webhostgirl

My daughter was using this site under "webhostgirl." She was staying with me through the holidays. I had one condition for her staying in my home. No drugs. Last Thursday evening, she went to stay overnight with a girlfriend. Her girlfriend and my daugher were going to meet me at my work Friday afternoon and they were both coming to stay at my house for the weekend. My daughter showed up at my work and it was completely obvious to me that she was high. I refused to take her home with me. Now, on Sunday, she is calling me and arguing with me that I don't love her, blah, blah, blah. This was the 6th time I allowed her to come live with me and each time, the same thing happened. She is 28 years old, is a heroin addict, has no job and hasn't worked in years. She has no education, other than her street smarts, but, of course, it is all my fault that she has no where to go. Back up a little further. In September, after her failure at a 3 month rehab and after her 4th overdose, she and I found a treatment center in Texas. No cost to her. It was a 2 year treatment rehab. She said she wanted and needed to go. I bought her all of her essentials, luggage, plane ticket (total cost about $1500). She stayed for 27 days and called me after she left the program, wanting me to fly her home. I told her no. I said that she chose to leave and that she would have to find a way home. She did. She then lived with a 60 year old man for a month and a half and told me she was trying very hard to stay clean. She said she could only stay at this man's house until Thanksgiving and then she would have no where to go. I told her that she could come stay with me through the holiday, only if she agreed, no drugs. Well, Thanksgiving night, she took perocet. I took one look at her and knew she was high. I told her that was it. No more drugs. She agreed and said how very sorry she was. One week later, she pulls the same thing. I need feedback. Now, she is homeless, but she cannot see that she has put herself in this circumstance. It is always someone's else's fault. It is the hardest thing to do as a parent.....not open your home to your own child, but I have been consummed with her drug addiction for 12 years. I work harder at her sobriety than she does. Any comments or feed back would greatly help me. Thank you.

S's mom

hionlife

I think your doiny absolutely the best thing you can and this is to NOT enable her anymore. Assure her that you do love her, that you will always love her... But you do not and will not love her in her addiction. Hope thats not to brutel? It was done to me, Im 37. And it was the best thing to ever happen to me. Granted, I (thought) I hated my mom, and wasnt real nice to her, but after several more times of "relapse" and a few more bottoms, I could see my mom did the best thing for me. And that was to not enable me. It took a few years, but my mom and I are very close, and I am still clean and sober.I''ll keep you and your daughter in my prayers. By the way, I have a 20 year old daughter whom just celebrated 3 years c&s in August. So its possible, tough, on you, but possible. Lots of luck.

nocellphone

Welcome, S's mom...

I've met many, many parents in Al-Anon who have had to do the hardest thing: set and maintain boundaries with their addicted children. This allows the addict to feel the consequences of their actions and reach whatever bottom they need to reach in order to become, as they say, "sick and tired of being sick and tired". That's when wonderful changes may happen.

In fact, one Al-Anon meeting in my area was formed specifically for the parents of alcoholic/addict children.

I honor you for the courage it takes to walk through your fears and I hope you'll find the healing that is available for you from this devastating disease...

Luckyv2

I responded to your post in the NA forum OK if I can help let me know

Love Vic

laurie6781

Hi S's Mom:

You are doing the right thing!!!!

Here's what my mother did to me........

In January of 1979 when I was 33 1/2 years old my mother told me in no uncertain terms that I was no longer welcome in their home. That if I came to the door it would be closed in my face (and it was) and that if I called on the phone they would hang up on me (and they did) that I was going to have to figure out how to fix MY PROBLEM.

Well needless to say I was royally "pi**ed" lol. And nothing changed in my life for some time. It was not until June of 1981 2 1/2 years later that I finally got sober, and yes I ended up living the streets.

You did exactly what you needed to do for YOU. And, it may finally start to bring her to her senses when she fully realizes that Mommy won't "rescue" her any more.

In my opinion you did the right thing!!! I know it worked for this alkie. I have over 24 years of sobriety now, and over 21 years in Alanon.

You have set your boundaries. Good for you.

Please keep posting, and others will be along to share their experience, strength and hope with you. There are many others on these boards that have been where you are now.

I know its not easy, it never is, and the disease of addiction affects more than just the person who has it. It is truly a FAMILY DISEASE, and there does come a time when a person does say ENOUGH. You have done that. Wow, what strength.

By the way, in later years when my Mom and I talked and I mean really talked, she told me how hard it was for her to do that, but she just could not handle me any more in my drunken dope induced states, as I was pushing her toward a mental hospital and she did the ony thing she could do. I thanked her, because I truly believe that her actions were the final push to set me toward recovery.

JMHO.

Love and (((((to all))))),