cncinc

Last Tuesday night I wrecked my car, got a DUI and went to jail. On the upside; no other cars were involved, no one was hurt, I had no passengers, it was a wakeup call, someone watched over me.

The next day I decided to stop drinking, joined SR. So you know, my wife threatened divorce as well.

That night the neighbor lady came over to chat with my wife and brought a bottle of wine. Here I am trying to quit and they're giggling into their wine glasses.

I had to make a plan. Without a car (I wrecked it remember) out in farm country you can't get into much trouble unless you do it at home. It was simple, no booze in the house.

The next day was Thanksgiving. Here's how far I went;

Thanksgiving dinner was nice, our guests had beer and wine but not me. After dinner I told one of guests about my problem and had him take all the leftover beer. I intentionally opened every bottle we bought and asked my wife to pour all the half empty wines down the sink, had her autograph every bottle in the wine rack. I even emptied all the garbage cans in the house so she would never see a beer can and wonder if it was me.

I explained all this to her. I want a dry house, no temptation until I'm stronger. She bakes with liqours that come in little one oz bottles so thats not a problem. Today she's baking using Blackberry Brandy (750ml) and I ask that she dump what she doesn't use. Really, whats $5.99 compared to my sobriety?

Sandwich, chips and a pickle sounded good to me for Sunday football. When I go into the pantry for the chips.....Blackberry Brandy. I mean, come on. Five days into recovery, and on the Sixth day Blackberry Brandy will be calling me like the Sirens called Ulysses. I won't even go on the floor with the pantry.

I know its not anyones fault but mine for being an alcoholic. I know everyone has rights. If you don't like whats on TV or radio, change the chanel. If smoking offends you, don't sit in the smoking section. But I'm trapped here all day tomorrow, with Brandy.

I just asked if it could go away and got screamed at.

Advice?

lulu70

My advice? Go pour it out yourself. However, I don't know the whole history of your situation, so take my advice with a grain of salt.

I am wishing you the best. Quitting drinking was the hardest thing I have ever done. Hang in there....

Hugs--

Phinneas

An alcohol free house was absolutely essential to me in my early days. I still keep an alcohol free house, but it's easier now that I live alone and ALL of my friends are in recovery. It's not an issue.

What is your wife's position on this? Does she drink? (To excess?) A suggestion may be to have the alcohol stored in a locked or hidden place so it is not available or in plain sight.

Good luck.

cncinc

No, the mrs. doesn't drink to excess. A glass of wine once or twice a week.

I realize she's put up with a lot of stuff from me. I know she's entitled to be angry. Maybe I'm selfish, but right now I need her support.

So I'm afraid to go to bed until she falls asleep because I don't want another "you're a loser" toungelashing.

Thanks for your feedback.

You know, being able to write my problems during this withdrawl period and get answers really helps.

Greenbug

You might just see if she is willing to remove it from a common area that only she knows. I know thats not ideal, but out of sight out of mind surely would be better then on display.

Hopefully she will see this as meeting you half way, ask her to humor you while you get a long term plan of action.

If this doesnt work - I know for me to accept "forever" or "never drink again" might mess with you, but nothing is forever. Today dont drink, then repeat that plan. If you can get a small grip on that, hopefully it might make it easier to accept. Again for me it worked, I hope you find something that works for you.

~GB

shockozulu

Does she drink with a meal? If not, can you simply go outside or in another room when she has that glass of wine? Its not ideal but still better than sitting and watching her drink it.

And BTW, you aren't a loser. You want to recover. Good for you!

grasshopperpie

If your wife won't agree to remove all alcohol, is there any possible way you can move out for a little while? Perhaps stay with a non-drinking friend or family member, or rent an apartment by yourself for a month or so? Aside from removing your direct access to the booze, it might also send a clear message to her that you are very serious about this. I am extremely blessed that my husband quit with me, and that we both agreed absolutely to keep an alcohol-free house (and that includes everything from cough syrup to cooking ingredients), so I realize I have it a lot easier than most. And as another poster said, I don't know anything about your marital situation, so am certainly not qualified to judge, but it seems to me the *last* thing you need right now is someone screaming at you and calling you a loser, or a house filled with 'temptation' while you're doing your best to quit. Good luck.

angelgirl

Hey cncinc,,

Nice to meet you.. Welcome to SR!!!! So good to have you here..
Nice to see more people here from wisconsin.. I am from central wisconsin.. Do you know where wis. rapids or stevens points is?? Bet you know where Point is.. College town.. most people know where it is,, or have at least heard of it..

Anyway,, I agree with Alera,, if your wife ist going to support you, by having an alcohol free house, especially in early recovery, it might be a good idea, to get up, and leave, during the times, that she chooses to drink, even if it's just a glass
of wine.. That could be very, very difficult, at a time when you are having a bad day,, or craving alcohol..

Have you ever considered attending an AA meeting? You must have to attend some type of classes in order to get your license back, and I know the judge looks favorably upon people who choose to help themselves, by attending a group such as AA,, or something in the line of that.. I attend Celebrate Recovery. A 12 step Christian based
group.. I love it, and it has helped me immensely.
I tried for years to "do it" on my own, and was unable to do so.. I needed the help..

You might go, and find you really like it. I get alot out of the meetings.. Maybe you could go on an pen meeting night, and bring your wife along,, then maybe she might understand,, maybe then she may come to some understanding that it doesn't make you a loser, or weak, or anything else that is negative,,, just because you want to stop drinking.. As a matter of fact, it is just the opposite. Takes a strong person really.. Much easier to sit around and drink, than it is, to take some action in life and stop doing something that is hurting you,,..

I wish you well..
Sayin a prayer for you,,
Hang in there,
you are doing a very good thing for yourself,
Love,
Becky

Anna

I really wanted no alcohol in the house when I stopped drinking and now, 5 yrs later, we still have no alcohol in the house. I'm very happy about that. I think the bottom line is you need to do whatever you need to do to not drink. Many of us lack support from our family when we stop drinking, and we have to get through it anyways. You can do this!

cncinc

My sixth day in recovery and first day home alone. I am so glad I fought the battle for an alcohol free house. All too often I crave a drink but there aren't any. Lucky me. I don't have to use any self control.

janeeyre

Good for you, cncinc!

There have been times when the ONLY thing keeping me sober at a particular moment is the fact that we don't keep alcohol around.

You can do this.

Hey, you're already doing it!

jane

raerob

After 26 years of continuous sobriety, I still have an alcohol-free home!!! Some folks say they are O.K. having it around or with people drinking around them...I'm just not willing to put my sobriety at risk...but, that's just me.

I'm fortunate that everyone around me is either in recovery or they understand alcoholism and are willing to visit me and my alcohol-free home and not feel deprived.

It might not be a bad idea for you to make AA meetings, and your wife to try Al-Anon, the support group for family/friends of alcoholics. I've heard that for every alcoholic there are at least five people affected by their alcoholism. Good luck to both of you.