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One Is Too Many And A Thousand Is Never Enough Its now in this state of contemplation that i truley understand the meaning of "ONE IS TOO MANY AND A THOUSAND IS NEVER ENOUGH" What is it about this "disease" that makes me believe that I AM IN CONTROL? And then once i jump into the flames i allow myself to tolerate the pain knowing deep down that im slowly turning into ashes!!!! Ive not slept in 2 nights and 3 days...The more i do the more i want...the more i want the greater my fears become...I wander to myself is i can honestly fight this intense desire to self desruct and somehow regain my strength to stay clean...Pray for me...theres a war inside me and i fear my heart is losing to my mind... |
Im also on myspace if anyone wants to talk or email me i check my mail and messeges from on there daily... http://www.myspace.com/31767194 |
(((((((((Tink))))))))) You know that this is the only disease that will tell you that you don't have it. And then when you pick up it has not only your ass but if you keep doing it, it will take something from you like it did to me, it took MY SOUL>>I don't even know if I will ever be able to get back my soul, but One Day At A Time I keep plugging away at it. Has it been easy HELL NO, is the doable Hell yes. I came from a 3,000 dollar a week addiction to nothing, have not been to a treatment facility, institution not, but I hit the rooms of AA and NA. AA and NA are my treatment centers, I get a daily dose or what I say a bump so I can make it through that day. Will I go to a meeting today? I would be stupid if I didn't, I need to go and today I want to go. I have to acknowledge everyday that I am an addict. There is a saying in the Basic Text that goes like this "I am NOT responsible for my DISEASE, but I am RESPONSIBLE for my RECOVERY? So today I choose to go down the road where there is not end, limitless, but if I choose the road that leads to death I can choose that today. I am really worried about you my friend, I am sending good thoughts your way.. Love Vic |
Hello Tink and Welcome! I am so glad your here and I am proud of you for fighting this incredibly tough disease! If you let it, it will kick your a**. Like Vic said "One Day at a Time" Is all we can do, and sometimes you might need to make it One hour or even one minute at a Time. Get to a meeting! It helps put things back into perspective! If you can't then keep posting, there are a lot of wonderful people here with great insight. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, and remember easy does it! Hugs & Laughter Grumpy :18: |
(((((tink))))) I'm thinking of you and praying on a daily basis. This disease is very sneaky, tricky. It will do anything to get us loaded and keep us loaded. Some people have set backs in recovery, We just need to pick ourselves up again. Seeing you still posting here made me smile.....I've missed reading your posts.......We can conquer this disease, but I realize that Alone I Can't , Together We can Love and Hugs.......... |
Everyone has to reach a point where they have a "moment of clarity" and see the disease for what it really is and say no more. I hope your moment is soon. Go to meetings too! |
Tink, I know how you feel. Most of us do. Like Rez said, we all have to reach that point on our own. Hitting the meetings is a good suggestion. Remain open minded and teachable. I have humbled myself, and am trying this again. One day at a time. Sherry |
Originally Posted by tink360 "ONE IS TOO MANY AND A THOUSAND IS NEVER ENOUGH" ...The more i do the more i want...the more i want the greater my fears become...... I am sorry you are afraid and suffering. Why is this so hard, we can see it clearly but do it anyway? A thousand is never enough, thanks for telling me again what I have have to know for myself and about myself everyday. Fight this, you can make it back, please keep posting :) Take Care |
this is day four awake...i will sleep tonight!!! i ran out of the stashi i had and im gunna try this over again...i cant write too much rite now bacase i cant even see straight... |
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Tink))))))))))) )))))))))))))))))))))) I am sending hugs and good thoughts your way I love ya hang in there as long as you are breathing there is hope.. Love Vic |
i made a brand new day one...sober for a whole 24 hours...i am sick though and i feel like a truck hit me but at least i didnt use... |
WOw, that was a tough run huh? Good to hear you're back with the living. Hang in there Tink. |
Glad that you are here Tink Maybe hop back on the Sobriety Bus we seem to be pretty safe as long as we hang on there. Love vic |
i spent all day yesterday sleeping and eating...im still clean...i havent used since the last time....honestly i lost track of the days....i still feel a lil like a zombie and i cant quite recall when the last use was but i know i didnt use yesterday...and i didnt use today....so far i think im doin ok.... |
Glad you checked in, I hope your ok and each day is a bit easier and brighther for you, it is war, dont go back :) |
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