Hi and new here
 

Hi, my name is Jeri and I just found this board. To start with a little about me. I am a 27 year old working mother of 2 boys, ages 4 and 5, and a wife (married 4 years Nov. 12, lamost made it). Although my husband and I have been seperated for 3 weeks now. We were regular, him more than once a week and I about once a week, when he decided to come home, crack smokers and the occasional cocaine users. I, myself, have been clean during the 3 weeks he has been gone.

I was tired and disappointed in us and 3 weeks ago friday, he wanted to leave to *meet* someone, I asked him that if he did leave, not to come back....and well he didn't. I am sick and tired of the drug usage, I want to go on and be someone our children can look up to, why can't he.

He isn't going to change and his phone records prove that, he is still using. I know I can't babysit him and I can't fix him, he has to want to do that himself, but my God, why does this have to be so painful. Like a game to him, he took us out to dinner on Friday, saying he wants to work things out, all I had to say was that the drugs had to stop. He then told me that he would slip up, well after dropping him off Friday, he slipped up that night. He does not want to change. What is it that I have done wrong? I have thought about joining a narcotic alnon - I think that is the name, but should I still join even if I feel the marriage is over?

I appreciate you all letting me vent. I am just new at this, don't want my marriage to be over, but I can't live like that and I can't make my children live like that.

welcome jeri - maybe go to the nar-anon section and post there too. that's a good attitude to start with - you need to take care of yourself & children. we can't change them, cure them or control them, but we can change ourselves.

Yes still look into meeting.

Nar Anon will help you heal. Will help you understand and work through the pain as well.

Congratulations on your choice and clean time.

First of all, welcome to SR. This place is full of wonderful people on all sides of addictions. It is nar anon you are speaking of and I think it would do you a lot of good. We have a nar anon forum here. Why not pop over there and read some of the sticky posts at the top. It is nothing you have done that makes him use. If he is an addict, and that's not for me to decide, then he uses because he knows no other way. That's why I used to use. I loved to blame people, but it was just an excuse. I will say a prayer for you and your family

Sherry

Welcome to SR! We're glad you found us!

Hey Jeri
I think the nar-anon is a brilliant idea...it will help you to heal as Best said...marriage over or not, it will help YOU. It might also help you understand your own addiction....well done to you that you're staying clean...why not try NA and Nar-Anon as well - both are programs for living and spiritual growth.
Welcome and Good LUck!
Cathy31
x

Welcome to SR Jeri. Sounds like all that has been said here has been well put and I would just like to add I agree.

Have you gone to any type of meeting for your addiction? That will help with your sobriety (congrats btw). And yes like everyone said I think a nar anon would help you no matter what your marriage status is.

I hope to see ya around...

Sherry