Notices

HOw could I be so stupid for so long?

Old 12-08-2005, 07:33 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
miss communicat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: in the present moment
Posts: 2,060
Hey Scotty,

Yes...we can't be drunks if we are drinking "quality" beeer and wine, right? That logic carried me for about 16 years. Till 1 week ago today.

I had a deal: I would only drink French wine that cost more than $35 a bottle, because the other ones gave me a hangover. Then, because I am in a high profile position in a small New England community, I couldnt just go out to drink every night, so I took myself out to eat dinner every night, as an excuse to get some wine. And the only places that served these fine wines charge a fortune. So, my drunkenness aside, finances became an issue (needless to say) because of my compulsion to drink the great wines of France every day. Now, I am an intelligent professional person, in the top of my field, too. Addiction is non-discriminatory.

I've been to 2 AA meetings so far. Each one was very different. Being agnostic I had a hard time with the punitive Christian tone in one of them, but I loved the other group, so I will go back there.

It helps to keep talking.........and listening.

MC
miss communicat is offline  
Old 12-08-2005, 08:48 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
ready's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Western WA
Posts: 10
Originally Posted by miss communicat
Hi Ready

You and I had the same realization on exactly the same day, 12/01/05. Its been 1 week for me, too. I related to your situation: not a low bottom, in fact, life is okay. The only thing is, I know live can be spectacular and more authentic than it has been. I too drank a bottle (+) of wine daily. When I tried to stop, I had no success using willpower alone. In fact, i found myself behaving dishonestly more and more, and that is the reason I went to AA. The meetings, the books, and this forum have been really great for shifting my perpective daily.

I congratulate you and support you every step of the way!

MC
They say everyone has a twin, so if you don't mind I will say you are mine in our quest for sobriety and all the wonderful things that go along with it ... and of course struggles... but today I am focusing on the good things :-) Hope you are too.

Congrats on OUR one week!!!!
ready is offline  
Old 12-08-2005, 09:04 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
ready's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Western WA
Posts: 10
Thumbs up

[QUOTE=BeamMeUpScotty](I'm really just trying to sort out my thoughts at this stage)

..me too, just sorting out my thoughts at this point..... actually I start to think and get down on myself some... then come here and read all the encouraging posts... then I feel OK ... so I go off on my own and think and automatically start beating myself up again ... then I come back here and read some more encouraging posts... then I feel OK for little while longer ... then I go off and think and again get down on myself...... it really is a vicious cycle!

My only rational at this point is if I keep doing the right thing over and over and over again, at some point it will change from the 'struggle' to do the right thing and make the right choices to a 'desire' to do the right thing and make the right choices...... maybe I'm still out in left field, but for right now its working for me and I'm holding on to that!
ready is offline  
Old 12-08-2005, 09:06 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Yokohama, Japan
Posts: 487
Originally Posted by miss communicat
Hey Scotty,

Yes...we can't be drunks if we are drinking "quality" beeer and wine, right? That logic carried me for about 16 years. Till 1 week ago today.

I had a deal: I would only drink French wine that cost more than $35 a bottle, because the other ones gave me a hangover. Then, because I am in a high profile position in a small New England community, I couldnt just go out to drink every night, so I took myself out to eat dinner every night, as an excuse to get some wine. And the only places that served these fine wines charge a fortune. So, my drunkenness aside, finances became an issue (needless to say) because of my compulsion to drink the great wines of France every day. Now, I am an intelligent professional person, in the top of my field, too. Addiction is non-discriminatory.

I've been to 2 AA meetings so far. Each one was very different. Being agnostic I had a hard time with the punitive Christian tone in one of them, but I loved the other group, so I will go back there.

It helps to keep talking.........and listening.

MC
Yes, of course we weren't drunks if you had to pay through the nose for it. My ex-wife was even better at rationalizing that one away (we split for other reasons, but I sure our duel alcoholism/enabling helped). We both worked in restaurants (actually, I worked as a teacher, bartender, golf coach, horseback riding coordinator and waiter for 5 months straight without a day off, all while hitting it hard), and the restaurant culture is highly inducive to drinking and spending too much.

Once I tried to tell her I wanted to stop, and she just blew me off, probably because it would have made her confront her problem. Man, I wish I had stuck to it then--10 years ago. Well, no use looking backward.

I looked at the 12 steps yesterday and had a very uneasy feeling as I'm a devout atheist. I noticed they had a chapter to agnostics, but not to atheists. I'll have to search for something suited to my needs.

Well, back to work and then the clinic after. Keep your fingers crossed.
BeamMeUpScotty is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:48 AM.