washed or shaved for some time, or that
my clothes were old and dirty, I suppose all they saw was a lonely little wino, because that is what I had become.
It was at this meeting and those that were to follow that I heard the answers
to the questions that the Dr. did not ask me.
Back to more of my story, I wish that I could say that I walked out of that
first meeting and didn' t take another drink, but that was not to be.
At that stage the disease had progressed in me to the extent that I could not
go for more than 2 hours day and night without having a drink, this is not an
easy way to live.
But they also told me at that first meeting that they could not stop me
drinking but they sure as hell would screw it up for me.
I suppose that I detoxed in AA, one man appointed himself as my sponsor
(without my permission) and took me to meetings whether I wanted to go or not,
he knew that I was still drinking but he kept at it ( why he did this is the subject of a whole story on its own) and kept sharing his story with me and insisting that I only had to get self honest.
So there I was going to meetings and tapering off.
I didn't mention that I had also been introduced to better living through chemistry by another doctor and 2 psychiatrists who very obligingly treated the symptoms I presented them with , with a cocktail of ativan for anxiety tryptanol for depression and halcion to help me sleep.
When you disregard the instructions re alcohol and wash this concoction down with copious quantities of sherry the result can be quite amazing, how to turn your brain to mush in easy installments !!
I really was a sick unit, but such is the nature of the disease that I thought
that I was right and everyone else was wrong. I was very nearly DEAD RIGHT.
Sometimes I hear people share that AA is the last stop on the bus route, I disagree,
Chptr 3 tells me that we can follow the illusion into the gates of insanity or death.
I shot straight thru the gates of insanity, didn't even stop to read the
label, and was standing outside the gates of death with one foot in the grave
and the other one on a banana skin.
I may well have been like the drowning man who, when confronted with a
rescuer, put up a fight and refused to be rescued, so the rescuer had to knock
him out so the rescue could continue.
My knock out blow came in the form of a hit and run car crash.-- I was not the one
who got hit.-- I was driving home totally off my face, and I hit another car as I turned into the street we had recently moved to.
I was driving a Ford Falcon and hit a Honda Civic. It fell to bits all over the front of my car. I never saw it, although it had every right to be where it was at that point in time. I briefly checked to see if the female driver was OK, gave her a false name and address and left her there.
I went home and turned into my drive way where my family was trying to tidy the grounds and they saw all the broken glass spread over the bonnet(hood) of my car.
When they asked what happened apparently I told them to shut up and sweep the car and then I'm told I went upstairs and sat in a chair and collapsed into another of my alcoholic stupors complete with shakes and all the drama.
What I didn't know was that I had hit the lady who lived 2 doors up the road , so she didn't have too much trouble finding me.
Of course my wife had to deal with the ensuing shambles.
HP must have been watching over the whole thing that day because the lady I hit did not want to call the police for reasons of her own, also no one else witnessed the accident and called the police. Had this been done I would certainly have gone to prison because of my prior convictions. The lady had no injuries which was a miracle, I could have killed her and not given a damn about it. When confronted with all this the next day, I had my moment of clarity and saw my wretched life for what it really was. I got serious about AA from then on-
-nothing that affected me from the neck up, one day at a time.
The other miracle I hope never to forget was the morning I woke up to realize that for the first
time in 25 years I had gone 24 hrs without a drink.
My sponsor took me to meetings for a few more months because I had no confidence driving
and then one day he said I'm not taking you to meetings any more. My heart fell, what had I done wrong to deserve such treatment. Still self centred.
He said that I had to start taking other people to meetings and sharing with newcomers as he had done all he could for me the rest was up to me and the AA program.
So for the first time in my life I guess I had to accept direction, I had to accept that I didn't have all the answers and perhaps I should do what someone else suggested.
So from then until now that is just what I have been doing, and the deal is that life is good today and I do not need to drink a day at a time.
No matter how great I thought I was yesterday or how fantastic I think I am going to be tomorrow it is today that counts, today is the day I don't pick up, today is the day I remember that I am only one day sober and only one drink away from a drunk. Today is the day that I must be grateful for my sobriety and share it with another alky and also remember that I must practice these principles in ALL my affairs. Today is the day not to be an AA skyrocket--- one who is standing still with his arse on fire, or not to be an AA astronaut---one who is in orbit around his own ego.
Thanks for letting me share.
Aroha nui and Blessed Be,
Carey
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 4
My24 - Day 24
To All,
Feeling Good on Day 24. Been reading everyone's thoughts, feelings and comments. There's an honest commitment here to succeed at surviving the perils of this beast. Oliver Wendell Holmes once said that the important thing in this world (beyond where we are at) is in which direction we are heading. Finding peace within oneself (in this place we refer to as our own lives) is a sounding block that we have pointed ourselves/been pointed in the right direction. Our internal compass acknowledges whether we feel good or not about where we are at and where we are going. Simply ask the question of yourself at various moments during your day and measure your natural bearings. If you can't find the bearing, step back! If you can, cherish where you are at and proceed accordingly with your own 24.
That's the concluding episode for this season of 24. I'll be ready for the next season starting tomorrow. But I know I can't get ahead of myself. It all happens in its own time.
Feeling Good on Day 24. Been reading everyone's thoughts, feelings and comments. There's an honest commitment here to succeed at surviving the perils of this beast. Oliver Wendell Holmes once said that the important thing in this world (beyond where we are at) is in which direction we are heading. Finding peace within oneself (in this place we refer to as our own lives) is a sounding block that we have pointed ourselves/been pointed in the right direction. Our internal compass acknowledges whether we feel good or not about where we are at and where we are going. Simply ask the question of yourself at various moments during your day and measure your natural bearings. If you can't find the bearing, step back! If you can, cherish where you are at and proceed accordingly with your own 24.
That's the concluding episode for this season of 24. I'll be ready for the next season starting tomorrow. But I know I can't get ahead of myself. It all happens in its own time.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Harker Heights, TX
Posts: 1
Hello to anyone out there. I really don't know where I belong, other than I know I have a problem. I am just beginning to realize that. It also runs in my family with my father and sister.
HELP!
Jennifer
HELP!
Jennifer
Guest
Posts: n/a
Hi Jennifer! Welcome Aboard to SoberRecovery! We're glad you're here.
Realizing and admitting you have a problem is usually the hardest part. If you start a new thread in the Newcomer Forum, you'll be openly welcomed by other members. Here's a quick link;
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...newthread&f=43
Realizing and admitting you have a problem is usually the hardest part. If you start a new thread in the Newcomer Forum, you'll be openly welcomed by other members. Here's a quick link;
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...newthread&f=43
Member
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 4
My 24 - Day 48
Starting to feel somewhat normal. Our boy Jack has started to feel renewed vigor in the things that help make him feel good. He's getting alot more and better sleep, suffers from less depression, understands the root of his paranoia much better. He relishes his opportunities to exercise his body with bicycling. He more fully contributes within his own business organization. He is a stronger supporter of those around him and enjoys experiencing all their successes even more.
It's always going to be a 24 for him because he does have a hit TV series to maintain. Can't veer too much from the success that got him here. One hour in a 24 at a time. Starting to appreciate smelling the roses, appreciate the little things more and assimilate all these good things into the person he is yet to become.
Best wishes to all here and prayers for your successes.
It's always going to be a 24 for him because he does have a hit TV series to maintain. Can't veer too much from the success that got him here. One hour in a 24 at a time. Starting to appreciate smelling the roses, appreciate the little things more and assimilate all these good things into the person he is yet to become.
Best wishes to all here and prayers for your successes.
Member
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Bristol
Posts: 7
Hello every-one, this is my first time on the forum so dont really know where to start!. I guess its easiest to say ive come on here because I have a problem with drink. I find the whole concept of trying to give up drinking very daunting and at times impossible. I guess I have had a drink prblem for 10 years now but its probably only the last few months ive admitted it, ive never been able to just have one drink its always been a case of drinking until I drop. Ive tried giving up drinking in the past but its been for the wrong reason (namley not for me). I drink on average 2 bottles of wine a night everynight and ive recently reduced this to one as the times ive stopted altogether and sleepless nites, body aching and massive depression just seems too much to handle in one go, how do other people feel about reducing the drink slowly or am i just kidding myself?
Thanks
Jason
Thanks
Jason
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: It's a Dry Heat, AZ.
Posts: 438
Welcome Aboard, Jason2006! We're glad you're here. Quitting abruptly can have some nasty side effects & the withdrawals may make you wish for death. Delirium can cause death, too. Some folks succeed with tapering off, others don't fare so well. It's a per individual basis.
Hope you find the answers you seek.
Hope you find the answers you seek.
5 Minute Rule
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Cincinnati, ohio
Posts: 6
5 years, 7 months of being sober, and I just found this site. I wish I had stumbled upon it 5 years 7 months ago. I have the 5 minute rule. When the urge to drink hits me I say "I'll see how I feel in 5 minutes", when 5 minutes is up, I say it again & again. At the end of the day I add another day of being sober to my list. Over time I have increased the time, and I now say, "I will see how I feel in 1 hour". In the beginning my wife would worry about something happening in the future. So one day I finally sat her down, and set my timer to 5 minutes. I the said I can not even think about the future beyond these 5 minutes. I'm working hard on the next five minutes of being sober. Goo Luck to all, and I'm glad to have found this site.
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